hackthis_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hackthis_archive) wrote2003-03-13 04:10 pm
hackthis_archive) wrote2003-03-13 04:10 pm
This is Hannah, too.
We are just way out of control with Wee Kent: gauntlets, collages, Lionel-baiting, porn orphans*.
Oh, plot device don’t fail me now.
Smallville
Tiny Packages
“Just put her down right here.”
Lex pauses before complying. If it were up to him, he would never put Hannah down on this contraption.
Changing table? A house of cards has a more solid foundation, and if this were a Luthor that table would be industrial strength, cast-iron... but Hannah isn’t Lex’s sister. And the Kents would never let anything happen to their daughter.
Lex just has to have a little faith. Have a little trust on Christmas day.
That doesn’t stop him from holding on to Hannah several seconds after he finally lowers her onto the table. It doesn’t matter that Clark’s just removed a ten-pound box of diapers from said rickety abomination.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” Clark says in between cooing noises and shaking the rattle over Lex’s shoulder. Considering that the majority of the presents under the tree were for Hannah, Clark certainly seems to be enjoying himself with her Santa rattle.
Lex is pretending not to see the hat.
“Clark, for the benefit of both your sister and I, could you please stop making those ridiculous noises while I’m changing her diaper? It may not embarrass you, but I believe the lady would like to retain some shreds of dignity while she’s in this... state.”
Hannah may have her fist stuffed in her mouth, but Lex doubts she would hold it against him if he hit Clark first. Clark is whipped. He’s also insulting Hannah’ s intelligence with his gibberish.
Looking back down at the wriggling mass in his hands, Lex shakes his head sadly. Hannah understands what he’s thinking: Clark is a disgrace to the title of Revered Older Brother.
“She likes those ‘ridiculous noises,’ Killjoy.”
Lex can hear the pout, he doesn’t have to see it.
“I highly doubt that Hannah likes being talked to as though she has no brain.” Lex unfastens the diaper, and looks around for wipes. The baby powder and the Desitin are sitting in a small shelf off to the side, and he’s studiously ignoring the diaper that Clark is holding somewhere near his elbow. Obviously Clark knows nothing about the diaper-changing process.
Thank God Lex is there. He knows how this works. All future senators should.
“She’s a baby, Lex. She just wants to be entertained.” Clark takes the poufy hat off his head and carefully sets it upon Hannah’s head. She pauses in her wiggling to reach up and grab at the hat, pulling it down over her face. Lex immediately pulls the hat upward before Hannah can cause herself any problems, and she snuffles, perhaps in annoyance.
“While I’m certain that she finds you making an idiot of yourself entertaining, I’m also sure she would rather you simply speak to her properly. A wise man said 'start as you mean to go on.'”
“Yeah, well another wise man said 'one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.' I’m not going to read her any Machiavelli, Lex, it doesn’t matter what you do.”
Lex feels an acute urge to leer at Clark, but not with the lady present.
“I was thinking more along the lines of Emily Post.” Lex grabs one, two pink legs and lifts carefully, sliding the diaper out from underneath Hannah. He’s attempting to be as efficient and discreet as possible.
Alexander forbid she winds up in therapy because the President-to-be changed her diaper.
“Whatever. Look, do you need help with that?” Clark is rocking back and forth at Lex’s elbow, waving his fingers in Hannah’s face. Of course, Clark’s the only one who’s surprised when Hannah suddenly grabs hold and starts slobbering all over Clark’s index finger.
“I think I can handle the logistics, Clark. I do have a degree or two. Changing a diaper can’t be that hard.”
“You should cover her,” Clark advises, but Lex isn’t listening. Lex has more important priorities like big blue eyes and spit bubbles.
Jesus, she’s a cute kid.
Lex is absolutely besotted.
If Lex thought he could get away with it, he might trade her big brother in for her. But that’s just wrong. Maybe the Kents would be interested in a two-for-one deal. Lex could offer them a lot of money. Hannah knows this, and that’s obviously why she’s giving him the big eyes.
“Lex-“ Clark begins, but Lex is too far in the baby Kent thrall.
“Clark, I have it all taken care of.” Lex knows he sounds a bit dismissive, but Clark will get over it. He applies a generous amount of baby powder, and his heart twitches when Hannah sneezes. Perhaps he was too liberal with the Johnson & Johnson.
“Fine, but just because you have a crush on my sister is no reason to be mean to me. “
“Clark, are –“ Lex was going to say something. He was probably going to laugh. However, Hannah Kent has just peed three feet into the air and all over him. Currently, he’s having communication issues.
Hannah is a girl. Girls aren’t supposed to have aim.
“I told you to cover her.”
“But. And she.” Sputtering is not helping. It might be making things worse. Plus, Clark is laughing at him.
Lex is going to have to kill him.
“Hannah, I’m sorry you’re about to become an only child,” he says finally, wiping his face and wondering how hard it is to get this smell out of cashmere. Luthors don’t sigh dramatically he reminds himself, grabbing several more baby wipes and going back to the task at hand. He swaps one diaper for a cleaner model while Clark cleans off his face with a baby wipe.
During the entire exchange, Lex does his best not to say anything too incendiary, but really.
Hannah, however, seems quite pleased with herself. Or with chewing on the end of Clark’s hat at any rate.
At least urine is clean.
“She’s a girl,” Lex says finally, as though that’s the answer to all of life’s problems.
“She’s a special girl.” Clark corrects, tossing the errant wipes in the trashcan before succumbing once again to cooing noises. Leaning over, Clark blows a huge raspberry on Hannah’s stomach before fastening up her Babygro.
Lex would swear he’s not jealous.
“I don’t believe... Et tu, Hannah?” Lex’s power of speech has temporarily been washed away, and he does his best to glare as Clark picks up the drooling baby. He fails miserably in the face of Hannah's little nose.
“Congratulations, Lex.” Clark tucks Hannah in the crook of his arm while pulling at the collar of Lex’s soiled shirt with his free hand. “You’ve been baptized, you are now, officially, a member of the family.”
“Clark, your sister just urinated on me.”
“I know,” Clark says, dropping a kiss on Lex’s head over a gurgling baby. “Maybe next time you’ll think twice about picking her over me.”
-finis-
Dedicated to all the wees in the world, but in particularly Hope’s wee cos I thought she was an Anne Geddes baby. Except cuter, naturally.
Also, for Wendi (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
happyminion). Welcome back, you were missed terribly.
Oh, plot device don’t fail me now.
Smallville
Tiny Packages
“Just put her down right here.”
Lex pauses before complying. If it were up to him, he would never put Hannah down on this contraption.
Changing table? A house of cards has a more solid foundation, and if this were a Luthor that table would be industrial strength, cast-iron... but Hannah isn’t Lex’s sister. And the Kents would never let anything happen to their daughter.
Lex just has to have a little faith. Have a little trust on Christmas day.
That doesn’t stop him from holding on to Hannah several seconds after he finally lowers her onto the table. It doesn’t matter that Clark’s just removed a ten-pound box of diapers from said rickety abomination.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” Clark says in between cooing noises and shaking the rattle over Lex’s shoulder. Considering that the majority of the presents under the tree were for Hannah, Clark certainly seems to be enjoying himself with her Santa rattle.
Lex is pretending not to see the hat.
“Clark, for the benefit of both your sister and I, could you please stop making those ridiculous noises while I’m changing her diaper? It may not embarrass you, but I believe the lady would like to retain some shreds of dignity while she’s in this... state.”
Hannah may have her fist stuffed in her mouth, but Lex doubts she would hold it against him if he hit Clark first. Clark is whipped. He’s also insulting Hannah’ s intelligence with his gibberish.
Looking back down at the wriggling mass in his hands, Lex shakes his head sadly. Hannah understands what he’s thinking: Clark is a disgrace to the title of Revered Older Brother.
“She likes those ‘ridiculous noises,’ Killjoy.”
Lex can hear the pout, he doesn’t have to see it.
“I highly doubt that Hannah likes being talked to as though she has no brain.” Lex unfastens the diaper, and looks around for wipes. The baby powder and the Desitin are sitting in a small shelf off to the side, and he’s studiously ignoring the diaper that Clark is holding somewhere near his elbow. Obviously Clark knows nothing about the diaper-changing process.
Thank God Lex is there. He knows how this works. All future senators should.
“She’s a baby, Lex. She just wants to be entertained.” Clark takes the poufy hat off his head and carefully sets it upon Hannah’s head. She pauses in her wiggling to reach up and grab at the hat, pulling it down over her face. Lex immediately pulls the hat upward before Hannah can cause herself any problems, and she snuffles, perhaps in annoyance.
“While I’m certain that she finds you making an idiot of yourself entertaining, I’m also sure she would rather you simply speak to her properly. A wise man said 'start as you mean to go on.'”
“Yeah, well another wise man said 'one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.' I’m not going to read her any Machiavelli, Lex, it doesn’t matter what you do.”
Lex feels an acute urge to leer at Clark, but not with the lady present.
“I was thinking more along the lines of Emily Post.” Lex grabs one, two pink legs and lifts carefully, sliding the diaper out from underneath Hannah. He’s attempting to be as efficient and discreet as possible.
Alexander forbid she winds up in therapy because the President-to-be changed her diaper.
“Whatever. Look, do you need help with that?” Clark is rocking back and forth at Lex’s elbow, waving his fingers in Hannah’s face. Of course, Clark’s the only one who’s surprised when Hannah suddenly grabs hold and starts slobbering all over Clark’s index finger.
“I think I can handle the logistics, Clark. I do have a degree or two. Changing a diaper can’t be that hard.”
“You should cover her,” Clark advises, but Lex isn’t listening. Lex has more important priorities like big blue eyes and spit bubbles.
Jesus, she’s a cute kid.
Lex is absolutely besotted.
If Lex thought he could get away with it, he might trade her big brother in for her. But that’s just wrong. Maybe the Kents would be interested in a two-for-one deal. Lex could offer them a lot of money. Hannah knows this, and that’s obviously why she’s giving him the big eyes.
“Lex-“ Clark begins, but Lex is too far in the baby Kent thrall.
“Clark, I have it all taken care of.” Lex knows he sounds a bit dismissive, but Clark will get over it. He applies a generous amount of baby powder, and his heart twitches when Hannah sneezes. Perhaps he was too liberal with the Johnson & Johnson.
“Fine, but just because you have a crush on my sister is no reason to be mean to me. “
“Clark, are –“ Lex was going to say something. He was probably going to laugh. However, Hannah Kent has just peed three feet into the air and all over him. Currently, he’s having communication issues.
Hannah is a girl. Girls aren’t supposed to have aim.
“I told you to cover her.”
“But. And she.” Sputtering is not helping. It might be making things worse. Plus, Clark is laughing at him.
Lex is going to have to kill him.
“Hannah, I’m sorry you’re about to become an only child,” he says finally, wiping his face and wondering how hard it is to get this smell out of cashmere. Luthors don’t sigh dramatically he reminds himself, grabbing several more baby wipes and going back to the task at hand. He swaps one diaper for a cleaner model while Clark cleans off his face with a baby wipe.
During the entire exchange, Lex does his best not to say anything too incendiary, but really.
Hannah, however, seems quite pleased with herself. Or with chewing on the end of Clark’s hat at any rate.
At least urine is clean.
“She’s a girl,” Lex says finally, as though that’s the answer to all of life’s problems.
“She’s a special girl.” Clark corrects, tossing the errant wipes in the trashcan before succumbing once again to cooing noises. Leaning over, Clark blows a huge raspberry on Hannah’s stomach before fastening up her Babygro.
Lex would swear he’s not jealous.
“I don’t believe... Et tu, Hannah?” Lex’s power of speech has temporarily been washed away, and he does his best to glare as Clark picks up the drooling baby. He fails miserably in the face of Hannah's little nose.
“Congratulations, Lex.” Clark tucks Hannah in the crook of his arm while pulling at the collar of Lex’s soiled shirt with his free hand. “You’ve been baptized, you are now, officially, a member of the family.”
“Clark, your sister just urinated on me.”
“I know,” Clark says, dropping a kiss on Lex’s head over a gurgling baby. “Maybe next time you’ll think twice about picking her over me.”
-finis-
Dedicated to all the wees in the world, but in particularly Hope’s wee cos I thought she was an Anne Geddes baby. Except cuter, naturally.
Also, for Wendi (
happyminion). Welcome back, you were missed terribly.
no subject
bwahahaha. Dude, you guys, between you, Slod, and Hope, you guys are making my uterus hurt. I'm much too young to be thinking about little girls and the cuteness and and...my mother's going to have words with you. *nods*
So freaking cute.
no subject
So freaking cute.
Okay, the fact that I'm making your uterus hurt disturbs me some what... but I'm already disturbed anyway, so I suppose that's a moot point.
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People always underestimate little girls, which is probably why they will rule the earth. Oh wait, they already do.
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I can just see them arguing over bedtime stories:
I'm going to read her Cinderella.
Oh, she'll like that.
No, I mean the real version where the stepsisters cut off their toes.
Lex, you can't do that.
It'll teach her to avoid vanity over men.
She's not going to be vain!
Of course not, she'll be too pretty to worry about that.
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Mine too!
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And you, bringing the cuteness! You are such a softie. You're fooling no one.
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I had to even things out, I've been all over the spectrum recently. I keep killing people and I had Lex shooting up on Tuesday. I'm not a softie!
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yippee for dr. seuss.. and I loved(!) that book when I was little.
Still have it too.
Alexander forbid she winds up in therapy because the President-to-be changed her diaper.
Lex prays to alexander?? Of course he does.. *g*
great story zahra.
rm
no subject
yippee for dr. seuss.. and I loved(!) that book when I was little.
Still have it too.
My favorite book was 'Go Dog, Go'... which I now seem to want to read. Damnit.
Alexander forbid she winds up in therapy because the President-to-be changed her diaper.
Lex prays to alexander?? Of course he does.. *g*
Lex prays to the people who get the job done *vbg*
no subject
Bwahahaha! Very cute *g*