idealists are the cruelest monsters of them all.

Dear mahaliem:

YOU ARE AWESOME! If you have any requests, I am yours for 500 words.

Love,
Me

Also, I was reading an article about George (Clooney) and Barack (Obama) today (it was from the weekend LA Times about how George is trying to contain his glee about Barack running for office), and George was talking about how he and Barack talk on the phone all the time, and Barack was like, "We're good friends." I about died.

Seriously, if this were a girl talking about a boy or a boy talking about a girl, the press would be all 'Friends my ass! OTP! OTP!' But you know, BFF totally works for me, too.

2005
Brad: My new girlfriend is great. She's going to change the world. She's going to be the new Mother Theresa

George: Whatever. Good luck getting laid.

2007
George: My new boyfriend is gonna be president. How's that Mother Theresa situation working out for you?

Brad: Shut up, George.

Ari: I WIN!*

I would drabble for a Clooney/Obama icon. Seriously. 100 words per icon. Whatever you want. No Hermione. Or Claire. Blech.

ETA: Angelina's brother says Angie and Brad talk politics. That's really random (not). Is this some random dig at George and his new man or something? That totally sounds like some bitchy on-going argument between Brad and George doesn't it? Like George spent years trying to get Brad involved and then Angie comes along with her Miracle!Sex and Brad's suddenly Edward R. Murrow.

*All queries about George, Brad and Ari can probably be answered by The Incredibly True Adventures of Four Stars, Two Actors In Love, and One Gay Landmark

Whose House? George's House!

The President of the United States took time out from his humanitarian efforts in the Sudan region to answer a few questions about the mid-term elections, making the world a better place for the First Son, who gets sedated the most in his Cabinet and what's the deal with his ex-partner.



Q: Mr. President you must be thrilled about the results of the mid-term elections. What are your plans now that your party is in control of Congress? –- The Washington Post

President Clooney: Well, I would be lying if I said our party taking over control of Congress didn't make me at least a little happy. Tomorrow, Pinky, I think we'll take over the world.

[cue much laughter from the Press Corps]

Q: Mr. President you've been lobbying the UN repeatedly for help in the Darfur region, how does it make you feel to see things happening so slowly? –- The LA Times

President Clooney: As much as I would love to speed the wheel of progress along, a lot, I think we all know what happens when the US sends in troops without thinking things through. I'm hoping we can get better results with humanitarian aid than with military assistance. I'd like to be able to tell my son that I've done all I can to make the world a better place for him.

Q: Mr. President is it true that the Surgeon General (Dr. Gregory House) is prescribing Vicodin willy nilly for Secretary of the Defence Black and Chief of Staff Gold? –- The New York Post

President Clooney: [raises eyebrow] As much as I might like for Lewis and Ari to be sedated around the clock I find it hard to believe that either one of them would take something to diminish their rather gregarious personalities.

The New York Post: So that would be a 'no' then?

President Clooney: I'm sorry to disappoint your editors, but yes that would be a no. The only drugs Lewis and Ari take are the ones their assistants put in their coffee to make them more pliable -- and before anyone gets arrested, yes, that is a joke. Unless it isn't. You would have to ask Heather and Lloyd.

Q: Mr. President this is a little outside the scope of today's conference, but is it true that before you were the leader of the free world, you put a bumper sticker on Brad Pitt's Prius that said 'I'm Gay and I Vote!' -- Defamer.com

President Clooney: I'd love to be able to say that I'm above such things, but to paraphrase Mr. Washington, 'I cannot tell a lie, I chopped down Mr. Pitt's cherry tree.'

The LA Times: Is that a euphemism, sir?

President Clooney: It is whatever you want it to be as long as you don't tell Anderson. Now if you'll excuse me I have to meet with Vice President Obama and take care of the First Son's two o'clock feeding. It's not easy being a working parent, you guys should try it.

The Clooney Fan Club: We love you Mr. President!

President Clooney: Your country loves you too, so don't forget to vote.


I'd meant to post this last week but forgot. Still, it's never too soon to register to vote for the next election. Just saying.

Are London Bridges Falling Down?

Oscar-winner Clive Owen was in town last night promoting his latest film Why Am I So Hot and How Can You Not Recognise This? and according to sources very close to the situation, the President cut short a phone call with Gael Garcia Bernal, the President of Mexico, to have dinner with Owen.

"George and Clive don't just have unfinished business, they are unfinished business," the source said somewhat gleefully. "Anderson can't even watch Clive's movies with the president without stomping off in a huff. It's even worse than when George had that thing for Jake Gyllenhaal."

Readers will recall years before the president was the president, he made a huge splash in the proverbial pond with statements about the hotness of Mr Owen, as well as the Prime Minister of Australia, Cate Blanchett. Just not together. Although that would probably send this reporter into cardiac arrhythmia.

At the time of those statements the president was still a free man and dating with abandon, but since Mr Owen was involved, the two have always denied any relations.

While no photographic evidence is available of Owen entering the White House, or of the President even leaving last night, sources assure me that the two men dined together well into the wee hours on a decadent six-course meal provided by the White House chef, Jack Bourdain.

When asked about the dinner at this morning's press conference, and what the First Gentleman (currently in Europe to speak before the UN) thought, Chief of Staff Ari Gold narrowed his eyes and answered with his usual aplomb. "No fucking comment, you cocksucking whoremongerer. I hope you catch syphilis from the page you're fucking, and your dick falls off."


This press release brought to you with grants from the trevorfrost, lyra_sena and slodwick corporations.

White House Meets with Favored Sons

First Gentleman Anderson Cooper stopped in New York on his way home from Baghdad to meet with White House Special Correspondent, Jon Stewart. Video available here. This meeting marks the first time in the Clooney administration that the First Gentleman has availed himself to his longtime best friend.

According to inside reports, the twosome had a falling out after the president was elected, because Stewart had long harbored fantasies of being First Gentleman himself. Readers of this column will remember the 2006 Academy Awards, presented by Stewart, in which the comedian made his feelings about the then-actor relatively plain, even going so far as to tape a fantasy sequence featuring Clooney and himself in bed. Video available here

Sources say that after this public display, Cooper forbade Clooney from meeting with Stewart, an ultimatum the now-president repeatedly ignored during his presidential campaign. Most notably during the interview where Stewart referred to Clooney as 'man-meat.' Video available here

Meanwhile, back on Capitol Hill, the President and the Vice President were preparing for the annual State of the Union address by meeting with the head White House speechwriter, Stephen Colbert. According to those in the know, Colbert was recommended to the presidential staff by Stewart and is well liked by the president for his take-no-prisoners manner.

One wonders if Colbert will include jokes about the President's recent secret lunches with long-time ex-partner, Brad Pitt. Tongues wagged after this paparazzi photo was published, depicting the President (resplendent in an ensemble chosen by his stylist/mother-in-law, Gloria Vanderbilt) leaving a restaurant with Pitt (outfit by Tony B. of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn).

When questioned by the press, the President insisted he and Pitt were discussing the improving situation in Darfur. First Gentleman Anderson Cooper could not be reached for comment. Anonymous sources in the White House say things are a bit frosty between the First Couple. "Anderson's been giving George the Ice-Cold Stare, and believe me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that."

*Additional reporting by correspondent chicklet_girl

President and Vice President Hold Press Conference.

President George Clooney and Vice President Barack Obama sat down with Treasury Secretary Sam Brownback to talk about the current financial surplus and how the President plans to spend that money.

"Five years ago, I would've used this money to finance a movie critizing the administration, but since I *am* the administration, that would be a little detrimental. I was thinking I would just give all the money to PBS and the arts. And Medicaid, because it would be nice if we all had heath coverage, wouldn't it?"

After sorting out the crisis in Darfur, creating peace in the Middle East, finding an alternative oil source in vegetable oil, and financing a cure for cancer, the President laughed off suggestions that he might need a vacation. "I'll sleep when Anderson says I can," the President joked of the First Gentleman. "Apparently, I still need to get global warming under control or I have to sleep on the sofa tonight."

After today's press conference, Clooney and Obama will meet with the Secretary of State Oprah Winfrey, and Chief of Staff Ari Gold to talk about ways to improve the U.S.'s standing with third world countries. "We're talking about dropping the debt for 2012," Winfrey confided to The Washington Post earlier this week. "We think it's about time that everyone got on the same page."

When asked about Winfrey's statement, Gold rolled his eyes. "Hell no," he said. "Tell Oprah to get back on her meds."

The President and the First Gentleman will be in London next week to attend the baptism of Prince William's daughter, Diana.



**This travesty of RPF created based on George being so awesome and speaking before the UN today. Yay, George! Also, heidi8 tells me that George will be on Anderson tonight because he misses his baby daddy even though Anderson is still out of the office. Do you think they have satellite phone sex?

I am so wrong. I know this. It's great. I need to buy me one of those Clooney in 2008 shirts