Is being pretty really all that?

[hackthis_archive]

I’m over here shifting through Jude Law photographs for Draco icons, and I remembered a conversation that I had with somebody last week (possibly in RL, possibly with serialkarma or ethrosdemon) and now I must inquire what other people think. The gist of the conversation had to do with Boys vs. Men vs. The Others, i.e. Beautiful Men and who really comes out on top.

Now, we all know what Boys are. We date ‘boys.’ We think boys are cute. We refer to them as The Boy. Ryan Gosling is a boy. Dom Monaghan is a boy. We all love boys. They are adorable. They wear Chuck Taylors and cute second-hand shirts. They belch, and we just roll our eyes. They have beer nights with *their* boys and we just smirk, because they are boys, and we expect this, because boys are not *men*. Men are another species altogether.

Men sometimes have facial hair. They generally own more than one suit, and it’s a good suit, too! A fair amount own property. They can cook more than one meal without burning it. Men have deeper voices, and they exude testosterone. “Men” tend to make your ovaries act funny. George Clooney is a man. Johnny Depp is a man. Brad Pitt in all his 40-year-old glory is a man. Men are good. Boys are good. People take them seriously to the best of their ability, but what happens when you come to those with the XY chromosomes who don’t quite fit the mould? I speak, naturally, of Beautiful Men.

I generally stick Beautiful Men in the “Other” category, because they are not quite men, but they’re not quite boys either. They are a category unto themselves. Whereas Men make your ovaries hurt, Beautiful Men give you cramps. You walk into walls. You forget how to speak. Beautiful Men tend to make women, and other men, act kind of stupid. You forgive the belching and scratching and other pet peeves. BM’s make us all a little messy, and they tend to bring down the average IQ in every room they enter. Jude Law is a beautiful man. Tom Welling may not be Einstein, but when he smiles, people do not fucking care. He is a beautiful man. And yet, in a society where everybody wants to be flawless and thin and *perfect* (whatever the hell that is), is it really better to be an “Other?”

I suspect it must be a bit harder to be taken seriously if you’re a Beautiful Man, because who really cares what you have to say? You look good; people don’t want to hear your thoughts on global warming! So, is it better to be beautiful, but not preternaturally so? Can life really be hard when you look like Jude Law? In an recent Details interview, he talked about 2003 being the worst year of his life. He split with his wife, their divorce was all over the rags, and then he had to explain it all to his children. This cannot have been easy by any account, but it makes you wonder -- people have to go through this same thing everyday, so it’s not like he’s the first person to have a messy divorce. And yet, do you think people have more sympathy for him because he’s good looking or less? Why? Do we always feel this way about people we consider to be more attractive than normal? Why? Is it jealousy? Conditioning? I understand the scientific explanations about feature placement and the way that humans tend to desire symmetry, etc, but I really do have to ask, do people think that life is better for the pretty people just because they can get in a club easier or a few free drinks?

Do you guys think being attractive all it’s cracked up to be? And who would you rather have? A Man, a Boy or an Other?

*Who knew Jude Law could make anybody think so hard!

[Poll #239134]

Comments

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about whether or not we all think life is better for the Beautiful people because it's portrayed that way, or because there's some kind of weird social logic that says "well, it *must* be better to be them, because I'd love to look like that", or whether or not we actually do have more sympathy *and* jealousy at the same time or what. But you reminded me of an interview with Jude Law in an issue of Time from a few weeks ago (and you want to talk about beautiful? I was reading it for the article on the Gospels and I turned the page and almost gasped because here's this full-page picture of him just staring at me and Wow. Anyway...), and in it he made the point that in his twenties he'd steered very carefully away from the "leading man" "romantic lead" roles people wanted to put him in, precisely because he thought that if he let it happen, he'd never be taken seriously as an actor. And it was kind of implied that that was because he was, in fact, so pretty.

And no, I definitely don't think life is easier for the pretty people. I think it *can* be, sure. It definitely can have its perks. But everytime I start getting jealous, I remember a girl who used to be a friend of mine. She's gorgeous--stunningly, drop dead, heartbreakingly beautiful. I don't know if she ever modeled, but she could have, easily. To boot, she has a spectacular voice, and has been singing locally on open mic nights and with various local bands for a few years. She's also spectacularly screwed up, and while some of her problems have roots in your standard childhood issues, it's always been my (private) opinion that they've been complicated because of the attention she receives--from men and women--because of her looks. Guys--married guys, single guys, nice guys, and especially sleazy guys--*constantly* come on to her, whenever she goes out. Women--some of whom I *know* are in general sweet, not insecure people--often hate her on sight, because their boyfriends start to salivate when they see her.

So I think about her, and there's no way I can believe that life is inherently easier for someone who's that good looking. She just has a whole diferent set of problems, I think.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

But you reminded me of an interview with Jude Law in an issue of Time from a few weeks ago (and you want to talk about beautiful? I was reading it for the article on the Gospels and I turned the page and almost gasped because here's this full-page picture of him just staring at me and Wow. Anyway...).

Speaking of Jude Law looking like something you want to pick up at a store and lick, have you seen the photo spread from this month's Flaunt? It's all about these zoom shots and the tinyness of pores. It's rather disconcerting. Of course it's not disconcerting to have his face everywhere, but more in that, bugger, is there really only one of him, way.

So I think about her, and there's no way I can believe that life is inherently easier for someone who's that good looking. She just has a whole diferent set of problems, I think.

The same principle is generally applied to the rich, and/or the famous, it's not that they don't have problems, they just have different ones. I quite understand the concept, but as you pointed out, or perhaps I did somewhere, when you first see someone so gorgeous, your first thought is not 'did they have a screwed up childhood?' Inevitably it's this person is too gorgeous/too this/ too that. I believe it's harder to relate to someone who find too beautiful because it's intimidating and intimidation is a form of attack. And people want to protect themselves from attack, so they don't consider the human aspect as much as they might with someone they don't find as intimidating, i.e. as beautiful.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

I believe it's harder to relate to someone who find too beautiful because it's intimidating and intimidation is a form of attack. And people want to protect themselves from attack, so they don't consider the human aspect as much as they might with someone they don't find as intimidating, i.e. as beautiful.

This is a very good point, and it can also apply to not just the beautiful, rich and/or famous, but anyone who has, you know, more of something. Intellect, for instance--something similar often happens with kids who are smarter than the others and do better in school, which is something I can relate to a lot more easily.

And then there's the question of why exactly it is we find beauty intimidating, and that's a whole 'nother issue, I suspect.

Speaking of Jude Law looking like something you want to pick up at a store and lick, have you seen the photo spread from this month's Flaunt?

No, but now I will have to go look for it, because I can be as highbrow and theoretical as the next geek, but when it comes down to it, I'm all about the staring and the drooling.