hackthis_archive | Writing exercise numero due.

ethrosdemon said my recent spate of fiction makes her want to kill herself. Or that could just be PMS.

lalejandra said Write me something gut wrenching. Write me something that makes me wish the world was ending.

I don't make promises, but I can try.

#1: Harry Potter (HP/NL/RW)
Mind the Gap

He never said it. Not once. That's what Harry remembers the most about being with Neville after Ron... well, just after.

It's not as though Harry didn't need Ron as much as Neville did. It's not as though he and Ron weren't best mates first. Harry was there first. It was Harry and Ron long before it was Ron'n'Neville or even Harry and Neville, but Neville – Neville ever said it. He never said he loved Harry. Oh, sure he was proud of him and worried about him and he wanted him, but Neville never said he loved him. And Harry knows Neville said it to Ron before.

Harry knows because he listened, and he watched and then when Ron – when Ron went away and Neville was alone... Neville should've been the one comforting Harry, but he wasn't or he didn't. Everyone always said Neville was the considerate one. But clearly not considerate enough, because he left Harry alone.

First, Ron, and now Neville.

Harry can't believe they had to the nerve to go and die on him and leave him alone with nothing but bodies and memories and unspoken words to comfort him. He loved them. Was it so much to ask for them to stay in return?

There's a gap where they should be, and there's straw tangled in Neville's hair from before the raid. Before the ambush, and Harry extracts a few wisps, slowly, perfunctorily. He rearranges Neville's arms and slips the wand into a calloused palm.

He closes Neville's mouth last, running scarred fingertips over the lips, noticing the tiny gap between Neville's bottom teeth. Neville's skin is just as soft as ever, rigor is only beginning to set in, but he's still cool to the touch. Much colder than the rain beating down outside the barn.

Harry wonders what he's supposed to do now.

#2. LOTRips (DM/BB)
Repressed

He doesn’t remember much about the day. Just that it occurred and he was there, and then he wasn’t. He doesn’t talk about it. He doesn’t like to think about it.

He can’t stop the memories coming of their own accord though.

*

He's in the middle of run-through with Matthew and Evangeline when he shudders for no reason at all as though he’s cold. Except they’re in Hawaii and it’s almost 25 degrees Celsius in the shade, and Dom’s got sweat on his upper lip. But he is cold. He’s cold in that drenched-to-the-skin way, and he remembers the rain. Bone-snapping, cold rain that only happens in Scotland. In Glasgow.

Dom remembers mud on the side of the road and pebbles digging into the palms. He remembers he ruined the knees of his tuxedo. He remembers being sick all over everything.

He remembers this.

*

He’s driving on the wrong side of the road up to a dormant volcano when he remembers the taxi. The seatbelt in the backseat of the taxi didn't work properly, and Dom yanked on it over and over and over again, even though he never ever remembers to wear seatbelts unless someone reminds him.

Dom remembers that the cab driver slid open the little plastic window to talk to him and then snapped it shut when Dom didn't respond to any of his inquiries. It took him five flicks of the lighter to get his fag lit, and he almost choked on his own cigarette smoke in the back of the taxi.

He shook. A lot.

He vomited all over the floor.

The taxi driver swore and chucked him out into the downpour.

*

He wakes in the middle of the night in a cold sweat with Billy’s smile tattooed on the lids of his eyes. Billy was so happy. And Dom wanted to be happy for him. Dom wanted…

.. he’d wanted a lot of things, but he couldn’t give them to Billy. So he handed off the rings to Elijah and left.

He remembers the door slamming shut behind him.

He didn’t know church doors could slam.

*

He’s looking for NME at the newsagents when he sees the imported Hello!

It’s three weeks past date, and they’re splashed all over the glossy cover. Orli and Lij and Astin and Billy and Ali.

Toasting to the newlyweds.

Congratulations.

Slainte.

Billy wearing that kilt and Ali…

She made a beautiful bride.

And Dom hopes she and Billy are happy together, but he tries not to think about it much. He tries not to think about it at all. He’s done what he can to repress the memory that he’s let his chance slip through his fingers once again. Somedays it works better than others.

-end-

Writing exercise numero due.

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