hackthis_archive ([personal profile] hackthis_archive) wrote2009-07-30 03:07 pm
Entry tags:

Generation Kill - The Messenger (Rated PG, Warning for Character Death)

I want to make it very clear upfront that this is not my fault. You can blame [livejournal.com profile] alethialia and [livejournal.com profile] romanticalgirl. There was some question about whether or not I could angst with the best of them. As someone who used to kill people for sport (Harry Potter people know exactly what I'm talking about) I take great offense to this.

So. This is a writing exercise to see how badly this could possibly this hurt. I had to get it done. I never said I wasn't a little sadistic (masochistic).

Generation Kill
Rated PG
Warning: Character Death
The Messenger






Brad's working on the specs for one of his client's when there's scrabbling at the lock on the front door. The door swings open a little violently, ricocheting off the wall.

That must've been one hell of a meeting.

Brad scratches at his temple, pulls his glasses off and sets them next to the notes he's scribbled down on how Initech's entire firewall could be hacked by a chimpanzee on Jolly Ranchers.

It's not Nate that's on the doorstep though.

"You know you don't live here," Brad says to Ray. "What did I tell you about stealing the spare key?"

Ray's laugh is weak. "Then you shouldn't leave it where anybody can find it, asshole."

"Burglary isn't a real concern in my house," Brad says wryly, waiting for Ray to come inside.

Ray keeps loitering on the doorstep though, and behind him, Brad can see the Henderson girls on their pink bikes, streamers flying as they sail past.

Brad glances at the corner of his laptop screen: it's 4:56 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon.

He watches Ray shift from foot-to-foot the way he does when Walt's locked him out because Ray pissed him off again and Ray doesn't want to climb the drainpipe to get back into their apartment.

The corner of Brad's mouth quirks up at the left corner. "The homeless shelter is around the corner, Person. You might want to get there before Nate gets home. He's still pissed about the Super Glue on the toilet lid."

Ray blinks. "Yeah. I -- Brad."

Brad narrows his eyes. Something's -- something's very wrong.

He stands up fast enough that his chair tips over behind him. "What?"

"There -- there was this accident," Ray says, hands flying around as he talks. "A car accident."

Brad's across the room in seconds, invading Ray's air space like Napalm. "You had an accident in Hasser's car?" he says in disbelief. "You know Walt's going to --"

"BRAD!"

Brad's words die off like they just got hit by the 50 cal. Ray's eyes are too big, his face too pale. Even for his whiskey tango ass. He's not looking at Brad as much as he's looking over his right shoulder.

Brad waits for it. Waits more. Recon Marines can wait forever if they have to.

He should just wait this one out. "Say it, Ray," he grits out anyway.

Ray swallows and looks away. And that's when Brad starts to lose the feeling in his toes.

Ray always looks him in the eye, bitching the entire time when he does about how Brad's fucking Hebrew ancestors were probably fucking giraffes in their downtime.

"Ray."

He doesn't know what's in his voice, couldn't define the tone with a thesaurus. He can hear the break though. He can feel it in his throat.

Ray swallows again; Brad can see his hands balling into fists. And then there are those eyes. The last time Brad saw Ray with this much despair he was detoxing from six weeks on Ripped Fuel.

"It's Nate," Ray says bluntly.

Brad blinks.

And then he blinks some more. He thought Ray was going to say Walt. He thought...

"Nate what?" he says roughly, his hands curling in on themselves. Ray's eyes are shining. Brad can't believe he didn't notice the redness before. "Say it!" he barks out.

For the first time since he showed up, Ray looks him in the eye. "Nate's gone, Brad. There was a pile up on the 5. Some big-rig tractor turned over..."

Brad cocks his head to the side as Ray's words die off. Brad can feel the pull in the tendons in his neck. His fingertips feel numb. "Someone would've called me," he says evenly.

"He was -- he was talking to Walt when it happened," Ray blurts out. "They -- there was supposed to be a surprise party for your birthday, and --

Brad is not going to apologize for punching Ray in the mouth.

He's not.

The messenger is the one that always gets it the worst, anybody who says otherwise is a liar.

So, Brad's just going to ignore these lies. Instead, he's going to go sit back down at his desk and go back to work. He's going to finish this assessment for that job he promised Nate he would finish. And then he's going to go turn the oven on so it'll get hot for the fish he's been marinating for dinner tonight.

In an hour or so, Nate'll get home from that pointless fucking fire drill that he got called back to L.A. for. Brad'll tell him about this sick fucking joke that Person pulled, and Nate'll ask why the hell Brad and Ray are friends at all.

They have this conversation at least every six months, sometimes more, sometimes less.

But in the meantime, Brad's just going to sit down here on the doorstep and wait.

Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

They wait for the war to be over. They wait for Brad to come back from the UK. They wait for fucking DADT to be repealed so they can finally live together in this house that still has boxes in the garage.

So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.



-end-

[identity profile] clear-as-blood.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
Dude, I can't believe you killed Nate. D:

This was lovely, but break my heart why don't you? And Brad. DDDDD: I don't even want to think about it.


I'm totally choosing to believe that this was all a horrible, horrible dream. [Brad's subconscious is fucked up like that.] That or Nate actually survived and is just stuck in a hospital somewhere.

[identity profile] demicus.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, I cried. Yes, I should be tossing tomatoes your way for this but it's just so beautiful! The fragility of life juxtaposed with the strength of eternal love - always a sadly satisfying read.

[identity profile] incinerapture.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
clearly, the two instigators of this story owe the entire fandom lots and lots of happy fluffy porn.


THIS IS SO GOD DAMN BLOODY UPSETTING. it's amazing how it's so short, yet poignant. and brought tears to my eyes. :(

[identity profile] maeshii.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
D; SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

You made me cry, good sir, as I was on my way out the door to work.

[identity profile] romanticalgirl.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
Walt doesn't remember last night. He's pretty sure there was a lot of booze involved and, if he's not hallucinating (which he's not willing to believe just yet), there may have been wild animals or a trip to Las Vegas.

Either way, his head feels like there were all of those things, which means he kind of wants to stick it under a faucet and see how long it takes to drown. The only problem is that he can't get out of the bed, because Ray Person is not only lying next to him, but his head is resting on Walt's chest like it's some sort of personal pillow.

"Ray." He whispers the word because it seems prudent to be a little discreet when he a) doesn't remember most of the night before and b) wakes up in bed with another guy and c) for all he knows he's in Brad Colbert's mom's guest bedroom. Any and all are reason enough to be wary, as far as he concerned. "Ray."

"Shut the fuck up, Hasser," Ray mumbles against Walt's chest, smearing what feels like a night's worth of drool on his skin. "It's too fucking early."

"Ray."

"Shut up," Ray's voice is more of a groan now, filled with unhappiness. "Just a few more minutes and then I promise I'll blow you again."

"Blo...what?" Walt sits up sharply, dumping Ray unceremoniously on the mattress. "What?"

Ray groans and manages to sit up as well, rubbing his head and then his eye. "What the fuck?"

"Blow me?"

"Yeah." Ray scratches his chest next and Walt realizes that Ray's chest is bare. As is his own chest. He reaches down and lifts up the sheet and realizes his chest isn't the only thing. "Last night that's all you wanted. 'Fuck, Ray. Yes, God, fuck yes. Suck me, you fucking cocksucker'. You were pretty fucking vocal. It was awesome."

"I wouldn't do that."

"You would. You did." Ray grins at him, impish and for a second Walt things yeah, okay, he would, but he shakes it off. "You were up to your eyeballs in tequila and someone put some fucking country music on the jukebox, you started singing and Brad told you whatever you wanted to stop the caterwauling he'd make it happen. You said you wanted me to suck your dick."

"No I didn't."

"Dude. We're naked in bed together. Would I fucking lie about this?"

"YES!" Walt gets out of bed and then crawls back in immediately, pulling the sheet up over himself. "You would. In fact, lying about this would be one of your favorite things to do. Christ." Walt shakes his head, burying it in his hands. "No more tequila. Ever."

"You know, if you keep this up, you're totally going to hurt my feelings." Ray shifts on the bed and leans against the headboard, pillows shoved behind his back. He grabs Walt's wrist and tugs his hand away from his face, bending his head so Walt has no choice but to look at him. "Hey, Hasser."

"What?"

Ray rolls his eyes and tugs Walt toward him hard enough that Walt sprawls across his chest. "Let's think for a minute here, okay? Who's a big, bad-ass Marine?"

"Brad."

Ray smirks. "Okay, in this bed we're in, who is a big, bad-ass Marine?"

"I'm assuming that you want me to say you?" Walt tries to pull away, but Ray's grip is unrelenting. "Okay. Okay. You."

"And, even though you're also a bad-ass Marine, do you really think that you could, drunker on tequila than the fucking worm in the bottle, coerce me into blowing you if I didn't fucking want to?" Walt opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out and Ray smiles triumphantly. "So, go back to sleep for another fucking hour or so and then I'll blow you again."

"But..."

"Christ on a fucking cracker, Walt." Ray wraps his hand around the back of Walt's neck, fingers almost tight enough to hurt. He pulls Walt in and holds him a breath away. "Shut up and kiss me, okay? We'll deal with blow jobs later."



[identity profile] sparky77.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! And I love Walt. And Ray! And Walt's adorable confusion. And Ray's awesomeness. And the thought of a drunken Walt demanding Ray blowjobs in order to shut up. Drunken Walt is devious, perverted, and awesome. Of course, so is sober Walt. He's just quieter about it all. The point being, I LOVED THIS!

[identity profile] nicolasechs.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
*cries and cries*

Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

*cries some more*

[personal profile] irishdf 2009-07-31 04:56 am (UTC)(link)
Well, damn. You have this ability to wield your words with pin-point accuracy, building pictures that literally take on lives of their own.

Thankfully, most of the time that is a very good thing indeed. But times like these, it makes us *feel* the moment of impact, when the loss of such a life is realized, and it's like sucking all of the oxygen out of the universe.

It makes me think of W. H. Auden's "Stop All the Clocks..."

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

That's probably more than you wanted, but I do have that tendency of getting SO INVESTED in my lads. And you have such talent, it fair takes my breath away sometimes. That's a good thing. The power to move people and make them react is an amazing thing. It just sometimes leads to leaving sobbing wrecks strewn in your path.

So, challenge answered. Your title as Angst Queen is assured. And I shall try to go and dream of happier things for our Brad and Nate. And you should know that my sudden and sweeping love affair with Generation Kill is thanks in very large part to you and yours. So thanks for that, and all you do. It is really very much appreciated. Truly. :)

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
Ilu. I am sorry we persecuted each other. I thought about Ben at the gym. It was a good workout. I will come and bring you details after dinner.
soul_cake_duck: (kiss - oh_mcgee)

[personal profile] soul_cake_duck 2009-07-31 06:01 am (UTC)(link)
Mmm, angst. Its like picking a scab - painful, but somehow really satisfying at the same time.

The messenger is the one that always gets it the worst, anybody who says otherwise is a liar.

I loved this line.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:08 am (UTC)(link)
*pets* It's okay, you don't have to read it, I just needed to get it out of my system. Between this and the break-up yesterday I'm pretty sorted for E's and Whizz angst for a while.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
NO ONE SAID YOU COULDN'T BE ANGSTY. WE JUST SAID YOU USUALLY WEREN'T.

See, but now we are all on the same page. I like how we communicate like ten year old boys. That's not what I said. Is too! Is not! It's too! I'll make you cry! I hate you! !!! ... So, you wanna play with my G.I. Joes?

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
*hands Kleenex*

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:11 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, but see how it was just a writing exercise. It's okay, it didn't happen. There there.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:12 am (UTC)(link)
Hot damn. Ahem. I mean, here, have a tissue.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:12 am (UTC)(link)
I did! But then L said I couldn't do angst, and my brain was like, can too! I can make people CRY. And then I did. I have power. See :D

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
*hands kleenex*

It's okay. Promise.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
(Nate would actually kick your ass, Brad. Come down from the afterlife and bitch you out proper. Except this is all obviously a cruel dream from the head of a madwoman, so it's totally okay.)


This is true. When I presented this concept to Brad and Nate, Brad walked out of the room and Nate was all "What did we ever do to you?" Brad's still in shock, Nate won't even talk to me. But you know, somebody was going to do it eventually, now the band-aid has been pulled off!

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
The first time is always the most difficult. (Don't worry, it won't become a habit).

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
700+ comments of comment fic. If that doesn't make you happy, you need Prozac (http://hackthis.livejournal.com/533943.html)

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:20 am (UTC)(link)
It's okay, it was just a bug. I think.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:21 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, sweetie, I have a very long history of being a mean bitch. I have a whole oeuvre of Harry Potter fic where I wiped out whole families with impunity. And enjoyed every minute.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:23 am (UTC)(link)
LOL. I think this was just a bug that I had to get out of my system. You know, go there to come back blah blah blah. It was invigorating in the 'nobody's talking to me anymore and L is hiding under her desk and refusing to come out now' way.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:25 am (UTC)(link)
HAHAHAHA SO IT TURNS OUT I CANNOT ACTUALLY DEAL WITH ANGST LIKE THIS WHEN IT COMES TO BRAD AND NATE. AT ALL. *SOB*

(Despite my hysterics, this was still amazingly good. Spare, haunting, and brutally visceral. I got to the bit about Brad losing feeling in his toes and my throat just closed up. Aigh.)


I know how you feel. Just the concept of writing this made me feel a bit bad, and then I wrote it (I HAD TO!) and my little Brad and Nate won't talk to me anymore. I think everybody's traumatized now.

[identity profile] hackthis.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 06:26 am (UTC)(link)
SADNESS! (It hurts so good sometimes. You know as long as it's fictional.)

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