Olympics r srs bzness.

[hackthis_archive]

It's not really possible to explain exactly how whipped I have been by the Olympics, but I will try:

a) Yesterday, I wrote French swimmer slash, because well, hotass.

b) While discussing said hotass, oconel produced this picture of Amaury Leveaux to which my entire thought was Wow. The French are more than welcome to talk smack when they look like this. And also? Someone needs to lick his back during sex. And if it can't be me, then he needs a man so I can write about this. Find him a man and I will write this story. Alain Bernard is 6'5. Just a thought.

c) NBC is playing along. Identify the male swimmer by his stomach. I shit you not.

c) In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way. This week I have been channel surfing away from Jon and Stephen with alarming regularity because OMG! What if I miss swimming hotass? This aberration cannot be understated.

d) Last night, during the men's heats, the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

In fact, this made my gaydar ping so hard I was momentarily deaf, but I said, No! I have written my Olympics slash. And then sparky77 sent me The World According to Lochte which has bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

ETA: And because nobody is more awesome than rowers: let's spread the homoeroticism around, hey?

ETA #2: I think Keith Olbermann said it best, "There are only two times of day: when Michael Phelps is preparing to race, and when Michael Phelps is racing."

Comments

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

conclusion: ryan lochte...not all that bright, but totally hotass!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly.

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Boy does not need to be bright when he looks like that. COME TO MAMA BB, I WILL DO YOUR THINKING FOR YOU.

[epj.livejournal.com]

Good God swimmers. I died a little bit.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Perfectly understandable.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

AND I was told today (since I miss out on all that goodness thanks to German commentators being all blasé about everyone having sex with everyone and talking sport, of all things) that info has gotten out that Ryan is the only person Michael would take off his headphones for, before a swim.
Which is adorable. And also puts pictures in my mind of Ryan nuzzling Michael's neck from behind to make him take them off.

... the slash, it is everywhere during the Olympics. *is a huge fan*

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

that Ryan is the only person Michael would take off his headphones for

And I think that is the piece of information that has officially killed my brain and turned it into a place of 24/7 swimmer slash.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Which is adorable. And also puts pictures in my mind of Ryan nuzzling Michael's neck from behind to make him take them off.

Is it hot in here? I feel like it's hot in here. Or maybe it should be hot in here. Oh. Em. Gee. Do you think Michael's dick is getting chaffed with all these commentators riding it the way they are? Okay, yeah, that line is TOTALLY going in the story.

[ladydey.livejournal.com]

I was laughing so hard during d). I like are they really going there - and what they were reporting was that "Ryan Lochte says he's the best thing to have happened to Michael Phelps... because he's made [Michael] more like him." I literally yelled at the tv that they really shouldn't be enabling all the swimmer slash out there, I mean come on!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I am not surprised they are going there, really. The commentators have been having circle jerks about Michael all week long, it's a wonder they could stop long enough to suggest that maybe they're just jealous because Ryan got in there first. Did I really just say that?

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way.

There was the light, and there was the darkness, and it was good...

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

In the beginning there was nothing. And lo, it was sadness.

No snark, no Jewish jokes, no laughing when meaning to be serious.

Yes, it was sadness.

And then came the Daily Show with Craig Kilborn, and the people said, yeah, no thanks.

And then came Jon Stewart, and lo, it was goodness. And light and all was right.

And then can Stephen Colbert and everybody was blinded, but that's okay, because you know, you're not supposed to look directly into the sun anyway. Makes you dizzy.

[undersea.livejournal.com]

REALLY, IF THEY ADVERTISED THE OLYMPICS AS BEING THIS GAY I WOULD TOTES WATCH. D:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

They want it to be a surprise! Like a Kinder egg.

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for linking to that NBC Identify The Male Swimmer By His Stomach game. It has thoroughly enriched my life. Hellooooo, Andrew Lauterstein.

Also, the World According to Lochte had me shouting "I LOVE YOU RYAN LOCHTE" at my TV screen when I saw it the first time. How can he be so delightful?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

LOL! He's just a screwball, but a very entertaining one. He's got a diamond skull that he wears. I'm sorry, that's just insanely toolish, and yet, funny as hell.

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

Phelps does little for me (apart from impressing me sportswise, but I was talking hotness), but RYAN LOCHTE hits my buttons for pretty biiiiiiiig time. Oh, and I'm all for you embarking on an Alain Bernard/Amaury Leveaux epic of porn, because, yummm.

(also, A.B.'s was the only stomach I could guess because, well. But I'm happy I got to play the stomach game! thanks NBC).

(btw, I have hesitated french-picking your story from yesterday - I'll comment when I'm done reading it of course, but I just did not know if you'd want a French picking it or not. What say you? spelling yes, culture no, or any other combination, or nothing at all?)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I just did not know if you'd want a French picking it or not. What say you? spelling yes, culture no, or any other combination, or nothing at all?)

I know neither, so by all means tell me what I did wrong.

[morganmuffle]

I don't really understand why there is Olympics RPS everywhere, there is even a comm but no fic which is rather disappointing.

But thank you for writing some! *g* And for sharing all the lovely instances of slashy behaviour.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

olympic_slash has some fic of more or less questionable quality. I think some goods bits and pieces will keep popping up in regular intervals.

(Seriously, hackthis, I'm so sorry, I'm in a ranty mood, forgive me for commenting on random comments in your journal *embarrassed*)

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

You want true homoeroticism?

The Men's Synchronized Diving teams.

1. The Americans. Who are in their twenties, have trained together for over ten years, finish each other's sentences, look at each other adorably before diving, and call each other "baby."

2. The Canadians. Which. Get this one. One of them is the best diver in Canada - famous there, in fact. What he says, goes. And what did he say? "I want my best friend of 14 years, who does not dive on my level but is pure Cuban gorgeousness, to be my partner. Or I do not dive." And, so it happens. And so, no medals for him. But he dives next to pure Cuban gorgeousness. :)

3. The Russians - tough old Russian guy. Pretty teen age Russian boy.


And, you know. Scantily clad men diving in unison, trying to look like one diver from the side.

*fans self*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

1. I turned on synchro the minute the Americans got on the board and before I heard the commentators, before I even knew the event, I took one look at the closest diver and I said, oh, he's very gay. Hearing him count just sort of proved it. Yes, every motion was rather femme, so when I heard that their families were best friends and that they were sharing the same apartment I was like, dude, totally 21st century gay acceptance hooray.

2. I heard about that! And I totally thought the same thing. You want me, I want my man, you fix it.

3. I saw that and was just like, uhhhhh, okay y'all.

[romanticalgirl.livejournal.com]

And then the gymnastics team did this

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

*falls off her seat with laughter*

[aimeelicious]

The tattoo. God, the tattoo.

i haz a kink, let me showz u it.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Oh, Ryan, what a tool you are. It's a good thing you're pretty. And you have a passing acquaintance with the water.

I...was in pain listening to that. I wish I'd muted it. "Fishes?" Kill me. These guys are really talented, but put a mic in front of 'em and it's like, "...oh. Well, they're...really pretty!" Yes. Pretty. I'm staying focused on that.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

Ha! I wondered if Ryan was stoned in that piece. But then, probably not with all the drug testing for the games. Otoh...do they test for recreational drug use? Hmm.

Jesus, look at that pic of the German rowers. I think that's even better than the French stripping each other. ::goes to stare some more::

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Pretty has been known to cover a lot of shortcomings. Then again that scrawny kid in grade school with ADHD, too long arms and big ears, yeah, well now he's Michael Phelps. Just goes to show that you never really know.

As for recreation drug use, that's totally medical marijuana. His doctor'll swear to it.

[shezan.livejournal.com]

Du slash de nageurs français????

*clickety on pic*

... okay, HAWT. Phewww.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA! Yes, dear, I know, quelle horror, and yet, you know, they brought it upon themselves. Really. All these Olympians are just being so damn... Olympic. I think we need to go back to the olden days when you had to compete naked. All in favor?

[http://users.livejournal.com/xenakis_/]

Soooo, not to encourage you to write more or anything, but have you seen this one yet?

http://jezebel.com/5037150/golden-boys-eric-koreng-david-klemperer

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Wow. You guys are like the worst influence ever. AWESOME.

[issaro.livejournal.com]

Abs are best when they come decorated with tattoos. Or backs, or hips, or - you know - lickable skin of any location.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

//According to the Daily News, he has size 14 feet and a longer torso than most humans, resulting in an arm span (six foot seven) that is longer than his height (six foot four). It's like Zeus had sex with a dolphin, who gave birth to Michael Phelps.//

You will love this (http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/08/michael_phelps.html#hp.)

[romancandles.livejournal.com]

Oh swimmers. Dude, NBC's objectification of male swimmers is totally okay with me. Bring more hot photos please. Also I saw this on the internets and thought of you: NYMag appreciates Michael Phelps (http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/08/michael_phelps.html#hp).

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

HI. Do you want a cookie for that, b/c that may be the best thing I've read all day. Personally, I think that Michael has informed Ryan that he'll have to give him a blow job for every gold medal Michael brings home, to which Ryan took another hit off of his bong, and gave him that sort of stoner relaxed smile and said, "You wish."

[thorne-scratch.livejournal.com]

Man, we all knew Michael and Ryan were screwing when the Men's Journal published their photoshoot and article. It was laid before us in high resolution pictures!

It's actually very kind of Michael to take all the work away; he kind of has a history of getting photographed all lovey dovey with his rivals.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

RESEARCH! So, I am assuming this means I'm obligated to write it now? Also, I think maybe Ian Crocker and Michael had a bad break up and now the press is on the side of Michael's new man, who shall lead them all to VICTORY! Dude, stranger shit has motivated the media. The problem is that fabulous people like you keep giving me research and the story keeps getting longer and longer in my head. I'm going to have to give you lot the abbreviated love saga, which mostly involves pot, blow jobs and swimming. I can't see how it could involve anything else.