*C'est la vie - pronouced completely wrong/American on purpose. I say this to people and in my head ALL the time and somehow, it really does help me regain just a little bit of that zen.

*The entire fuck rant from The Boondock Saints- the one that ends in "Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word." In my head. And other favorite nasty phrase to call people in my head, "you cum-sucking son of a syphilitic whore"

*From my hero, Harlan Ellison, man never suffered a fool a day in his life, the quote about stupidity being the most common element in the universe.