hackthis_archive | Olympics r srs bzness.

It's not really possible to explain exactly how whipped I have been by the Olympics, but I will try:

a) Yesterday, I wrote French swimmer slash, because well, hotass.

b) While discussing said hotass,

oconel produced this picture of Amaury Leveaux to which my entire thought was Wow. The French are more than welcome to talk smack when they look like this. And also? Someone needs to lick his back during sex. And if it can't be me, then he needs a man so I can write about this. Find him a man and I will write this story. Alain Bernard is 6'5. Just a thought.

c) NBC is playing along. Identify the male swimmer by his stomach. I shit you not.

c) In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way. This week I have been channel surfing away from Jon and Stephen with alarming regularity because OMG! What if I miss swimming hotass? This aberration cannot be understated.

d) Last night, during the men's heats, the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

In fact, this made my gaydar ping so hard I was momentarily deaf, but I said, No! I have written my Olympics slash. And then

sparky77 sent me The World According to Lochte which has bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

ETA: And because nobody is more awesome than rowers: let's spread the homoeroticism around, hey?

ETA #2: I think Keith Olbermann said it best, "There are only two times of day: when Michael Phelps is preparing to race, and when Michael Phelps is racing."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Maybe they're like those sets of detachable rings that you have to figure out how to pull apart (in this case to use). And, like, color-coordinated to your grade of horny.

I CAN MAKE THIS WORK!

Ahem. That link is both frightening and oddly appealing (much like Phelps himself). I liked this:

But he emphasizes his best assets by wearing his swim trunks extremely low and waxing — or perhaps lasering? — his body hair. I'd still do him.

All that hairless real estate? Yes, please.

I decided during the 200IM that before the Olympics, Michael said that Ryan had to give him a blow job for every gold medal he brought home

...I almost died. No WONDER he really, really wants to win all 8 golds (and fuck that record-breaking Spitz whatever thing, anyway. we're talking something important here). Talk about motivation, man. The USOC couldn't have done better.

The USOC might wanna consider giving Ryan a medal for, uhh, services rendered.

Ryan: I'm going to fuck you anyway. In the pool. You are going down, Phelps.

::wants:: ...just, guh.

But he emphasizes his best assets by wearing his swim trunks extremely low and waxing — or perhaps lasering? — his body hair. I'd still do him.

All that hairless real estate? Yes, please.

I've known a few swimmers in my time, do you know what tapering is? It's when you shave in preparation for a race. There are parties for this. People do it together. Although Michael is so hairless (having actually seen a picture of him with a very light dusting of hair) that I announced last week that he was obviously dipped in a vax of wax up to his neck and stripped accordingly.

I have no doubt that there have been some after hours sex shenanigans going down back at their home pools. I think that's like required to call yourself a swimmer.

I decided during the 200IM that before the Olympics, Michael said that Ryan had to give him a blow job for every gold medal he brought home

...I almost died. No WONDER he really, really wants to win all 8 golds (and fuck that record-breaking Spitz whatever thing, anyway. we're talking something important here). Talk about motivation, man. The USOC couldn't have done better.

This is why, every time they're in a race together, Michael doesn't even look over at him, he's just chalking up his tally.

There are parties for this. People do it together.

Oh, yes, well do I know. That must be, ahem, productive.

he was obviously dipped in a vax of wax up to his neck and stripped accordingly.

Okay, I laughed, but OW.

every time they're in a race together, Michael doesn't even look over at him, he's just chalking up his tally.

And once again the skintight, nothing-you-can-hide race suits become DEEPLY unfortunate.

...oh, god, I'm posting porn and going to bed. And to think I was once perturbed by the special hell.

Did I send you the Ryan & Michael pictures and article that someone very helpfully put in my LJ for research purposes?

http://thorne-scratch.livejournal.com/182452.html

http://www.mensjournal.com/point-two-seven-seconds.html

I guess I'm obligated to write it now.

Also, I think maybe Ian and Michael had a bad break up and now the press is on the side of Michael's new man, who shall lead them all to VICTORY! Dude, stranger shit has motivated the media.

The problem is that people keep giving my research and the story keeps getting long and longer in my head. I'm going to have to give you lot the abbreviated love saga.

I am now going to read your porn and then watch some GK before I go for my run.

...well, my brain exploded. Jeebus. I'd seen the first two, but not the others and they really ARE staring at each other meaningfully! DAILY text messages and phone calls? For realz?

I guess I'm obligated to write it now.

Think of the fun! The pretty! The non-stop porn!

I think maybe Ian and Michael had a bad break up and now the press is on the side of Michael's new man, who shall lead them all to VICTORY! Dude, stranger shit has motivated the media.

::snickers:: So the media all know that they're all madly gay for each other? But they're covering it up so they don't offend our poor puritanical sensibilities? Or to spare Michael's mother?

people keep giving my research

We're horrible. We feel badly. I wouldn't lie.

And enjoy!

Olympics r srs bzness.

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