hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2006-02-02 03:10 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2006-02-02 03:10 pm
HP - Pygmalion
This is an abbreviated version of the story I wrote for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
literaryll since that syphilitic whore Olivia LJ ate it.*
Harry Potter
Slytherin Humour (the only kind)
Pygmalion
One day, Draco Malfoy woke up and realised that Gregory Goyle was attractive. Goyle wasn't appealing in the flawless and mindblowing way that Draco was attractive, nor in that "'I really, really want to shag you" way that Blaise Zabini was attractive.
Goyle wasn't even attractive in that "You're too pretty, and it makes you funny-looking" way that Nott was attractive. No, Goyle didn't have that at all. But he was solid. And very manly-looking.
Goyle had stubble and muscles, and he was, well, he was Goyle. He was at least six feet tall, and although his eyebrows were unfortunate, they were nothing that a Glamour or six couldn't fix.
Furthermore, Goyle was capable, and okay, he wasn't brilliant or even terribly smart, but he was loyal. He was also in the right house and of the right breeding. He wasn't pasty or pudgy like Crabbe.
Compared to Crabbe, Goyle was cover material for Witch Weekly; Draco could've done a lot worse. He could've dated a Gryffindor.
The idea alone made his teeth itch, so, at breakfast he announced his decision. "I've decided to do you a favor and let you date me," he said benevolently over the porridge and toast. He paused to glare at the sugar's attempts to scarper over to Blaise and the cream.
The sugar stopped dead, and the entire table looked over at Draco. He ignored them all and elbowed Goyle in the ribs. "Are you listening to me?"
Goyle dropped a spoonful of porridge on his robes, and Draco sighed. "If you're going to date me, you're going to have to work on your manners. I can't take you out in public with you looking like this."
"Sor -– sor -– sorry?" Goyle looked even more confused than normal.
Blaise sniggered. Draco glared. "I know my munificence comes as a shock," he began.
"You knowing a word like 'munificence' is a shock," Nott interrupted. Draco silently waved his wand in Nott's direction and was rewarded with Pansy's horrified shriek.
He'd had to work hard on that turning noses into pig snout's spell. It had been well worth the four hours of practising on second-years though.
"Yeah, but, but -–" Goyle put his spoon back in his porridge and wiped fruitlessly at the mess on his robes.
Draco waved the mess away with a flick of his wrist. "Now, I know you never thought you'd live to see the day where you would land someone as awe-inspiringly gorgeous as me, but I'm sure you'll be bringing something to the table, too. What exactly that is yet, I don't know, but you can think on it and get back to me."
This time Blaise snorted loudly; Draco glared harder. The last time he'd tried to hex Blaise, it had bounced back and he'd had ants streaming out his ears for six hours.
Goyle looked seriously confused, which was his normal look, so Draco just smiled -– smirked –- and went about his business. The rest of the table continued to stare in unbridled shock.
Eventually the silence was broken by Goyle speaking up. "But, Draco, I'm not -- I'm not, you know, that way."
Draco just rolled his eyes and patted Goyle's arm. "Everyone says that before they have the Malfoy experience. Don’t let that worry you; I can sort you out in no time."
Goyle just sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of."
-end-
* Yes, that is a Grey's Anatomy reference.
literaryll since that syphilitic whore Harry Potter
Slytherin Humour (the only kind)
One day, Draco Malfoy woke up and realised that Gregory Goyle was attractive. Goyle wasn't appealing in the flawless and mindblowing way that Draco was attractive, nor in that "'I really, really want to shag you" way that Blaise Zabini was attractive.
Goyle wasn't even attractive in that "You're too pretty, and it makes you funny-looking" way that Nott was attractive. No, Goyle didn't have that at all. But he was solid. And very manly-looking.
Goyle had stubble and muscles, and he was, well, he was Goyle. He was at least six feet tall, and although his eyebrows were unfortunate, they were nothing that a Glamour or six couldn't fix.
Furthermore, Goyle was capable, and okay, he wasn't brilliant or even terribly smart, but he was loyal. He was also in the right house and of the right breeding. He wasn't pasty or pudgy like Crabbe.
Compared to Crabbe, Goyle was cover material for Witch Weekly; Draco could've done a lot worse. He could've dated a Gryffindor.
The idea alone made his teeth itch, so, at breakfast he announced his decision. "I've decided to do you a favor and let you date me," he said benevolently over the porridge and toast. He paused to glare at the sugar's attempts to scarper over to Blaise and the cream.
The sugar stopped dead, and the entire table looked over at Draco. He ignored them all and elbowed Goyle in the ribs. "Are you listening to me?"
Goyle dropped a spoonful of porridge on his robes, and Draco sighed. "If you're going to date me, you're going to have to work on your manners. I can't take you out in public with you looking like this."
"Sor -– sor -– sorry?" Goyle looked even more confused than normal.
Blaise sniggered. Draco glared. "I know my munificence comes as a shock," he began.
"You knowing a word like 'munificence' is a shock," Nott interrupted. Draco silently waved his wand in Nott's direction and was rewarded with Pansy's horrified shriek.
He'd had to work hard on that turning noses into pig snout's spell. It had been well worth the four hours of practising on second-years though.
"Yeah, but, but -–" Goyle put his spoon back in his porridge and wiped fruitlessly at the mess on his robes.
Draco waved the mess away with a flick of his wrist. "Now, I know you never thought you'd live to see the day where you would land someone as awe-inspiringly gorgeous as me, but I'm sure you'll be bringing something to the table, too. What exactly that is yet, I don't know, but you can think on it and get back to me."
This time Blaise snorted loudly; Draco glared harder. The last time he'd tried to hex Blaise, it had bounced back and he'd had ants streaming out his ears for six hours.
Goyle looked seriously confused, which was his normal look, so Draco just smiled -– smirked –- and went about his business. The rest of the table continued to stare in unbridled shock.
Eventually the silence was broken by Goyle speaking up. "But, Draco, I'm not -- I'm not, you know, that way."
Draco just rolled his eyes and patted Goyle's arm. "Everyone says that before they have the Malfoy experience. Don’t let that worry you; I can sort you out in no time."
Goyle just sighed. "That's what I'm afraid of."
-end-
* Yes, that is a Grey's Anatomy reference.
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