hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2005-06-14 12:47 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2005-06-14 12:47 pm
Star Wars RPS - Sod's Law Says...
a. You know, people, in some places, this amount of enablement isn't legal. Fuck them though. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
researchminion decided to spam me with Ryan and Hayden, who am I to fight it? Don't everybody stampede at once or you'll break the internets.
2. I have seen Life as a House with Hayden, by and by, and uh, yeah it's so gay the telly almost caught on fire. I fell off the sofa when I realised that Ian Somerhalder was playing Hayden's pimp. Yeah, for real. No lie.
Improv: wilt, glare, crumple, ruin, chime
Star Wars RPS
Jude Law/Ewan McGregor/Hayden Christensen
Sod's Law Says...
Sod's Law #1 states that everything that can possibly go wrong at one time, will in fact, go wrong at that exact time. For example: if Eve and the girls fly in to Australia to see Ewan, Jude will decide to fly in at the exact same time as a 'surprise'.
This will indeed be a surprise for all parties concerned, since there is only one Ewan, but there are four –- no -– five people vying for his undivided attention at any given time.
Jude will hole himself up at a hotel in a sulk, because he can't very well get pissed and whinge about Sadie around Eve. Ewan and Jude always wanted Eve and Sadie to get on, and well, be careful what you wish for. With this whole whole 'Jude v. Sadie' divorce debacle, Eve can't even be in the same room as Jude without glaring daggers and giving him the French version of the evil eye.
This will all blow over once Jude and Sadie stop playing silly buggers in the press, but for right now, it's hell on earth. Right now Ewan is desperate for some assistance, and desperate men do desperate things to make certain that their best mates haven't done themselves grievous bodily harm in a drunken stupor and hit their head in the bath.
A dead Jude would really ruin everything -- so yes, desperate times and all that.
Only truly desperate men send their –- their whatever Hayden is over to comfort their best mate while their family is in town. The minute Ewan gets off of the phone with Hayden he knows he's made a big fucking mistake, but he can't ring Hayden back and tell him no.
There's no tactful way to say, 'No fucking Jude, because I saw you first.'
He would ring Jude and tell him 'Keep your fucking grubby mits off', but it's a bit hard to do that when your wife is trying to get your undivided attention. Your very undivided attention.
Sometimes you can't always get what you want.
*
Sod's Law states that should your best mate decide to stay on an additional week after your family leaves, that every force in God's earth will conspire to keep you apart.
You will have five a.m. set calls and reshoots every fucking night. Your car will start making strange, sputtering noises when you drop your wife and daughters at the airport, which you will ignore, and then the air conditioning in the car will breakdown on your drive back home.
If this were Scotland. Ewan wouldn't give a toss -– but this is Australia, and by the time he pulls into the driveway of his rented home, he is fucking wilting.
He thought only flowers could wilt. He was wrong. And when he rings Hayden, he's not at home.
This does not fill Ewan with confidence.
*
Mates are good for lots of things: bail money, excuses, last rounds, someone to save you from the missus when you forgot your anniversary (again). Ewan loves his mates like he loves his wife and the girls, and it's only natural that he want to see them as much as possible. If Jonny hadn't come to visit during The Phantom Menace, Ewan would've walked off the set in the fourth week -– how the hell is an actor supposed to act opposite a fucking blue screen?
If Sean and Charley hadn't come down for Attack of the Clones, well, that might've been a good thing, but Ewan doesn't really care, because they're his mates. They're his friends, and it's hard to find good friends. It's hard to find people you trust with your life and your safety and your heart, and the twenty-something boy that, maybe, you might be involved with.
Yeah, that last one isn't in the Mates Handbook.
Ewan only has to take one look at Hayden during practise to see it all over his face. When Ewan asked Hayden to look after Jude he did not mean 'and it's okay if you let Jude fuck you too.' No wonder Jude's not been in any hurry to move in with Ewan; he's got Hayden delivering sex to his hotel room.
This is not part of Ewan's plan. Not that Ewan has a plan, but if he did, this wouldn't be a part of it.
*
There's nothing like distracting yourself from the tediousness of George Lucas by thinking of your best mate fucking your co-star. The imagery wouldn't be half as jarring if Ewan hadn't already had Jude. Correction: the imagery wouldn't be half as jarring if Ewan had already had Hayden -– but he hasn't.
Of course, with Sod's Law there's no such thing as fair. Ewan really shouldn't be surprised.
*
There is something very wrong with big movie stars walking three miles from their home to the swanky hotel where their best mates are staying, because their fucking car has died in the driveway. If Ewan were a big movie star, he might be a bit put out about all this; he supposes it's a good thing he's just some random bloke from Crieff. Random blokes can crumple against the doorframe of their mate's hotel room at any time because of the fucking heat. Ewan's shirt is sticking to him in all the wrong places, and who knew you could sweat into your beard? Ewan just feels disgusting.
If Ewan were anybody else, like some big movie star, when Jude opens the door looking freshly shagged and entirely too pleased with himself, Ewan might hesitate in slapping Jude in the side of the head and saying, 'Can't you keep it in your trousers for five fucking minutes?'
If Jude were anybody else, he might be offended, instead Ewan pushes past him and staggers inside the room. There's no Hayden, but there are plenty of signs of sex, and Ewan can't think about all this when he's this hot. It'll be far easier to ignore Jude's prattle if he's cooled down, and he can feel Jude right on his heels as he heads for the bathroom and steps into the bathtub fully clothed.
*
There's nothing better than having tea in the bath -- unless it's having tea in the bath with your best mate. Ewan doesn't know why everyone doesn't do this. It might have something to do with the naked business, but it's fucking hot outside; this is no time for modesty. Besides they've been in the bath long enough for Jude's toes to get pruny. Jude's got oddly long toes; Ewan's never noticed before. "You've got alien toes," he says.
Jude gives him a toothy smile. "You know what they say about blokes with long toes."
"That they're crap in bed?"
"Hayden wasn't complaining." Jude's tone is entirely too glib, and he protests loudly when the heel of Ewan's foot digs into his kidneys.
There's something very comforting about sitting in the bath with your best mate and discussing your co-stars. Other people might get a bit concerned about this level of sharing, but Ewan used to live with Jude and Jonny –- there's nothing he's got that they haven't seen. Of course the same could probably be said for most of the viewing public, but still.
"Did you get a leg over?" Ewan asks, not necessarily because he wants to know -– actually, yeah, he does want to know. In vivid detail. Also, his tea could use another sugar, but he's not going to bother to actually get out the bathtub and sort himself out. That's what he has Jude for and that's what Jude has room service for.
Jude's got biscuit crumbs smeared around his mouth, and his foot is digging into Ewan's hip. "Did I get a leg over on who? Natalie?"
Ewan rolls his eyes. "No, Julia fucking Roberts you prat."
"No way mate, Julia's like –- her lips are a bit rubbery, yeah?"
Jude takes a sip of his tea, and Ewan waits for the rest. But that's all there is to it. It's a bit disappointing really. "Clive's not a bad kisser though." Jude is all haphazard amusement, and some of Ewan's tea spills into the bath with him.
Jude gives him this sly grin and Ewan just scowls. "What's this look then? Is this the 'that bastard got in there first look?' You know you could be in there if you wanted. I mean you're the one who sent Hayden in here like a pimp."
Ewan's moving around in the tub now, and there's really no room for that. The water sloshes over the side as he protests. "I did not!"
"You're so sure about that?"
"I sent him to you to keep you from doing your best King of the World imitation off the balcony!"
Jude just snorts. "Sadie and I have been on the outs for a while now, mate. Besides I thought such cheap theatrics were below you," he says blithely. "Nevertheless, your stupidity is not my problem -– until you make it my problem, and you have made it my problem, McGregor."
"You're going down, Law," Ewan begins, attempting to get to his knees into the already cramped bathtub, but the tub is slippery, and full of water and suds and bodies. Jude's just in the fucking way.
It's all recipe for disaster.
Jude's got the boniest shoulders ever, and Ewan's nose is greatly offended at having been smushed against it. He's trying to disentangle himself from Jude, who's really not helping matters, when there's a knock at the door. "Room service!"
Ewan's been in a lot of hotels in a lot of places, but he's never known room service to actually walk into the bathroom while it's occupied -– which means one thing.
Hayden.
"Great timing," Jude announces happily, smoothly extracting himself from Ewan and standing up, water and soap suds pouring down his pale legs. Ewan knows how this looks, but it hasn't been that way for a long, long time. Really.
Hayden doesn't know that though, and his eyes are huge and shocked as Jude strides across the bathroom naked, and then wraps himself in a huge white towel.
"Don't mind me," Jude says pleasantly. "I've got drinks with Natalie in twenty minutes. I'll just leave you to it."
Ewan wants to say something about killing Jude, and Hayden getting the wrong idea, and Jude being a slut, but all that comes out is a strangled noise when Jude snogs Hayden briefly before leaving. "He who hesitates is lost," Jude quips, shutting the door behind him.
"There's an explanation for this," Hayden begins, and Ewan's not sure if he's referring to Jude and Ewan, or he and Jude, or -– there are a lot of possibilities.
"Let me guess, you tripped, fell, and landed on Jude's dick." That sounds a lot like jealousy –- except that Ewan doesn't do jealousy. He must really be bitter that Jude got in there first.
Hayden colours briefly, but rallies himself admirably. "Ah, no, but he said that that might happen if I kept hanging around you."
Ewan blinks. So Jude didn't get in there. Huh. "I see, and you thought you wanted to test that theory, is that it?"
"Something like that." It's not Ewan's imagination that Hayden's moving towards him, which is putting him in a really awkward position. The whole point of getting in the bath was to cool down, but there's all this warmth spreading from Ewan's groin, and he smirks at Hayden when he realises that Hayden's looking directly at his dick, which has decided it wants to join the party.
Ewan clears his throat as he stands up in the bathtub. "You know what Sod said -- 'Be careful what you wish for," – but Ewan's taken off guard when Hayden licks his full lower lip slowly.
"Does that mean I'm going to get it?"
Ewan opens his mouth to protest, but almost slips and kills himself when Hayden leans forward and licks a drop of water from his collarbone.
Hayden's smile is too much like Jude's when he says. "I'll take that as a yes."
-end-
Notes: Dedicated toserialkarma. Stay out that heat, man. With much love to kuteki for sending me just the right image at just the right time and to researchminion for pic spam.
Also, it has been brought to my attention that people may not know that Sod's Law = Murphy's Law. So, now you know.
researchminion decided to spam me with Ryan and Hayden, who am I to fight it? Don't everybody stampede at once or you'll break the internets. 2. I have seen Life as a House with Hayden, by and by, and uh, yeah it's so gay the telly almost caught on fire. I fell off the sofa when I realised that Ian Somerhalder was playing Hayden's pimp. Yeah, for real. No lie.
Improv: wilt, glare, crumple, ruin, chime
Star Wars RPS
Jude Law/Ewan McGregor/Hayden Christensen
Sod's Law #1 states that everything that can possibly go wrong at one time, will in fact, go wrong at that exact time. For example: if Eve and the girls fly in to Australia to see Ewan, Jude will decide to fly in at the exact same time as a 'surprise'.
This will indeed be a surprise for all parties concerned, since there is only one Ewan, but there are four –- no -– five people vying for his undivided attention at any given time.
Jude will hole himself up at a hotel in a sulk, because he can't very well get pissed and whinge about Sadie around Eve. Ewan and Jude always wanted Eve and Sadie to get on, and well, be careful what you wish for. With this whole whole 'Jude v. Sadie' divorce debacle, Eve can't even be in the same room as Jude without glaring daggers and giving him the French version of the evil eye.
This will all blow over once Jude and Sadie stop playing silly buggers in the press, but for right now, it's hell on earth. Right now Ewan is desperate for some assistance, and desperate men do desperate things to make certain that their best mates haven't done themselves grievous bodily harm in a drunken stupor and hit their head in the bath.
A dead Jude would really ruin everything -- so yes, desperate times and all that.
Only truly desperate men send their –- their whatever Hayden is over to comfort their best mate while their family is in town. The minute Ewan gets off of the phone with Hayden he knows he's made a big fucking mistake, but he can't ring Hayden back and tell him no.
There's no tactful way to say, 'No fucking Jude, because I saw you first.'
He would ring Jude and tell him 'Keep your fucking grubby mits off', but it's a bit hard to do that when your wife is trying to get your undivided attention. Your very undivided attention.
Sometimes you can't always get what you want.
Sod's Law states that should your best mate decide to stay on an additional week after your family leaves, that every force in God's earth will conspire to keep you apart.
You will have five a.m. set calls and reshoots every fucking night. Your car will start making strange, sputtering noises when you drop your wife and daughters at the airport, which you will ignore, and then the air conditioning in the car will breakdown on your drive back home.
If this were Scotland. Ewan wouldn't give a toss -– but this is Australia, and by the time he pulls into the driveway of his rented home, he is fucking wilting.
He thought only flowers could wilt. He was wrong. And when he rings Hayden, he's not at home.
This does not fill Ewan with confidence.
Mates are good for lots of things: bail money, excuses, last rounds, someone to save you from the missus when you forgot your anniversary (again). Ewan loves his mates like he loves his wife and the girls, and it's only natural that he want to see them as much as possible. If Jonny hadn't come to visit during The Phantom Menace, Ewan would've walked off the set in the fourth week -– how the hell is an actor supposed to act opposite a fucking blue screen?
If Sean and Charley hadn't come down for Attack of the Clones, well, that might've been a good thing, but Ewan doesn't really care, because they're his mates. They're his friends, and it's hard to find good friends. It's hard to find people you trust with your life and your safety and your heart, and the twenty-something boy that, maybe, you might be involved with.
Yeah, that last one isn't in the Mates Handbook.
Ewan only has to take one look at Hayden during practise to see it all over his face. When Ewan asked Hayden to look after Jude he did not mean 'and it's okay if you let Jude fuck you too.' No wonder Jude's not been in any hurry to move in with Ewan; he's got Hayden delivering sex to his hotel room.
This is not part of Ewan's plan. Not that Ewan has a plan, but if he did, this wouldn't be a part of it.
There's nothing like distracting yourself from the tediousness of George Lucas by thinking of your best mate fucking your co-star. The imagery wouldn't be half as jarring if Ewan hadn't already had Jude. Correction: the imagery wouldn't be half as jarring if Ewan had already had Hayden -– but he hasn't.
Of course, with Sod's Law there's no such thing as fair. Ewan really shouldn't be surprised.
There is something very wrong with big movie stars walking three miles from their home to the swanky hotel where their best mates are staying, because their fucking car has died in the driveway. If Ewan were a big movie star, he might be a bit put out about all this; he supposes it's a good thing he's just some random bloke from Crieff. Random blokes can crumple against the doorframe of their mate's hotel room at any time because of the fucking heat. Ewan's shirt is sticking to him in all the wrong places, and who knew you could sweat into your beard? Ewan just feels disgusting.
If Ewan were anybody else, like some big movie star, when Jude opens the door looking freshly shagged and entirely too pleased with himself, Ewan might hesitate in slapping Jude in the side of the head and saying, 'Can't you keep it in your trousers for five fucking minutes?'
If Jude were anybody else, he might be offended, instead Ewan pushes past him and staggers inside the room. There's no Hayden, but there are plenty of signs of sex, and Ewan can't think about all this when he's this hot. It'll be far easier to ignore Jude's prattle if he's cooled down, and he can feel Jude right on his heels as he heads for the bathroom and steps into the bathtub fully clothed.
There's nothing better than having tea in the bath -- unless it's having tea in the bath with your best mate. Ewan doesn't know why everyone doesn't do this. It might have something to do with the naked business, but it's fucking hot outside; this is no time for modesty. Besides they've been in the bath long enough for Jude's toes to get pruny. Jude's got oddly long toes; Ewan's never noticed before. "You've got alien toes," he says.
Jude gives him a toothy smile. "You know what they say about blokes with long toes."
"That they're crap in bed?"
"Hayden wasn't complaining." Jude's tone is entirely too glib, and he protests loudly when the heel of Ewan's foot digs into his kidneys.
There's something very comforting about sitting in the bath with your best mate and discussing your co-stars. Other people might get a bit concerned about this level of sharing, but Ewan used to live with Jude and Jonny –- there's nothing he's got that they haven't seen. Of course the same could probably be said for most of the viewing public, but still.
"Did you get a leg over?" Ewan asks, not necessarily because he wants to know -– actually, yeah, he does want to know. In vivid detail. Also, his tea could use another sugar, but he's not going to bother to actually get out the bathtub and sort himself out. That's what he has Jude for and that's what Jude has room service for.
Jude's got biscuit crumbs smeared around his mouth, and his foot is digging into Ewan's hip. "Did I get a leg over on who? Natalie?"
Ewan rolls his eyes. "No, Julia fucking Roberts you prat."
"No way mate, Julia's like –- her lips are a bit rubbery, yeah?"
Jude takes a sip of his tea, and Ewan waits for the rest. But that's all there is to it. It's a bit disappointing really. "Clive's not a bad kisser though." Jude is all haphazard amusement, and some of Ewan's tea spills into the bath with him.
Jude gives him this sly grin and Ewan just scowls. "What's this look then? Is this the 'that bastard got in there first look?' You know you could be in there if you wanted. I mean you're the one who sent Hayden in here like a pimp."
Ewan's moving around in the tub now, and there's really no room for that. The water sloshes over the side as he protests. "I did not!"
"You're so sure about that?"
"I sent him to you to keep you from doing your best King of the World imitation off the balcony!"
Jude just snorts. "Sadie and I have been on the outs for a while now, mate. Besides I thought such cheap theatrics were below you," he says blithely. "Nevertheless, your stupidity is not my problem -– until you make it my problem, and you have made it my problem, McGregor."
"You're going down, Law," Ewan begins, attempting to get to his knees into the already cramped bathtub, but the tub is slippery, and full of water and suds and bodies. Jude's just in the fucking way.
It's all recipe for disaster.
Jude's got the boniest shoulders ever, and Ewan's nose is greatly offended at having been smushed against it. He's trying to disentangle himself from Jude, who's really not helping matters, when there's a knock at the door. "Room service!"
Ewan's been in a lot of hotels in a lot of places, but he's never known room service to actually walk into the bathroom while it's occupied -– which means one thing.
Hayden.
"Great timing," Jude announces happily, smoothly extracting himself from Ewan and standing up, water and soap suds pouring down his pale legs. Ewan knows how this looks, but it hasn't been that way for a long, long time. Really.
Hayden doesn't know that though, and his eyes are huge and shocked as Jude strides across the bathroom naked, and then wraps himself in a huge white towel.
"Don't mind me," Jude says pleasantly. "I've got drinks with Natalie in twenty minutes. I'll just leave you to it."
Ewan wants to say something about killing Jude, and Hayden getting the wrong idea, and Jude being a slut, but all that comes out is a strangled noise when Jude snogs Hayden briefly before leaving. "He who hesitates is lost," Jude quips, shutting the door behind him.
"There's an explanation for this," Hayden begins, and Ewan's not sure if he's referring to Jude and Ewan, or he and Jude, or -– there are a lot of possibilities.
"Let me guess, you tripped, fell, and landed on Jude's dick." That sounds a lot like jealousy –- except that Ewan doesn't do jealousy. He must really be bitter that Jude got in there first.
Hayden colours briefly, but rallies himself admirably. "Ah, no, but he said that that might happen if I kept hanging around you."
Ewan blinks. So Jude didn't get in there. Huh. "I see, and you thought you wanted to test that theory, is that it?"
"Something like that." It's not Ewan's imagination that Hayden's moving towards him, which is putting him in a really awkward position. The whole point of getting in the bath was to cool down, but there's all this warmth spreading from Ewan's groin, and he smirks at Hayden when he realises that Hayden's looking directly at his dick, which has decided it wants to join the party.
Ewan clears his throat as he stands up in the bathtub. "You know what Sod said -- 'Be careful what you wish for," – but Ewan's taken off guard when Hayden licks his full lower lip slowly.
"Does that mean I'm going to get it?"
Ewan opens his mouth to protest, but almost slips and kills himself when Hayden leans forward and licks a drop of water from his collarbone.
Hayden's smile is too much like Jude's when he says. "I'll take that as a yes."
-end-
Notes: Dedicated to
serialkarma. Stay out that heat, man. With much love to kuteki for sending me just the right image at just the right time and to researchminion for pic spam.Also, it has been brought to my attention that people may not know that Sod's Law = Murphy's Law. So, now you know.
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