Oh, Matt Saracen, how are you so awesome and so hot? Really? Also, initially this pairing did something weird to my brain and made it think we were writing Superman Returns/ Batverse again.


Friday Night Lights
Jason/Tim (Jason/Lyla, Tim/Tyra)
Spoilers for 1.07 'El Accidente'
Rated Adult
Beta by antheia, coercion by musesfool, dedicated to lyra_sena, remaining fuck-ups by me.


Man Up

( On the third day of their freshman year of high school, Jason Street kissed Tim Riggins for the first time. It wasn't a particularly *good* kiss -- they'd been sitting on a dead log by the river, and Tim had been drinking because Billy had been giving him shit about football and how he had to step up his game, because Billy had had to give up his dream for Tim and he fucking *owed* him. )

I had a whole post, but I got distracted by having to explain to someone what tea bagging is and lost the whole thing.

In short:

a) Person who bought me a flower = Adoration and hearts and chubby smartass angels who shoot you in the ass with an arrow, and then you bitch to Carson about how it really hurts, and the whole of Atlantis gets to talk about what a great ass you have and it's okay. Um, yeah.

b) My writing mojo has vanished on me. Just in time for yuletide. Just fucking great.

c) Does anybody have any character meta on Hiro and Nathan so I can write cracked-out friend fic with them in it, even though I haven't watched most of the Heroes, just the bits with them in it?

d)My day has been made MOST AWESOME by serialkarma telling me that Rachel McAdams has signed on to be Clare in the Time Traveler's Wife. And by 'most awesome' I mean that there was whooping and hollering and bouncing up and down in my chair, because the only way this could be more right is if they got Ryan Gosling to play the most beloved Henry, except like torchthisnow said, TTW is NOT The Notebook, pt II. Still, I cannot begin to tell you how amazing The Time Traveler's Wife is as a novel, just that it was my favorite book of 2005, and that my copy is now travelling around the country to indoctrinate other people into the brilliance.


Story Rec: runpunkrun. Punk Manuverability (I spelt it right and everything!). Stargate: Atlantis. Able to Zoo. Twenty-six stories of 100 words where there are blue daisies and orgies and eavesdropping. How can one be with down with the rainbow crank? And no, that's not even a drug reference.

So, inquiring minds wanted to know what happened to the SGA 'John masturbates in Rodney's bed' story. I'll tell you what happened -- my brain happened. The story should've just been this one-off thing, but it kept getting in its own way. So here are a bunch of attempts, hopefully, one of which will, you know... [insert hackthis waving hands vaguely as she tends to when her brain is telling her to shut up and stop babbling]

Stargate: Atlantis
Sheppard/McKay
P for Thar Be Porn Here
Spoilers for 'The Return' [insert sobbing over actually knowledge of episode titles HERE]

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Kinky

( The great thing about the afterglow of quality masturbation is that almost nothing can disturb it: except for Rodney standing in the doorway holding a large frying pan. )


Random Note: This was originally titled 'Like Cookies Love Milk' hence the icon.

1) When I first saw the Jordan Catalano chokes Frodo story a few days ago I thought to myself "He prolly hit on him, and the wombat told him to get lost. Which, you know, is so fucking funny on so many levels I can't even count them all." serialkarma thinks I'm prolly right too, ha!

2) I can't believe nobody told me that in a follow-up to The Hardest Part of Break-Up fryadvocate wrote Ken/G.I. Joe! Now with stalking G.I. Joe and Cobra Commander Barbie! I mean really. Everybody's fired.

3) Last night's TV was shockingly good. I'm just. Can I just ask WHERE IS THE JASON/TIM PRON FROM FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS?! How much do I heart Matt Saracen? Seriously Matt = UberWoobie. Don't even fake.

4) NaNo people, come and tell me what your fabulous stories are going to be about.

5) amberlynne what did you say happened to that group called Republic? Have you got any of their music for sharing?

You know who else is fired? serialkarma because here I am trying to write SGA porn and she's all, why isn't there any Eric/Ari? How could that happen? What could make that occur? And I'm all but…but….but… porn. She kilt it!

And yet, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to make anything work, so you know, I just [makes wail of frustration].

It my ongoing effort to pimp Things Wot I Love, today I am pimping some SGA things to those who have just gotten on the bandwagon. *coughantheiacough*


The first thing I am pimping is a vid. I very well may have pimped it before, but you know that was like months ago or whatever. So, firstly, Atlantis! By sherrold and wickedwords, which is SGA done to Oklahoma. Yeah, that Oklahoma. I watch this video a lot. Almost as much as I watch lim's This is How it Works. I wish I could explain the awesomeness of Atlantis, but really you have to see it for yourself, because well, the farmer and the cowman should be friends. *dies* I have to go watch Oklahoma now or something.

My second recommendation is for scrunchy's Chasing Sheppard, which yes, I've already recommended before too, but you know I obviously keep coming back to it for a reason. It's an AU. Based on a movie. Try to stick with me. I know there are lots of people who have 'comfort fics'; I don’t. I have stories that burrow under my skin and make me hurt, and holler at the computer screen, and say 'Oh, well -- well shit.' This is one of those stories. Not pretty, not pleasant, but oh so very real, and so very good. It's not about SGA, it's not about Chasing Amy either, it's mostly about getting in your own way, and I think we all know what that's like.

And because too much SGA isn't good for the blood, I'm dragging out the story that not only introduced me to fryadvocate's work, but also made me offer her my first born. Repeatedly. The Best Part of Breaking Up, which is, uh, Barbie!fic. Wait! Wait! Before you run screaming into the night, just hear me out. The author says its crack!fic, and it is, but for anybody who ever owned a Barbie doll and a Ken doll it's like the epiphany of all time, because you always knew somebody with plastic hair wasn't right for the most fabulous doll ever.

Okay, I am off now. Be nice to the other children. Don’t poke anybody in the eye with a crayon. Sign up for yuletide before November 2nd. Remember that the word of the day is 'pornery' as brought to you by etben, who says pornery: an adjective describing that state of squinty-eyed long-day fuck-a-bunch-of-you mean-ass cussedness for which the only remedy is porn.


ETA: I threw together a quick zip of Things Wot hackthis is perving, err grooving on right now, for those feeling curious/up for it. There'a little rap (Lupe Fiasco), a little country (Jeffrey Foucault), a little sad bastard (M. Ward), a little hipster (Get Set Go), you know, something for everybody.

Two brainfarts that will never see the light of day as a proper story. Not even with bribery. Unless the bribery is REALLY good.

Dedicated to antheia and raucousraven respectively.

1. ( Harry Potter: The one where Blaise is Prime Minister. )

2. ( House/Entourage/Clooney in 2008: The one where Ari meets Gregory House )

This weekend I saw The Queen, which you know, what can you say about Helen Mirren that hasn't already been said (awesome, awe-inspiring, holy-fucking-cow I thought it was a documentary, she was so brilliant, crap like that) and The Prestige.

Now, I had no expectations of The Prestige. None. Despite it being Chris Nolan and Michael Caine, and like other people -- because you know Scarlett Johannsen makes me gag, and Christian Bale may be Bruce, but holy fuck is he a scary one to look at. And well, damn.

Every now and then a movie comes along that towards the end you find yourself cocking your head to the side more and more until your head is at a 45 degree angle, and you're all '...the fuck?' Did they really just pull that off?'

Remember when you saw The Usual Supsects for the first time? Yeah, this is kind of like that. Not quite that shocking. I saw it coming, but still, it was very good.

So good that I yearn longingly for someone to write it for yuletide. Really. Don't make me go there on my own. Come talk to me about it in the comments if you've seen either one.

If you haven't, what are you waiting for? A goddamn invitation from the queen?!

It's come to my attention that there are people who read this El Jay who don't know who Ari is. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean apart from the screaming of INFIDELS! *sigh* This is the story of Ari as told by me. This is the story of Ari as told by HBO.


Stargate: Atlantis/Entourage/RPS (Alternate Universe)
Rodney McKay, Ari Gold, and John Sheppard, with special appearances by both ensembles and Matt Damon!


W.O.E. (World of Entertainment) 2/?

Chapter one here

( Is this the part where I'm supposed to confess to an illicit background in gay porn and you tell me it doesn't matter, that you can make me a legitimate star anyway? Is this the part where I'm supposed to blow you for a second chance? )

It occurs to me that if I had done as much research in university as I do for my stories I wouldn't have to do this shit for a living. Oh wait, I don't get paid for this.

Grey's Anatomy
Ensemble. Alex POV.

Changing the Size of Your Soul

( Grey's Spoilers through 3.04. Nip/Tuck spoilers through this season. Alex/Callie 4eva. Read my SGA/Entourage AU, bitches. Peace in the streets and Clooney in 2008. Bring back Kitchen Confidential! Yeah, I think that covers all my platforms. *gets off soap box* )

Meet the First Son!

Washington, D.C., White House Press Room -- The President of the United States and the First Gentleman have adopted a child from the great country of California. The five month-old boy, seen here in his first offical press release, a brochure promoting the Toys for Tots charity, is named Cooper Nicholas Clooney after the First Gentleman, and the President's father.

During the press conference to announce the adoption, the President quoted the First Gentleman by saying that the U.S. should take care of its own children before pilfering from other countries. He also went on to say he planned on collecting the $40,000 owed to him by Nicole Kidman and Michelle Pfeiffer for the First Son's college fund.

"Nicole and Michelle thought I'd never make it to 50 without being a dad, but the joke's on them, because I just turned 50," the President said proudly. "If they could pay up sooner rather than later Anderson and I would appreciate it, because college is going to be expensive by the time Nick is ready to go."

While the First Son wasn't at the press conference, attendees were able to hear his cooing from the White House hall and the President had baby spit-up on his Brioni suit. The First Family have requested that instead of sending money and baby presents the public please donate to:

The National Adoption Center
1500 Walnut Street, Suite 701,
Philadelphia, PA, 19102
1-800-TO-ADOPT


Thank you to whomever bought me the flower, I am very touched