One word: Southland

[hackthis_archive]

So. The thing in the place at that one time with that other thing. And then that thing happened and I was like whoa. And then Ben said that thing. And then John did that other thing. And then Ben did THAT thing, and I was like wow. And then I was like that's more than I get in like a month. And would you believe that's my coherent response to last night's episode?



Okay. Like. I should point out that I am not coherent now. I may not be coherent ever again. As I told lazlet I'll need to watch this about half-dozen times just to have a goddamn clue. Ten minutes into last night's episode I got up from the sofa and stumbled away b/c I was dazed like somebody had laced my drink with a horse tranquilizer. And then another ten minutes happened and they probably could have ended it there b/c I was wiped the fuck out and there was more character development and exposition than you get in most series ever.

Things wot I need to address:

JOHN JAMES COOPER. No, that's not his middle name, but I made it that anyway. Yes, it will now be my fanon. Suck it, bitches. Anyroad. So, Cooper's awesome, plus the pain he is obviously in, cannot currently be processed altogether in my head, and which I must now divide into:

a) Shirtless Cooper [insert high pitched noise here]
b) Detoxing! Cooper
c) Shirtless COOPER! Holy baby Jesus. You know I'd had hopes there, but talk about exceeding expectations. Goodness gracious me. [/C3-P0]
d) Cooper with that back restraint you only see on men at DIY stores.
e) Cooper is in PAIN. Cooper in pain makes the baby hackthis super sad. Like really. Very sad.
f) Ben KNOWING Cooper was jonesing. Michael Cudlitz you played that beautifully. You are like the Donald Draper of network TV at this point.
g) Ben finding Cooper pinching drugs from the Rich Bastards on the Hill. Didn't he tell your ass to stay at the door? Ben, you suck with instructions. Note to self: address in fic.
h) I'm sorry I have to take a break from the recap to breathe.
i) Okay I'm back.
j) Cooper!
k) Cooper restraining Ben fighting! That was kind of super hot. I may need a minute or six. I wonder how Cooper feels about that. Wank material!
l) Ben kind of wanting Cooper to meet his mom, but not in his current Jonesing condition
m) Did I mention the part where Cooper tried to give Ben shit and Ben was like YOU NEED HELP KNOCK IT OFF. I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
n) Cooper's ex-wife is named Laura. Hi, Laura. I like you.
o) My head is going wobbly again. Jesus FUCK was last night awesome.
p) Cooper at the gay bar not to meet men but to get drugs. *heads desk* Oh, Cooper.
q) Cooper and that sleazy guy and Cooper pouring his beer in that dude's hand.
r) Cooper makes NINTY GRAND A YEAR?! This explains the car. I was wondering about that salary thing.
s) Oh, God I need a lie down. I got shirtless!Cooper, detoxing!Cooper, Cooper meeting the family and Ben being concerned all in one episode. In conclusion: COOPER FUCKING OWNS ALL. He's going to detox with the help of Ben's Woodstock mommy, and then he and Ben shall get together and it'll be *like* he was adopted into the family.

Speaking of which. Under the heading of BENJAMIN EDWARD SHERMAN let us discuss:

a) Ben knows Cooper's on something
b) He caught him knicking drugs
c) He's concerned
d) Ben grew up in a fucking TREEHOUSE
e) Ben really HATES his dad
f) His dad is a dick
g) Ben's mom obviously has money, because I highly doubt Ben would take his dad's money to buy himself a house
h) That house was so minimalist it would make a monk complain.
i) That says A LOT about Ben
j) Ben's mom's house is the motherfucking BOMB.
k) I like Ben's mom a lot
l) Finally a show where I really like all the women (except for Tammy, but whatever cakes to her)
m) Speaking of women? HOW MUCH DOES LYDIA ROCK? Okay, I'm digressing, we'll get to Lydia in a minute
n) Ben. I assume you were expecting Cooper at one point, so when Daisy showed up you rang him and said, uh, tonight's not really good for me,
o) Ben reading at home!
p) Ben knocking the hell out of his dad, to protect his mommy. Ben loves his mommy. Go team Ben!
q) Of course, Ben's mommy is a hippie. Bless.
r) Holy shit, Ben's a hard man. Who trained him? It had to be Special Ops.
s) Ben... I'm sorry, my brain can't process anymore.
t) Oh, and his relationship with him mom when she tells him to lighten up!
u) Ben had a vapid ex-girlfriend, but he was too loyal to ditch her. He will totally stay with Cooper while he gets his shit together.
u) I wonder what Ben wanted to be when he was little, he never said.
v) Daisy has enough money to be living in the Hills and she couldn’t afford a hotel for a few days? No, not even buying it a little bit.
w) In conclusion: Ben, if you are sitting alone at night in your Spartan house, reading a book, just hoping and praying that the doorbell is going to be Cooper and it's not? The answer is not to make out with whomever IS there. I have decided that after the fade to black that Ben was like "No! I can't do it. You're not the one I want. Even though your ears are strangely fascinating."

The rest of it can be divided into:

1. Lydia is the motherfucking man
2. Thank fuck Russell and his wife finally made a goddamn move. I was tired of yelling, "JUST LEAVE ALREADY!' at the TV
3. I kind of like the relationship with Lydia and Russell. He's an asshole, she knows it, she keeps him in line and ignores him. He's totally unworthy of her, but there's nothing new there.
4. That dude sleeping with Lydia and THEN telling her "Oh, my pastor said..." BITCH PLEASE. A man using god to excuse his skeezy behaviour. I won't even start.
5. I got to see inside everybody's houses! This is a writers motherfucking DREAM.
6. Ben has to live in the hills somewhere, that's the only place you get that kind of space and privacy. He totally has a pool in his backyard. This will be addressed in fic.

So. In conclusion. Ben/Cooper. Forever. And ever. Amen. Yes. I plan to write this. But not anytime soon, b/c I have some RL to contend with and won't even be around to conduct discussions next week. But know that I will be having them with you. PSYCHICALLY.

Please feel free to stop by and say 'hi', bring me your porn (Southland and GK preferred), your babble, your links, and I will catch up when I get back ♥

Comments

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

Your bullet points are adorable.

Also:

Ben, you suck with instructions. Note to self: address in fic.


Please tell me I was supposed to go to a porny place with that.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Last night was so epic I was making lists of all the things that made me want to pet everybody in my head as I was getting ready for bed afterwards!

There are so many things I want to address in The Epic I fear it will never get written at this point. Or I would fear that if I hadn't just commented this (http://hackthis.livejournal.com/529815.html?thread=15256727#t15256727) to SK.