hackthis_archive ([personal profile] hackthis_archive) wrote2004-03-26 04:46 pm

No, there is no explanation.

I told [livejournal.com profile] edigo I would write her drunken, grass skirt!fic. [livejournal.com profile] circe_tigana said something about Dom standing on his hands. Please keep in mind that this is all dialogue for a good reason: I wrote it in like 20 minutes.

LOTRips
DM & BB in...
Only the Slightest Bit Insane






“’ello?”

“You didn’t ring me tonight."

“I didn’t what?”

“’s all right though, I won’t hold it against you when I’m sober and did I mention I’ve made you a pressie?”

“You what?”

"'s a kilt is what it is!"

"Dom?"

"Miss me yet, Bills?"

"Dom, it's -- it's three in the fucking morning."

"Not in Honolulu, it's not."

"But I'm not in Honolulu, you daft --"

"I've made you a kilt, too!"

"You're – you, yes, I heard that. Dom, what are you on?"

"Right now, I'm on 'Rock the Casbah' but I'm off to shag the queen. How do you fancy the Pistols, Bill?'

"Dom, I'm ringing off."

"No! No, no wait, look, I'm making your kilt right now!"

"Right, and I've got silk coming out my arse, that's nice, can I go to sleep now?'

"No! No, I just wanted, you know, I was thinking about you…"

"While you were pissed?"

"No, while I was making your grass kilt."

"While you were what?"

"Your kilt, I'm making you a grass kilt."

"Did I already ask you what you're on, because, really, what are you on?"

"Sadly, not you, but I hope to rectify that situation in about three days."

“And that’ll be on this grass kilt your making then?”

“Absolutely. It might itch a bit, but that’s all right. You can wear pants underneath, I won’t tell.”

“Scots don’t wear anything underneath their kilts, Dom, you know that.”

“’course I do, but I thought with the grass and all, I wouldn’t want you to itch.”

“Your consideration amazes me.”

“I know, I’m brilliant, you can thank me later.”

“Right, so this grass kilt -- you’ve been smoking grass is that what this is all about?”

“No, that’s not it at all, I just thought – I was walking about, you know, on my hands –“

“As you are often wont to do.”

“Right, and you know, I thought about you in a skirt.”

“Dom, are you listening to yourself at all, because I am, and grass kilts and walking on your hands -– don’t you have a job now?”

“Well, yeah, but I can’t be shooting all the time.”

“Not unless J.J. has you shot first.”

“Is this your way of saying you don’t want your present?”

“No, that’s not what I said at all.”

“Well, then –“

“Well then what?”

“Will you wear your skirt for me when I get home?”

“Is this some feminisation bit?”

“Is this some what what?”

“Nothing, nothing, look, it’s late, or early, whatever it is, I need to sleep. Can I ring off now?”

“Yeah, yes, I just – I wanted you to know I’m thinking about you.”

“I’m thinking about you too.”

“Just probably not in a grass skirt.”

“No, but bring back one for yourself as well and we can change that.”

“You cheeky bugger.”

“I try.”

“I know.”

“Can I go to sleep now then?”

“I know how you coffin dodgers get, so if you must, you must.”

“I’ll remember that OAP bit when you get home you know.”

“I hope so. Good night, Bills.”

“Night, Dom.”


-end’

[identity profile] edigo.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 05:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I REALLY AM A GENIUS IS WHAT I AM.

:D

...but this is supposed to be about you, so, um.

trust you to take one glance at whatever rubbish it is i'm saying and run with it and write CRACK OMG. and, dude, do i love your 20-minute crack. i love it like seth loves ryan, like sirius loves remus, like billy loves dom, like lex sekritly loves clark, like-- um. you get the idea.

just, thanks, babe. *pets liek a lot*

[identity profile] circe-tigana.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 05:12 pm (UTC)(link)
“No, that’s not it at all, I just thought – I was walking about, you know, on my hands –“

“As you are often wont to do.”


I love you. I think this constitutes killing two bizarre premises with one big styrofoam boulder.

::hearts::

Now I'm going to have to make an icon ;)


[identity profile] cellardoor--.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 05:38 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] luvs-phoenix.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 05:44 pm (UTC)(link)
grinning from ear to ear, LOL

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_laur_/ 2004-03-26 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Loved it!

[identity profile] loveflyfree.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
It would not surprise me at all to learn that Dom is a drunk dialer.

Fav line:

“Your consideration amazes me.”

I can hear Billy's voice. Heeeeee. Very cute.

[identity profile] arabella-o.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Heh. That was great. :D

Did I already ask you what you're on, because, really, what are you on?"
"Sadly, not you, but I hope to rectify that situation in about three days."


::snort:: I loved it.

[identity profile] writteninsable.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
*laughs*

Lovely.

[identity profile] babywitch.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 07:58 pm (UTC)(link)
the extent to which dom reminds me of me calling up my best friend when i'm feeling silly is really quite, well, i don't know what it is.

this made me giggle. *smiles, thumbs up*

[identity profile] serialkarma.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 11:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*laughs until she cries*

Oh, no, there's an explanation, all right. You're bloody insane. But that's why I like you!

[identity profile] r1cepudding.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
don’t you have a job now?

Hee hee hee. That line cracked me up.

I liked this. It was reminiscent of many a drunken conversation I myself have had, although I don't think many of them have involved grass kilts.

[identity profile] rossywar.livejournal.com 2004-03-27 12:21 am (UTC)(link)
OAP = Old Age Pensioner
coffin dodger = an old person (i.e. so old they're 'dodging' the coffin)
Hope that clears it up!

[identity profile] rossywar.livejournal.com 2004-03-27 12:25 am (UTC)(link)
just quickly before I have to go to work
this was great!
and crack, omg I'm going to be so late!

grass kilts!

[identity profile] stickyfoot.livejournal.com 2004-03-27 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
I found this through circe's journal, and I absolutely love you.

Image

Just a quick little inspired doodle.

<3

Re: grass kilts!

[identity profile] adjectivegirl.livejournal.com 2004-03-27 07:07 am (UTC)(link)
::flop:: Lord, that defies cute.

[identity profile] just-me-kalista.livejournal.com 2004-03-27 12:18 pm (UTC)(link)
That was really funny. I loved it!

[identity profile] esorlehcar.livejournal.com 2004-03-27 12:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Grass kilts! And Dom walking on his hands! *sighs happily*

This is lovely, darling. Funny and so subtly sweet.
shirasade: my reading fairy tattoo + my username (monkeys (base: skint))

[personal profile] shirasade 2004-03-28 11:01 am (UTC)(link)
Okay, I do love your happy!week. Okay, so I love everything you write, especially Lotrips, but I love it even more when it makes me all happy and giggly. *hearts Dom* *hearts you*

[identity profile] lalejandra.livejournal.com 2004-03-28 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
I was walking about, you know, on my hands

BWEEEEE!!!



I realize I am leaving you absolutely crap feedback, but how many times can I read a story and think, "I should write a letter. Dear Z., I love your writing and think you're amazing and incredible and your stories never fail to transport me to a better place, even the ones about war and death; especially the ones about Lex and Billy. Love, A." ? Right.

Re: grass kilts!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 09:03 am (UTC)(link)
Wow. This is just -- this is absolutely adorable. I love it! Thank you so much for sharing your talent.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 09:04 am (UTC)(link)
I love you. I think this constitutes killing two bizarre premises with one big styrofoam boulder.

I have no idea what came over me, clearly it was a case of 'let's write the most insane thing i can think of and set a time limit on it.' also, thank you so much for the icon, it's lovely!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 09:07 am (UTC)(link)
That's a lot of love, dude, but I can handle it. I'm so glad you liked it!

[identity profile] ruidoso.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 09:48 am (UTC)(link)
"No, that's not it at all, I just thought – I was walking about, you know, on my hands –"

"As you are often wont to do."


heeeeee. :D so cute.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 11:47 am (UTC)(link)
*laughs*

You're adorable, yet, very funny. Like Dom.

[identity profile] lalejandra.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 12:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Please note that I meant stories that are about Lex OR Billy, but, you know, if you wanted to slash Lex and Billy, that would be interesting. Also their mouths would look good together. Heh.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 12:15 pm (UTC)(link)
You're bloody insane. But that's why I like you!

That's always good to know.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 12:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Please, Lex would have Billy for breakfast. *has small brain haemorrage* Stop it. Stop right now.

[identity profile] lalejandra.livejournal.com 2004-03-29 12:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Mmmm. That would be purdy. Then Dom would be all up in arms, like, "How dare you hurt my Bills!" and Lex would smack him down. HOT.