Olympics r srs bzness.

[hackthis_archive]

It's not really possible to explain exactly how whipped I have been by the Olympics, but I will try:

a) Yesterday, I wrote French swimmer slash, because well, hotass.

b) While discussing said hotass, oconel produced this picture of Amaury Leveaux to which my entire thought was Wow. The French are more than welcome to talk smack when they look like this. And also? Someone needs to lick his back during sex. And if it can't be me, then he needs a man so I can write about this. Find him a man and I will write this story. Alain Bernard is 6'5. Just a thought.

c) NBC is playing along. Identify the male swimmer by his stomach. I shit you not.

c) In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way. This week I have been channel surfing away from Jon and Stephen with alarming regularity because OMG! What if I miss swimming hotass? This aberration cannot be understated.

d) Last night, during the men's heats, the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

In fact, this made my gaydar ping so hard I was momentarily deaf, but I said, No! I have written my Olympics slash. And then sparky77 sent me The World According to Lochte which has bling grills! Skateboarding! Drawing rain falling upwards! Dressing like John Travolta! and I realized I can not fight this.

Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte are totally having sex. And getting stoned. Probably in that order too.

ETA: And because nobody is more awesome than rowers: let's spread the homoeroticism around, hey?

ETA #2: I think Keith Olbermann said it best, "There are only two times of day: when Michael Phelps is preparing to race, and when Michael Phelps is racing."

Comments

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

conclusion: ryan lochte...not all that bright, but totally hotass!

[epj.livejournal.com]

Good God swimmers. I died a little bit.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

the NBC commentators said, "[Their] coaches say that Ryan Lochte is the best thing to ever happen to Michael Phelps." And then they went on to talk about how Ryan helps Michael be more relaxed and I was like yeah, that's a sex shoutie right there.

AND I was told today (since I miss out on all that goodness thanks to German commentators being all blasé about everyone having sex with everyone and talking sport, of all things) that info has gotten out that Ryan is the only person Michael would take off his headphones for, before a swim.
Which is adorable. And also puts pictures in my mind of Ryan nuzzling Michael's neck from behind to make him take them off.

... the slash, it is everywhere during the Olympics. *is a huge fan*

[ladydey.livejournal.com]

I was laughing so hard during d). I like are they really going there - and what they were reporting was that "Ryan Lochte says he's the best thing to have happened to Michael Phelps... because he's made [Michael] more like him." I literally yelled at the tv that they really shouldn't be enabling all the swimmer slash out there, I mean come on!

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

In the morning I watch Jon and Stephen, it has pretty much always been this way.

There was the light, and there was the darkness, and it was good...

[sparky77.livejournal.com]

that Ryan is the only person Michael would take off his headphones for

And I think that is the piece of information that has officially killed my brain and turned it into a place of 24/7 swimmer slash.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

In the beginning there was nothing. And lo, it was sadness.

No snark, no Jewish jokes, no laughing when meaning to be serious.

Yes, it was sadness.

And then came the Daily Show with Craig Kilborn, and the people said, yeah, no thanks.

And then came Jon Stewart, and lo, it was goodness. And light and all was right.

And then can Stephen Colbert and everybody was blinded, but that's okay, because you know, you're not supposed to look directly into the sun anyway. Makes you dizzy.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Perfectly understandable.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Which is adorable. And also puts pictures in my mind of Ryan nuzzling Michael's neck from behind to make him take them off.

Is it hot in here? I feel like it's hot in here. Or maybe it should be hot in here. Oh. Em. Gee. Do you think Michael's dick is getting chaffed with all these commentators riding it the way they are? Okay, yeah, that line is TOTALLY going in the story.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I am not surprised they are going there, really. The commentators have been having circle jerks about Michael all week long, it's a wonder they could stop long enough to suggest that maybe they're just jealous because Ryan got in there first. Did I really just say that?

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

*grins* I think those boys need to think really hard of arctic temperatures and cold showers at times, what with constantly being subjected to hard-core pretty and great assets ;)
I wonder, though. It would be kind of embarrassing to get a hard-on right before a swim, wouldn't it? *snorts* Has that ever happened before?
Anyway, haha, I find it deadly amusing how the most 'innocent' commentator statements can be turned into serious slashy content. Yay for having dirty minds.

[ladydey.livejournal.com]

True enough - if figure if they, the press, could fellate Michael on tv after each win they would think they're doing a service. But usually the pinging of the gaydar is not that loud. It's like Ryan is Michael's human cred or something - 'look Mike's just like the rest of us he's got a friend isn't it lovely.'

But it is funny.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

oh, it wasn't that before?
*pats herself on the back*
my good deed for the day then ^^

[undersea.livejournal.com]

REALLY, IF THEY ADVERTISED THE OLYMPICS AS BEING THIS GAY I WOULD TOTES WATCH. D:

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Boy does not need to be bright when he looks like that. COME TO MAMA BB, I WILL DO YOUR THINKING FOR YOU.

[randomeliza.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for linking to that NBC Identify The Male Swimmer By His Stomach game. It has thoroughly enriched my life. Hellooooo, Andrew Lauterstein.

Also, the World According to Lochte had me shouting "I LOVE YOU RYAN LOCHTE" at my TV screen when I saw it the first time. How can he be so delightful?

[anatsuno.livejournal.com]

Phelps does little for me (apart from impressing me sportswise, but I was talking hotness), but RYAN LOCHTE hits my buttons for pretty biiiiiiiig time. Oh, and I'm all for you embarking on an Alain Bernard/Amaury Leveaux epic of porn, because, yummm.

(also, A.B.'s was the only stomach I could guess because, well. But I'm happy I got to play the stomach game! thanks NBC).

(btw, I have hesitated french-picking your story from yesterday - I'll comment when I'm done reading it of course, but I just did not know if you'd want a French picking it or not. What say you? spelling yes, culture no, or any other combination, or nothing at all?)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I just did not know if you'd want a French picking it or not. What say you? spelling yes, culture no, or any other combination, or nothing at all?)

I know neither, so by all means tell me what I did wrong.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

That... is actually a really sad thought. But in a way, they are using Ryan to humanize Phelps. I just watched the NBC coverage of that 200mIM semi-finale and they had a whole discussion about how now that he's got Ryan as a friend, the team not "only respect him" but also "like him 'as a human being'" and the like. I thought that was very weird.
Though I've looked through a few interviews and Phelps himself is trying to push the image of himself as the next-door neighbour cute guy, if you so will.

What I can't figure out is why (always assuming those facts are not genuine and they're not just happy that he's, you know, found some connection to people, which is quite possible).
Like, is it about the identification process? Are they trying to make him more approachable... but in order to what? That's what eludes me a little, right now.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

They want it to be a surprise! Like a Kinder egg.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

LOL! He's just a screwball, but a very entertaining one. He's got a diamond skull that he wears. I'm sorry, that's just insanely toolish, and yet, funny as hell.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Are they trying to make him more approachable... but in order to what? That's what eludes me a little, right now.


Marketing. Sponsorship. Money. It's always about money.

[thexpuzzler.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, I thought about advertising and such, but for that, wouldn't it be enough that he's the best swimmer of the whole human history and the likes? That's pretty impressive already. It's always been a bit of a mystery to me that people fall for the "that guy/girl's approachable" angle, because they're really not, not in the sense your next-door neightbour is, and no amount of friendship and humanizing and getting to know him will change that.

But I've never quite gotten ads and sponsoring in the first place, so maybe it's just as well that I don't get this angle either.
Sorry for spamming your journal!

[morganmuffle]

I don't really understand why there is Olympics RPS everywhere, there is even a comm but no fic which is rather disappointing.

But thank you for writing some! *g* And for sharing all the lovely instances of slashy behaviour.