Oh, yes. Much clearer. And it seems tremendously sadder to me for being clearer.
My only, small, criticism of this version is that I think I would lose the phrase "maybe life will be better now that they're both dead." I think it's already implied, and to state it outright, for all my concerns about clarity, seems to take some of the gracefulness from the conclusion.
So lovely, and so sad. My poor boys. ::sniffs:: They never had a chance, those two. Hopefully life will be better now that they're dead.
The Big Gay Dead Love. It's a new genre. Thank you for all your help :)
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My only, small, criticism of this version is that I think I would lose the phrase "maybe life will be better now that they're both dead." I think it's already implied, and to state it outright, for all my concerns about clarity, seems to take some of the gracefulness from the conclusion.
So lovely, and so sad. My poor boys. ::sniffs:: They never had a chance, those two. Hopefully life will be better now that they're dead.
The Big Gay Dead Love. It's a new genre. Thank you for all your help :)