Is being pretty really all that?

[hackthis_archive]

I’m over here shifting through Jude Law photographs for Draco icons, and I remembered a conversation that I had with somebody last week (possibly in RL, possibly with serialkarma or ethrosdemon) and now I must inquire what other people think. The gist of the conversation had to do with Boys vs. Men vs. The Others, i.e. Beautiful Men and who really comes out on top.

Now, we all know what Boys are. We date ‘boys.’ We think boys are cute. We refer to them as The Boy. Ryan Gosling is a boy. Dom Monaghan is a boy. We all love boys. They are adorable. They wear Chuck Taylors and cute second-hand shirts. They belch, and we just roll our eyes. They have beer nights with *their* boys and we just smirk, because they are boys, and we expect this, because boys are not *men*. Men are another species altogether.

Men sometimes have facial hair. They generally own more than one suit, and it’s a good suit, too! A fair amount own property. They can cook more than one meal without burning it. Men have deeper voices, and they exude testosterone. “Men” tend to make your ovaries act funny. George Clooney is a man. Johnny Depp is a man. Brad Pitt in all his 40-year-old glory is a man. Men are good. Boys are good. People take them seriously to the best of their ability, but what happens when you come to those with the XY chromosomes who don’t quite fit the mould? I speak, naturally, of Beautiful Men.

I generally stick Beautiful Men in the “Other” category, because they are not quite men, but they’re not quite boys either. They are a category unto themselves. Whereas Men make your ovaries hurt, Beautiful Men give you cramps. You walk into walls. You forget how to speak. Beautiful Men tend to make women, and other men, act kind of stupid. You forgive the belching and scratching and other pet peeves. BM’s make us all a little messy, and they tend to bring down the average IQ in every room they enter. Jude Law is a beautiful man. Tom Welling may not be Einstein, but when he smiles, people do not fucking care. He is a beautiful man. And yet, in a society where everybody wants to be flawless and thin and *perfect* (whatever the hell that is), is it really better to be an “Other?”

I suspect it must be a bit harder to be taken seriously if you’re a Beautiful Man, because who really cares what you have to say? You look good; people don’t want to hear your thoughts on global warming! So, is it better to be beautiful, but not preternaturally so? Can life really be hard when you look like Jude Law? In an recent Details interview, he talked about 2003 being the worst year of his life. He split with his wife, their divorce was all over the rags, and then he had to explain it all to his children. This cannot have been easy by any account, but it makes you wonder -- people have to go through this same thing everyday, so it’s not like he’s the first person to have a messy divorce. And yet, do you think people have more sympathy for him because he’s good looking or less? Why? Do we always feel this way about people we consider to be more attractive than normal? Why? Is it jealousy? Conditioning? I understand the scientific explanations about feature placement and the way that humans tend to desire symmetry, etc, but I really do have to ask, do people think that life is better for the pretty people just because they can get in a club easier or a few free drinks?

Do you guys think being attractive all it’s cracked up to be? And who would you rather have? A Man, a Boy or an Other?

*Who knew Jude Law could make anybody think so hard!

[Poll #239134]

Comments

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

well, i figured you were asking as if those were the only options... and i tried to answer that way but i got stuck. :)

[jcalanthe]

Dude, I know you're not saying that only rich guys with white collar jobs (or at least jobs that require them to wear suits) can be Men. I get that suits are a big hot button for you and a lot of people, but I think that outside of TV, there's an awful lot of guys who don't own multiple/good suits, and we're not all Boys.

Really, I have trouble with boxes - given 3 or 4 categories, I immediately start thinking of all the exceptions. Mostly my reaction is amusing me, as usually it's women who're getting limited to a small number of options.

[resmin.livejournal.com]

I'm shallow enough to admit that I want a Boy because I want to be a Girl. Leave the grown-up stuff to others, I'll be at home with my boy playing video games.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Dude, I know you're not saying that only rich guys with white collar jobs (or at least jobs that require them to wear suits) can be Men. I get that suits are a big hot button for you and a lot of people, but I think that outside of TV, there's an awful lot of guys who don't own multiple/good suits, and we're not all Boys.

Oh my god, no, that is so not what I was trying to say at all. I'm sorry if it comes off that way. I like suits, yes, but they're certainly not the be all and end all, and I certainly never meant to imply that only white-collar possessors of the XY chromosomes could be Men. It's like saying that only people who are married and straight can be dads; it's so absurd as to never even cross my mind. I only mentioned suits because I simply tend to like them, but clothes do not make the man, the man makes the man, fullstop. Whether he's in jeans and tee shirts or a rubbish sack. I'm terribly sorry to have given offense.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Whatever makes you happy.

[rivki8699.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree. I think someone earlier said that really pretty people have neither more nor less problems than the rest of us plebiens - they just have a different set of issues to deal with.

[jcalanthe]

Thanks for saying this. I figured you didn't mean it that way, I just felt like I needed to say something, you know? Twas meant more as a friendly nudge than a declaration of offense - my apologies if I was heavy-handed and it didn't come off that way.

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

I have a Mannish Boy (I would say Boyish Man, except I really think the Boy is his baseline). This works spectacularly well for me.

As for Beautiful Others.... Well, I'm told I was an uncommonly pretty child, and certainly adults seemed inclined to cuddle or touch me more than I, an extreme introvert, was inclined to let them. When I was a teen, I had braces and glasses, and there were many times when it was a relief to be left to my books because I no longer drew the eye. Of course, there were other times when my "sudden plainness" wasn't nearly so comforting, like when people would try to interact with me just to get closer to my two very pretty sisters. After I got the braces off and replaced the glasses with contacts, it was amusing to see people who'd known me before change their behavior in response to my changed appearance. Sickening, on some levels, but amusing.

I try not to judge the Beautiful Others based on their looks, since there are those who will and have classified me as a Beautiful Other. I'm usually more inclined to judge based on what I see of their behavior and hear of their thought processes. Still, there's really no way of getting around that I only care about their behavior and thought processes because of their presence in my life as Beautiful Others.

[glitterdemon.livejournal.com]

The only way people will take them *seriously* is if they aren't beautiful anymore.

That's an interesting point. I've been a Brad Pitt fan for a while. To this day I still think that one of his most stunning performances was in Legends of the Fall, but he was so. freaking. beautiful in that film. People didn't start talking about his acting chops until he shaved off all his hair and wore contacts to give him crossed eyes and stuttered maniacally like the scary guy at the mall in 12 Monkeys. And while that role certainly made him stand out, it was LotF that required more range, emotion, control. So, I guess what I'm saying is, WORD.

[romanticalgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do agree that they deserve a private life, and it's not fair that they don't have one, but by the same token, they mostly choose the life they live, knowing that's one of the conditions of it. I feel bad for the kids involved (in Law's case, for example), because they *don't* choose it, it was chosen for them, but it is all part and parcel of celebrity-dom.

I also agree with much of what you say on the Pretty People. However, very rarely to any of us think/say our fantasies are "Oooh, I wish I could fuck [Average Actor Guy] rather than Jude Law" or what have you. Admittedly, there are exceptions, and I think male-wise, our society is opening up more to the "underdog" (say, Pacey on Dawson's Creek or Seth on The OC), if you will. Not traditionally Pretty, but appealing enough in their Boyish/Man-ishness to overcome our society's tendency to prize beauty above all else.

[redfirecracker.livejournal.com]

Tom Welling may not be Einstein, but when he smiles, people do not fucking care.

By the way, I am totally stealing this line to begin a story. Just so you know. *g*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm usually more inclined to judge based on what I see of their behavior and hear of their thought processes. Still, there's really no way of getting around that I only care about their behavior and thought processes because of their presence in my life as Beautiful Others.

This intrigues me. How do you, for yourself, define someone as a Beautiful Other? Are they more worthy of your time? Why? How do you delineate between them and Non-Beautiful Others? Do you hold them to different standards? If so, what?

Re:

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

This intrigues me. How do you, for yourself, define someone as a Beautiful Other?

It's really all about aesthetics for me. They have to stop me in my tracks and make me want to look at them. Obviously, this makes the whole idea of Beautiful Others very subjective for me. While there are those individuals whom a majority of the population would agree are beautiful, there are also those who only strike one other person, or a handful of other people that way. And often, someone with the kind of distinctive appearance that would rate them as someone's Beautiful Other can also appear hideous to someone else. As an example, part of the ongoing battle in Highlander fandom is whether Duncan or Methos is better-looking. A lot of people like both, but to some of us, one is gorgeous while the other is...not so much. Then there's Victoria P. and I drooling over Keanu Reeves even as others say his "wooden face" freaks them out, or thousands of women rhapsodizing over the hotness of Tom Cruise while I get more hot out of my popcorn popper. Beautiful is definitely a concept where mileage varies right over into the metric system sometimes.

Are they more worthy of your time? Why?

While I privilege them visually, I don't really privilege them otherwise. I'll look at a Beautiful Other for a long time, but when I actually have to engage with them, then it's all about their social skills. If you can't carry a conversation, I'm not conversing with you, I don't care how good you look. If you're rude enough, I'll kick your ass no matter how shapely it may be.

How do you delineate between them and Non-Beautiful Others? Do you hold them to different standards? If so, what?

I try not to hold them to different standards, though I do often find myself examining their behavior more critically, to see if they somehow feel themselves above the normal social rules because of their looks. While I admire someone who knows how to use any advantage they have when the situation requires it, I'm not very tolerant of people who rely always and solely on a happy accident of nature to get ahead in life. Particularly in areas where someone's appearance really doesn't apply.