Choose your own ending!

[hackthis_archive]

Today, we play a game called Find Jake Gyllenhaal a Boyfriend Because Jared Leto is a Dick and Hackthis Doesn't Want to Write Him in the Story

Seriously, there's nothing like getting mid-story and finding out the Leading Actor is a major arse. Thankfully, I don't have to stick with casting, unlike Hollywood, so, I'm looking for suggestions that are not married, geriatic, asshole of the month or impossibly straight. Plausibility is key, and sadly, I am not allowed to use Ryan Gosling, so show me what else you've got. Make the case for your man.*

NO MAN WHORES OR SKEEZY MEN ALLOWED!

*Disclaimer: By posting here, you agree to give all your base, err, commentary rights to The Management, who you can just call Ari.

Comments

[julissak01.livejournal.com]

How about Heath Ledger? Although he's a daddy now, him and Michelle aren't married. *coughyetcough* And it's plausible...

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thinking about that.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

They totally need a personal ad for this:

Single, possibly gay, big box office draw ISO reasonably attractive, unmarried, also possibly gay same for eventual long-term relationship, lucrative contract as spokesperson for gay landmark B&B included. NO MANWHORES.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I love you. You know this is going in the story, right?

[resmin.livejournal.com]

Well if Jake really did dress up like a Navy guy then what about James Franco? As far as gay cred goes, he played Spiderman's arch boyfriend enemy, was the oh so lovely James Dean, and did a movie called 'Mean People Suck'.

*inserts 'Nice People Swallow' rejoiner*

And of course you can't use Gosling, he's too busy with Hayden and Ewan. ;)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Dude, SK and I were totally thinking that, because Jesus, he was good as James Dean.

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

Wentworth Miller. He's hot, he's metrosxual, and as far as I can tell, he's single.

Of course, I think he's not in L.A. right now, but why let petty details like that stop you?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Oh, city location is never a problem, but I xnayed him cos he just leaves me cold. He's hot, but it's just like "..."

[jennifus.livejournal.com]

Is Christian Bale single? Or Jensen Ackles? (though I guess he's not, like, big-star enough for the role). Because... my mind just went to a beautiful threesome place and... *dies*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

a) Married, with baby. And scary.
b) His eyes are too close together. I look at him and want to be sterilised.

[babyofthegroup.livejournal.com]

Now see, the bit about Jared just makes me sad. Because, hey, much with the pretty, right? ::sigh::

You could always go with Chris Evans, who is hotter than sex on a stick. Probably a bit on the straight side, but still hotter than a hot hot thing. And not married.

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

Heee. I was so going to say him!

[antheia.livejournal.com]

Going through his sister there's Josh Hartnett and Adrian Grenier...

Or, yanno, James Spader. *cough*

[supergrover24.livejournal.com]

Jonathan Rhys Myers?

There's always Neil Patrick Harris for complete crack. He's at least out as bi, as far as I know.

[antheia.livejournal.com]

He (Harris) is so the cutest little gay-boy. I went to high school in Chelsea, and he used to frequent the local (very gay) coffee shop. Just so cute, and always friendly. <3 him.

[elfiepike.livejournal.com]

lucas black (http://imdb.com/name/nm0085407/)? no, not really a serious suggestion, but i'm really fond of him.

plus, thanks for getting me all excited about jarhead! it was highly worthwhile. :D

[lovekeller.livejournal.com]

I love Lucas Black with a scary passion.

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

Heath Ledger? Ioan Gruffud?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I thought of Heath, but he and wasserface from Dawson's Creek just had a baby last week, who they named Matilda. Nice, Australian name that.

[slodwick.livejournal.com]

Does Edward Norton count as "impossibly straight"? What about Wes Bentley?

[slightlywee.livejournal.com]

Oh god yes Edward Norton! He is my favorite thing ever.

[vic-ramsey.livejournal.com]

I vote for James Franco also. Fact- Jake went to high school with Jason Segel who played Nick Andopolis in Freaks and Geeks.

[vic-ramsey.livejournal.com]

Or Sean Faris. http://www.seanfaris.com/

[wistfuljane.livejournal.com]

Tobey Maguire! Link by the same girl and the same blind item. Not to mention there's an Famtracker Battle of the Long-Lashed Heartthrobs (http://www.fametracker.com/2_stars_1_slot/gyllenhaal_maguire.shtml) article about them.

Or am I the only one who think it'll be funny to pit them together in a relationship? *coughs*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think you're on your own there.

[mellafe.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm, James Franco. I remember a picture with him in this huge sweater holding a cup of coffee. YUM.

I rec Ian Somerhalden too, because he looks gay, I think he's single and the boy is pretty. Yup.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

See! Who I really want is Paul Bettany, why is he married with children?!!

[spurious.livejournal.com]

I too put in a vote for James Franco. Yess.

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

if you listen to the voices in the wilderness and pick Franco then I am going to have to break out the big guns and say I'd rather have Ryan.


oh frak.

[teaspoon.livejournal.com]

James Franco seems the best out of the choices offered up in your comments, so far. SAD that Ryan Gosling can't be used, but.

Hmm. Would it be too silly to use Jamie Bamber after Jake has already lusted after Apollo?

[theamusedone.livejournal.com]

Have you seen this yet?

http://www.socialitelife.com/video/Jarhead.mpg

[dopplegl.livejournal.com]

What about any of the following:

Jason Behr (http://imdb.com/name/nm0004736/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9amFzb24gYmVocnxmdD0xfG14PTIwfGxtPTUwMHxjbz0xfGh0bWw9MXxubT0x;fc=1;ft=20;fm=1) - I mean, This (http://www.katwalsh.com/journal/pictures/jasonbehr1.jpg) is just hot.

Jesse Spencer (http://moodswings.sitesled.com/jesse/gallery/shoots/ps21.jpg) - He has an Australian accent.

Mike Vogel (http://www.mike-vogel.com/) - He's just pretty.

And if those don't work, I also cast my vote for James Franco, because I'd so tap that.

[jonem.livejournal.com]

Um, Jamie Bell?

He's young and pretty, alhough I'm not sure where he's based at the moment.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_regina/]

I'd vote for Cillian Murphy if he wasn't married with a child, but maybe Jonathan Rhys Meyers? He hasn't joined any gay pride parades lately (that I know of), but he's certainly not going out of his way to give off straight vibes.

"A lot of men are very uptight, but I don't distinguish between male and female beauty. Beauty is beauty." (http://imdb.com/name/nm0001667/bio)

Also, he looked hot romping naked with Ewan in Velvet Goldmine.

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

How about The Delectable Bradley Cooper? Single (as far as I know), based in LA, pretty. Haven't heard about any assish behavior. Also, appropos of nothing, he used to play tennis with David Anders when they were on Alias, a mental image that makes me giggle madly when it isn't making me cross-eyed with lust.

[chicklet-girl.livejournal.com]

Oh, and they can bond over how awkward it is simulating getting fucked in their movies (Brokeback Mountain; Wet Hot American Summer).

[aphelant.livejournal.com]

Oh, now that someone has suggested Neil Patrick Harris I'm squeeing and flailing all over the place. Why does he seem so perfect to me? It's the snark, I think. Have you seen 'How I Met Your Mother'? I mean, the snark. SNARK. Ah, geez.

*sends pretty little NPH in a bow tie covered in chocolate so you will pick him* *and maybe lick him a little. he'd like that*

[vylit.livejournal.com]

How about Bradley Cooper? He's adorable, unmarried, and KC is doing well.

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

Neil Patrick Harris needs love, and he and Jake would look so damn cute together, in a very hot way. James Franco leaves me cold, and JRM would leave Jake in a hot minute if Ewan and Jude invited him to play house. Jake needs commitment. My vote's with Neil.

I cannot believe you have mind-whammied me into putting that much thought into this.