Please bear with us while we break for the crazy.

[hackthis_archive]

A few days ago I learned that Michael Phelps was enjoying his post Olympics, err, R&R at a resort in Portugal (Hilton Vilamoura at Cascatas Resort & Spa). I noted it, noted that it said he was with his friends, but not which friends, which then lead to this exchange yesterday:

alethialia: Hey, Michael's in Portugal! Did you know this?
hackthis: Uh, yeah. Did I not tell you this?
alethialia: You didn't but I LOVE that you just know that. Is he with Ryan, too?
hackthis: They haven't said who he's with, but does anybody even know where Ryan is? Exactly. Process of elimination: if I can't eliminate where you are, you must be with Michael.
alethialia: I'm shocked you don't have spies in the resort sending you daily updates with, like, pictures. Or at least that you don't have someone who has someone who has these things.
hackthis: Hmmm. Maybe not enough people know I'm looking. Not that I'm looking. Actually, you know, my spies may just be waiting to stumble upon the photographic evidence.

Right? RIGHT!

Because I spend a lot of time with you lot and I just know that if you all have any information of any kind you would tell me, right? RIGHT.

This morning I get this tidbit of information. To wit, Michael and Ryan aren't playing 18 holes anymore, because Michael's back in town hanging with Tiger Woods (even though the person he really wants to meet, and has said so ad nauseum is Michael Jordan). Where was I?

Oh, right. So I knew that Michael is slated to host Saturday Night Live on 13 September, which you know a) I think will be kind of a disaster. I heart Michael, but he's no public speaker b) Ryan will most definitely be there egging him on and c) did I mention the diaster part? Maybe if he wanders around in his LZR nobody will care.

But Wait! There's more!

Now, it's not just SNL. It's also the VMAs (MTV Video Music Awards for the acronym lite) [insert cringing here]. Maybe this will be where Shia kidnaps him for Ari sparky77.

But wait! There's more!

The musical guest on SNL the night Michael hosts will be none other than his most favoritest rapper ever -- Lil' Wayne.

This is going to be epic. I am now required to watch this.

If I spent half as much time doing real work as I do doing this shit I would totally be Queen of All the Cool Countries by now.

Comments

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Unless said resort has, like, White House-level security, for MP Must Be Protected, and then I understand...and am amused on an entirely different level.


It wouldn't surprise me. Plus, you know, Portugal. They're not giving a toss about MP, he's just another (probably) obnoxious American. Actually, if he was there with his 'boyz', then you just know he was most definitely an obnoxious American. You know the more boys you put together the stupider they act. That's another boy rule right there.

This seems to work for those ESPN commercials. I...still do not get those. But I keep seeing them while at the gym and really can't be bothered with the non-understanding. I could worry about it...or not.

I sent sparky77 an email last night that basically said, "I am watching trash TV on BBCA, why is MP shilling for a Rosetta Stone? Why is it maybe the worst commercial evar? THERE IS NO CHINESE LANGUAGE, PEOPLE! FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA! IT'S DIALECTS! The main ones being Cantonese or Mandarin. GET IT RIGHT!

(Yes, I totally yelled it). Where was I?

Actually, off the top of your head, do you know who his agent is? Is he repped solely by a sports agent or is he being courted now by the Hollywood full-service ones?

I really really feel like its Endeavor. I've read this somewhere. Unles it was somebody else, but I don't remember E having sports agents. When I think of sports agents I think CAA. If E does represent MP though and CAA steals him away, somebody will totally blow up the Death Star and then there will be babies everywhere.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

Actually, if he was there with his 'boyz', then you just know he was most definitely an obnoxious American. You know the more boys you put together the stupider they act. That's another boy rule right there.

Indeed. Funny how so many boy rules involve the word 'stupid' and its variations.

why is MP shilling for a Rosetta Stone?

...you're kidding. Seriously? He did a commercial for Rosetta Stone? Wow. WOW. He's workin' hard for that $5 million a year.

I really really feel like its Endeavor.

Oh, wow, so he is with one of the bigger ones. If it's a full-service agency (a la the big 4) they probably do have dedicated sports agents...but that doesn't mean said sports agents are any good. And, um, if he's shilling for Rosetta Stone I'd be a little hesitant about his public appearances agent, too.

If E does represent MP though and CAA steals him away, somebody will totally blow up the Death Star and then there will be babies everywhere.

AHAHA!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

you're kidding. Seriously? He did a commercial for Rosetta Stone? Wow. WOW. He's workin' hard for that $5 million a year.

See for yourself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R228MSqhm8).

Oh, wow, so he is with one of the bigger ones. If it's a full-service agency (a la the big 4) they probably do have dedicated sports agents...but that doesn't mean said sports agents are any good. And, um, if he's shilling for Rosetta Stone I'd be a little hesitant about his public appearances agent, too.

I can't imagine any of the kingpins letting Michael do the ad I just linked you to, but, you know, maybe it's something that Michael really wanted, to be able to communicate without needing a fricking interpreter (I think I kind of heart him for trying).

Sidebar: did you ever see Arliss? I think Arliss and Ari are BFF.

Anyroad! Peter's got Debbie doing Johnson & Johnson and they're talking book package deals for Bob, Debbie and Michael. This is mad money were talking about... get it now before you burn out at 25. EBay and MickeyD want MP, too. He will never be able to pee in public again.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

See for yourself.

...I'm in awe

Sidebar: did you ever see Arliss? I think Arliss and Ari are BFF.

Hee, sidebar! And yes! Arliss and Ari are so BFF. They bitch to each other and bounce schemes off one another and the mocking flows like wine.

This is mad money were talking about... get it now before you burn out at 25.

Pretty much. Which is why he should have someone planning this shit for the long-haul and not doing the 'get it all now' overexposure bs.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Baby, he's 23. When you're 23, long-term is the party three weeks away.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

Maybe when you're an ADHD BOY. But Bob and Debbie should know better. Someone needs to bitchslap those two.

ANYway.

/half-assed career counseling

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

What he needs is a wealth manager. I don't have one, but I know the job.

Also, I crack my shit up (http://hackthis.livejournal.com/497639.html?thread=13607143#t13607143).

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHA!!

He's gonna be on Entourage!! It KEEPS GETTING WORSE!

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure he's with Octagon. Peter Carlisle reps him-- and interestingly enough, he also reps Ryan! And Ian Crocker. It's a big ol' family.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I knew Ryan and MP had the same agent! I just couldn't remember who, but yes, I have found out about Peter. He gave Michael Herman! I kind of love him now.

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

I saw you answered it, like, two seconds after posting and I felt very silly! And oh God, the Herman love is so awesome. Herman's kind of replaced Boo as my Favorite Celebrity Pet.

Man, Ryan is totally cutting Michael off at the knees if Michael doesn't get him into the SNL and VMA events.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I have visions of Ryan in his John Travolta suit at the VMA. Oh my soul. Why do I not have any Ryan & Michael icons. This is sad.