hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2003-11-18 12:25 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2003-11-18 12:25 pm
Entry tags:
“This place has made us crazy and we must get out”
+Not that I needed another reason to adore Mr. Darcy Colin Firth, but hey, lookie here.
+![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
romanticalgirl wrote me more O.C. goodness for my birthday. That’s like wow. Clearly the real day, with all its familial obligations, is not going to live up to this porny quota. Nuts.
+ The world according to Seth.
I am very excited for a plot bunny thatserialkarma just handed me a carrot for. (You are so money, baby.) And this story below was supposed to be a two-paragraph thank you, but then my muse hijacked it and truthfully I have no idea what this is about. Just so you know.
The O.C.
Stuck in the Middle With You
Ryan’s tongue leaves a wet streak down Seth’s chest, and in between the babbling and the shivering, all Seth can think about is how problematic the entire sex thing has become for him.
There are warm hands holding his hips steady and a wet mouth brushing over the head of his cock, and JesusMaryJosephthedonkeyandallthekingsmen. Blasphemer, heretic, and hey, so not Christian, and Seth should only be focused on the wispy blonde hair clenched in his fingers. But he’s not. Because this is him, and this is how he is, and this isn’t how he wants Ryan.
Don’t him wrong, blowjobs are great, and if Ryan feels that he has to give somebody a blowjob, then Seth totally wants to be the lucky bastard recipient, but still, it doesn’t quite seem right to him.
Ryan’s mouth is wrapped around his cock, and there are fingers rolling his balls, and all Seth wants is to change positions. That should be *his* mouth wrapped around Ryan’s cock, and *his* fingers doing that rubbing thing on the soft skin behind his balls. Yes, that thing that makes him start hollering gibberish, much like now, and Seth’s problem with sex is that it may be a two person sport, but generally only one person should be moving at any given time. Obviously both parties should be participating, but really, only one should be in charge. Plus, Seth has never been good with sports anyway, and that’s a really wet finger. How Seth can possibly be complaining when Ryan feels this good and is willing to do this is beyond him, but Seth is the sort of guy who’s never happy with what he has, and even when he has what he wants, it’s still not what he needs.
Yes, these are Ryan’s hands stroking the inside of his thighs, and yes, that’s Ryan’s mouth sucking most of Seth’s brain cells out through his dick. Yes, Seth is getting a blowjob from Ryan, but the desire to say ‘no’ is very overwhelming for him.
The problem with sex, Seth has found, isn’t that he gets sticky, sweaty and smelly, or that it requires an endless supply of condoms, which really he has no problem buying, because, dude, he’s buying condoms that are going to be *used*. As opposed to said condoms becoming water balloons, or balloon animals, or any of the other things that maybe he used to do with the free condoms they hand out at shows these days.
Except that’s not the point.
Seth’s getting distracted. His fingers are loosening in Ryan’s hair, his dick is getting depressed, and large blue eyes are looking up at him in confusion as though Seth’s actually said ‘no.’
And this is ‘a’ problem, but it’s not ‘the’ problem.
‘The’ problem with having sex with Ryan is that Seth feels like he’s playing at being someone he’s not, and when Ryan goes back to Marissa and he goes back to Summer or Anna, at the end of the day he’s still going to want Ryan. Only he’s not going to have him, probably ever.
Since Ryan’s come along Seth’s had all these new things happen to him, things that would never have happened without Ryan, and they’re all good. Anna = good; Summer = very good; blowjobs, also of the very good, but they’re just these things, that are replacing what Seth really wants, which is to be with Ryan. And Ryan being the perceptive person he is, probably knows this, and if this is some sort of pity thing, Seth doesn’t want any part of it.
He used to think he could take what he could get, if he ever got the chance, and have it be enough, but apparently not.
Seth’s heart isn’t in this game anymore. His dick isn’t in it either. Seth doesn’t even like games in the first place, except for Magic: The Gathering; and eventually, Ryan gives up on the blowjob.
Seth’s rolling away even as Ryan’s crawling up the bed towards him. It’s as though a fog has lifted from Seth’s mind, and he doesn’t even need to see the nonplussed expression on Ryan’s face to know it’s there.
The bed shifts behind him, and Seth can feel Ryan’s body emanating heat behind him.
“I’m not you,” he says, very quietly, rummaging for his boxer-briefs in their mess of discarded clothes. “I can’t do this just to rack up my numbers.”
There’s a sharp gust of air on his shoulder blade, and Seth waits for the yelling to start.
“You’re not a number,” is all that comes.
If Seth were to look over his shoulder, he knows Ryan’s jaw would be clenched. This is why he makes a point of keeping his back to Ryan when he gets up to button his jeans.
“Maybe not, but dude, I’m not Marissa, which means I’m not the right one for you. You two belong together like J.Lo and Puffy. Or maybe more like J. Lo and Ben, because you know, there was the whole gun thing, which would make us more like the Puffy thing because of Donnie. Yeah, anyway. ”
Seth can see Ryan’s faint reflection in the glass doors, and he gestures toward the reflection instead of turning around. “And all this is doing is making things harder and more confused when my life really doesn’t need that much help, because you know, I have women. Also, I’ve accepted that as the geeky drainpipe from Newport I will never be the hot, cool guy from Chino, but I don’t want to *be* you. I want to be *with* you, and maybe I could keep going with this and say okay, a little bit is better than nothing, but that’s just a lie.”
Ryan’s reflection is coming closer in the glass, and Seth deliberately steps away. The reflection stops on the end of the bed. “If we were eleven and in sixth grade again, maybe I could wear you down, like Summer, but dude, I just can’t. I’m old. I’m tired. My Cinderella license expires soon, and I’m tired of acting like everything’s cool when it’s not.”
“You’re 17,” Ryan says.
“My point exactly. I’m too old for pity fucks and acting like I don’t like somebody when I really do.”
“Who said anything about pity fucks?”
“Ah ha, who indeed.” Seth sounds way too much like Inspector Clouseau, and he rounds on Ryan, temporarily forgetting about his state of undress. His eyes are immediately drawn to Ryan’s naked crotch, and he momentarily loses sight of his argument.
He blinks when he realizes that Ryan’s actually sitting on his tee shirt. Rather than pointing this out, he grabs Ryan’s brown, short-sleeve button-down and puts it on.
“I think we should just be friends,” he says, concentrating on fastening several little brown buttons. It’s like trying to put the square pegs in the round holes.
“We’re already friends,” Ryan points out. “You’re not making any sense.”
“Dude, this whole not-making sense is so me. You are not pulling that surprise thing, man.”
Seth flinches when bare feet crowd into his vision and thick fingers brush his hands aside so that Ryan can button the shirt for him.
“I can’t just dump Marissa,” Ryan’s voice is low, and Seth cannot believe they’re having this conversation while Ryan’s naked.
He looks up into bright eyes and consternation etched into tiny lines. Surreal doesn’t begin to cover it. “You’re not supposed to.”
“So what do you want from me?”
“I have no idea,” Seth admits, shrugging, even as Ryan’s gaze leaves him unable to look away.
“So what do we do now?”
“Play Xbox?”
“*Seth*”
“Do you have a better idea?”
"Not really," Ryan admits, even as he moves away and begins getting dressed.
Seth's quiet for several moments, trying to figure out what he's done and how much it'll cost him in the end. Clearly it's a big mess, perhaps only slightly smaller than the Exxon Valdez disaster.
He smiles to himself when Ryan pulls on his tee shirt advertising Woody's Rodeo.
Ryan runs his fingers through his hair a few times, and Seth's hand is turning the doorknob when Ryan’s arm blocks him opening the door.
"It's not always going to be like this, is it?" he asks. “The whole not being together because of whatever?”
Seth shrugs. "I don't know. I guess we’ll just have to see."
Seth’s knees wobble when Ryan presses a hard kiss against his mouth. His grip on the doorknob is the only thing that keeps him from stumbling into the curtains.
“I can think of worse people to be stuck with,” Ryan admits as Seth finally remembers how to open the door.
Seth smirks. “Me too.”
-finis-
+
romanticalgirl wrote me more O.C. goodness for my birthday. That’s like wow. Clearly the real day, with all its familial obligations, is not going to live up to this porny quota. Nuts. + The world according to Seth.
I am very excited for a plot bunny that
serialkarma just handed me a carrot for. (You are so money, baby.) And this story below was supposed to be a two-paragraph thank you, but then my muse hijacked it and truthfully I have no idea what this is about. Just so you know.The O.C.
Stuck in the Middle With You
Ryan’s tongue leaves a wet streak down Seth’s chest, and in between the babbling and the shivering, all Seth can think about is how problematic the entire sex thing has become for him.
There are warm hands holding his hips steady and a wet mouth brushing over the head of his cock, and JesusMaryJosephthedonkeyandallthekingsmen. Blasphemer, heretic, and hey, so not Christian, and Seth should only be focused on the wispy blonde hair clenched in his fingers. But he’s not. Because this is him, and this is how he is, and this isn’t how he wants Ryan.
Don’t him wrong, blowjobs are great, and if Ryan feels that he has to give somebody a blowjob, then Seth totally wants to be the lucky bastard recipient, but still, it doesn’t quite seem right to him.
Ryan’s mouth is wrapped around his cock, and there are fingers rolling his balls, and all Seth wants is to change positions. That should be *his* mouth wrapped around Ryan’s cock, and *his* fingers doing that rubbing thing on the soft skin behind his balls. Yes, that thing that makes him start hollering gibberish, much like now, and Seth’s problem with sex is that it may be a two person sport, but generally only one person should be moving at any given time. Obviously both parties should be participating, but really, only one should be in charge. Plus, Seth has never been good with sports anyway, and that’s a really wet finger. How Seth can possibly be complaining when Ryan feels this good and is willing to do this is beyond him, but Seth is the sort of guy who’s never happy with what he has, and even when he has what he wants, it’s still not what he needs.
Yes, these are Ryan’s hands stroking the inside of his thighs, and yes, that’s Ryan’s mouth sucking most of Seth’s brain cells out through his dick. Yes, Seth is getting a blowjob from Ryan, but the desire to say ‘no’ is very overwhelming for him.
The problem with sex, Seth has found, isn’t that he gets sticky, sweaty and smelly, or that it requires an endless supply of condoms, which really he has no problem buying, because, dude, he’s buying condoms that are going to be *used*. As opposed to said condoms becoming water balloons, or balloon animals, or any of the other things that maybe he used to do with the free condoms they hand out at shows these days.
Except that’s not the point.
Seth’s getting distracted. His fingers are loosening in Ryan’s hair, his dick is getting depressed, and large blue eyes are looking up at him in confusion as though Seth’s actually said ‘no.’
And this is ‘a’ problem, but it’s not ‘the’ problem.
‘The’ problem with having sex with Ryan is that Seth feels like he’s playing at being someone he’s not, and when Ryan goes back to Marissa and he goes back to Summer or Anna, at the end of the day he’s still going to want Ryan. Only he’s not going to have him, probably ever.
Since Ryan’s come along Seth’s had all these new things happen to him, things that would never have happened without Ryan, and they’re all good. Anna = good; Summer = very good; blowjobs, also of the very good, but they’re just these things, that are replacing what Seth really wants, which is to be with Ryan. And Ryan being the perceptive person he is, probably knows this, and if this is some sort of pity thing, Seth doesn’t want any part of it.
He used to think he could take what he could get, if he ever got the chance, and have it be enough, but apparently not.
Seth’s heart isn’t in this game anymore. His dick isn’t in it either. Seth doesn’t even like games in the first place, except for Magic: The Gathering; and eventually, Ryan gives up on the blowjob.
Seth’s rolling away even as Ryan’s crawling up the bed towards him. It’s as though a fog has lifted from Seth’s mind, and he doesn’t even need to see the nonplussed expression on Ryan’s face to know it’s there.
The bed shifts behind him, and Seth can feel Ryan’s body emanating heat behind him.
“I’m not you,” he says, very quietly, rummaging for his boxer-briefs in their mess of discarded clothes. “I can’t do this just to rack up my numbers.”
There’s a sharp gust of air on his shoulder blade, and Seth waits for the yelling to start.
“You’re not a number,” is all that comes.
If Seth were to look over his shoulder, he knows Ryan’s jaw would be clenched. This is why he makes a point of keeping his back to Ryan when he gets up to button his jeans.
“Maybe not, but dude, I’m not Marissa, which means I’m not the right one for you. You two belong together like J.Lo and Puffy. Or maybe more like J. Lo and Ben, because you know, there was the whole gun thing, which would make us more like the Puffy thing because of Donnie. Yeah, anyway. ”
Seth can see Ryan’s faint reflection in the glass doors, and he gestures toward the reflection instead of turning around. “And all this is doing is making things harder and more confused when my life really doesn’t need that much help, because you know, I have women. Also, I’ve accepted that as the geeky drainpipe from Newport I will never be the hot, cool guy from Chino, but I don’t want to *be* you. I want to be *with* you, and maybe I could keep going with this and say okay, a little bit is better than nothing, but that’s just a lie.”
Ryan’s reflection is coming closer in the glass, and Seth deliberately steps away. The reflection stops on the end of the bed. “If we were eleven and in sixth grade again, maybe I could wear you down, like Summer, but dude, I just can’t. I’m old. I’m tired. My Cinderella license expires soon, and I’m tired of acting like everything’s cool when it’s not.”
“You’re 17,” Ryan says.
“My point exactly. I’m too old for pity fucks and acting like I don’t like somebody when I really do.”
“Who said anything about pity fucks?”
“Ah ha, who indeed.” Seth sounds way too much like Inspector Clouseau, and he rounds on Ryan, temporarily forgetting about his state of undress. His eyes are immediately drawn to Ryan’s naked crotch, and he momentarily loses sight of his argument.
He blinks when he realizes that Ryan’s actually sitting on his tee shirt. Rather than pointing this out, he grabs Ryan’s brown, short-sleeve button-down and puts it on.
“I think we should just be friends,” he says, concentrating on fastening several little brown buttons. It’s like trying to put the square pegs in the round holes.
“We’re already friends,” Ryan points out. “You’re not making any sense.”
“Dude, this whole not-making sense is so me. You are not pulling that surprise thing, man.”
Seth flinches when bare feet crowd into his vision and thick fingers brush his hands aside so that Ryan can button the shirt for him.
“I can’t just dump Marissa,” Ryan’s voice is low, and Seth cannot believe they’re having this conversation while Ryan’s naked.
He looks up into bright eyes and consternation etched into tiny lines. Surreal doesn’t begin to cover it. “You’re not supposed to.”
“So what do you want from me?”
“I have no idea,” Seth admits, shrugging, even as Ryan’s gaze leaves him unable to look away.
“So what do we do now?”
“Play Xbox?”
“*Seth*”
“Do you have a better idea?”
"Not really," Ryan admits, even as he moves away and begins getting dressed.
Seth's quiet for several moments, trying to figure out what he's done and how much it'll cost him in the end. Clearly it's a big mess, perhaps only slightly smaller than the Exxon Valdez disaster.
He smiles to himself when Ryan pulls on his tee shirt advertising Woody's Rodeo.
Ryan runs his fingers through his hair a few times, and Seth's hand is turning the doorknob when Ryan’s arm blocks him opening the door.
"It's not always going to be like this, is it?" he asks. “The whole not being together because of whatever?”
Seth shrugs. "I don't know. I guess we’ll just have to see."
Seth’s knees wobble when Ryan presses a hard kiss against his mouth. His grip on the doorknob is the only thing that keeps him from stumbling into the curtains.
“I can think of worse people to be stuck with,” Ryan admits as Seth finally remembers how to open the door.
Seth smirks. “Me too.”
-finis-
no subject
no subject
Just sayin'