hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2004-01-23 12:38 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2004-01-23 12:38 pm
2.4 Seconds in the Day.
The things you love are as stupid as the things you hate and easily interchangeable.
Smallville
There are 86,400 seconds in a 24-hour day, and Clark does his best not to think about Lex during any of them.
He doesn’t think about Lex when he wakes up in the morning after sleeping for anywhere between three and five hours. The amount of sleep Clark gets really depends on the rest of the world and whether or not it’s a long night for Superman and the rest of the Justice League. On average though, that’s 14,400 seconds of time when he’s dreaming about someone or something that’s decidedly not Lex.
Clark isn’t thinking about Lex when he stumbles out of bed in the morning and stubs his toe on the dresser, which has always been too close to the bedroom door. He’s not thinking about Lex when he perfunctorily brushes his teeth, or even when he’s washing in the shower. Sometimes he thinks of faceless bodies and nameless people. Sometimes he thinks about Lois. On one occasion he even thought about Lana, but he stopped because that just wasn’t fair to Pete.
Clark’s not thinking about Lex when he’s walking to work or picking up his coffee from Sully’s on the corner of Third and Hall. When he walks through the doors of the Daily Planet, he’s really not thinking about Lex. Unless Lois tells him otherwise.
At work there are stories to write and people to interview. There are press conferences to attend and officials to rattle with facts that Clark and Lois may or may not know. A standard nine-hour day takes up 32,400 seconds of Clark’s allotment. That’s nearly 40% of his entire day.
Yes, there are times when thinking about Lex is unavoidable, when Lex Corp has a press conference to discuss its newest acquisition or when Lex does something just too far over the line. These are the times when Lois will drag Clark out of the bullpen by his tie, and he’ll let her call him ‘Smallville’ while she curses about Luthors and their complexes.
Clark won’t talk about the complex that he might’ve had first.
These are the days when Clark’s thoughts about Lex will spill way over their quota, and these are the nights when Clark will pay ‘Luthor’ a visit and warn him off from whatever reckless act he’s recently committed.
Lex will sneer, and Clark will sigh.
Lex will play the part of the villain, and Clark will play the part of the superhero, who is above all the lies.
There will be threats and callous disregard. They will try to hurt each other, because that’s all that’s left of what they used to share, and Clark knows that something is better than nothing at the end of the day. After all these years, they need to have something to show for all the work they’ve invested.
They will raise their voices and follow the script they learned by rote a long time ago. Clark will remember that he used to love Lex, and Lex will pretend otherwise.
Strangely enough, these exchanges take less than thirty minutes; 1,800 seconds of interaction in a day that is already too full with other things. And when it is over, when Clark leaves to go back to the Planet or the watchtower, or even to go home, there will be a moment when he wonders why they keep doing this to each other. He will ask himself what exactly they think they’re getting out of this, even though he already knows. All the time they spend with other people just goes to highlight the big holes in their lives; all these tens of thousands of seconds they're wasting by not being together that could be spent otherwise.
So, they fill these roles that the other needs, and yet all they do is call attention to what’s missing in their lives.
They’ve certainly tried to distance themselves, to walk away from each other, but truthfully, Clark knows it’s impossible for either one of them to leave the most important relationship they will ever know. It doesn’t really matter what they call it, it’s a life they share, and it’s pointless to try and do it alone.
Of course, it’s possible that Lex would be happier if Clark really were gone from his life, but no matter what Lois says, or even what Clark says, he just can’t imagine life without Lex. As angry as Lex makes him, he’s not quite sure life would be worth existing without Lex in it. And he suspects that if Lex really wanted him gone; he wouldn’t still be flying around.
Clark will consider this, as he invariably does, and there will be a momentary flash of regret, perhaps a few seconds to wonder how things could have been different if any one of a number of things had happened. If Clark had been killed in Smallville by a mutant or if he was just too late to save Lex one time, neither one would have all these countless hours on their hands.
If Clark had trusted Lex with his secret instead of letting the lies eat away at the friendship they always worked so hard to maintain, their days might be very different now.
Then the thought will pass, like so many others that Clark has during the day, and Clark will realize that such a lengthy regret really didn’t take that long.
Just 2.4 seconds of the day where Clark wonders what might have been.
-end-
Written between 11:41 and 12:09, which is approximately 1,680 seconds of time.
Inspired by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
happyminion and dedicated to her if she so wishes.
Smallville
There are 86,400 seconds in a 24-hour day, and Clark does his best not to think about Lex during any of them.
He doesn’t think about Lex when he wakes up in the morning after sleeping for anywhere between three and five hours. The amount of sleep Clark gets really depends on the rest of the world and whether or not it’s a long night for Superman and the rest of the Justice League. On average though, that’s 14,400 seconds of time when he’s dreaming about someone or something that’s decidedly not Lex.
Clark isn’t thinking about Lex when he stumbles out of bed in the morning and stubs his toe on the dresser, which has always been too close to the bedroom door. He’s not thinking about Lex when he perfunctorily brushes his teeth, or even when he’s washing in the shower. Sometimes he thinks of faceless bodies and nameless people. Sometimes he thinks about Lois. On one occasion he even thought about Lana, but he stopped because that just wasn’t fair to Pete.
Clark’s not thinking about Lex when he’s walking to work or picking up his coffee from Sully’s on the corner of Third and Hall. When he walks through the doors of the Daily Planet, he’s really not thinking about Lex. Unless Lois tells him otherwise.
At work there are stories to write and people to interview. There are press conferences to attend and officials to rattle with facts that Clark and Lois may or may not know. A standard nine-hour day takes up 32,400 seconds of Clark’s allotment. That’s nearly 40% of his entire day.
Yes, there are times when thinking about Lex is unavoidable, when Lex Corp has a press conference to discuss its newest acquisition or when Lex does something just too far over the line. These are the times when Lois will drag Clark out of the bullpen by his tie, and he’ll let her call him ‘Smallville’ while she curses about Luthors and their complexes.
Clark won’t talk about the complex that he might’ve had first.
These are the days when Clark’s thoughts about Lex will spill way over their quota, and these are the nights when Clark will pay ‘Luthor’ a visit and warn him off from whatever reckless act he’s recently committed.
Lex will sneer, and Clark will sigh.
Lex will play the part of the villain, and Clark will play the part of the superhero, who is above all the lies.
There will be threats and callous disregard. They will try to hurt each other, because that’s all that’s left of what they used to share, and Clark knows that something is better than nothing at the end of the day. After all these years, they need to have something to show for all the work they’ve invested.
They will raise their voices and follow the script they learned by rote a long time ago. Clark will remember that he used to love Lex, and Lex will pretend otherwise.
Strangely enough, these exchanges take less than thirty minutes; 1,800 seconds of interaction in a day that is already too full with other things. And when it is over, when Clark leaves to go back to the Planet or the watchtower, or even to go home, there will be a moment when he wonders why they keep doing this to each other. He will ask himself what exactly they think they’re getting out of this, even though he already knows. All the time they spend with other people just goes to highlight the big holes in their lives; all these tens of thousands of seconds they're wasting by not being together that could be spent otherwise.
So, they fill these roles that the other needs, and yet all they do is call attention to what’s missing in their lives.
They’ve certainly tried to distance themselves, to walk away from each other, but truthfully, Clark knows it’s impossible for either one of them to leave the most important relationship they will ever know. It doesn’t really matter what they call it, it’s a life they share, and it’s pointless to try and do it alone.
Of course, it’s possible that Lex would be happier if Clark really were gone from his life, but no matter what Lois says, or even what Clark says, he just can’t imagine life without Lex. As angry as Lex makes him, he’s not quite sure life would be worth existing without Lex in it. And he suspects that if Lex really wanted him gone; he wouldn’t still be flying around.
Clark will consider this, as he invariably does, and there will be a momentary flash of regret, perhaps a few seconds to wonder how things could have been different if any one of a number of things had happened. If Clark had been killed in Smallville by a mutant or if he was just too late to save Lex one time, neither one would have all these countless hours on their hands.
If Clark had trusted Lex with his secret instead of letting the lies eat away at the friendship they always worked so hard to maintain, their days might be very different now.
Then the thought will pass, like so many others that Clark has during the day, and Clark will realize that such a lengthy regret really didn’t take that long.
Just 2.4 seconds of the day where Clark wonders what might have been.
-end-
Written between 11:41 and 12:09, which is approximately 1,680 seconds of time.
Inspired by
happyminion and dedicated to her if she so wishes.
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I was thinking about this before I went to bed last night, because I'm one of those people it's murder to make think hard about things, but once it starts, it's impossible to stop. So the more I thought about what I'd said and what you said, the more I realized how difficult it really is to stop loving somebody. You can change it to something else, but giving up on all those emotions is just way harder than anything else. There's a sense of investment that it's really hard to overcome. It's like putting all your money into a company, like say LeXCorp and then having someone say, oh sorry, this doesn't belong to you anymore. I'm thinking if possession is nine-tenths of the law, that other one-tenth must be something like who's willing to kill for it or whatever. And okay, Lex and Clark won't kill each other, but they're possessive enough to kill *for* each other. The ultimate in dysfunctional love! Now *that* interests me, but I'm still not about the truth, justice and american way thing. Bring on the shady, do-it-yourself Luthor way! [/rant]
You know I used to be very good at coherant arguments. I was never ace at linear arguments, but I was really good at incorporating arguments into larger or smaller pictures. Trimming the fat! Um, I digressed again, damn. Sorry to drag you into my momentary exploration of human emotion. Happy birthday though!
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I realized how difficult it really is to stop loving somebody. You can change it to something else, but giving up on all those emotions is just way harder than anything else.
Not that I'm really going to get into the discussion that started this (braindeadness has set in) but this isn't always how it works for you is it? Haven't you ever just stopped loving someone? Totally disassociated yourself (like a lightswitch turning off)? I know I have, and God does that make me sound like a complete sociopath?
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My absolute favorite line (and please don't ask me why): Clark isn’t thinking about Lex when he stumbles out of bed in the morning and stubs his toe on the dresser, which has always been too close to the bedroom door.
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I've decided to start watching SV because there are so many pretty boys with big eyes grappling with each other. I close my eyes when Lana comes on screen, though, because she makes me want to throw things.
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As I mentioned a few entries back, she becomes more tolerable the further away she is from Clark. It's very interesting. Perhaps she should move to Bora Bora. Also, I'm v v glad you enjoyed this!
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Reading this makes me want to smack Clark upside the head and point out that it would take all of 2.4 seconds for him to say, "Lex, please forgive me." But that's my inner romantic talking...
Fandom of pain, indeed. :)
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I had written such a nice, light piece for Wendi's birthday, and then to have this come spilling out is rather typical of me I suspect. I used to be such a nice girl. I'm pleased you enjoyed this, thank you for commenting!
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I have no words right now.
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There's happy stuff in the entry before this one if that makes it any better.
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Word.
And also I, too, am impressed with what you can come up with on a moment's notice. Not to mention your willingness to do the math here. I hate math.
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Word.
And also I, too, am impressed with what you can come up with on a moment's notice. Not to mention your willingness to do the math here. I hate math.
I'm such a cynical person, you know, this is probably bad for my health or whatever, but I can totally get behind hating someone you used to love enough to kill for. Oh, yes, now we're on terrain I am all about. Also, math, not a problem. I like the simple stuff like adding and dividing etc, it's when you go all geometric and calculus and shit that my eyes glaze over.
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Awesome work as always!
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you know, i should know better than to click on any SV links of yours because they are *never* happy. And yet, i click and i read and i love. what can i say? i'm obviously deranged.
nicely painful.
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They all used to be terribly happy, you know, and then I changed my tune. If it makes you feel better, I did post a happy SV story earlier today for Wendi's birthday, so you can read that one and be happy.
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i was going to comment there but i'm already commenting here... so let this count as my official cheer for Zahra Happyfic. your talent amazes.
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Thanks!