Generation Kill - The Messenger (Rated PG, Warning for Character Death)

[hackthis_archive]

I want to make it very clear upfront that this is not my fault. You can blame alethialia and romanticalgirl. There was some question about whether or not I could angst with the best of them. As someone who used to kill people for sport (Harry Potter people know exactly what I'm talking about) I take great offense to this.

So. This is a writing exercise to see how badly this could possibly this hurt. I had to get it done. I never said I wasn't a little sadistic (masochistic).

Generation Kill
Rated PG
Warning: Character Death
The Messenger





Brad's working on the specs for one of his client's when there's scrabbling at the lock on the front door. The door swings open a little violently, ricocheting off the wall.

That must've been one hell of a meeting.

Brad scratches at his temple, pulls his glasses off and sets them next to the notes he's scribbled down on how Initech's entire firewall could be hacked by a chimpanzee on Jolly Ranchers.

It's not Nate that's on the doorstep though.

"You know you don't live here," Brad says to Ray. "What did I tell you about stealing the spare key?"

Ray's laugh is weak. "Then you shouldn't leave it where anybody can find it, asshole."

"Burglary isn't a real concern in my house," Brad says wryly, waiting for Ray to come inside.

Ray keeps loitering on the doorstep though, and behind him, Brad can see the Henderson girls on their pink bikes, streamers flying as they sail past.

Brad glances at the corner of his laptop screen: it's 4:56 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon.

He watches Ray shift from foot-to-foot the way he does when Walt's locked him out because Ray pissed him off again and Ray doesn't want to climb the drainpipe to get back into their apartment.

The corner of Brad's mouth quirks up at the left corner. "The homeless shelter is around the corner, Person. You might want to get there before Nate gets home. He's still pissed about the Super Glue on the toilet lid."

Ray blinks. "Yeah. I -- Brad."

Brad narrows his eyes. Something's -- something's very wrong.

He stands up fast enough that his chair tips over behind him. "What?"

"There -- there was this accident," Ray says, hands flying around as he talks. "A car accident."

Brad's across the room in seconds, invading Ray's air space like Napalm. "You had an accident in Hasser's car?" he says in disbelief. "You know Walt's going to --"

"BRAD!"

Brad's words die off like they just got hit by the 50 cal. Ray's eyes are too big, his face too pale. Even for his whiskey tango ass. He's not looking at Brad as much as he's looking over his right shoulder.

Brad waits for it. Waits more. Recon Marines can wait forever if they have to.

He should just wait this one out. "Say it, Ray," he grits out anyway.

Ray swallows and looks away. And that's when Brad starts to lose the feeling in his toes.

Ray always looks him in the eye, bitching the entire time when he does about how Brad's fucking Hebrew ancestors were probably fucking giraffes in their downtime.

"Ray."

He doesn't know what's in his voice, couldn't define the tone with a thesaurus. He can hear the break though. He can feel it in his throat.

Ray swallows again; Brad can see his hands balling into fists. And then there are those eyes. The last time Brad saw Ray with this much despair he was detoxing from six weeks on Ripped Fuel.

"It's Nate," Ray says bluntly.

Brad blinks.

And then he blinks some more. He thought Ray was going to say Walt. He thought...

"Nate what?" he says roughly, his hands curling in on themselves. Ray's eyes are shining. Brad can't believe he didn't notice the redness before. "Say it!" he barks out.

For the first time since he showed up, Ray looks him in the eye. "Nate's gone, Brad. There was a pile up on the 5. Some big-rig tractor turned over..."

Brad cocks his head to the side as Ray's words die off. Brad can feel the pull in the tendons in his neck. His fingertips feel numb. "Someone would've called me," he says evenly.

"He was -- he was talking to Walt when it happened," Ray blurts out. "They -- there was supposed to be a surprise party for your birthday, and --

Brad is not going to apologize for punching Ray in the mouth.

He's not.

The messenger is the one that always gets it the worst, anybody who says otherwise is a liar.

So, Brad's just going to ignore these lies. Instead, he's going to go sit back down at his desk and go back to work. He's going to finish this assessment for that job he promised Nate he would finish. And then he's going to go turn the oven on so it'll get hot for the fish he's been marinating for dinner tonight.

In an hour or so, Nate'll get home from that pointless fucking fire drill that he got called back to L.A. for. Brad'll tell him about this sick fucking joke that Person pulled, and Nate'll ask why the hell Brad and Ray are friends at all.

They have this conversation at least every six months, sometimes more, sometimes less.

But in the meantime, Brad's just going to sit down here on the doorstep and wait.

Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

They wait for the war to be over. They wait for Brad to come back from the UK. They wait for fucking DADT to be repealed so they can finally live together in this house that still has boxes in the garage.

So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.



-end-

Comments

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

WHAT??????????? I have not questioned your angst potential! I have nothing but faith in your fucking angst potential. I'm the one who's always fretting about the boys to you (and then you call me overinvolved). I don't know how this got blamed on me!

...I actually don't want to read whatever this is. Is that a sign that maybe I'm in too deep?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*pets* It's okay, you don't have to read it, I just needed to get it out of my system. Between this and the break-up yesterday I'm pretty sorted for E's and Whizz angst for a while.

[romanticalgirl.livejournal.com]

NO ONE SAID YOU COULDN'T BE ANGSTY. WE JUST SAID YOU USUALLY WEREN'T.

It wasn't a suggestion that you should rip our hearts out.

They wait for fucking DADT to be repealed so they can finally live together in this house that still has boxes in the garage.

My husband and I have been in our house for almost 12 years and we still have boxes.

You're a meanie.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

WE?! Wtf is this WE? When did I say this?!

I am seriously disheartened. And I'm not reading this. Nope. Not me.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*hands Kleenex*

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU BUT I AM NOT READING THIS EVER! *runs away*

Okay, fine, I LIED! *SOB* That's just mean.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, but see how it was just a writing exercise. It's okay, it didn't happen. There there.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Hot damn. Ahem. I mean, here, have a tissue.

[lazulus]

I thought you'd got over your mean, angsty streak when you stopped writing HP.

*shakes head sadly*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I did! But then L said I couldn't do angst, and my brain was like, can too! I can make people CRY. And then I did. I have power. See :D

[shinetheway.livejournal.com]

[tears well up]

They waited...okay, that last line, that broke me into little pieces.

And the moment when Brad realizes--[sniffles]

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*hands kleenex*

It's okay. Promise.

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

...and then I was sad forever.

Oh God, Brad only keeping control by continuing to go through his routines and rituals, clinging to the hope that if he goes about his life normally, life won't actually have taken this horrible turn. Domestic routines and rituals that he is never going to get to do with Nate again. Oh God. and Ray, knowing he has no idea how to say what he has to say, and. And.

So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.

AUUUUUUUUUGHHH. (Nate would actually kick your ass, Brad. Come down from the afterlife and bitch you out proper. Except this is all obviously a cruel dream from the head of a madwoman, so it's totally okay.)

Now I have to go comment on the other one. THE HAPPY ONE.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

(Nate would actually kick your ass, Brad. Come down from the afterlife and bitch you out proper. Except this is all obviously a cruel dream from the head of a madwoman, so it's totally okay.)


This is true. When I presented this concept to Brad and Nate, Brad walked out of the room and Nate was all "What did we ever do to you?" Brad's still in shock, Nate won't even talk to me. But you know, somebody was going to do it eventually, now the band-aid has been pulled off!

[redheadaholic.livejournal.com]

Fictional characters, fictional characters, fictional characters...

PLEASE DON'T EVER DO THIS AGAIN!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

The first time is always the most difficult. (Don't worry, it won't become a habit).

[hypertwink.livejournal.com]

So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.

I teared up when Ray couldm't say anything but the dam burst with the image of the house with the boxes and the line above.

Now, I want happy fic!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

700+ comments of comment fic. If that doesn't make you happy, you need Prozac (http://hackthis.livejournal.com/533943.html)

[dissident.livejournal.com]

Whimper.

You know, in my other fandoms I'm such a glutton for angsty fic. GK, despite its very bleak premise, was always the exception to this and now I'm torn to whether or not I'm thrilled, or want to just beg you never to write anything remotely upsetting again.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It's okay, it was just a bug. I think.

[kristories.livejournal.com]

Wow, you really can be mean, I didn't think you had it in you after all the Southland happy. Very well done though. I might have cried but I'm all knocked up and sad things make me want to hit people while happy things make me bawl my eyes out.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie, I have a very long history of being a mean bitch. I have a whole oeuvre of Harry Potter fic where I wiped out whole families with impunity. And enjoyed every minute.

[ex-trolleys.livejournal.com]

Ach, I was doing fine until this: Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

JESUS CHRIST WOMAN.

*sniffle*

This was refreshing though, seeing as angst isn't really done in GK. Dare I ask for more? :) (Hurt us good, baby!)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

LOL. I think this was just a bug that I had to get out of my system. You know, go there to come back blah blah blah. It was invigorating in the 'nobody's talking to me anymore and L is hiding under her desk and refusing to come out now' way.

[musical-emjay.livejournal.com]

WHY AM I READING THIS AT WORK? ;_____________;

Like, okay, so I'm a sucker for angst. I looooove it. I love having my heartstrings pulled, I love the emotions some truly excellent angsty fic can invoke in me. So I was waiting for someone to write truly angsty GK fic, for someone to do it really well. I saw this and went "YES!" and clicked faster than lightning and....

HAHAHAHA SO IT TURNS OUT I CANNOT ACTUALLY DEAL WITH ANGST LIKE THIS WHEN IT COMES TO BRAD AND NATE. AT ALL. *SOB*

(Despite my hysterics, this was still amazingly good. Spare, haunting, and brutally visceral. I got to the bit about Brad losing feeling in his toes and my throat just closed up. Aigh.)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA SO IT TURNS OUT I CANNOT ACTUALLY DEAL WITH ANGST LIKE THIS WHEN IT COMES TO BRAD AND NATE. AT ALL. *SOB*

(Despite my hysterics, this was still amazingly good. Spare, haunting, and brutally visceral. I got to the bit about Brad losing feeling in his toes and my throat just closed up. Aigh.)

I know how you feel. Just the concept of writing this made me feel a bit bad, and then I wrote it (I HAD TO!) and my little Brad and Nate won't talk to me anymore. I think everybody's traumatized now.

[dine.livejournal.com]

*weeps*
you know how to make it hurt good, don't you?

it's short, but note-perfect; Brad's stunned disbelief is so palpable. Ray being the one to deliver the message probably contributed to that, but no matter who brought word, I'm sure the reaction would have been the same.

I've read this twice, and probably will come back and reread it later - my heart is still aching for Brad (and Nate) and all the lost opportunities

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

SADNESS! (It hurts so good sometimes. You know as long as it's fictional.)

[silverbowl.livejournal.com]

OMG! Why?! I'm new to the fandom and sooooo exited. It's so pretty and shiny and boys! But, but...but. You broke my heart. I don't think you have to doubt your angst potential ever again.

*weeps*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I assure you the other 99% of what I write and what everybody else writes it not like this. It was a fluke. romanticalgirl is kind of brutal sometimes, but she gives really awesome happy endings.

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

I am not finished, but OH MY FUCKING GOD, you made Ray deliver the news. THAT IS MEAN. My poor traumatized Rayray!

And okay. I am now. And I'm just going to sit in the corner and cry and think of things I can throw in the deep fryer to cheer me up.

And that was absolutely lovely and never do it again.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

And that was absolutely lovely and never do it again.

Have no plans to, but I had to. Also, holy shit, Wyatt and Jon are slow dancing on TDS! Ahem. Um. So... what was I saying? Oh, yeah, I had to do this, it was starting to fester. If I kept going this would've been like a fucking walk in the park compared to what I *would've* done. The opening scenes with them together, happy arguing over something tiny like who got to hold the remote control, the gorgeous sex, the little domestic things where Brad couldn't keep his hands to himself, how proud Brad is of Nate, and THEN I could've dropped this at the end and the land would be strewn with bodies. No, I'm only kind of thinking of -- okay, no, won't do it. We'll just leave it here.

[shoshannagold.livejournal.com]

I thought you were going to kill Ray! Seriously, I saw the character listing, and was like, 'okay, well, I can't really deal either way, but - bye bye, Ray. It was grand.'

Now I just sort of want to cry. So, um, good job? I mean, no, really, it was really well done, in the 'now I want to kill myself' way.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I thought you were going to kill Ray! Seriously, I saw the character listing, and was like, 'okay, well, I can't really deal either way, but - bye bye, Ray. It was grand.'

The red herring is awesome tonight, isn't it? I was telling Q that everybody should be happy that this didn't have to chance to simmer for very long in my head (I laid out how I could've thrown it down and then the landscape would be strewn with sobbing people and boxes of Kleenex. Not that I aim for that sort of reaction these days. No. No. *looks shifty*)

[incredulity.livejournal.com]

Pretty much echoing what the others have said. It was lovely and horrible and you broke me a little. Poor Brad. I'm gonna go cry now.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*hands Kleenex* It's just fiction!

[miss-saigon.livejournal.com]

This was truly gut punching but exactly what I've been wanting from GK fandom lately. I love reading about Nate and Brad and happily ever afters but sometimes I just want to aaaaangst, this fits the bill perfectly.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I hear you, sister.

[clear-as-blood.livejournal.com]

Dude, I can't believe you killed Nate. D:

This was lovely, but break my heart why don't you? And Brad. DDDDD: I don't even want to think about it.


I'm totally choosing to believe that this was all a horrible, horrible dream. [Brad's subconscious is fucked up like that.] That or Nate actually survived and is just stuck in a hospital somewhere.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

There you go, be optimistic. Optimism never hurt anybody. Except that one time.

[demicus.livejournal.com]

Yes, I cried. Yes, I should be tossing tomatoes your way for this but it's just so beautiful! The fragility of life juxtaposed with the strength of eternal love - always a sadly satisfying read.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[incinerapture.livejournal.com]

clearly, the two instigators of this story owe the entire fandom lots and lots of happy fluffy porn.


THIS IS SO GOD DAMN BLOODY UPSETTING. it's amazing how it's so short, yet poignant. and brought tears to my eyes. :(

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

clearly, the two instigators of this story owe the entire fandom lots and lots of happy fluffy porn.

I can assure you that A and L have provided this fandom with more than their fair share of porn. Which is why they are awesome. Okay, one of the reasons they are awesome.

[maeshii.livejournal.com]

D; SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

You made me cry, good sir, as I was on my way out the door to work.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Score. Ahem. Kleenex?

[nicolasechs.livejournal.com]

*cries and cries*

Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

*cries some more*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*hands Kleenex* It's okay.