hackthis_archive ([personal profile] hackthis_archive) wrote2008-12-10 03:12 pm

Merlin - Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown (Merlin/Arthur, Cracky PG)

I have just finished episode 1.07 and decided that everybody has to start somewhere, right? I decided that I would start in the crack end of the pool. The very very deep crack end of the pool. This is probably not the Merlin story you are looking for, but it's the one you're going to get. Blame [livejournal.com profile] rageprufrock and [livejournal.com profile] janne_d, because the phrase 'baby!dragon!Arthur' cannot be denied.

Merlin
Baby!Dragon!Arthur/Merlin
Rated PG

Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown





"That wasn't supposed to happen."

Merlin's words echoed against the high ceiling of Gaius' rooms. There was no reply.

Obviously.

Merlin looked down at the heap of clothes on the floor where moments before Arthur had stood and did not panic. Okay, he panicked, but it was silent panic. A calm, collected panic that came from a spell miscast, but surely not one that could make Arthur just disappear. Merlin wasn't that powerful, was he? Of course he was that powerful in his own mind, but his own mind and reality didn't tend to meet that often. At least according to Gaius. And Arthur. And his own mother.

His calm, collected panic became a full-fledged panic attack when the pile of clothes made a wail-like roar. If one could wail and roar at the same time.

"Oh bugg—"

Merlin's profanity died off when a small gold-coloured lizard climbed out of Arthur's pile of clothes and roared at him again. Except the lizard had wings. And it flapped the wings at Merlin in what could only be termed 'great displeasure and irritation.' Merlin would know that sort of imperiousness anywhere.

Eventually the flapping of wings resulted in flight.

Yes, definitely not a lizard then.

Merlin pinched himself quite hard, because obviously this was another instance where he'd almost died, or Arthur'd almost died, and he'd been injured in the process. He was clearly unconscious. Yes, definitely unconscious. He really really hoped he was unconscious. Or at least hallucinating on the floor somewhere nice, somewhere like Morgana's rooms. But not Uther's rooms, because Uther really was quite intimidating and always tended to be in a bad mood and -– he was digressing.

Except it was rather hard to digress with the lizard –- dragon -- okay, fine, yes, it was a dragon. A small flying lizard was a dragon, Merlin could admit this. Especially when the dragon was currently flying around Merlin's head, bellowing in the way only a very small, very angry dragon could.

Merlin sighed.

This was much worse than buggery.






"You did what to the prince?"

It was clear by the way Gaius was repeating his question for the sixth time, that he clearly thought Merlin simple or mistaken or possibly just that stupid. Or perhaps he was just really hoping this was the case. Merlin could understand that sort of wishful thinking.

Merlin sighed as he followed Gaius into his quarters. "I turned him into a dragon."

Gaius rounded on Merlin. "That's not possible; you can't just turn a person into a dragon."

"Well, he's not a big dragon," Merlin hedged.

Gaius pursed his lips. "If this is your idea of a joke, Merlin, I am not amused."

Merlin rubbed his forehead. "I think, for it to be a joke, someone would have to be laughing."

Gaius' nostrils flared. "Merlin, for your sake, I hope you're simply mistaken."

"I don't think I could be mistaken about this." Merlin crossed the room and opened the door to his bedroom.

Within seconds a very irritated tiny dragon sailed into Gaius' rooms, soared up to the ceiling and then settled down on several stacks of books. The dragon roared loudly, or as loudly as a dragon six inches high could roar, and then it stomped its feet on the books. The ensuing cloud of dust was punctuated by a tiny sneeze and a minor fireball.

"Oh, by all the knights of Camelot," Gaius said in wonder.

Merlin covered his eyes. Knights were the last thing he wanted to think about right now. Arthur was supposed to be leading some sort of drill practise this afternoon. Clearly that wasn't going to happen now.






Arthur was not pleased. At least he wasn't if the way he was continually dive-bombing Merlin and breathing tiny spurts of fire at Merlin's head were anything to go by. This was obviously why Merlin was hiding under the table while Gaius flipped through his books for a solution they both knew couldn't be found in their pages.

"So, I don’t have to worry that the prince knows about you anymore, do I?" Gaius asked blithely.

Arthur roared again, although his bellows were growing hoarser and sounding less like a dragon and more like a very unhappy kitten. "That the prince knows what about me?" Merlin asked, putting his hands on the edge of the table to peek over the side at Gaius.

Gaius rolled his eyes. "Presumably if you were doing the sort of magic in front of the prince that turned him into a dragon, then he knows about you being a warlock."

"Oh, that," Merlin said.

Gaius pursed his lips. "Yes, Merlin, that."

"No, I don't think we need to worry about that anymore." Merlin hoped Gaius didn't notice the sort of non-answer that particular answer was, because while that issue wasn't an issue anymore, there were several others now on the table. At least one of which would never happen if Merlin didn't fix Arthur sooner rather than later.

They both went silent when Arthur landed on the wooden table between them with a not un-noticeable thud, followed by a forward roll. Apparently there was something the prince wasn't the best at –- landings being the top of the list.

Merlin could feel his face creasing in worry as Arthur stumbled across the table like he'd crash-landed in ale instead of on the table, his little wings going every which way.

Merlin reached out reflexively to make sure Arthur wasn't hurt. "Arthur, are you all –"

Merlin's inquiry was cut short by Arthur glaring at him with very clear blue eyes and biting Merlin sharply on his ring and middle fingers. "OW!"

Gaius chuckled as Merlin stared at his now bleeding fingers. "I would say he's fine -- apart from the whole dragon business -- wouldn't you?"






It was one thing to turn the crown prince into a dragon; it was something else entirely to keep it a secret from the rest of the castle. En route to pick up the raw meat which Gaius insisted the prince needed, Merlin ran into Gwen, Morgana and the king. At least the king already thought Merlin simple. And while Gwen fretted over his bandaged fingers, she clearly assumed they were of his own doing, which said a lot for his reputation of being rather clumsy.

Morgana, however, proved to be a bit more complicated.

"What foolish errand has he sent you on now?" she asked amiably.

Merlin smiled weakly. "No, it's not for him -– well, it's for him, but really it's my own fault. I forgot something and you know how he is when things aren't exactly the way he wants them."

Not that Arthur could order Merlin to do anything at the moment. "It would serve him right if you made him run his own errands," she teased.

Merlin could just see Arthur soaring through the castle and setting all the servants who displeased him on fire. Yes, that would be bad. Very bad.

"You know," Merlin began, before correcting himself. "Obviously I'm called a manservant for reason."

"Yes, and what a very able man you are," Morgana smiled. "Gwen speaks very highly of you."

"Oh, yes, well," Merlin blustered. "You know Gwen, she's got something nice to say about everyone."

"Yes, and wouldn't it be nice if we could say the same about Arthur."

Merlin's face flushed. Yes, Arthur was a tremendous prat and mind-bogglingly irritating and arrogant, but he could be nice. In his own way. Sometimes. Morgana smiled conspiratorially. "I won't keep you, I know how his highness hates to be kept waiting."

Merlin nodded, took leave and dashed off to the kitchens.

To her credit the cook only looked mildly suspicious when Merlin asked for an uncooked rabbit.






Arthur, on the other hand, clearly did not approve of uncooked rabbit and snapped at Merlin's fingers in annoyance when he offered Arthur the tray of raw meat. "Even when you can't talk, you're still impossible," Merlin complained as he picked up the plate.

Gaius just smiled and shook his head.

Someone snorted when Merlin turned his back to go back to the kitchen; he wasn't sure who it was.






Arthur was much calmer after he was fed. In fact, after he devoured the cooked rabbit, he belched loudly, creating a fireball that almost set four of Gaius' books on fire. And then, while Merlin was eating his own bread and cheese, Arthur climbed up Merlin's forearm, dug his tiny claws into Merlin's bicep and then passed out on Merlin's shoulder, his little wings fluttering as he slept.

"If only all his outbursts could be solved with a lie-down," Merlin said thoughtfully.

Gaius glanced up. "I often feel the same way about you."

Merlin opened his mouth to reply, but Arthur chose this time to nuzzle Merlin in his sleep, and Merlin promptly forgot what he was going to say.






The thing about being sent to the stocks by the king for purportedly forgetting to tell the prince he had duties and couldn't mysteriously disappear to wherever princes mysteriously disappeared to was that it gave Merlin a chance to get out of the castle and see how some of the younger children in the village were getting on. Also, it gave him a break from Arthur being very... Arthurian about the whole dragon business. One minute he was maiming Merlin, the next he was being very approachable. It was all confusing. It was all very Arthur.






In Merlin's infinite wisdom it seemed that the best way to solve one dragon problem was to ask another dragon about said problem. Of course the Great Dragon of Crypticness and Vagueness didn't see it the same way.

"You turned him into dragon, warlock?" the dragon parroted Merlin as though it thought Merlin were playing a practical joke.

"Yes."

"You turned Arthur Pendragon into a dragon?" The dragon's tone reminded Merlin of his mother to be honest.

Merlin shrugged. "Yeah, yes. Yes, I did."

"Oh, Merlin, really." The Great Dragon said before rising up on its haunches and flapping away.

"What about our glorious destiny?" Merlin called after him. "It'll be a bit hard to unite Albion if he's a six-inch dragon! What about my ambiguous advice that I spend two days trying to sort out?"

"Sort yourself out first!" the dragon retorted.

Well, there wasn't really anything unclear about that.






Personally, Merlin didn't think there was anything he needed to sort out. Well, apart from Arthur being a dragon, but that –- that was just a mistake. He hadn't been trying to turn Arthur into anything. It had just been an extraordinarily early morning and Merlin had been tired of Arthur driving himself to exhaustion, and by extension driving Merlin to exhaustion. It wasn't even a real spell, Merlin'd just wanted Arthur to stop for a minute. To calm down. To relax. Oh. Oh.






Arthur was doing loops around Gaius' ceiling when Merlin opened the door. Gaius glanced up, wrinkled his nose at the state of Merlin's tomato-stained clothes and arched an eyebrow. "You can't put off the king forever, Merlin," he warned. "You have to fix his highness."

Merlin looked up at Arthur, who roared at him in a fashion that didn't seem quite as belligerent before. In fact, judging by the way he did another loop and then settled on Merlin's head, it was almost as though he were happy to see him.

And if Merlin was starting to learn the difference between a roar of 'hello' and a roar of 'I'm going to behead you, Merlin' that was a bad sign.

"I know," Merlin sighed as he crossed the room to change his shirt. "I know."

"Yes, well, less of the knowing and more of the fixing," Gaius called. "I'm off to see King Uther and pretend none of this is happening."

Merlin grunted a reply as the door closed behind Gaius. He then pushed open the door of his own room and ducked down carefully, he'd never hear the end of it if he ran Arthur into the doorway.

Arthur made a half-hearted roar when Merlin reached up and carefully dislodged Arthur from his hair. Merlin set Arthur on the bed, where Arthur flapped his wings and kicked at Merlin's bed linens. "I know they're not the quality you're used to," Merlin teased as he changed his shirt, "but we're not all the crown prince, sire."

Arthur's answering bellow sounded a lot like, "Shut up, Merlin."

Merlin chuckled as he dropped down on the bed next to Arthur. He didn't have to wait long for Arthur to climb up his leg and then his chest. Arthur's nails dug through Merlin's shirt; he could feel the little cuts Arthur was leaving behind. They didn't matter.

"I didn't do this on purpose," Merlin said as Arthur settled on his shoulder.

Arthur blinked those huge eyes at him and Merlin sighed. "I know you know what I'm saying to you, Arthur. You may be an incomparable prat, but you're not stupid."

Arthur head-butted Merlin in the mouth and then there was a small Poof! and the very small Arthur on Merlin's shoulder became the very large, naked Arthur squashing Merlin into his bed.

Merlin blinked up at Arthur sprawled over him. "Uh," he said rather brilliantly.

Arthur glared down at him. "You turned me into a dragon."

Merlin thought about the best approach to this line of questioning. "Yes." He really was a terrible liar.

Arthur glanced down. "Where're my clothes?"

"Dragons don't need clothes," Merlin said helpfully.

Arthur snatched at the bed clothes below Merlin. "We are never to speak of this again," he said, sending Merlin tumbling out of bed and onto the floor.

Merlin scrambled to his feet; he needed to fix this immediately. "But I kissed you and fixed it," he offered. "You're not a dragon anymore."

Arthur's eyes widened even as his mouth thinned out. Merlin really had to stop trying to make things better for himself. Arthur stalked over to where Merlin stood and grabbed a handful of Merlin's shirt. Yanking Merlin forward, Arthur kissed him sharply. It wasn't bright and shining, or soft and sweet, it was a lot like Arthur: prickly and sharp and impossibly hot.

"I kissed you and fixed it," Arthur corrected. "At least get it right."

Merlin nodded dumbly. "Right."

"And we never speak of this again."

Merlin's heart sank into his shoes.

"The dragon business," Arthur corrected, "not the kissing."

Merlin brightened. "Right, yes, of course."

Arthur chuckled. "Good, now go draw me a bath. And get me something to eat. And get my saddle ready for tomorrow. And my armor. And –"

Merlin kissed Arthur again just to shut him up.

"Don't think that's going to make me forget you turned me into a dragon," Arthur warned, licking his lips after Merlin pulled away. Merlin didn't bother not staring. Arthur was standing mostly naked in Merlin's bedroom, wearing only Merlin's bedclothes; he was entitled -- required -- to stare.

"I thought we weren't speaking of that again."

"Except for when I use it to get you to do what I want," Arthur clarified.

"Oh, of course, sire," Merlin mocked. "Whatever you want."

Arthur sighed dramatically. "Finally, you're learning. I thought I'd never see the day."


-end-


So, yeah. Instigated by [livejournal.com profile] rageprufrock and [livejournal.com profile] janne_d and dedicated to [livejournal.com profile] sparky77, who told me I needed to write this before I did anything else. She's very helpful with prioritization that way.

Edited on 12/17/08: Thank you to [livejournal.com profile] goss for the absolutely gorgeous cover art for the story, which you should all go and fawn over directly.
mklutz: (merlin-hugitout)

[personal profile] mklutz 2008-12-11 06:48 am (UTC)(link)
Dragon!Arthur is the cutest thing I have seen all week. I just--- GAH.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-18 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you liked it!

[identity profile] alaceron.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 07:16 am (UTC)(link)
*VIOLENT FLAIL OF JOY*

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-18 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
:)

[identity profile] eruminator.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 07:22 am (UTC)(link)
Oh. You. Oh! LOVE!

So very gorgeously written. Exquisite characterizations and dialogue, fabulous snark from Gaius and the slash!Dragon, and so very funny.

Ten out of ten profanity-ridden Jewish agents with hyper-acidic gaysian assistants approve.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-18 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Ten out of ten profanity-ridden Jewish agents with hyper-acidic gaysian assistants approve.

This may be the best comment I've ever received. Seriously.

(no subject)

[identity profile] eruminator.livejournal.com - 2008-12-19 07:29 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
:)
ext_948: (look of love)

[identity profile] from-the-corner.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 09:24 am (UTC)(link)
Heee, brilliant! Loved every word of this =)

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!
morganmuffle: (Default)

[personal profile] morganmuffle 2008-12-11 10:05 am (UTC)(link)
You know so far I haven't seen enough Merlin turning Arthur into things fic... and a dragon is pretty much the perfect way to start so thank you :D

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
You are very welcome.

[identity profile] fadagaski.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 11:09 am (UTC)(link)
Ahahaha, that was fabulous. The idea of Arthur becoming a dragon - it works. Really well. :D

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:00 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

[identity profile] eryslash.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 12:40 pm (UTC)(link)
First: I am SO IMPOSSIBLY HAPPY that you wrote fic for Merlin. I used to love your Heroes fics, and I just generally adore your writing because it's funny and poignant (well, sometimes it's crack so it's not meant to be but that's good too!) and just adorable and makes my day. So nothing could make me happier than see you writing fic for another fandom I worshipped.

That aside, I LOVE THIS. I can't stop smiling and I probably won't for the rest of the day - perfect Merlin, Gaius & Arthur voices, and just perfect Merlin and Arthur if I dare say it. Also the tone of the fic is so very close to the crack we see on screen - because let's face it, the show is often cracky. But in the best way possible, exactly like this fic.

So, this is just to say, basically. AWWWWWWWWW and EEEEEH and OMG I LOVE THIS. Yes, yes. *happy*

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:06 am (UTC)(link)
LOL. You are far too kind, but that's okay. I have been longing for a fandom where I can just write crack to my little heart's content, but I had had my heart stomped on too many times HEROES! THE OC! SMALLVILLE! And yet, you know, Merlin is so shiny. And gay. I'm so pleased you liked this, thank you!

[identity profile] acari.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 12:52 pm (UTC)(link)
That was cracktastic and cute and funny. In short, I loved it.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad!

[identity profile] witheredsong.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
ADORABLE!!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:01 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!
ext_19627: ([merlin]a/m {together we'll live forever)

[identity profile] lenyia.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 03:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Lovely!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:03 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!

[identity profile] burntcopper.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Dragons FTW. (and you can hear the Slash Dragon smirking) Though I am vaguely disturbed that you of all people wrote cute gen.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
It's not gen! Okay, it's kinda gen, but there's a naked Arthur at the end, c'mon.

[identity profile] ramtops-witch.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
*LOVE*

Fav bits:
also, it gave him a break from Arthur being very... Arthurian about the whole dragon business. One minute he was maiming Merlin, the next he was being very approachable. It was all confusing. It was all very Arthur.

And the whole end bit, with the kissing and Arthur being...very Arthur.

Aha. The Great Slash Dragon Disapproves of Turning your Destined Half into a tiny version of his own species. Wonder why?

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:04 am (UTC)(link)
The Great Slash Dragon Disapproves of Turning your Destined Half into a tiny version of his own species. Wonder why?

All theories are more than welcome ;)
ext_6615: (arthurcute)

[identity profile] janne-d.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Eeeeeeeeeeee! You wrote it - Baby!dragon!Arthur!

The dragon roared loudly, or as loudly as a dragon six inches high could roar, and then it stomped its feet on the books. The ensuing cloud of dust was punctuated by a tiny sneeze and a minor fireball.

*dies laughing* I don't know about [livejournal.com profile] rageprufrock, but I'm pretty proud to have instigated any of this - it's fantastic. I love Arthur being rubbish at landings, and it is so sweet when he falls asleep on Merlin.

I also really liked this line
One minute he was maiming Merlin, the next he was being very approachable. It was all confusing. It was all very Arthur
because it is so, so true.

And the conversation with the Great Dragon was brilliant.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
I couldn't not write it. It just -- it sprung fully formed from my brain, not unlike Athena. Only with more crack. And baby dragons. It really is me who should be thanking you, because because you and She Who Enables Too much, not only did I write this, but [livejournal.com profile] goss made me *this* (http://goss.livejournal.com/281088.html).

(no subject)

[identity profile] janne-d.livejournal.com - 2008-12-19 14:08 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] kel-reiley.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 08:05 pm (UTC)(link)
bwahahaha!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
Quite.

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_profiterole_/ 2008-12-11 08:05 pm (UTC)(link)
This is so much fun. Well, Arthur is not taking it too badly. ^^

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you liked it.

[identity profile] helen-damnation.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Heehee! Oh, boys. Only them, eh?
Everybody's very much in character, at the height of their own special kind of adorableness.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
ext_22549: Ice boy (Default)

[identity profile] sethra2000.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 09:17 pm (UTC)(link)
*giggle snort*... Oooo this was perfect, you have the boys voices down pat. I can see the episode now... infact I would love to see this as an episode... we wouldn't even have to leave out the A/M, cause it's cannon innit *g*

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you liked it. I too am just waiting for this episode. If only for the royalty check.

[identity profile] suzvoy.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome :D

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks!
ext_1499: (Default)

[identity profile] busarewski.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 09:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Fantastic!! Small plushie dragon!Arthur is clearly the nr 1 best-selling Christmas present this year, at least it would be if the world was a fair and wonderful place. Yay for you writing Merlin fic!!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
Small plushie dragon!Arthur is clearly the nr 1 best-selling Christmas present this year, at least it would be if the world was a fair and wonderful place.

I could not agree more.

[identity profile] jade-dragoness.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
*dies of laughter*

OMG! Dragon!Arthur FTW!

Seriously, do I owe rageprufrock, sparky77 and janne_d whatever bits are left over of my soul? Because I love this! *wide grin*

Brilliant! Hilarious and just plain awesome! *glees*

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
Seriously, do I owe rageprufrock, sparky77 and janne_d whatever bits are left over of my soul?

Please, do not encourage them. Not that they need it, but really.

[identity profile] ras-elased.livejournal.com 2008-12-11 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)
ALDSGFDF;LJDSFL;AFA!!!!!!

BABY. DRAGON. ARTHUR. ILU SOOOO MUCH!!!!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you liked it :)

[identity profile] kalimai.livejournal.com 2008-12-12 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
This was so cute and funny and them! *sighs happily* That was some good crack!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
Crack is good for you. Like milk.

[identity profile] porntestpilot.livejournal.com 2008-12-12 06:01 am (UTC)(link)
Ahahaha. Of course he would fly around almost setting things on fire and biting Merlin. And use it against Merlin FOREVER.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
Exactly.

[identity profile] porntestpilot.livejournal.com 2008-12-12 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, by all the knights of Camelot

Adding: They really should just start the trend of cursing by using Merlin's name now, it will save time in the future I feel.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2008-12-19 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
LOL. Quite.

Page 2 of 4