It's like beating my head against the wall. A lot. Hard.

[hackthis_archive]

I'd meant to answer comments today, but since I almost cut the tip off my ring finger yesterday and it's all bandaged and taking me three tries to type anything, that's probably not going to happen. Ever tried to wash your face with a rubber glove strapped to your hand since you can't get your fingers wet? Exactly.

Things of random import to me:

1. I recently had the good fortune to actually see a threesome in action (m/m/f) that worked beautifully. When I say 'threesome' I don't mean porn; I could get that anytime. I mean I saw the dynamic played out right in front of me during a rather extended meal, and wow, it was pretty fucking amazing. The centre of the attention (Man A) and the woman were totally in love, but Man A was clearly in love with the other man (Man B) as well. It was clearly reciprocated, and well, this dynamic must be working on some level. I didn't get to see a lot of the female/other man (Man B) interaction, but the centre point (Man A) of all this attention seemed pretty fucking happy -- not that I blame him, because shit, I'd be fucking happy too. I feel like this may require a story at some point for my own edification.

2. I was eavesdropping overheard the most depressing story this weekend, that now I will have to share with you, because well, I'm all about the sharing and practising typing with this flipping thing on my finger. I don't know why this story hit me so deeply, but I just -- it was almost like a warning. The kicker is that I never got the end of the story*, so I want to see how you guys think it ended:

A man and woman fell in love and got married, and unlike a lot of couples they actually seemed right and happy together. It wasn't a case of just marry anyone or just get married to get married, they both were deeply in love, but as of late the couple in question were fighting a lot. The woman didn't really understand why they were fighting, just that they couldn't stop and it was becoming a serious problem. It was almost like they were sabotaging themselves, in that way people sometimes do when they think they have to beat the other person to the punch before everything falls apart.

Anyway, the woman went out one night and got completely blitzed, and when she came home her husband was waiting and they fought like they'd never fought before. It was the kind of row that makes you question everything about yourself. At some point during the row, her husband fired back 'you're not the woman I married,' and the woman was just devastated.

What do you do when the person you love says that to you?

Sadly this is where the story ended and I didn't get to hear the rest, so now my question to you is two fold:

[Poll #494915]

Comments

[neon2300.livejournal.com]

Relationships are too complicated for me to answer that poll honestly. I mean there's so much I don't know. Being in a relationship with someone is supposed to help you grow and mature as an individual. Some people want their partners' to be strong where they're weak and vice versa instead of working at it themselves. I think they both have work to do, though. That much is certain. Maybe they were at that point in the relationship where they finally realized not only the good things about each other, but the bad as well.

How would it end? Therapy - but I think they need to sit down and talk about thier views on relationships. Most therapists would tell them to look at thier parents' relationship(cause parents/caregivers provide most of the the template people have regarding relationships).

*shrugs* Some people are more afraid of love and commitment cause' it gives them something to lose.

Okay, I'll shut up now. ;-)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Indeed ;)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I wish it would too, but realistically, since I cut through the nail that may not happen. Thanks for the good wishes though :)

[smonsterbite.livejournal.com]

People get stuck in stupid patterns, and sometimes the only way to break those patterns is to end the relationship.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Yay! I do what I can. *snugs*

*gives you tip of my finger, just to show HOW MUCH I HEART YOU*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I agree with that one; 'in love' doesn't last. Love might, but 'in love' fades with that first glimmer of the less than savory side.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Dear K,

I don't laugh at your misfortunes cos I want you to hurt; I laugh cos you do the craziest shit. Which even you will admit. Please send over TW directly. Barring that I will take, uh, I don't know, you'll think of something.

Z

p.s. I bought MI-5 S1; I will post it to you insured.

[circe-tigana.livejournal.com]

for some reason, i'd love to hear Professor Snape lecture on this one :)

[nuptse.livejournal.com]

People change. The younger they are when they marry, the more they change. And possibly grow apart (or grow UP). It's very possible to also love someone but not like them - a lesson I learned from my ex.
Consider also how much perhaps the other person wanted them to change to meet their wills, and how much they actually did. There is sometimes a wide chasm between what that person thought they knew about you and could change to their liking, or what was the real you that will not and can not ever change with you staying who you are.

I can tell you how my "you're not the same person I married" ended/will end/has ended:
He's right. I'm not the same naive, lovestruck 20 year old I was when we married. But he *is* the same jaded, bitter divorcee *he* was. People can be lonely with someone else in the room. After a while, it's easier to be alone and lonely.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

"You're not the woman I married" actually means, "I thought I had to marry a woman, despite my being sekritly gay, and you were the butchest woman I could find who liked men, but you've gone all girly on me and besides, you still don't have a penis, jeez I'm so confused, not to mention in the closet, oh god I want a divorce."

Does that help?

[k-glorificus.livejournal.com]

I will tape this week's and then send you Dr. Who.

I don't have Tom Welling anymore, he escaped...well, he got lost. I told him to wait for me outside the store, and I even tied him to the lampost but either he got free or someone stole him.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Today's lecture is about Amorous Aids, or as more commonly referred to, Love Potions. Now before you all cause my ears to bleed with your braying and bleating, it would behoove you all to get it into your thick skulls that a) there is a great difference between being 'in love' and actually loving someone else b) that Amorous Aids do not -- I repeat this for the Gryffindors and most thick Hufflepuffs among you -- do not make someone fall in love with you. Any good Amorous Aid is actually a two-part spell that a) changes the pheremonal output of the giver and b) changes the hormonal level of the recepient to make he or she selectively reponsive to only the giver. Ergo, an Amorous Aid is nothing more than a cleverly masked Imperio, which is why they are forbidden, and as such if I catch any of you attempting to retain any of said potion for your own prurient needs, you will serve detention with Mr Filch, daily, for the next three months.

Do I make myself clear?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Priceless, Shay.

[mereol.livejournal.com]

It could go in any number of directions but if their relationship was built on a solid foundation of love, then they can get through anything, it just takes compromise and an unfailing desire to make it work.

Falling in Love is easy, Staying there isn't. And I don't believe anyone that says that it should be. You can't take two people that were (probably) raised in completely different worlds (aka home life) and convince them that spending the rest of their lives together will be a bed of fucking roses all the time. Well, you can, and that's how you get them to the altar (or barefoot in a field of freaking daisies, whathaveyou), but it's not always a laugh.

..and this is why I don't argue with my husband....arguments are a free for all, you get to say all kinds of shit you probably don't mean but can't EVER ever take back....

[mereol.livejournal.com]

...and sorry to hear about your finger.

[plumtastic.livejournal.com]

Like SK, I'm going to skip the unhappy story and focus on the cool dynamics of that threesome stich. Watching that kind of thing always gives me a little shiver because sometimes you can just see the threads and passionate whatnot flowing between people. It's the most fascinating thing ever.

Probably one reason I still drag my sorry ass to local shows.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*VBG*

[circe-tigana.livejournal.com]

*waves hand frantically in the air to attract your attention*

[venivincere]

They both take a step backward and ask "What the hell is going on here? I still love you, but we're not working well together. Why?" And then they proceed to figure it out and in the end they achieve a better communication and understanding of one another, and an even deeper, more meaningful and lasting love.

Yeah, I'm all about the romance.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*sighs in manner of much tested*

Yes, Ms Tigana?

[velutlunas.livejournal.com]

Aight, I know that this isn't really a part of the poll, but I felt like I had to put my two cents in on the first bit of your post. Threesomes. I myself am currently in a working threesome. Now, it's not the m/m/f variety as those are ridiculously rare, it's of the m/f/f variety. Just like the one you mentioned, the man in the relationship and I only vaguely interact. He's her husband and is by far one of the coolest guys I've ever met. Case in point, when she was talking about possibly trying this situation out with him his response had nothing to do with how two chicks is hot, but "She makes you smile so brightly, how'm I going to get in the way of something like that? I like who you are when she's near you." Seriously. I'm a chick and I can't even come up with shit like that.

The only thing I guess I can say as to why it works is that we all trust each other. But it's also for me, cause alot of people ask how I can share her with someone else... and my answer is this: She loves me for who I am with all of her heart. She just has a really big heart.

So yea, dunno if I was just rambling for the sake of rambling, or if that helped you out in any way.

[phaballa.livejournal.com]

Other: they have their drag out fight. They're both horrible to each other. Then they wake up the next morning and think about everything that's happened recently. One of them breaks down and gets the other to talk about it... and they work things out.

Or they have lots of angry sex and develop a fondness for yohgurt.

[rozza.livejournal.com]

Therapy all the way, or at least some time apart and some heavy duty self-reflection and self-healing. I'm of the mind that more often than not, after the first 15 minutes of a fight, it's no longer about the issue they were fighting about but about the way they are fighting. The things being said, things from the past, etc. Also I'm a firm believer in the 90/10 principle--when we get upset, only 10% of our upset is related to the present moment. The other 90% is just dredged up from the trash cans of our past.

If a couple is fighting all the time and does not know the reasons why, then the odds are a simple apology and forgiveness will not be entirely genuine nor a cure. I can say that because that was the theme of the Summer of 2003 in my relationship with Nate. We fought all the time and at the time I had no idea why. It always ended with us apologizing and making up, only to start it all again the next day.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

a) You are so smart

b) Ouch is one of *many* four-letter words I said.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Goddamn thieving bitches! Always stealing somebody else's shit!

*activates Lo-Jack*