![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archive+Not that I needed another reason to adore Mr. Darcy Colin Firth, but hey, lookie here.
+![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
romanticalgirl wrote me more O.C. goodness for my birthday. That’s like wow. Clearly the real day, with all its familial obligations, is not going to live up to this porny quota. Nuts.
+ The world according to Seth.
I am very excited for a plot bunny thatserialkarma just handed me a carrot for. (You are so money, baby.) And this story below was supposed to be a two-paragraph thank you, but then my muse hijacked it and truthfully I have no idea what this is about. Just so you know.
The O.C.
Stuck in the Middle With You
Ryan’s tongue leaves a wet streak down Seth’s chest, and in between the babbling and the shivering, all Seth can think about is how problematic the entire sex thing has become for him.
There are warm hands holding his hips steady and a wet mouth brushing over the head of his cock, and JesusMaryJosephthedonkeyandallthekingsmen. Blasphemer, heretic, and hey, so not Christian, and Seth should only be focused on the wispy blonde hair clenched in his fingers. But he’s not. Because this is him, and this is how he is, and this isn’t how he wants Ryan.
Don’t him wrong, blowjobs are great, and if Ryan feels that he has to give somebody a blowjob, then Seth totally wants to be the lucky bastard recipient, but still, it doesn’t quite seem right to him.
Ryan’s mouth is wrapped around his cock, and there are fingers rolling his balls, and all Seth wants is to change positions. That should be *his* mouth wrapped around Ryan’s cock, and *his* fingers doing that rubbing thing on the soft skin behind his balls. Yes, that thing that makes him start hollering gibberish, much like now, and Seth’s problem with sex is that it may be a two person sport, but generally only one person should be moving at any given time. Obviously both parties should be participating, but really, only one should be in charge. Plus, Seth has never been good with sports anyway, and that’s a really wet finger. How Seth can possibly be complaining when Ryan feels this good and is willing to do this is beyond him, but Seth is the sort of guy who’s never happy with what he has, and even when he has what he wants, it’s still not what he needs.
Yes, these are Ryan’s hands stroking the inside of his thighs, and yes, that’s Ryan’s mouth sucking most of Seth’s brain cells out through his dick. Yes, Seth is getting a blowjob from Ryan, but the desire to say ‘no’ is very overwhelming for him.
The problem with sex, Seth has found, isn’t that he gets sticky, sweaty and smelly, or that it requires an endless supply of condoms, which really he has no problem buying, because, dude, he’s buying condoms that are going to be *used*. As opposed to said condoms becoming water balloons, or balloon animals, or any of the other things that maybe he used to do with the free condoms they hand out at shows these days.
Except that’s not the point.
Seth’s getting distracted. His fingers are loosening in Ryan’s hair, his dick is getting depressed, and large blue eyes are looking up at him in confusion as though Seth’s actually said ‘no.’
And this is ‘a’ problem, but it’s not ‘the’ problem.
‘The’ problem with having sex with Ryan is that Seth feels like he’s playing at being someone he’s not, and when Ryan goes back to Marissa and he goes back to Summer or Anna, at the end of the day he’s still going to want Ryan. Only he’s not going to have him, probably ever.
Since Ryan’s come along Seth’s had all these new things happen to him, things that would never have happened without Ryan, and they’re all good. Anna = good; Summer = very good; blowjobs, also of the very good, but they’re just these things, that are replacing what Seth really wants, which is to be with Ryan. And Ryan being the perceptive person he is, probably knows this, and if this is some sort of pity thing, Seth doesn’t want any part of it.
He used to think he could take what he could get, if he ever got the chance, and have it be enough, but apparently not.
Seth’s heart isn’t in this game anymore. His dick isn’t in it either. Seth doesn’t even like games in the first place, except for Magic: The Gathering; and eventually, Ryan gives up on the blowjob.
Seth’s rolling away even as Ryan’s crawling up the bed towards him. It’s as though a fog has lifted from Seth’s mind, and he doesn’t even need to see the nonplussed expression on Ryan’s face to know it’s there.
The bed shifts behind him, and Seth can feel Ryan’s body emanating heat behind him.
“I’m not you,” he says, very quietly, rummaging for his boxer-briefs in their mess of discarded clothes. “I can’t do this just to rack up my numbers.”
There’s a sharp gust of air on his shoulder blade, and Seth waits for the yelling to start.
“You’re not a number,” is all that comes.
If Seth were to look over his shoulder, he knows Ryan’s jaw would be clenched. This is why he makes a point of keeping his back to Ryan when he gets up to button his jeans.
“Maybe not, but dude, I’m not Marissa, which means I’m not the right one for you. You two belong together like J.Lo and Puffy. Or maybe more like J. Lo and Ben, because you know, there was the whole gun thing, which would make us more like the Puffy thing because of Donnie. Yeah, anyway. ”
Seth can see Ryan’s faint reflection in the glass doors, and he gestures toward the reflection instead of turning around. “And all this is doing is making things harder and more confused when my life really doesn’t need that much help, because you know, I have women. Also, I’ve accepted that as the geeky drainpipe from Newport I will never be the hot, cool guy from Chino, but I don’t want to *be* you. I want to be *with* you, and maybe I could keep going with this and say okay, a little bit is better than nothing, but that’s just a lie.”
Ryan’s reflection is coming closer in the glass, and Seth deliberately steps away. The reflection stops on the end of the bed. “If we were eleven and in sixth grade again, maybe I could wear you down, like Summer, but dude, I just can’t. I’m old. I’m tired. My Cinderella license expires soon, and I’m tired of acting like everything’s cool when it’s not.”
“You’re 17,” Ryan says.
“My point exactly. I’m too old for pity fucks and acting like I don’t like somebody when I really do.”
“Who said anything about pity fucks?”
“Ah ha, who indeed.” Seth sounds way too much like Inspector Clouseau, and he rounds on Ryan, temporarily forgetting about his state of undress. His eyes are immediately drawn to Ryan’s naked crotch, and he momentarily loses sight of his argument.
He blinks when he realizes that Ryan’s actually sitting on his tee shirt. Rather than pointing this out, he grabs Ryan’s brown, short-sleeve button-down and puts it on.
“I think we should just be friends,” he says, concentrating on fastening several little brown buttons. It’s like trying to put the square pegs in the round holes.
“We’re already friends,” Ryan points out. “You’re not making any sense.”
“Dude, this whole not-making sense is so me. You are not pulling that surprise thing, man.”
Seth flinches when bare feet crowd into his vision and thick fingers brush his hands aside so that Ryan can button the shirt for him.
“I can’t just dump Marissa,” Ryan’s voice is low, and Seth cannot believe they’re having this conversation while Ryan’s naked.
He looks up into bright eyes and consternation etched into tiny lines. Surreal doesn’t begin to cover it. “You’re not supposed to.”
“So what do you want from me?”
“I have no idea,” Seth admits, shrugging, even as Ryan’s gaze leaves him unable to look away.
“So what do we do now?”
“Play Xbox?”
“*Seth*”
“Do you have a better idea?”
"Not really," Ryan admits, even as he moves away and begins getting dressed.
Seth's quiet for several moments, trying to figure out what he's done and how much it'll cost him in the end. Clearly it's a big mess, perhaps only slightly smaller than the Exxon Valdez disaster.
He smiles to himself when Ryan pulls on his tee shirt advertising Woody's Rodeo.
Ryan runs his fingers through his hair a few times, and Seth's hand is turning the doorknob when Ryan’s arm blocks him opening the door.
"It's not always going to be like this, is it?" he asks. “The whole not being together because of whatever?”
Seth shrugs. "I don't know. I guess we’ll just have to see."
Seth’s knees wobble when Ryan presses a hard kiss against his mouth. His grip on the doorknob is the only thing that keeps him from stumbling into the curtains.
“I can think of worse people to be stuck with,” Ryan admits as Seth finally remembers how to open the door.
Seth smirks. “Me too.”
-finis-
+
romanticalgirl wrote me more O.C. goodness for my birthday. That’s like wow. Clearly the real day, with all its familial obligations, is not going to live up to this porny quota. Nuts. + The world according to Seth.
I am very excited for a plot bunny that
serialkarma just handed me a carrot for. (You are so money, baby.) And this story below was supposed to be a two-paragraph thank you, but then my muse hijacked it and truthfully I have no idea what this is about. Just so you know.The O.C.
Stuck in the Middle With You
Ryan’s tongue leaves a wet streak down Seth’s chest, and in between the babbling and the shivering, all Seth can think about is how problematic the entire sex thing has become for him.
There are warm hands holding his hips steady and a wet mouth brushing over the head of his cock, and JesusMaryJosephthedonkeyandallthekingsmen. Blasphemer, heretic, and hey, so not Christian, and Seth should only be focused on the wispy blonde hair clenched in his fingers. But he’s not. Because this is him, and this is how he is, and this isn’t how he wants Ryan.
Don’t him wrong, blowjobs are great, and if Ryan feels that he has to give somebody a blowjob, then Seth totally wants to be the lucky bastard recipient, but still, it doesn’t quite seem right to him.
Ryan’s mouth is wrapped around his cock, and there are fingers rolling his balls, and all Seth wants is to change positions. That should be *his* mouth wrapped around Ryan’s cock, and *his* fingers doing that rubbing thing on the soft skin behind his balls. Yes, that thing that makes him start hollering gibberish, much like now, and Seth’s problem with sex is that it may be a two person sport, but generally only one person should be moving at any given time. Obviously both parties should be participating, but really, only one should be in charge. Plus, Seth has never been good with sports anyway, and that’s a really wet finger. How Seth can possibly be complaining when Ryan feels this good and is willing to do this is beyond him, but Seth is the sort of guy who’s never happy with what he has, and even when he has what he wants, it’s still not what he needs.
Yes, these are Ryan’s hands stroking the inside of his thighs, and yes, that’s Ryan’s mouth sucking most of Seth’s brain cells out through his dick. Yes, Seth is getting a blowjob from Ryan, but the desire to say ‘no’ is very overwhelming for him.
The problem with sex, Seth has found, isn’t that he gets sticky, sweaty and smelly, or that it requires an endless supply of condoms, which really he has no problem buying, because, dude, he’s buying condoms that are going to be *used*. As opposed to said condoms becoming water balloons, or balloon animals, or any of the other things that maybe he used to do with the free condoms they hand out at shows these days.
Except that’s not the point.
Seth’s getting distracted. His fingers are loosening in Ryan’s hair, his dick is getting depressed, and large blue eyes are looking up at him in confusion as though Seth’s actually said ‘no.’
And this is ‘a’ problem, but it’s not ‘the’ problem.
‘The’ problem with having sex with Ryan is that Seth feels like he’s playing at being someone he’s not, and when Ryan goes back to Marissa and he goes back to Summer or Anna, at the end of the day he’s still going to want Ryan. Only he’s not going to have him, probably ever.
Since Ryan’s come along Seth’s had all these new things happen to him, things that would never have happened without Ryan, and they’re all good. Anna = good; Summer = very good; blowjobs, also of the very good, but they’re just these things, that are replacing what Seth really wants, which is to be with Ryan. And Ryan being the perceptive person he is, probably knows this, and if this is some sort of pity thing, Seth doesn’t want any part of it.
He used to think he could take what he could get, if he ever got the chance, and have it be enough, but apparently not.
Seth’s heart isn’t in this game anymore. His dick isn’t in it either. Seth doesn’t even like games in the first place, except for Magic: The Gathering; and eventually, Ryan gives up on the blowjob.
Seth’s rolling away even as Ryan’s crawling up the bed towards him. It’s as though a fog has lifted from Seth’s mind, and he doesn’t even need to see the nonplussed expression on Ryan’s face to know it’s there.
The bed shifts behind him, and Seth can feel Ryan’s body emanating heat behind him.
“I’m not you,” he says, very quietly, rummaging for his boxer-briefs in their mess of discarded clothes. “I can’t do this just to rack up my numbers.”
There’s a sharp gust of air on his shoulder blade, and Seth waits for the yelling to start.
“You’re not a number,” is all that comes.
If Seth were to look over his shoulder, he knows Ryan’s jaw would be clenched. This is why he makes a point of keeping his back to Ryan when he gets up to button his jeans.
“Maybe not, but dude, I’m not Marissa, which means I’m not the right one for you. You two belong together like J.Lo and Puffy. Or maybe more like J. Lo and Ben, because you know, there was the whole gun thing, which would make us more like the Puffy thing because of Donnie. Yeah, anyway. ”
Seth can see Ryan’s faint reflection in the glass doors, and he gestures toward the reflection instead of turning around. “And all this is doing is making things harder and more confused when my life really doesn’t need that much help, because you know, I have women. Also, I’ve accepted that as the geeky drainpipe from Newport I will never be the hot, cool guy from Chino, but I don’t want to *be* you. I want to be *with* you, and maybe I could keep going with this and say okay, a little bit is better than nothing, but that’s just a lie.”
Ryan’s reflection is coming closer in the glass, and Seth deliberately steps away. The reflection stops on the end of the bed. “If we were eleven and in sixth grade again, maybe I could wear you down, like Summer, but dude, I just can’t. I’m old. I’m tired. My Cinderella license expires soon, and I’m tired of acting like everything’s cool when it’s not.”
“You’re 17,” Ryan says.
“My point exactly. I’m too old for pity fucks and acting like I don’t like somebody when I really do.”
“Who said anything about pity fucks?”
“Ah ha, who indeed.” Seth sounds way too much like Inspector Clouseau, and he rounds on Ryan, temporarily forgetting about his state of undress. His eyes are immediately drawn to Ryan’s naked crotch, and he momentarily loses sight of his argument.
He blinks when he realizes that Ryan’s actually sitting on his tee shirt. Rather than pointing this out, he grabs Ryan’s brown, short-sleeve button-down and puts it on.
“I think we should just be friends,” he says, concentrating on fastening several little brown buttons. It’s like trying to put the square pegs in the round holes.
“We’re already friends,” Ryan points out. “You’re not making any sense.”
“Dude, this whole not-making sense is so me. You are not pulling that surprise thing, man.”
Seth flinches when bare feet crowd into his vision and thick fingers brush his hands aside so that Ryan can button the shirt for him.
“I can’t just dump Marissa,” Ryan’s voice is low, and Seth cannot believe they’re having this conversation while Ryan’s naked.
He looks up into bright eyes and consternation etched into tiny lines. Surreal doesn’t begin to cover it. “You’re not supposed to.”
“So what do you want from me?”
“I have no idea,” Seth admits, shrugging, even as Ryan’s gaze leaves him unable to look away.
“So what do we do now?”
“Play Xbox?”
“*Seth*”
“Do you have a better idea?”
"Not really," Ryan admits, even as he moves away and begins getting dressed.
Seth's quiet for several moments, trying to figure out what he's done and how much it'll cost him in the end. Clearly it's a big mess, perhaps only slightly smaller than the Exxon Valdez disaster.
He smiles to himself when Ryan pulls on his tee shirt advertising Woody's Rodeo.
Ryan runs his fingers through his hair a few times, and Seth's hand is turning the doorknob when Ryan’s arm blocks him opening the door.
"It's not always going to be like this, is it?" he asks. “The whole not being together because of whatever?”
Seth shrugs. "I don't know. I guess we’ll just have to see."
Seth’s knees wobble when Ryan presses a hard kiss against his mouth. His grip on the doorknob is the only thing that keeps him from stumbling into the curtains.
“I can think of worse people to be stuck with,” Ryan admits as Seth finally remembers how to open the door.
Seth smirks. “Me too.”
-finis-
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 12:50 pm (UTC)Ryan’s tongue leaves a wet streak down Seth’s chest,
and then with them wearing each other's shirts and Ryan with the buttons, and really, I don't think I've ever seen such schmoop-filled angst.*g* Thank you sweetie!
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:01 pm (UTC)Dude that's why I was so bitter *makes evil eye at muse* I was all set for Seth to get blown and everybody to be happy, but no. Noooooooooo. *Somebody* had to be all difficult. *flips muse off for fiftieth time* Hey, did you know Rufus's dad is the one that wrote 'One Man Guy'? True story.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:05 pm (UTC)dude, I just read that in an interview in the Post. Also, I just found out my mom was a fan of his parent's music way back when. She was all "his name sounds so familiar." Nifty. I am going to see him in concert on Thursday. Psyched = me.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-22 03:39 am (UTC)I just got Want last week. Sigh - Oh, What A World is my favourite.
Meanwhile, lovely fic. Now, to go and write some of mine, if Snape will stay out of my head for long enough.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 12:55 pm (UTC)Awwww...this is sad, but hopeful.
He used to think he could take what he could get, if he ever got the chance, and have it be enough, but apparently not.
I love that Seth has more self-esteem than he expects he would. I love that he doesn't want to settle, even if it means giving up on being with Ryan for now.
“My point exactly. I’m too old for pity fucks and acting like I don’t like somebody when I really do.”
“Who said anything about pity fucks?”
Of course, Seth's self-esteem only gets him so far. Even though he's got three people who like him, he's still looking for reasons why they really don't.
“I can think of worse people to be stuck with,” Ryan admits as Seth finally remembers how to open the door.
Seth smirks. “Me too.”
Awww. The love! This was great.
I need to catch up in your journal, obviously. I've missed fics, and The Escapist (just pre-ordered--thanks for the link!) and The World According to Seth.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:03 pm (UTC)Awwww...this is sad, but hopeful.
No, don't encourage him *scowls at muse* things were all happy and then they went angsty and quirky and I was not a happy camper.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 03:14 pm (UTC)Perfect dahlin.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 01:35 pm (UTC)Love, love, love!
Also: The Angst! *cries*
LJ ate this comment the first time I tried to post it. Sorry if you get spammed with my nonsense twice.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:28 pm (UTC)OMG! With the Ryan and the Seth and the p0rn! *essplodes*
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:20 pm (UTC)Good, thought-provoking, angsty fic.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 03:30 pm (UTC)What decision, I thought they were going to go play on the Xbox?!
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 03:31 pm (UTC)(This is actually a very valid argument with me, just so you know).
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 03:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 12:08 pm (UTC)Just sayin'
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 06:00 pm (UTC)Has Seth kept up with the whole nightclub incident and trial and breakup? Or, has Ryan? Or is it some kind of Freudian slip about Seth's real feelings on the Ryan/Marissa relationship? It struck me as even more of a non sequitor than Seth usually comes up with.
I love that Seth can't let it continue to be a physical thing with Ryan, that he needs more emotional involvement. And the banter and the erstwhile blowjob and all of it really.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 12:10 pm (UTC)You are right, Ryan and Marissa are J.Lo and Ben. Ryan and *Seth* are J.Lo and Puffy.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 04:07 pm (UTC)“Maybe not, but dude, I’m not Marissa, which means I’m not the right one for you. You two belong together like J.Lo and Puffy. Or maybe more like J. Lo and Ben, because you know, there was the whole gun thing, which would make us more like the Puffy thing because of Donnie. Yeah, anyway.”
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 12:11 pm (UTC)I was not aiming for angst when I started writing this, but alas, I am not in charge and I think my Seth muse is becoming more and more distraught at all the Ryan/Marissa making out.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-18 09:47 pm (UTC)And I'm so deeply amused at the mental image of them wearing each other's clothes. If I wrote O.C. fic I would so totally steal that, man. Take that as high praise, because it is.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 12:13 pm (UTC)It's a new sub-genre: Angsty Hopefulness. Yes, it's the new black! Everybody needs to get on the bandwagon. I mean apart from the thousands of us already on the wagon. It's a large wagon, perhaps we need two.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 11:59 am (UTC)Seth shrugs. "I don't know. I guess we'll just have to see."
Right. Let's get on with that, shall we? ;-)
I just wanted to tell you that sometimes, rarely, I come across a story that is so beautifully written that it makes me ache, not just because it's sad, but because I wish that I'd written it. This is one of those stories, dude. Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 12:23 pm (UTC)What a lovely thing to say, not about the ache, but about the enjoying it. Thank you so much for commenting.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 12:10 am (UTC)a part of me's like, "wah, so realistic" and another part of me's like, "you really think there's a 17 year-old alive who'd wilt mid-blowjob-that-destroyed-braincells-without-coming??" eheheheh. but yes. (watch me try to blunder about, having only seen half of one episode last week, was it?)
and then with
also, JesusMaryJosephthedonkeyandallthekingsmen = best. curse. evah >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 08:56 am (UTC)“I can’t just dump Marissa,” Ryan’s voice is low, and Seth cannot believe they’re having this conversation while Ryan’s naked.
He looks up into bright eyes and consternation etched into tiny lines. Surreal doesn’t begin to cover it. “You’re not supposed to.”
Wait, is this my life? No. Ok, just checking.
There could be some serious, serious dysfunction and darkness between these two that this sort of hints at. I think that Seth would be the source of it, too. I mean, let's just play this out: he's going to be scarred by the Anna/Summer thing one way or another. That *could* harden him fast. He's already cynical and detached, how hard would it be for him to jump to distrustful and bitter? Not so much, I don't think.
TA AU where Seth is a hard ass and Ryan's trying to figure out where everything got turned around. Because obviously Ryan is the natural optimist. Look how fast he got comfortable and happy in Newport. Pretty damned fast for a guy from his background.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 10:37 am (UTC)Oh wait, what is this my life we're talking about? Oh, okay, just got confused for a second, you know, like you did earlier.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-25 07:13 am (UTC)Just a question: Could I have an LJ code from you, perhaps, so that I too can reply to posts with a screen name, and perhaps even begin blogging in earnest? Crimsonblog just isn't as fun as LJ is. No pretty pictures, y'know. :) Feel free to email it to me - heybinder@hotmail.com
no subject
Date: 2003-11-26 10:59 am (UTC)*goes off to read each and every tab at the top of the page*
PS: This story rocks as fully the second time as it did the first. :)