hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2002-05-24 02:01 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2002-05-24 02:01 pm
*sigh*
do you remember what it was like when you believed in something? anything at all?
was it when you were five? or maybe fifteen. was it a sports team or a movie star? did you believe in fairy tales and unicorns, or did you believe in the monsters under your bed and the boogeyman in the closet?
have you always believed in good? have you always believed that there was something better out there? did you pray for someone to come and save your from yourself?
i used to believe. i know i did. i must've believed in me somewhere along the way, but i swear i used to believe in other people too. maybe i believed too much.
i keep cataloging my mind, my brain, trying to rack it and remember what it was like when i was younger and less cynical. less pessimistic. i keep trying to find a time when i wasn't jaded. but the sad thing is that even when i find a time when i wasn't cynical about certain things, it was overshadowed by a million other things.
i've never been an optimist. never been an idealist.
i wonder what it's like.
was it when you were five? or maybe fifteen. was it a sports team or a movie star? did you believe in fairy tales and unicorns, or did you believe in the monsters under your bed and the boogeyman in the closet?
have you always believed in good? have you always believed that there was something better out there? did you pray for someone to come and save your from yourself?
i used to believe. i know i did. i must've believed in me somewhere along the way, but i swear i used to believe in other people too. maybe i believed too much.
i keep cataloging my mind, my brain, trying to rack it and remember what it was like when i was younger and less cynical. less pessimistic. i keep trying to find a time when i wasn't jaded. but the sad thing is that even when i find a time when i wasn't cynical about certain things, it was overshadowed by a million other things.
i've never been an optimist. never been an idealist.
i wonder what it's like.
no subject
But first --- I've never believed in any of that stuff you mention above, not sports or stars, or fairy tales, or 'good', or gods.
Not me particularly either.
But what I do believe in is people. Humanity and human potential. There is vast posiblility in the variety. People can be deeply creative, compassionate, inventive and exciting. They can make joy and make love, and stories, which are really an expression of hope and goodwill, or of understanding.
Most things do suck mightily, and I am also a realist. Jaded and cynical are my overcoat and hat.
But although I have never been an idealist, I would say that I am an optimist. It's not that it ain't bad out there, it's that I *know* it can be better.
Fuck it babes, there is still you, me, our pals, their pals, and all the folk who ever wrote a pwp... not so bad after all!
so true
you're right, baby, there is us and if we don't end the world then nothing will. *g*