Is being pretty really all that?

[hackthis_archive]

I’m over here shifting through Jude Law photographs for Draco icons, and I remembered a conversation that I had with somebody last week (possibly in RL, possibly with serialkarma or ethrosdemon) and now I must inquire what other people think. The gist of the conversation had to do with Boys vs. Men vs. The Others, i.e. Beautiful Men and who really comes out on top.

Now, we all know what Boys are. We date ‘boys.’ We think boys are cute. We refer to them as The Boy. Ryan Gosling is a boy. Dom Monaghan is a boy. We all love boys. They are adorable. They wear Chuck Taylors and cute second-hand shirts. They belch, and we just roll our eyes. They have beer nights with *their* boys and we just smirk, because they are boys, and we expect this, because boys are not *men*. Men are another species altogether.

Men sometimes have facial hair. They generally own more than one suit, and it’s a good suit, too! A fair amount own property. They can cook more than one meal without burning it. Men have deeper voices, and they exude testosterone. “Men” tend to make your ovaries act funny. George Clooney is a man. Johnny Depp is a man. Brad Pitt in all his 40-year-old glory is a man. Men are good. Boys are good. People take them seriously to the best of their ability, but what happens when you come to those with the XY chromosomes who don’t quite fit the mould? I speak, naturally, of Beautiful Men.

I generally stick Beautiful Men in the “Other” category, because they are not quite men, but they’re not quite boys either. They are a category unto themselves. Whereas Men make your ovaries hurt, Beautiful Men give you cramps. You walk into walls. You forget how to speak. Beautiful Men tend to make women, and other men, act kind of stupid. You forgive the belching and scratching and other pet peeves. BM’s make us all a little messy, and they tend to bring down the average IQ in every room they enter. Jude Law is a beautiful man. Tom Welling may not be Einstein, but when he smiles, people do not fucking care. He is a beautiful man. And yet, in a society where everybody wants to be flawless and thin and *perfect* (whatever the hell that is), is it really better to be an “Other?”

I suspect it must be a bit harder to be taken seriously if you’re a Beautiful Man, because who really cares what you have to say? You look good; people don’t want to hear your thoughts on global warming! So, is it better to be beautiful, but not preternaturally so? Can life really be hard when you look like Jude Law? In an recent Details interview, he talked about 2003 being the worst year of his life. He split with his wife, their divorce was all over the rags, and then he had to explain it all to his children. This cannot have been easy by any account, but it makes you wonder -- people have to go through this same thing everyday, so it’s not like he’s the first person to have a messy divorce. And yet, do you think people have more sympathy for him because he’s good looking or less? Why? Do we always feel this way about people we consider to be more attractive than normal? Why? Is it jealousy? Conditioning? I understand the scientific explanations about feature placement and the way that humans tend to desire symmetry, etc, but I really do have to ask, do people think that life is better for the pretty people just because they can get in a club easier or a few free drinks?

Do you guys think being attractive all it’s cracked up to be? And who would you rather have? A Man, a Boy or an Other?

*Who knew Jude Law could make anybody think so hard!

[Poll #239134]

Comments

[nifra-idril.livejournal.com]

So here's the thing. I answered 'Boy' becuase right now? That's what I'd rather have -- and in general I think Boys are the ones I interact best with. The Beautiful Others as a rule make me pretty awkward and uncomfortable and I've been known to actually say things like "Wow, you're too pretty for me to talk to you right now," to them. (Usually when less than sober, but that's beside the point.)

The thing is that some Boys are way too...Boyish. You know what I mean? What I want? What I *really* want? Is a Boy who's got a fine veneer of Man. *racks brain for examples* Uhm. Well. I'm thinking of people in my real life now, and that's way not helping. *laughs* But you get what I mean, right? He can be a Man when it's time, he can step up to the plate and make your ovaries hurt, but he can also go home and drink beer and eat pizza and play GTO with you.

Maybe later in life I'll want something different, but right now? That's where it's at for me.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I suspect that, in general, Boys are easier to interact with than Men because they are more disarming. They're more like our friends and our brothers and our cousins. We're innately more comfortable with them. Men tend to be a bit more like our fathers and that can be very very dangerous terrain to negotiate. I agree with you on wanting a mixture of the two: The Boyish Man. The kind of man who will wear his very nice Brioni suits during the week and then want to go to the comic book store at the weekend. Yes, I want one of those.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about whether or not we all think life is better for the Beautiful people because it's portrayed that way, or because there's some kind of weird social logic that says "well, it *must* be better to be them, because I'd love to look like that", or whether or not we actually do have more sympathy *and* jealousy at the same time or what. But you reminded me of an interview with Jude Law in an issue of Time from a few weeks ago (and you want to talk about beautiful? I was reading it for the article on the Gospels and I turned the page and almost gasped because here's this full-page picture of him just staring at me and Wow. Anyway...), and in it he made the point that in his twenties he'd steered very carefully away from the "leading man" "romantic lead" roles people wanted to put him in, precisely because he thought that if he let it happen, he'd never be taken seriously as an actor. And it was kind of implied that that was because he was, in fact, so pretty.

And no, I definitely don't think life is easier for the pretty people. I think it *can* be, sure. It definitely can have its perks. But everytime I start getting jealous, I remember a girl who used to be a friend of mine. She's gorgeous--stunningly, drop dead, heartbreakingly beautiful. I don't know if she ever modeled, but she could have, easily. To boot, she has a spectacular voice, and has been singing locally on open mic nights and with various local bands for a few years. She's also spectacularly screwed up, and while some of her problems have roots in your standard childhood issues, it's always been my (private) opinion that they've been complicated because of the attention she receives--from men and women--because of her looks. Guys--married guys, single guys, nice guys, and especially sleazy guys--*constantly* come on to her, whenever she goes out. Women--some of whom I *know* are in general sweet, not insecure people--often hate her on sight, because their boyfriends start to salivate when they see her.

So I think about her, and there's no way I can believe that life is inherently easier for someone who's that good looking. She just has a whole diferent set of problems, I think.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

But you reminded me of an interview with Jude Law in an issue of Time from a few weeks ago (and you want to talk about beautiful? I was reading it for the article on the Gospels and I turned the page and almost gasped because here's this full-page picture of him just staring at me and Wow. Anyway...).

Speaking of Jude Law looking like something you want to pick up at a store and lick, have you seen the photo spread from this month's Flaunt? It's all about these zoom shots and the tinyness of pores. It's rather disconcerting. Of course it's not disconcerting to have his face everywhere, but more in that, bugger, is there really only one of him, way.

So I think about her, and there's no way I can believe that life is inherently easier for someone who's that good looking. She just has a whole diferent set of problems, I think.

The same principle is generally applied to the rich, and/or the famous, it's not that they don't have problems, they just have different ones. I quite understand the concept, but as you pointed out, or perhaps I did somewhere, when you first see someone so gorgeous, your first thought is not 'did they have a screwed up childhood?' Inevitably it's this person is too gorgeous/too this/ too that. I believe it's harder to relate to someone who find too beautiful because it's intimidating and intimidation is a form of attack. And people want to protect themselves from attack, so they don't consider the human aspect as much as they might with someone they don't find as intimidating, i.e. as beautiful.

[fearlessdiva.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Well, I love me some Other, but I ended up with a boy. A sort of girly boy, but a boy.

While people do split up all the time, in the last year, Law's wife Sadie was battling a depression so severe she was hospitalized, one of their children was hospitalized for eating an ecstacy pill off the floor of the restaurant where her birthday party was being held, the tabloids were circulating rumors overtime about who Jude was fucking that broke up his marriage, and then he got divorced. I think that this qualifies pretty well for a seriously bad year for almost anyone, and I think the pressure of the public scrutiny would make it all so much horribly worse, and just having people saying such mean things about you in public as the tabloids were about him, accusing him and Sadie of not being fit parents, etc. I mean, yes, everyone has tragedy in their lives, no question. But I don't think Jude's really being a whiner when he says it was a bad year.

And while there is no question that good looking people get a lot of breaks because of their looks, I think it would be hard to be as overwhelmingly beautiful as Jude is. You'd hardly ever run across *anyone* who didn't want something from you, even before you got famous. It would be really tempting to believe that your looks were the only thing that you're good for, and a lot of people would be very happy to tell you that this is precisely the case. I think I'd rather have the problems of the beautiful and rich than the problems of the ugly and poor, but I think the happiest are probably those who are just good looking enough to make things a little easier, just smart enough to take advantage of the situation, and wise enough to be happy no matter what happens. Moderation in all things, etc.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I wasn't insinuating that Jude didn't have a bad year, only that everyone has bad days/months/years, and I was curious as to whether or not people were inclined to feel more or less sympathy/empathy for Jude because he was good-looking/famous/rick as opposed to simply feeling badly simply because he had a rough go of it.

I think the happiest are probably those who are just good looking enough to make things a little easier, just smart enough to take advantage of the situation, and wise enough to be happy no matter what happens. Moderation in all things, etc.

I don't tend to think anybody is as happy as they suspect everyone else it. I think it's a matter of the grass always looking greener elsewhere. When you're not as asthetically appealing, you think that being moreso might make things better. When you're more appealing, it seems that you think it might be easier to be little less, because then you might be taken more seriously.

*Note: Purely using 'you' in the generic sense here.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I am all about the Man. I have dated boys in the past, and while they are cute and fluffy, they are not what I'm looking for right now. I want to find The Man, who I can love forever and who I want to combine my genes with. I'm picky about this matter, you understand.

I don't quite trust Beautiful Men in real life, because most of the ones I've met are conceited jerks.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I am all about the Man. I have dated boys in the past, and while they are cute and fluffy, they are not what I'm looking for right now. I want to find The Man, who I can love forever and who I want to combine my genes with. I'm picky about this matter, you understand.

I agree 100%.

[obsessedmuch.livejournal.com]

Having spent a decent amount of time with The Others (ie The Beautiful People) and knowing that no matter how nice they were to me, no matter how much they attempted to make me feel part of the group, I was always going to be Not One of Them, I have decided that for all the thrill in dating/sleeping with a BP, the stress of maintaining a relationship with one is enough to make you want to skin them alive when they fall asleep. Since this question is about ending up with someone, not the happily pretty side trips along the way, I had to choose "A Man" because frankly I am far too old to think about dealing with A Boy the rest of my life, and far too spoiled in finally liking myself to go back to the serious inadequacies I felt were being highlighted when with the BP. I want A Man with a brain and several extremely hot suits and the ability to cook for me when he feels like it, not just when I start to whine that it's his turn. Someone I can take seriously, you know?

It might be harder to feel some sense of connection to The BP. I mean, really, how many of us can get what it's like to be looked at that way? There's got to be a built in sense of resentment whether we acknowledge it or not. BP have learned early and often that being Beautiful is often enough and very very few of them ever make the effort to do anything else. Is this a fair statement? Eh, probably not. But based on my rather small experience, it's still true. Beautiful men and Beautiful women get more breaks than the average citizen. It ain't fair, but it's really hard to feel bad for them when life dumps badness on them the way it dumps on the rest of us.

Color me cynical, eh?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Since this question is about ending up with someone, not the happily pretty side trips along the way, I had to choose "A Man" because frankly I am far too old to think about dealing with A Boy the rest of my life, and far too spoiled in finally liking myself to go back to the serious inadequacies I felt were being highlighted when with the BP. I want A Man with a brain and several extremely hot suits and the ability to cook for me when he feels like it, not just when I start to whine that it's his turn. Someone I can take seriously, you know?

Word. One big plate of word, just for you. A man who cooks and looks good doing it. Oh, yes.

It might be harder to feel some sense of connection to The BP. I mean, really, how many of us can get what it's like to be looked at that way? There's got to be a built in sense of resentment whether we acknowledge it or not. BP have learned early and often that being Beautiful is often enough and very very few of them ever make the effort to do anything else. Is this a fair statement? Eh, probably not. But based on my rather small experience, it's still true. Beautiful men and Beautiful women get more breaks than the average citizen. It ain't fair, but it's really hard to feel bad for them when life dumps badness on them the way it dumps on the rest of us.

Color me cynical, eh?

I was just going to color you pink, but we can do cynical if you want. What color do you think that is? Forest green? Maize? Cornflower blue? And thank you so much for answering my question. *adores*

[quinnponders.livejournal.com]

First, I think you define the difference between boys, men, and beautiful men perfectly. I currently have a beautiful man working as an intern in my office. Jude Law beautiful and just today I walked into a wall in his presence. Well, not a wall exactly, more like the doorjamb but still off the scale embarrassing. Next year I am asking for a slightly less attractive intern to cut down on bruising and stuttering.

Now as for which one I would rather have, well, that's messy. When my guy leaves the house M-F he's a man, suit, cell, SUV, the whole nine yards. But on the evenings and weekends he's a Chuck Taylor wearing, dude saying, beer drinking, pizza eating boy. And when he's with his boys? He's all of 13, 14 tops.

I think a hybrid is the way to go these days.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

First, I think you define the difference between boys, men, and beautiful men perfectly. I currently have a beautiful man working as an intern in my office. Jude Law beautiful and just today I walked into a wall in his presence. Well, not a wall exactly, more like the doorjamb but still off the scale embarrassing. Next year I am asking for a slightly less attractive intern to cut down on bruising and stuttering.

*dies*

Now as for which one I would rather have, well, that's messy. When my guy leaves the house M-F he's a man, suit, cell, SUV, the whole nine yards. But on the evenings and weekends he's a Chuck Taylor wearing, dude saying, beer drinking, pizza eating boy. And when he's with his boys? He's all of 13, 14 tops.

I think a hybrid is the way to go these days.

You are a lucky woman. Most of us can only hope for something quite so good.

[queen-geek.livejournal.com]

Aaah, geez. You made me choose? Right now, I'd settle for anything even moderately attractive (as a person, and physically) that had a penis. After 20 years of abject singleness, I could appreciate having a boy or a man, or an other, to love.
I've met all three - I'm friends with all three. I love all three types. I mean, boys are fun and you can burp and they treat you like a bud, but better. Men can occasionally be too serious - I mean, I want someone who strikes the perfect balance between funny and calm. A Ban? A Moy?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The Boyish Man. That seems to be what everybody really wants; I shall be addressing him in my post this morning.

[meret.livejournal.com]

Do you guys think being attractive all it’s cracked up to be?

Yes! It's called lookism and there have been many articles published about it. They've done studies on this. Beautiful people make more money, recieve better service from police and doctors etc. Two people can give the exact same speech and the better looking one will be rated as smarter and more competent by listeners. People have been hired to be on what they think are mock juries for law school practice. In actuality it's all scripted, the only difference is the appearance of the defendant. One is better looking than the other. The vast majority of the time, the better looking person will be found innocent, and the not so attractive person will be found guilty. A good looking (especially if they're white) missing child will recieve far more attention from the media than an unattractive child. On average, good looking people lead far easier lives.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I've heard of this before, I think it had just slipped my mind. Thank you so much for reminding me. Also, I have not forgotten about your drabble, just FYI.

[romanticalgirl.livejournal.com]

I don't think we tend to feel more sympathy for beautiful people/men, but less, because we figure they must suffer in some way. We have to suffer and be ordinary, the least they can do is suffer gloriously gorgeously for our benefit. The press and media do their best to make them "poor, little, rich people" and, while they do have their problems, I think much of their problems are fostered by the lifestyles they chose. Perhaps cynical, but also logical. Some don't chose the life (royalty, for example) but they do have a choice in how they adapt and live in it.

As for personally, I like a man who can be a boy. Most of my friends are boys and boys, sadly, tend not to grow up so much. They pick a lifestyle that works for them and, unless they chose to become a man, they are content with it. Men have the luxury of being boys when they want to be. Men, however, have far more power to hurt you than boys do. But they're usually worth it all far more in the long run.

Unless, of course, you're just looking for sex, in which case, you want a pretty boy. Mmmmmm.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Unless, of course, you're just looking for sex, in which case, you want a pretty boy. Mmmmmm.


ooohh, you know what? While yes, having sex with a pretty boy might be good for you if you're taping to watch later, *wink*, in my experience, sex is SO MUCH BETTER with boys/men who are average looking. Why? Because pretty boys don't have to *work* at getting someone to go to bed with them. Girls will just fall into their beds simply because they are pretty. Thus, they either a) lack sufficient knowledge as to how to really *please* a woman and/or b) just simply know that it doesn't matter if they aren't any good...they *think* they are good because they get so many partners, and hell, what woman is going to complain after she's just had sex with a Beautiful Other? *laughs* An average looking guy? Has to work for it. He has to know what he's doing and do it *well*. He makes damned sure to please you, so you'll keep coming back for more.

whoa. didn't mean to ramble on there. Back to Zahra's regularly scheduled program. Also, damn, all this talk about sex has me horny...

[mearagrrl.livejournal.com]

I said "Other", but not in the way you meant it. I'd rather date a girl. Or a "boi".

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, I realize that I forgot that selection in the poll, my bad!

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

I love Boys, but I don't want to end up with one. Or rather, I want a Boy who's become a Man by the time I get him, because otherwise, that's a lot of work.

I can't even begin to fathom the Beautiful Others.

I think people - myself included - have less sympathy for the rich and beautiful, because they are rich and beautiful.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I love Boys, but I don't want to end up with one. Or rather, I want a Boy who's become a Man by the time I get him, because otherwise, that's a lot of work.

I agree with you completely.

I can't even begin to fathom the Beautiful Others.

What a delicious oxymoron. There are lots of people who would quip that there's nothing to fathom in the first place.

[sage]

Lookism is real, yes, but Pretty has downsides...especially for women.

Downsides like: being followed out of grocery stores, followed through the mall, followed to your car, then followed as you drive your car.

Like being stalked, to the point of needing to have your number changed and large burly friends risk criminal prosecution to intervene.

Like having your life so invaded that you take a shooting class and buy a pistol.

Like having the word "beautiful" twisted to become an automatic warning bell of impending sexual abuse...and thus being unable to accept any compliment at face value.

Like having your boss believe that you are fairgame to make innuendoes about, secretly, with "the guys," that reduce your professional identity to a "skirt."

Like going to a party and having people constantly clinging, invading your space, interrupting your conversation with the person you're trying to talk with.

Like partners who initially claim to love and respect your independent nature, but gradually become possessive assholes who view you as a nothing more than an attractive trophy.

I'm not model-gorgeous or famous. I would put myself on the nice side of average, and all of the above has happened to me. I'm sure heightism plays a large part in this, since I'm extremely short and there's a hind-brain connection between "tiny women" and "easy prey."

I'm not playing "poor-pretty-me" here, either. I am not inclined to perpetuate my victimology, since I've survived more than I would wish on anyone and I'm stronger for the experience. But here's the thing: *Everyone* likes to feel attractive, no matter what they look like. It's a great feeling to know that your appearance is appreciated ... even if it's a completly shallow observation. I love to people-watch, and I think it's fine as long as boundaries are respected. All the problems I've encountered have involved people disrespecting the healthy boundary lines between me and them.

It's worth considering who we do and don't endow with power--the pretty, the wealthy, the talented, the brilliant, etc--and what we expect of them in return. If we give Jude our fannish devotion, are we expecting him to let us into his home for dinner? I wouldn't dare to presume, but that's just me.

It's a tremendously complicated social dynamic, and honestly I don't have any answers. I just wanted to throw in $0.02 worth of a hopefully different angle on it.

I read a study a few months ago that said people tend to seek mates of equal attractiveness as themselves.

[sage]

Ack, it cut off my last line.

I read a study a few months ago that said people tend to seek mates of equal attractiveness as themselves. That's whom I find myself really attracted to on a "looks-only" level. Male or female, doesn't matter. Just close enough to me that I feel like we're somehow cut from the same cloth.

Of course, I've dated across the spectrum from model-pretty to really significantly unattractive...since hey, nice people come in all kinds of packages. ;) None of them worked out, though. At least not yet.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say I want a Man. There's something about the transformations between a boy in his twenties and a man in his 30s/40s. Older men are just so...*sexy*. They're playful and fun, but in different ways than a Boy. Five years ago, I'd have said Boy. Now I just want a Man who understands that sometimes, I just gotta have my alone time, and who respects me and gets the whole concept of independence. I've done the "dating a Boy who is five years younger than I am" thing, and while it made me feel young and silly and great, I'd rather come home to a Man who's settled into who he is. And also, who has lots of experience with sex and doesn't mind sharing his knowledge. All the time. *W*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say I want a Man. There's something about the transformations between a boy in his twenties and a man in his 30s/40s. Older men are just so...*sexy*. They're playful and fun, but in different ways than a Boy. Five years ago, I'd have said Boy. Now I just want a Man who understands that sometimes, I just gotta have my alone time, and who respects me and gets the whole concept of independence. I've done the "dating a Boy who is five years younger than I am" thing, and while it made me feel young and silly and great, I'd rather come home to a Man who's settled into who he is. And also, who has lots of experience with sex and doesn't mind sharing his knowledge. All the time. *W*

You are not helping matters, Lyra, you keep talking about men and all their scruffy, hot *Men* glory and I keep thinking about George sodding Clooney, who is like, alllll man. And... and I can't think! Damn you!

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

women. ;)

and i'm not just being a smartypants. i love looking at the pretty men, watching the boys have their fun etc. but i can't say i really want any of those things for myself. i want a woman for myself, when i'm thinking in those broad, categorical terms.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, I realize that I left off that catagory and I apologise profusely. Myt bad!

[lalejandra.livejournal.com]

But where's the dude? The one who's too suave to belch, but after he makes that lovely meal while wearing his dirt-rinsed jeans and second hand t-shirt, he sits down with you and a bottle of Jack and talks about class struggle. (AKA "Brohemian")

But, honestly, I do prefer me a butch on a motorcycle.

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

word on the motorbike, even though I really really hate them every guy I was ever serious about had one. why? I have some serious mental issues, apparently.

[joatamon]

You walk into walls. You forget how to speak.

I read this and nearly choked to death on the apple I was eating. If looks could kill, huh?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It's not happened to me, but I've seen it happen to other people. Oh, but I have forgotten how to speak before.

[queenofalostart.livejournal.com]

And that boy should be preferably Dom. *g*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You're obsessed. You're a tinkilt now! Make pretty icons! I need some! You need some!

[rivki8699.livejournal.com]

See, I've always classified them as boys, guys, men. Examples being Elijah, Dom, Viggo. Guy is that odd in between stage between boys and men. In the OC, Seth is a boy, Ryan is a guy as is Jimmy, and Sandy is a man.

On your point concerning Beautiful Men, I think that beautiful men are both privelaged by and victimized by their looks. While they do manage a degree of success they probably would not have reached without their phenomenal looks they also pay the price. Beautiful men are often looked down upon, people think that they got where they did due to their looks and not talent (Tom Welling). Plus, in a lot of cases, there's this whole "beautiful men are not real men" sentiment going on. They get labeled pretty instead of handsome or hot. And I think they get targeted for their looks - I swear a lot of people think poorly of Orlando Bloom just because he's so damn pretty. But then again, would he have gotten the role that made his career if he didn't look that good? Who knows?

(Ok, I realize I sound pedantic and stilted - but I hope I got my point across - if I ever even had a point to beging with. Damn snow frying my brains.)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I think you get your point across beautifully. I do agree with you about Beautiful Men being victimized by the whole V Pretty = V Stupid, and yet, even when they're being victimized they can still turn it to their advantage faster than I think a normal/less attractive person would. When you see a BM, you think, dumb. If he starts talking about Rocket Science, you're thrilled, you think Hot & Smart = Winner. Whereas with Mr Normal, if he starts talking Rocket Science you think, oh, god, boring, and perhaps not as good looking as [insert person of choice here]. That's an uphill battle both ways. I think everybody's kind of stuck, you know?

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

In the long run, a man is the way to go. Boys are fun and full of spit and vinegar, but a man is, well, a grownup.

It's kind of like White Zinfandel--light, sweet, crisp, refreshing, but not a whole lot of depth. Sometimes you just need a fine Chardonnay (I'd say Merlot but I hate red wine).

Of course, I like a good champagne. I like my man to sparkle!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I like my man to sparkle!

You want a drag queen?

*winks*

[lexcorp-hope.livejournal.com]

I think you did a fantastic job of marking out the difference between the three. I voted that I wanted an Other, but what I really want is a pretty boy- somebody who is graceful, fun and lovely to look at (not just handsome,) but is masculine and responsible all at the same time.

I think the Beautiful Man syndrome you describe here is why actors, like Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, etc- men who were pegged as *beautiful* men early on eventually start showing up to premieres with man of the mountain beards, and fried out, overbleached hair. The only way people will take them *seriously* is if they aren't beautiful anymore. That's just my theory, though.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I don't meta here, like ever, since inevitably I tend to digress fifty times and tangent away from whatever I'm trying to say, but to know that you, Queen Meta, thought I made my case well makes me very happy. As for the BM-problem (it sounds like something a three year-old would suffer from) I suspect that it's a matter of life always seeming easier for everyone else. It's the green grass effect, which I like to illustrate with a quote from Trainspotting: "Got no money, can't get drunk. Got money, drinking too much. Got no girl, no chance of a ride. Gotta girl, too much hassle." It's always something for someone, you know?

[redfirecracker.livejournal.com]

Having dated a reasonable number of beautiful men, I have to say that it's not all it's cracked up to be. They generally suck in bed, are poor conversationalists, and believe that their looks more than make up for all their deficiencies.

Also? If you find yourself saying, "Honey, I need you to play the quiet game now" more than three times a week? It's time to break up.

I tend to go more for Boys now, but that's because I'm a confirmed commitment-phobe, and Men are generally seeking serious relationships.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Also? If you find yourself saying, "Honey, I need you to play the quiet game now" more than three times a week? It's time to break up.

*dies laughing*

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

I totally picked MAN, and I think we both know who I have in mind. Actually, I just like men better in general. But you know that.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Why did you use this icon? Man, go away!

[jcalanthe]

Dude, I know you're not saying that only rich guys with white collar jobs (or at least jobs that require them to wear suits) can be Men. I get that suits are a big hot button for you and a lot of people, but I think that outside of TV, there's an awful lot of guys who don't own multiple/good suits, and we're not all Boys.

Really, I have trouble with boxes - given 3 or 4 categories, I immediately start thinking of all the exceptions. Mostly my reaction is amusing me, as usually it's women who're getting limited to a small number of options.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Dude, I know you're not saying that only rich guys with white collar jobs (or at least jobs that require them to wear suits) can be Men. I get that suits are a big hot button for you and a lot of people, but I think that outside of TV, there's an awful lot of guys who don't own multiple/good suits, and we're not all Boys.

Oh my god, no, that is so not what I was trying to say at all. I'm sorry if it comes off that way. I like suits, yes, but they're certainly not the be all and end all, and I certainly never meant to imply that only white-collar possessors of the XY chromosomes could be Men. It's like saying that only people who are married and straight can be dads; it's so absurd as to never even cross my mind. I only mentioned suits because I simply tend to like them, but clothes do not make the man, the man makes the man, fullstop. Whether he's in jeans and tee shirts or a rubbish sack. I'm terribly sorry to have given offense.

[resmin.livejournal.com]

I'm shallow enough to admit that I want a Boy because I want to be a Girl. Leave the grown-up stuff to others, I'll be at home with my boy playing video games.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Whatever makes you happy.

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

I have a Mannish Boy (I would say Boyish Man, except I really think the Boy is his baseline). This works spectacularly well for me.

As for Beautiful Others.... Well, I'm told I was an uncommonly pretty child, and certainly adults seemed inclined to cuddle or touch me more than I, an extreme introvert, was inclined to let them. When I was a teen, I had braces and glasses, and there were many times when it was a relief to be left to my books because I no longer drew the eye. Of course, there were other times when my "sudden plainness" wasn't nearly so comforting, like when people would try to interact with me just to get closer to my two very pretty sisters. After I got the braces off and replaced the glasses with contacts, it was amusing to see people who'd known me before change their behavior in response to my changed appearance. Sickening, on some levels, but amusing.

I try not to judge the Beautiful Others based on their looks, since there are those who will and have classified me as a Beautiful Other. I'm usually more inclined to judge based on what I see of their behavior and hear of their thought processes. Still, there's really no way of getting around that I only care about their behavior and thought processes because of their presence in my life as Beautiful Others.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm usually more inclined to judge based on what I see of their behavior and hear of their thought processes. Still, there's really no way of getting around that I only care about their behavior and thought processes because of their presence in my life as Beautiful Others.

This intrigues me. How do you, for yourself, define someone as a Beautiful Other? Are they more worthy of your time? Why? How do you delineate between them and Non-Beautiful Others? Do you hold them to different standards? If so, what?