hackthis_archive

DOOD.

I think to read this LJ is to know that I have a very strong aversion to spoilers of any kind. Since most of my fandoms are very small, or, in fact, closed (GK), I don't have to deal with being spoiled too often. However. Today, I was spoiled for S2 of Southland by Michael Cudlitz, who plays John Cooper.

HOLY SHIT, COOPER'S GOING TO COME OUT TO BEN?!

AND DEWEY ALREADY KNOWS?!

I have to go have a drink on this one.

Jesus fuck can it be September 25th already or what? Why is he taunting the baby

hackthis like this? I can just see this scene. Oh my god I want to write it so bad I could plotz. And no, I am totally not taking the angsty route. I'll leave that to the producers. This is going to be comedy gold where he comes out, and Ben just thinks John's fucking with him, trying to make him uncomfortable with hazing. And Ben's like, fine whatever, I admit it, I date guys! I said it, go ahead and give me shit. And John's a little startled, like, right, Short Stuff, whatever. And then Ben's all, if you have a problem with me being bi just say so and John's brain is like "it would be wrong to fuck with him. this could go badly" and then he puts the moves (wow, "moves" showing my age huh?) on him and Ben's like hooray! And John's like, wow, that backfired hardcore. Go team me.

I also saw The Hurt Locker this weekend.

So, first the shallow stuff:

The fact that Katheryn Bigelow, who directed this film, is 57 and looks like a fucking supermodel at 35? Can I do that when I'm 57?

She's got legs that would make Christy Turlington cry.

Now, on to deeper things.

Where could a girl find James/Sanborn/Eldridge fic? No, like, really, I think I'm going to have to ask for that for

yuletide, because that? That was some wild shit.

Actually, no, the Sanborn/James thing was some insane stuff. That fight scene in James' quarters, when they were punching each other totally made me think of

svilleficrecs when she asked me to write Brad and Nate fighting, but frankly, if Brad and Nate started fighting like Sanborn and James? Uh, that would lead to relationship meltdown, b/c when James SAT on Sanborn and he went apeshit? Whoa. Oh, and the fact that Sanborn decked a superior officer?!

WHAT?!

Insanity.

And the cameos by Guy Pearce and Ralph Finnes? Nice.

Seriously, though, if everybody involved doesn't get nominated for something there is no justice... which there isn't anyway. I would've loved more character time, but you know it was 130 miuntes not a seven part miniseries.

That part where Eldridge got kidnapped, because James wanted to play cowboy did make me think a lot about Encino Man and how people in charge totally just abuse the hell out of their subordinates sometimes. Except I really liked James, but damn was he a dick.

I'm sure I have other thinking thoughts. I'm tired right now though and want to go back to watching my pretentious French films.

Oh, if you're interested in really just killing yourself with war angst, also go see Waltz with Bashir, which is about a Lebanese massacre in the early 1980s. I'd, uh, have some Prozac on hand if you try to make this a double feature.

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Fuck, they re-aired 1.02 on Friday but I was out and it's not on-demand, b/c they only have 1.04-1.07 on and what the hell is that about.

Fuckers. Amazon doesn't even have a release date for the DVDs. *throws things*

There's episodes I've seen five times and still am like "wait, that happened where? I totally missed that!"

I love stuff like that. In case it wasn't clear already.

I love you Ben, but sometimes you are not so bright. Actually, I'm still thinking in 1.02 that he could've done it when Ben got out of the therapy sesssion.

It's okay that Ben isn't so bright sometimes, because he's pretty *all* of the time.

Actually, I'm still thinking in 1.02 that he could've done it when Ben got out of the therapy sesssion.

Oooh, I can totally retro-read that scene as John's first attempt to bring up the subject. "Well, what kinds of stuff did you work out when you were in therapy?" "Funny you should ask, Ben...."

And you can tell your stepdad he should not underestimate women that way. Just b/c he thinks we all like chick flicks (gag) doesn't mean a good many of us could turn out an awesome war film.

Oh, it's not underestimation. I think it's more befuddlement that a woman would *want* to direct a war movie, not that a woman *couldn't* direct one. And it's not an anti-chick flick thing; he wants to see Julie and Julia, and Fried Green Tomatoes is one of his favorite movies of all time.

The Brad/Nate cookie fic is totally on my list of fics to write. Battling each other with wooden spoons, and laughing in the face of salmonella as they eat cookie dough and Nate reaching for a just out of the oven cookie and Brad smacking his hand.

I have Sixta fic started. One day I will finish that when I stop having ideas for Nate and Brad to be naked.

There's episodes I've seen five times and still am like "wait, that happened where? I totally missed that!"

I love stuff like that. In case it wasn't clear already.

Have you watched Generation Kill yet? You rilly rilly should.

It's okay that Ben isn't so bright sometimes, because he's pretty *all* of the time.

This is VERY true. Like he didn't do much for me on The O.C., but right now? ROWR.

Actually, I'm still thinking in 1.02 that he could've done it when Ben got out of the therapy sesssion.

Oooh, I can totally retro-read that scene as John's first attempt to bring up the subject. "Well, what kinds of stuff did you work out when you were in therapy?" "Funny you should ask, Ben...."

TBH, when they had that exchange I totally though that's what was coming after he admitted going and then I was DUPED. *scowls* Be glad I think you are awesome Southland!

I think it's more befuddlement that a woman would *want* to direct a war movie, not that a woman *couldn't* direct one. And it's not an anti-chick flick thing; he wants to see Julie and Julia, and Fried Green Tomatoes is one of his favorite movies of all time.

I apologize for unfairly stereotyping him with other men who seem to assume that I would much rather watch... I dunno, Kate Hudson (GAG) than Band of Brothers. I'd rather be stabbed with a fork in the hand than suffer through most chick flicks, so whenever people are all 'quel shock!' I'm automatically like, STOP IT. And Fried Green Tomatoes is pretty good.

SIXTA!

Currently my list which I am not supposed to have ANYWAY looks like this

1. L birthday fic TBD (10 pages)
2. Small Characters Fic (5 pages, mebbe, I dunno, this is looking difficult, I wanna write Waaaaaaaaalt. Or Poke.
3. Southland story. Of some stripe.
4. Assassin!fic epic OR Reporter!Nate fic.

You know I am totally NOT expecting birthday fic, you silly thing. Mind you, I'll be all flappy hands and shit, but it's not necessary for you to do that for me.

I swear, my to-write list keeps getting longer instead of shorter every time I write something. Currently on the slate:

Stubble!porn
Minor character fic
Shosh birthday fic
Nate/Brad hotel fic
Nate/Brad w/ Nate's ex-boyfriend fic

Those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure there's like 89 million more that I've offered, promised or told myself I needed to write.

I am very much wanting to write you Birthday!fic and I shall! Yis. And you will like it and smile and a lot. *stomps foot*

STUBBLE!PORN

You just tease me over and over and over again. If your name was Ben Sherman this might be okay.

There were a few comments above about where at one point did Dewey try to tell Ben about John and then some thoughts that John tried to tell Ben and Ben just kind of didn't pick up what he was throwing down.

Huh. You know, yeah, I do seem to remember something about Dewey trying to tell Ben something, but I don't remember what episode that was -- second? Fourth? Man, I've watched these episodes how many times? How do I not remember this?! Brain the size of a gnat's. Anyway. I am not sure John has been trying to tell Ben, but I do think he's been testing the waters. Like when he was talking about building the wall with Cesar, and earlier, after that therapy session. I was on the edge of my fucking couch, perfect opening, but no...

I'm sorry, Nate's tainted me and that phrase just pops up all the time now, even when it's not relevant. Hee!

I wish the GK boys had a chance to decompress and fuck around like that.

They kinda did at the end with the booze and then the football game, but yeah, it's not quite the same thing. I really loved how James was awesome but also a total dick. That whole question of, What do you love the most? was fascinating. If you love only one thing, or think you do, everything and everyone else becomes indistinct, not really relevant. Except of course human beings can't really live that way for sustained periods of time before something breaks.

Huh. You know, yeah, I do seem to remember something about Dewey trying to tell Ben something, but I don't remember what episode that was -- second? Fourth?

Presumably #2, and I only know this b/c somebody said it was. You mention having a brain the size if a gnat, but I dispute this. I, in fact, think that you are like me, and thusly when Ben and Cooper are on the screen the only thing you hear is the little voice that is your ovaries screaming FUCK ME NOW! or FUCK EACH OTHER NOW! I am not picky.

and earlier, after that therapy session. I was on the edge of my fucking couch, perfect opening, but no...

That's what I said too about after the therapy session, that would've been an awesome bomb to drop, but then again, we were all shocked that he'd been in therapy after his divorce in the first place, clearly they didn't want to be responsible for putting the entire audience into cardiac arrest.

If you love only one thing, or think you do, everything and everyone else becomes indistinct, not really relevant. Except of course human beings can't really live that way for sustained periods of time before something breaks.

I'd have to disagree here. I think it's better to have one thing to love than nothing at all. I don't necessarily see that you need to love multiple things. I'm sure a therapist would say otherwise, but lets look at say, Brad. Brad loves the Corps. His family loves him, his men love him, but what does the Iceman love, what gets him up? Just his job. We'd all love to say Nate, or his bike, but the things that make you happy or bring you joy are not the same as the things you love. As for human beings breaking... that's what life does. That's what life is about, being broken and going on anyway. If you tie yourself to other people and making your happiness dependent on them you're more fucked than if you stay on you own.

Yes! The Hurt Locker! I went with a few friends to watch it at the Film Festival (yay! showing! :D) and we guh-ed because after GK there was pretty much nothing else to guh at and this just hit the spot so right.

Guh.

I'm going to work on it today! I swear it will be done! I just need to figure out where my brain is and then I can get it all taken care of. I'm *sure* of it.

::hides::

You know I only harass because ~~we wants the precious~~ I care!

Trufax.

I agree, it's definitely not a bad way to scratch the GK itch.

when Ben and Cooper are on the screen the only thing you hear is the little voice that is your ovaries screaming FUCK ME NOW! or FUCK EACH OTHER NOW! I am not picky.

Okay, laughing again over here... You are not wrong about this!

I'd have to disagree here. I think it's better to have one thing to love than nothing at all. I don't necessarily see that you need to love multiple things. I'm sure a therapist would say otherwise, but lets look at say, Brad. Brad loves the Corps. His family loves him, his men love him, but what does the Iceman love, what gets him up? Just his job. We'd all love to say Nate, or his bike, but the things that make you happy or bring you joy are not the same as the things you love. As for human beings breaking... that's what life does. That's what life is about, being broken and going on anyway. If you tie yourself to other people and making your happiness dependent on them you're more fucked than if you stay on you own.

That's interesting, and I hadn't thought of it quite that way. I agree with you that life is about being broken and going on anyway, and that loving one thing is better than not loving anything at all; but I was thinking more narrowly, in context of that scene with James and his kid where he talks about how love falls away, and the whole question of PTSD and being broken because of that (although of course "broken" is not the word I should be using, but that's a whole other story).

Loving one thing in this case for this soldier seems to me more of a defense mechanism. He loves what can sustain him without breaking him by distracting him with anything other than his own survival. And he's addicted to the adrenaline rush of it all. He doesn't have space to love anything else at that moment; all his concentration is needed for his job. Out of necessity, everything else has to be marginalized. (Which reminds me of what Poke writes to his wife in that letter he reads to Evan.)

Maybe my sweeping statement about human beings not being able to live that way for sustained periods of time without breaking was a little too sweeping. What I meant was, in this situation, in a situation of war, where you go back to the one thing you think you can love because that's the only way you can function, you lose some of what makes you able to relate to other people. And that is what I mean by something breaking. What you love can be sustaining and affirming to you, but in this case, it may also make you unable to function in the world beyond the theater of war.

Man, this movie. So many thinky thoughts.

I feel bad that I've been taunting you with it for so long. Normally I'm much better at cranking this kind of thing out. I've changed my plans for today so that they include just staying at home. I figure I can get to all the other stuff in a little bit, I need some home time. So I imagine there will be porn today. That's what usually happens.

At least I've provided *other* porn in the interim, right? That helps? Or does that make it worse? Um, lie to me and tell me it makes it better, okay?

See, I would disagree with this statement: Loving one thing in this case for this soldier seems to me more of a defense mechanism.

by pointing to THIS statement:

He loves what can sustain him without breaking him by distracting him with anything other than his own survival.

When they put you in the military the first thing they do is strip you down to your raw elements. The military (IMO) is about getting rid of all the stuff and bullshit that people think they need and about showing you what you really require to get along. Civilians are coddled, they get used to trappings and fancy clothes and lots of variety and people fawning over them and TV and materialism. They take what they have for granted. The military shows you that hey, guess what, most of this shit? You don't need it. You may want it, but what you want and what you need are most definitely not the same thing. It allows you to focus of what actually is important, so if James' son is important to him, he does what he needs to:namely getting on with the baby's mom, who he honestly seems rather indifferent too. And I'm sure war has made him this way, made him uninterested in playing all the power games that civilians get their kicks playing. As far as I can tell, what happens to a lot of guys is they get so used to things being basic and straight forward that the reason they can't process when they get out are all the politics, all the extraenous fat that society is padded with. To me the perfect example of this is James in the cereal aisle when he gets out. Who the hell needs 45 different types of cereal? What the hell is the point in that? Society gives you choices, I think an army man would say you have too many choices, and that's where you get bogged down. So to circle back to what I was saying in the beginning, I don't see this as a defense mechanism, I see this as what someone is trained to do. The world might be better off if we all had similar training. At least then we'd all focus on what's really important to us and not what society deems important to us.

I think u iz awesome and I would like to write you prons. If I could scrabble something together. And I think it's definitely a good idea for you to stay at home and just chill for a bit. You've been very busy. Stillness is a-okay.

they re-aired 1.02 on Friday but I was out and it's not on-demand, b/c they only have 1.04-1.07 on and what the hell is that about.

Actually, they switched to 1.01-1.04 on Hulu and NBC Rewind until August 27th, and then they'll have the last four until the premiere. It's a good time to start pimping to the internet. :)

I did! I did three days ago (or whatever last week was when I did a post of my favorite things)! And the week before that. And probably before that. All I do is talk about GK and Southland but one cannot talk about either one too much, TBH.

The first day he works with John Cooper, Ben goes home and jerks off for an hour - keeping himself right on the edge for as long as he can before he has to give in to the need, the throb of his dick and come all over himself. He's a mess, come everywhere, and he doesn't care. He just lies there, not even fully undressed, and keeps stroking his cock until he can't take it anymore, then he sucks his fingers clean, wishing like fuck it was Cooper's come he was sucking down.

That lasts for about three days and then it's not enough. Ben's fantasized about guys before, but he's never done anything about it, but Cooper's in his head and he doesn't know how to get him out. Doesn't know that he wants to. Between the calls and the adrenaline and the mind-numbing boring stretches of shit, he watches Cooper and listens to him and tries to learn instead of wanting to do things that are almost enough to make him blush. He drives around for two hours after his last shift of the week, aimlessly, he thinks, until he ends up at a grocery store and buys whiskey, eggs and two bottles of KY. He gets the specialized brand - the one made especially to enhance her pleasure - not because he cares if the clerk thinks he's fucking women, men or goats for that matter, but because he's never gotten far enough in thinking about guys to really, honestly think about something up his ass.

Just the thought of that - Cooper's dick buried inside him - makes him hard, and the ride home is excrutiating. Every bump and jolt of the bike makes his dick throb and he's barely inside the door before he's digging through the bag for the lube. He breaks the eggs, but he doesn't care, just strips out of his clothes right there and lubes two fingers up, going too fast and feeling the hard burn as he pushes them inside. It aches and his cock deflates slightly, so he drops back to one and works his way up, panting and thrusting into the air until he comes all over the Persian throw rug his mom bought him as a housewarming gift. He has rug burns and his ass burns, and he wants Cooper more than ever.

It takes him another week to break down and buy a dildo. He's managed three fingers and watched more porn that he has the entire rest of his life, stroking his dick and riding his fingers, lying on the floor like some sort of desperate, wanton whore and moaning John's name when he comes. He's got a vast array of downloaded gay porn, all of it involving cops or Marines and he's found two actors close enough to John that he watches them and imagines what it would be like if John were doing that to him - licking his ass, sucking his dick, squeezing his balls, pinning Ben to the wall. Riding in the squad car is like fucking torture, and he jerks off in one of the bathroom stalls before he showers after the shift, because he's not sure what he'd do otherwise.

Bad enough that he watches John in the shower, that he watches his hands move over his body and rub every muscle, rest on his lower back as he arches it and stretches. Ben knows as much about John's body as he can from the distance of several shower heads and the passenger seat of the car, and when he finally goes to the shop, he knows exactly what he wants.

It's blue, which is bad enough, but it's called the 'Cop Killer' and it's big and thick and almost what Ben wants. As close as he can get to John's dick. He buys it without comment and the clerk doesn't look at him at all. He buys more lube and hurries home, needing it far more than he wants to admit. He's learned, but he doesn't care, and takes it too deep too fast. His ass burns and he gasps, but it's the right kind of pain and he manages to get it deep inside him. He sits on the arm of his couch, legs straddling it and rocks backward, taking it deeper as the movie on his TV shows the John look-alike bending his partner over and handcuffing him before eating out his ass and then fucking him until he confesses to something - anything, Ben doesn't care - and then he pulls out and comes all over his partner's back. Ben doesn't last that long, he's too far gone before he's even got the cuffs out, but he watches it all, shuddering from the pressure against his prostate and stroking himself with his own come.

Blurp. Burble. Meep

So, I get this in my inbox and I'm all, "Yay, L mail!" and then I see it's comment!fic and my brain is all "ooooh, Comment!Fic!" and then it processes a little more "SOUTHLAND COMMENT FIC!" and by this time I'm in a tizzy. Please note I haven't read it yet.

And then...then I read it.

I do not think I have the words in my vocabulary to adaquately explain my reaction to this. I don't think "I DIED" quite covers the mind-bending hotness. The way that my brain just went 'splat!' all over everything. I, you, and this... is there more? I know I'm a greedy little bugger AND I DON'T CARE!!! He bought a dildo called the COP KILLER. Do you really expect me not to get on my knees and beg, because I totally can. I really can.

LOOK!

(http://s467.photobucket.com/albums/rr40/ahackwriter/?action=view&current=worship_kneeling.jpg)

Yeah. Apparently there's going to be more. They won't fucking do stubble!porn, but Ben was fine with me seeing him like this. Whatever, boys. Hopefully finished soon!

That's good, because I've read this three, four times already and really, I need more. Slutty Ben is really very slutty. And a great, joyful mess to play with. He likes attention. *loves Slutty!Ben* *loves L*

Also, I was thinking about Assassin!Nate... like you do. And my brain was like Assassin! Nate... assassin... nate... assassinate! I never said I wasn't a little twisted.

I want to write you comment!fic. What should I write?!

Actually, no, the Sanborn/James thing was some insane stuff.
So CRAZY slashy! When they're were all drunk and beating on each other and the sexual tension was just ratcheting, for a second I actually thought the writers might go there.

I would kill to see a Sanborn/Colbert crossover (because James = yes, very interesting but kind of a reckless dick, and I think unfortunately Brad would just punch him in the face... but Sanborn would want to have 10,000 of Brad's babies).

your link to this almost killed me.
Guh...

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::hearts you::

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