Ah, inspiration.

[hackthis_archive]

Sometimes I say to myself, "Self, what the *fuck* are you doing?" to which I then answer, "Why the fuck are you asking me?!"

Yes, it always sounds like a Lewis Black diatribe in my head. Other household favorites are:

+ Wow, I hate other people. Like a lot.

+ Stupid is as stupid does. Don't be stupid.

+ Well, if you didn't want the truth, why did you even ask me?

+ When I am queen, all you motherfuckers are going to die. Painfully. I will bring you back from the dead, just to kill you all over again. This thought makes me very happy.

+ A beta would've caught that you know.

+ WWAD? (What Would Ari Do)



So, what sort of inspiring things do you say to yourself?

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_regina/]

+ Someday you'll have a Ph.D and a university job and that bitch will stil be a convicted felon who isn't allowed to visit Australia.

+ I can't feed my dog if I'm in jail for murder.

+ When you've had as much training and experience in this area as I have, or, you know, ANY, then you can tell me how to do things. Until then. shut the fuck up and focus on *your* job.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I quote Mel Brooks' The 12 Chairs: "I hate people I don't like."

[issyadore.livejournal.com]

+ WWAD? (What Would Ari Do)

ha! I say WWJD (What Would Jeeves Do)

[rainjewel.livejournal.com]

+ Don't get mad, you could be as stupid as them.

+ Oh, if I had a dull putty knife for every sorority chick I meet...

+ Harry Potter contains absolutely zero authentic advice or direction, so stop freaking out. It's not real. Just like the Bible.

[copernica3.livejournal.com]

+ Self, you would not enjoy jail. They do not have chocolate, your pets, or a good selection of books. Do *not* hit that person until blood splatters.

+ Why do all people who like Bush not explode?

+ Self, you have a journalism degree. You have been known to edit things for money. Could you get through a three-sentence email/lj comment without at least one typo for fucking once? Damn.

[antheia.livejournal.com]

+ "But they're so STUPID" doesn't count as justifiable homicide.

+ They're totally wasting my oxygen.

And I have a free-floating diatribe against myself when I'm being a total pillock.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

I like to quote Frank Pembleton: Please don't be an idiot. Thank you.

[random-flores.livejournal.com]

Some people just don't like lamb. Dammit.

[plumtastic.livejournal.com]

Or as I always mutter darkly, "Why do I have to be the one to suffer fools?"

That and a laying a pox on people's houses goes a long way in my world.

[poor-choices.livejournal.com]

I once had a long internal conversation with myself about how it was a bad idea to talk to myself.

Then the next time I tried it, I just said, "No, you're not allowed to talk to yourself. We've talked about this." Which confused me for several minutes, because I'm awesome like that.

[yellow-oranges.livejournal.com]

+ The universe will take care of it without any help from me.

When that doesn't work:

+ Motherfucker, cocksucker!

[mellafe.livejournal.com]

- hakuna matata. (I say that a lot)
- Fuck'em
- People are stupid.
- Kill'em all!

[shoewhore.livejournal.com]

+ Are you sure you want to know the answer to that? Because you might not like what I have to say, so why don't you think about that question, and then let me know if you REALLY want to know the answer...

+ C U Next Tuesday, BITCHES!!! (I say that in the car, a lot)

+ Here's an idea... Why dont you piss up a rope, and climb it?

+ Karma's a bitch.

+ If it's not 4:20, get that fucking clock out of my face!! (I don't really say that, but I THINK it, a WHOLE lot when I'm at work!)

[gypsyjolie.livejournal.com]

Your icon makes me bow before you. That's the best icon I've seen in a very long time.

[kaethe.livejournal.com]

I sing the "just keep swimming" song to myself, complete with Dorrie voice.

[khalanasa.livejournal.com]

*C'est la vie - pronouced completely wrong/American on purpose. I say this to people and in my head ALL the time and somehow, it really does help me regain just a little bit of that zen.

*The entire fuck rant from The Boondock Saints- the one that ends in "Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word." In my head. And other favorite nasty phrase to call people in my head, "you cum-sucking son of a syphilitic whore"

*From my hero, Harlan Ellison, man never suffered a fool a day in his life, the quote about stupidity being the most common element in the universe.

[parthenia14.livejournal.com]

Mostly after being dissed by someone in a shop:

"I hope your rabbit dies and you can't sell the hutch." (ancient West Country saying)

[aukestrel.livejournal.com]

Currently in my head:

+It's Billy TaLLent!

+The band was Jenifur, not Jennifer.

+I hate everyone except you, you, and you. I do. I HATE you.