hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2004-01-26 04:32 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2004-01-26 04:32 pm
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Is being pretty really all that?
I’m over here shifting through Jude Law photographs for Draco icons, and I remembered a conversation that I had with somebody last week (possibly in RL, possibly with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
serialkarma or ethrosdemon) and now I must inquire what other people think. The gist of the conversation had to do with Boys vs. Men vs. The Others, i.e. Beautiful Men and who really comes out on top.
Now, we all know what Boys are. We date ‘boys.’ We think boys are cute. We refer to them as The Boy. Ryan Gosling is a boy. Dom Monaghan is a boy. We all love boys. They are adorable. They wear Chuck Taylors and cute second-hand shirts. They belch, and we just roll our eyes. They have beer nights with *their* boys and we just smirk, because they are boys, and we expect this, because boys are not *men*. Men are another species altogether.
Men sometimes have facial hair. They generally own more than one suit, and it’s a good suit, too! A fair amount own property. They can cook more than one meal without burning it. Men have deeper voices, and they exude testosterone. “Men” tend to make your ovaries act funny. George Clooney is a man. Johnny Depp is a man. Brad Pitt in all his 40-year-old glory is a man. Men are good. Boys are good. People take them seriously to the best of their ability, but what happens when you come to those with the XY chromosomes who don’t quite fit the mould? I speak, naturally, of Beautiful Men.
I generally stick Beautiful Men in the “Other” category, because they are not quite men, but they’re not quite boys either. They are a category unto themselves. Whereas Men make your ovaries hurt, Beautiful Men give you cramps. You walk into walls. You forget how to speak. Beautiful Men tend to make women, and other men, act kind of stupid. You forgive the belching and scratching and other pet peeves. BM’s make us all a little messy, and they tend to bring down the average IQ in every room they enter. Jude Law is a beautiful man. Tom Welling may not be Einstein, but when he smiles, people do not fucking care. He is a beautiful man. And yet, in a society where everybody wants to be flawless and thin and *perfect* (whatever the hell that is), is it really better to be an “Other?”
I suspect it must be a bit harder to be taken seriously if you’re a Beautiful Man, because who really cares what you have to say? You look good; people don’t want to hear your thoughts on global warming! So, is it better to be beautiful, but not preternaturally so? Can life really be hard when you look like Jude Law? In an recent Details interview, he talked about 2003 being the worst year of his life. He split with his wife, their divorce was all over the rags, and then he had to explain it all to his children. This cannot have been easy by any account, but it makes you wonder -- people have to go through this same thing everyday, so it’s not like he’s the first person to have a messy divorce. And yet, do you think people have more sympathy for him because he’s good looking or less? Why? Do we always feel this way about people we consider to be more attractive than normal? Why? Is it jealousy? Conditioning? I understand the scientific explanations about feature placement and the way that humans tend to desire symmetry, etc, but I really do have to ask, do people think that life is better for the pretty people just because they can get in a club easier or a few free drinks?
Do you guys think being attractive all it’s cracked up to be? And who would you rather have? A Man, a Boy or an Other?
*Who knew Jude Law could make anybody think so hard!
[Poll #239134]
serialkarma or ethrosdemon) and now I must inquire what other people think. The gist of the conversation had to do with Boys vs. Men vs. The Others, i.e. Beautiful Men and who really comes out on top.Now, we all know what Boys are. We date ‘boys.’ We think boys are cute. We refer to them as The Boy. Ryan Gosling is a boy. Dom Monaghan is a boy. We all love boys. They are adorable. They wear Chuck Taylors and cute second-hand shirts. They belch, and we just roll our eyes. They have beer nights with *their* boys and we just smirk, because they are boys, and we expect this, because boys are not *men*. Men are another species altogether.
Men sometimes have facial hair. They generally own more than one suit, and it’s a good suit, too! A fair amount own property. They can cook more than one meal without burning it. Men have deeper voices, and they exude testosterone. “Men” tend to make your ovaries act funny. George Clooney is a man. Johnny Depp is a man. Brad Pitt in all his 40-year-old glory is a man. Men are good. Boys are good. People take them seriously to the best of their ability, but what happens when you come to those with the XY chromosomes who don’t quite fit the mould? I speak, naturally, of Beautiful Men.
I generally stick Beautiful Men in the “Other” category, because they are not quite men, but they’re not quite boys either. They are a category unto themselves. Whereas Men make your ovaries hurt, Beautiful Men give you cramps. You walk into walls. You forget how to speak. Beautiful Men tend to make women, and other men, act kind of stupid. You forgive the belching and scratching and other pet peeves. BM’s make us all a little messy, and they tend to bring down the average IQ in every room they enter. Jude Law is a beautiful man. Tom Welling may not be Einstein, but when he smiles, people do not fucking care. He is a beautiful man. And yet, in a society where everybody wants to be flawless and thin and *perfect* (whatever the hell that is), is it really better to be an “Other?”
I suspect it must be a bit harder to be taken seriously if you’re a Beautiful Man, because who really cares what you have to say? You look good; people don’t want to hear your thoughts on global warming! So, is it better to be beautiful, but not preternaturally so? Can life really be hard when you look like Jude Law? In an recent Details interview, he talked about 2003 being the worst year of his life. He split with his wife, their divorce was all over the rags, and then he had to explain it all to his children. This cannot have been easy by any account, but it makes you wonder -- people have to go through this same thing everyday, so it’s not like he’s the first person to have a messy divorce. And yet, do you think people have more sympathy for him because he’s good looking or less? Why? Do we always feel this way about people we consider to be more attractive than normal? Why? Is it jealousy? Conditioning? I understand the scientific explanations about feature placement and the way that humans tend to desire symmetry, etc, but I really do have to ask, do people think that life is better for the pretty people just because they can get in a club easier or a few free drinks?
Do you guys think being attractive all it’s cracked up to be? And who would you rather have? A Man, a Boy or an Other?
*Who knew Jude Law could make anybody think so hard!
[Poll #239134]
no subject
Downsides like: being followed out of grocery stores, followed through the mall, followed to your car, then followed as you drive your car.
Like being stalked, to the point of needing to have your number changed and large burly friends risk criminal prosecution to intervene.
Like having your life so invaded that you take a shooting class and buy a pistol.
Like having the word "beautiful" twisted to become an automatic warning bell of impending sexual abuse...and thus being unable to accept any compliment at face value.
Like having your boss believe that you are fairgame to make innuendoes about, secretly, with "the guys," that reduce your professional identity to a "skirt."
Like going to a party and having people constantly clinging, invading your space, interrupting your conversation with the person you're trying to talk with.
Like partners who initially claim to love and respect your independent nature, but gradually become possessive assholes who view you as a nothing more than an attractive trophy.
I'm not model-gorgeous or famous. I would put myself on the nice side of average, and all of the above has happened to me. I'm sure heightism plays a large part in this, since I'm extremely short and there's a hind-brain connection between "tiny women" and "easy prey."
I'm not playing "poor-pretty-me" here, either. I am not inclined to perpetuate my victimology, since I've survived more than I would wish on anyone and I'm stronger for the experience. But here's the thing: *Everyone* likes to feel attractive, no matter what they look like. It's a great feeling to know that your appearance is appreciated ... even if it's a completly shallow observation. I love to people-watch, and I think it's fine as long as boundaries are respected. All the problems I've encountered have involved people disrespecting the healthy boundary lines between me and them.
It's worth considering who we do and don't endow with power--the pretty, the wealthy, the talented, the brilliant, etc--and what we expect of them in return. If we give Jude our fannish devotion, are we expecting him to let us into his home for dinner? I wouldn't dare to presume, but that's just me.
It's a tremendously complicated social dynamic, and honestly I don't have any answers. I just wanted to throw in $0.02 worth of a hopefully different angle on it.
I read a study a few months ago that said people tend to seek mates of equal attractiveness as themselves.
no subject
I read a study a few months ago that said people tend to seek mates of equal attractiveness as themselves. That's whom I find myself really attracted to on a "looks-only" level. Male or female, doesn't matter. Just close enough to me that I feel like we're somehow cut from the same cloth.
Of course, I've dated across the spectrum from model-pretty to really significantly unattractive...since hey, nice people come in all kinds of packages. ;) None of them worked out, though. At least not yet.
no subject
Without going too deep, I will simply like to say that I identify and empathize with everything you've just said. I, too, enjoy people watching and observing the wonder that is human interaction, and yet, I have a very hardline about any sort of 'us' versus 'them.' In a nutshell, I don't see an 'us' and 'them'; I see a 'me' and 'you.' I don't know you, you don't know me. Do not presume otherwise, do not infringe on my privacy and we will all get along fine. (Generic 'you') Naturally, the problems come when people don't follow the old adage 'look, but don't touch.' It's unfortunate but true.
It's worth considering who we do and don't endow with power--the pretty, the wealthy, the talented, the brilliant, etc--and what we expect of them in return. If we give Jude our fannish devotion, are we expecting him to let us into his home for dinner? I wouldn't dare to presume,
I should hope not, in terms of expecting anything from anyone, but I tend to take the rather hardline with that sort of thing anyway. I think the presumption that by enjoying someone's work that you are entitled to any part of their life and they are entitled to give it to you is appalling and wrong. IMO, no one is entitled to anything, everything should be earned.