hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2005-01-12 10:45 am
hackthis_archive) wrote2005-01-12 10:45 am
dS – The Space Between
a. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalejandra and serialkarma wrote this dS comment story, which is just hot and heart-breaking. Run and go tell them to write more. NOW. Yis.
b. I was all set to write porn today, but I am feeling strangely moody, like I need to break things or people or something.
c. I don't write The O.C. anymore. This is somewhat depressing.
c. Sometimes, when I watch the Snow Patrol video for 'Run' I think that Gary Lightbody is Neville. It's wreaking havoc in my brain.
due South
The Space Between
Forserialkarma and silverakira (who touched me with her kindness so much).
Ray doesn't smoke anymore. He used to -- but that was a long time ago, when he thought it looked cool, and made him cool, and before he became Mr Stella. He started up again when he became Mr Stella's Ex, but Vecchio wasn't a smoker according to the Lieu, so neither was Ray, and he just stopped.
Except that ‘cold turkey’ shouldn't really be called 'cold turkey' because Ray's had cold turkey, and it's nothing like the itchyneedycravingneedyneed of just stopping something.
It's hard to just stop things.
Like cars. Cars don’t stop; they idle. They wait, and chug along, and make those reassuring noises to let you know the carburetor isn’t about to fall out the bottom of the car. Not that Ray thinks his carburetor is about to fall out or anything, but he’s got this cigarette in his hand, and it’s burning, filling the GTO with blue, hazy smoke and it’s choking him slowly and surely. Just like his indecision.
Just like trying to stop this.
He hasn’t held the cigarette to his lips or anything, because he quit.
He did.
He quit.
He tried.
And he doesn’t want to make the same mistake again, because it’s a slippery slope when you go, when he goes, and the quitting. The stopping and falling out of love.
It just takes a little bit more every time.
It’s just a cigarette, but it’s not, and it’s cold inside the GTO. It’s cold outside the GTO. It’s just cold, but this is Chicago -- or maybe Ray's coldness has nothing to do with the temperature.
He should really cut the engine on, but then that might alert Fraser to his presence, his lurking, waiting, and Ray’s not ready for that just yet.
He’s not sure if he’s ready for anything just yet, because it’s like they’re about to jump off the edge of this building together, and Ray’s not sure if he’s ready. He thinks he’s ready. He feels like he’s been ready forever. Like they’ve been practicing and running up to the edge over and over again without actually jumping, and Ray, he wants to jump. But he can’t see over the side, and he’s not sure what’ll it’ll be like when he lands.
He’s not even sure that Fraser wants to jump with him.
But Fraser always jumps with him. Fraser is always there, and Ray doesn’t want Fraser to ever stop being there. And he can’t ask –- or he won’t ask, cos that’s not –- that’s not what buddies do.
They don’t ask.
And they don’t lurk outside the consulate at three in the morning when they can’t sleep, but Ray’s mind is kinda fuzzy, and the leather seat is slick and warm under him, and he’s just so confused. And he wants to stop. Or go, or just do something, but if it’s hard to stop something, it’s even harder to start.
And what if he’s wrong?
He can’t risk being wrong.
He’s been here before, been there before, and he just can’t do it again.
He can’t start. He can’t stop.
He can’t jump.
So instead he’ll just watch. And wish.
And be cold.
-end-
ETA: Nip/Tuck has been renewed for another two seasons. ThankSatanRyan!
lalejandra and serialkarma wrote this dS comment story, which is just hot and heart-breaking. Run and go tell them to write more. NOW. Yis.b. I was all set to write porn today, but I am feeling strangely moody, like I need to break things or people or something.
c. I don't write The O.C. anymore. This is somewhat depressing.
c. Sometimes, when I watch the Snow Patrol video for 'Run' I think that Gary Lightbody is Neville. It's wreaking havoc in my brain.
due South
The Space Between
For
serialkarma and silverakira (who touched me with her kindness so much). Ray doesn't smoke anymore. He used to -- but that was a long time ago, when he thought it looked cool, and made him cool, and before he became Mr Stella. He started up again when he became Mr Stella's Ex, but Vecchio wasn't a smoker according to the Lieu, so neither was Ray, and he just stopped.
Except that ‘cold turkey’ shouldn't really be called 'cold turkey' because Ray's had cold turkey, and it's nothing like the itchyneedycravingneedyneed of just stopping something.
It's hard to just stop things.
Like cars. Cars don’t stop; they idle. They wait, and chug along, and make those reassuring noises to let you know the carburetor isn’t about to fall out the bottom of the car. Not that Ray thinks his carburetor is about to fall out or anything, but he’s got this cigarette in his hand, and it’s burning, filling the GTO with blue, hazy smoke and it’s choking him slowly and surely. Just like his indecision.
Just like trying to stop this.
He hasn’t held the cigarette to his lips or anything, because he quit.
He did.
He quit.
He tried.
And he doesn’t want to make the same mistake again, because it’s a slippery slope when you go, when he goes, and the quitting. The stopping and falling out of love.
It just takes a little bit more every time.
It’s just a cigarette, but it’s not, and it’s cold inside the GTO. It’s cold outside the GTO. It’s just cold, but this is Chicago -- or maybe Ray's coldness has nothing to do with the temperature.
He should really cut the engine on, but then that might alert Fraser to his presence, his lurking, waiting, and Ray’s not ready for that just yet.
He’s not sure if he’s ready for anything just yet, because it’s like they’re about to jump off the edge of this building together, and Ray’s not sure if he’s ready. He thinks he’s ready. He feels like he’s been ready forever. Like they’ve been practicing and running up to the edge over and over again without actually jumping, and Ray, he wants to jump. But he can’t see over the side, and he’s not sure what’ll it’ll be like when he lands.
He’s not even sure that Fraser wants to jump with him.
But Fraser always jumps with him. Fraser is always there, and Ray doesn’t want Fraser to ever stop being there. And he can’t ask –- or he won’t ask, cos that’s not –- that’s not what buddies do.
They don’t ask.
And they don’t lurk outside the consulate at three in the morning when they can’t sleep, but Ray’s mind is kinda fuzzy, and the leather seat is slick and warm under him, and he’s just so confused. And he wants to stop. Or go, or just do something, but if it’s hard to stop something, it’s even harder to start.
And what if he’s wrong?
He can’t risk being wrong.
He’s been here before, been there before, and he just can’t do it again.
He can’t start. He can’t stop.
He can’t jump.
So instead he’ll just watch. And wish.
And be cold.
-end-
ETA: Nip/Tuck has been renewed for another two seasons. Thank
no subject
Oh, sorry, would you like a napkin? Yeah you've got a bit of slobber on your shirt.