Olympics r srs bzness.

[hackthis_archive]

It's not really possible to explain exactly how whipped I have been by the Olympics, but I will try:

a) Yesterday, I wrote French swimmer slash, because well, hotass.

b) While discussing said hotass, oconel produced this picture of Amaury Leveaux to which my entire thought was Wow. The French are more than welcome to talk smack when they look like this. And also? Someone needs to lick his back during sex. And if it can't be me, then he needs a man so I can write about this. Find him a man and I will write this story. Alain Bernard is 6'5. Just a thought.

c) NBC is playing along. Identify the male swimmer by his stomach. I shit you not.

c) In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way. This week I have been channel surfing away from Jon and Stephen with alarming regularity because OMG! What if I miss swimming hotass? This aberration cannot be understated.

d) Last night, during the men's heats, the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

In fact, this made my gaydar ping so hard I was momentarily deaf, but I said, No! I have written my Olympics slash. And then sparky77 sent me The World According to Lochte which has bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

ETA: And because nobody is more awesome than rowers: let's spread the homoeroticism around, hey?

ETA #2: I think Keith Olbermann said it best, "There are only two times of day: when Michael Phelps is preparing to race, and when Michael Phelps is racing."

Comments

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Oh, not advertising for *him* but for all those companies that are going to want to make money off his name. Michael Phelps is the awesome Olympian, yes, but is he relatable? Marketing is always about relatability. Will you sell more of your item if everything thinks he uses it or if everybody thinks only he can use it? Everyman versus eliteism. That's where they try to market that 'boy next door' appeal, which you know, if the guy next door was like that, I'd lock myself out on a regular basis.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It would be kind of embarrassing to get a hard-on right before a swim, wouldn't it? *snorts* Has that ever happened before?

Oh, I have no doubt that it's happened before and probably after, but I'm sure that cold water will take care of that in a heartbeat.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the explanation! :)

Heeeeh, you might want to unpack those cooking skills and bring over muffins on a regular basis, too. Preferably in a a towel and nothing else. Whoever knows. Could get lucky *g*

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

You want true homoeroticism?

The Men's Synchronized Diving teams.

1. The Americans. Who are in their twenties, have trained together for over ten years, finish each other's sentences, look at each other adorably before diving, and call each other "baby."

2. The Canadians. Which. Get this one. One of them is the best diver in Canada - famous there, in fact. What he says, goes. And what did he say? "I want my best friend of 14 years, who does not dive on my level but is pure Cuban gorgeousness, to be my partner. Or I do not dive." And, so it happens. And so, no medals for him. But he dives next to pure Cuban gorgeousness. :)

3. The Russians - tough old Russian guy. Pretty teen age Russian boy.


And, you know. Scantily clad men diving in unison, trying to look like one diver from the side.

*fans self*

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

Or, you know. Other things/people/events will take care of it.
God, the porn, it's burning my mind.
Damn you and your gorgeous swim-porn sex fic thingie writing. Gah.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

olympic_slash has some fic of more or less questionable quality. I think some goods bits and pieces will keep popping up in regular intervals.

(Seriously, hackthis, I'm so sorry, I'm in a ranty mood, forgive me for commenting on random comments in your journal *embarrassed*)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I do not write this, they write this. I just transcribe for the masses ;-) Embrace the porn.

[ladydey.livejournal.com]

I think it's an effort to make him more approachable. He's doing this amazing thing and blowing the field of competitors away while he does it; I imagine the head-space that he has to get into to be the guy who can swim like he does is off putting (like one of the Ryan/Michael asides was that Ryan is the only person pre-race that Michael takes his head phones off for). And maybe prior to having a "friend" Michael didn't seem as "humble" as the world likes it's heroes - you can be great but you have to be seen as appreciative to the collective not just great, you can't be seen as thinking that you are above everyone else. If someone can be seen as cracking the great wall of perceived superiority (this may be true or just outsider perception), then it's alright to like you for being awesome, even if you aren't friends with them.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

1. I turned on synchro the minute the Americans got on the board and before I heard the commentators, before I even knew the event, I took one look at the closest diver and I said, oh, he's very gay. Hearing him count just sort of proved it. Yes, every motion was rather femme, so when I heard that their families were best friends and that they were sharing the same apartment I was like, dude, totally 21st century gay acceptance hooray.

2. I heard about that! And I totally thought the same thing. You want me, I want my man, you fix it.

3. I saw that and was just like, uhhhhh, okay y'all.

[morganmuffle]

Oh yes, there are some nice things there but sadly not many yet from the Beijing Olympics :-S

But it's early days yet and I haven't written any myself so I can hardly complain really *g*

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

Riiiiiight. Heeeh. "The victim killed himself, I just shot the gun."
But dude. Call it whatever you want, as long as I get some actual porn to embrace. *snugs* Lovely, lovely writer.

[romanticalgirl.livejournal.com]

And then the gymnastics team did this

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I am pondering the Michael/Ryan, no doubt.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

Could sports be any gayer?
One reason to love the Olympics. Cultural, religious, sexual acceptance.
And the condoms to prove it.
(I don't wanna be the people who clean up the trash from the rooms. Just sayin'.)

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

*falls off her seat with laughter*

[aimeelicious]

The tattoo. God, the tattoo.

i haz a kink, let me showz u it.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Oh, Ryan, what a tool you are. It's a good thing you're pretty. And you have a passing acquaintance with the water.

I...was in pain listening to that. I wish I'd muted it. "Fishes?" Kill me. These guys are really talented, but put a mic in front of 'em and it's like, "...oh. Well, they're...really pretty!" Yes. Pretty. I'm staying focused on that.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

Ha! I wondered if Ryan was stoned in that piece. But then, probably not with all the drug testing for the games. Otoh...do they test for recreational drug use? Hmm.

Jesus, look at that pic of the German rowers. I think that's even better than the French stripping each other. ::goes to stare some more::

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Pretty has been known to cover a lot of shortcomings. Then again that scrawny kid in grade school with ADHD, too long arms and big ears, yeah, well now he's Michael Phelps. Just goes to show that you never really know.

As for recreation drug use, that's totally medical marijuana. His doctor'll swear to it.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

that's totally medical marijuana. His doctor'll swear to it.

::snickers madly:: Well, it certainly fits nicely with his 12,000-calorie-a-day diet.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

He swims five miles a day, I think he's entitled. Although he eats more in one meal than I may eat in two days. I just don't see how one human can consume all of this and not have a damn ounce of fat on his body. It's just... I need to be able to do a personal investigation into this. I think a physical check-up would be just fine.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not being critical; I'm BOGGLING at the fact that the human stomach can even hold that much food at once.

Obviously the USOC should totally support you on this. It's for the good of humanity and really, isn't that what the Olympics is all about?

[shezan.livejournal.com]

Du slash de nageurs français????

*clickety on pic*

... okay, HAWT. Phewww.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA! Yes, dear, I know, quelle horror, and yet, you know, they brought it upon themselves. Really. All these Olympians are just being so damn... Olympic. I think we need to go back to the olden days when you had to compete naked. All in favor?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not being critical; I'm BOGGLING at the fact that the human stomach can even hold that much food at once.

Oh, I'm sure they left out a step or two regarding evacuation of said 12,000 calories. In fact, when I typed 12,000 my brain was like, wait, too many zeroes. Except no. Also, dear Alex, take up swimming. Really. Oh, and from your keyboard to the USOC's ears. *waits patiently for decree*