hackthis_archive ([personal profile] hackthis_archive) wrote2009-07-30 03:07 pm
Entry tags:

Generation Kill - The Messenger (Rated PG, Warning for Character Death)

I want to make it very clear upfront that this is not my fault. You can blame [livejournal.com profile] alethialia and [livejournal.com profile] romanticalgirl. There was some question about whether or not I could angst with the best of them. As someone who used to kill people for sport (Harry Potter people know exactly what I'm talking about) I take great offense to this.

So. This is a writing exercise to see how badly this could possibly this hurt. I had to get it done. I never said I wasn't a little sadistic (masochistic).

Generation Kill
Rated PG
Warning: Character Death
The Messenger






Brad's working on the specs for one of his client's when there's scrabbling at the lock on the front door. The door swings open a little violently, ricocheting off the wall.

That must've been one hell of a meeting.

Brad scratches at his temple, pulls his glasses off and sets them next to the notes he's scribbled down on how Initech's entire firewall could be hacked by a chimpanzee on Jolly Ranchers.

It's not Nate that's on the doorstep though.

"You know you don't live here," Brad says to Ray. "What did I tell you about stealing the spare key?"

Ray's laugh is weak. "Then you shouldn't leave it where anybody can find it, asshole."

"Burglary isn't a real concern in my house," Brad says wryly, waiting for Ray to come inside.

Ray keeps loitering on the doorstep though, and behind him, Brad can see the Henderson girls on their pink bikes, streamers flying as they sail past.

Brad glances at the corner of his laptop screen: it's 4:56 p.m. on a Tuesday afternoon.

He watches Ray shift from foot-to-foot the way he does when Walt's locked him out because Ray pissed him off again and Ray doesn't want to climb the drainpipe to get back into their apartment.

The corner of Brad's mouth quirks up at the left corner. "The homeless shelter is around the corner, Person. You might want to get there before Nate gets home. He's still pissed about the Super Glue on the toilet lid."

Ray blinks. "Yeah. I -- Brad."

Brad narrows his eyes. Something's -- something's very wrong.

He stands up fast enough that his chair tips over behind him. "What?"

"There -- there was this accident," Ray says, hands flying around as he talks. "A car accident."

Brad's across the room in seconds, invading Ray's air space like Napalm. "You had an accident in Hasser's car?" he says in disbelief. "You know Walt's going to --"

"BRAD!"

Brad's words die off like they just got hit by the 50 cal. Ray's eyes are too big, his face too pale. Even for his whiskey tango ass. He's not looking at Brad as much as he's looking over his right shoulder.

Brad waits for it. Waits more. Recon Marines can wait forever if they have to.

He should just wait this one out. "Say it, Ray," he grits out anyway.

Ray swallows and looks away. And that's when Brad starts to lose the feeling in his toes.

Ray always looks him in the eye, bitching the entire time when he does about how Brad's fucking Hebrew ancestors were probably fucking giraffes in their downtime.

"Ray."

He doesn't know what's in his voice, couldn't define the tone with a thesaurus. He can hear the break though. He can feel it in his throat.

Ray swallows again; Brad can see his hands balling into fists. And then there are those eyes. The last time Brad saw Ray with this much despair he was detoxing from six weeks on Ripped Fuel.

"It's Nate," Ray says bluntly.

Brad blinks.

And then he blinks some more. He thought Ray was going to say Walt. He thought...

"Nate what?" he says roughly, his hands curling in on themselves. Ray's eyes are shining. Brad can't believe he didn't notice the redness before. "Say it!" he barks out.

For the first time since he showed up, Ray looks him in the eye. "Nate's gone, Brad. There was a pile up on the 5. Some big-rig tractor turned over..."

Brad cocks his head to the side as Ray's words die off. Brad can feel the pull in the tendons in his neck. His fingertips feel numb. "Someone would've called me," he says evenly.

"He was -- he was talking to Walt when it happened," Ray blurts out. "They -- there was supposed to be a surprise party for your birthday, and --

Brad is not going to apologize for punching Ray in the mouth.

He's not.

The messenger is the one that always gets it the worst, anybody who says otherwise is a liar.

So, Brad's just going to ignore these lies. Instead, he's going to go sit back down at his desk and go back to work. He's going to finish this assessment for that job he promised Nate he would finish. And then he's going to go turn the oven on so it'll get hot for the fish he's been marinating for dinner tonight.

In an hour or so, Nate'll get home from that pointless fucking fire drill that he got called back to L.A. for. Brad'll tell him about this sick fucking joke that Person pulled, and Nate'll ask why the hell Brad and Ray are friends at all.

They have this conversation at least every six months, sometimes more, sometimes less.

But in the meantime, Brad's just going to sit down here on the doorstep and wait.

Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

They wait for the war to be over. They wait for Brad to come back from the UK. They wait for fucking DADT to be repealed so they can finally live together in this house that still has boxes in the garage.

So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.



-end-

[identity profile] alethialia.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
WHAT??????????? I have not questioned your angst potential! I have nothing but faith in your fucking angst potential. I'm the one who's always fretting about the boys to you (and then you call me overinvolved). I don't know how this got blamed on me!

...I actually don't want to read whatever this is. Is that a sign that maybe I'm in too deep?

[identity profile] romanticalgirl.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:18 pm (UTC)(link)
NO ONE SAID YOU COULDN'T BE ANGSTY. WE JUST SAID YOU USUALLY WEREN'T.

It wasn't a suggestion that you should rip our hearts out.

They wait for fucking DADT to be repealed so they can finally live together in this house that still has boxes in the garage.

My husband and I have been in our house for almost 12 years and we still have boxes.

You're a meanie.

[identity profile] amberlynne.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I LOVE YOU BUT I AM NOT READING THIS EVER! *runs away*

Okay, fine, I LIED! *SOB* That's just mean.
Edited 2009-07-30 22:45 (UTC)
lazulus: (fuck)

[personal profile] lazulus 2009-07-30 10:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I thought you'd got over your mean, angsty streak when you stopped writing HP.

*shakes head sadly*

[identity profile] shinetheway.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[tears well up]

They waited...okay, that last line, that broke me into little pieces.

And the moment when Brad realizes--[sniffles]

[identity profile] thorne-scratch.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
...and then I was sad forever.

Oh God, Brad only keeping control by continuing to go through his routines and rituals, clinging to the hope that if he goes about his life normally, life won't actually have taken this horrible turn. Domestic routines and rituals that he is never going to get to do with Nate again. Oh God. and Ray, knowing he has no idea how to say what he has to say, and. And.

So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.

AUUUUUUUUUGHHH. (Nate would actually kick your ass, Brad. Come down from the afterlife and bitch you out proper. Except this is all obviously a cruel dream from the head of a madwoman, so it's totally okay.)

Now I have to go comment on the other one. THE HAPPY ONE.

[identity profile] redheadaholic.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Fictional characters, fictional characters, fictional characters...

PLEASE DON'T EVER DO THIS AGAIN!

[identity profile] alethialia.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:43 pm (UTC)(link)
WE?! Wtf is this WE? When did I say this?!

I am seriously disheartened. And I'm not reading this. Nope. Not me.

[identity profile] hypertwink.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
So, Brad will sit here and wait for Nate to come home, because that's what Nate would want.

I teared up when Ray couldm't say anything but the dam burst with the image of the house with the boxes and the line above.

Now, I want happy fic!

[identity profile] dissident.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)

Whimper.

You know, in my other fandoms I'm such a glutton for angsty fic. GK, despite its very bleak premise, was always the exception to this and now I'm torn to whether or not I'm thrilled, or want to just beg you never to write anything remotely upsetting again.

[identity profile] kristories.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 11:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow, you really can be mean, I didn't think you had it in you after all the Southland happy. Very well done though. I might have cried but I'm all knocked up and sad things make me want to hit people while happy things make me bawl my eyes out.

[identity profile] ex-trolleys.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Ach, I was doing fine until this: Because that's what he and Nate do: they wait for each other.

JESUS CHRIST WOMAN.

*sniffle*

This was refreshing though, seeing as angst isn't really done in GK. Dare I ask for more? :) (Hurt us good, baby!)

[identity profile] musical-emjay.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)
WHY AM I READING THIS AT WORK? ;_____________;

Like, okay, so I'm a sucker for angst. I looooove it. I love having my heartstrings pulled, I love the emotions some truly excellent angsty fic can invoke in me. So I was waiting for someone to write truly angsty GK fic, for someone to do it really well. I saw this and went "YES!" and clicked faster than lightning and....

HAHAHAHA SO IT TURNS OUT I CANNOT ACTUALLY DEAL WITH ANGST LIKE THIS WHEN IT COMES TO BRAD AND NATE. AT ALL. *SOB*

(Despite my hysterics, this was still amazingly good. Spare, haunting, and brutally visceral. I got to the bit about Brad losing feeling in his toes and my throat just closed up. Aigh.)
Edited 2009-07-31 00:07 (UTC)

[identity profile] dine.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 11:41 pm (UTC)(link)
*weeps*
you know how to make it hurt good, don't you?

it's short, but note-perfect; Brad's stunned disbelief is so palpable. Ray being the one to deliver the message probably contributed to that, but no matter who brought word, I'm sure the reaction would have been the same.

I've read this twice, and probably will come back and reread it later - my heart is still aching for Brad (and Nate) and all the lost opportunities

[identity profile] silverbowl.livejournal.com 2009-07-30 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG! Why?! I'm new to the fandom and sooooo exited. It's so pretty and shiny and boys! But, but...but. You broke my heart. I don't think you have to doubt your angst potential ever again.

*weeps*

[identity profile] sparky77.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:29 am (UTC)(link)
I am not finished, but OH MY FUCKING GOD, you made Ray deliver the news. THAT IS MEAN. My poor traumatized Rayray!

And okay. I am now. And I'm just going to sit in the corner and cry and think of things I can throw in the deep fryer to cheer me up.

And that was absolutely lovely and never do it again.
Edited 2009-07-31 00:30 (UTC)

[identity profile] sparky77.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:31 am (UTC)(link)
*glares accusingly in your direction* You so owe me porn for this. I'm not sure how. I'm not sure why, but I am owed porn by the universe.

[identity profile] shoshannagold.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
I thought you were going to kill Ray! Seriously, I saw the character listing, and was like, 'okay, well, I can't really deal either way, but - bye bye, Ray. It was grand.'

Now I just sort of want to cry. So, um, good job? I mean, no, really, it was really well done, in the 'now I want to kill myself' way.
Edited 2009-07-31 00:33 (UTC)

[identity profile] incredulity.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
Pretty much echoing what the others have said. It was lovely and horrible and you broke me a little. Poor Brad. I'm gonna go cry now.

[identity profile] romanticalgirl.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:40 am (UTC)(link)
WHY IS IT MY FAULT? I NEVER SAID SHE COULDN'T BE ANGSTY. ::sobs::

But yeah, I'm working on the porn. Jeez.

[identity profile] romanticalgirl.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:41 am (UTC)(link)
ALL I SAID WAS THAT I WAS GENERALLY THE ANGSTY ONE!

::crawls under her desk to hide::

[identity profile] miss-saigon.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:44 am (UTC)(link)
This was truly gut punching but exactly what I've been wanting from GK fandom lately. I love reading about Nate and Brad and happily ever afters but sometimes I just want to aaaaangst, this fits the bill perfectly.

[identity profile] sparky77.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
I would feel bad about blaming you, but I am very emotionally fragile now and will do anything to get porn to make it all better. So, you know, just imagine the single, artful tear rolling gently down my face and I stare soulfully into the middle distance.

[identity profile] romanticalgirl.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
Give me your parameters and I will do my best to make you happy and pornful.

[identity profile] sparky77.livejournal.com 2009-07-31 01:00 am (UTC)(link)
Have I cheapen our relationship by exploiting you for porn? Or wait... did I just exploit myself for porn. I am very confused, but I'm sure some sort of exploiting is going on.

And... um... Ray/Walt! Moring after sex! Or, you know, whatever you want as long as its happy.

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