I won’t worry my life away.

[hackthis_archive]

So, in a fit of stupidity I posted ‘Metamorphosis’ to SSA and L3. I probably should have taken out the link in the middle of the story first though, so people could read the entire thing, don’t you think? Ah, well, fuck it, what’s done is done, so. I did realise just so everyone doesn’t think I’m that big of an eejit. I re-archived the story, but the posted version was indeed all jacked up. C'est la vie.

GIP. Thanks to anniesj I can proudly display my straight girl crush - Maggie Gyllenhaal. Oh, and her brother’s kinda hot too. *wink*.

Speaking of straight, pandarus inquired earlier about why some straight girls can’t get with the het program in writing, and I’m not speaking for anybody else here. . For me it possibly has to do with the a) the stupidity of a fair amount of the men involved, i.e. Chloe/Clark. You’ll notice that whenever I write Chloe she’s giving Clark what’s for, because he’s an idiot. And I know, why should I put him together with Lex if I think Clark’s such a fucking idiot. I don’t know. I’m a bad person, who perhaps thinks Lex needs Clark more, or that he’s more able and tolerant to deal with Clark’s short comings. I still think Clark’s an idiot, and Chloe seems to get short-shrift enough as it is. But Zahra, I hear you say, Chloe’s straight, you’re straight, shouldn’t you identify with her and hook her up. Well, no. To me it’s like setting up your friend with a guy you know is a fuckwit. I don’t do that cos that’s mean, and wrong.

Which brings up to possibility b) I am blazingly slashy and non-het because of the Mary-Sue factor. I live in fear of being too vicarious, losing control of my writing, and suddenly giving Ron a blowjob in the middle of the great hall. Hmmm. I like redheads yes, but let’s not go too far shall we? This, of course, is my take. There are some people who might not think this is OOC at all. I’m not one of them. I don’t want to sacrifice my characters in the interest of just getting to blow a random male every chance I get. I have enough projection as it is, do I really suddenly want to put that onto poor Hermione and then start shipping Ron/Harry/Hermione just to get off with everybody? No and double no. I am not my characters (okay, except maybe Lex, which probably means I’m John-Sueing anyway), and I’m trying - sometimes with more success than at other times - not to mix up the two. All I'm saying here, is that some het is extraordinarily Mary-Sue, but then again, so is some slash. You're in the shit, any way about it: I just prefer to be in the shit with two men instead of one.

Or. It could just be c) I have a crappy sense of self-esteem and the idea that my ‘pink bits’ should conform to some random person’s idea of sexual liberation freaks me the fuck out. Especially since neither my bits nor my wardrobe are pink.

I don’t quite think it’s ‘c’ thought, I should probably ask the ex that had the exhibitionist streak.

Or, it could just be that d) I live the hetero, with random less-than-straight thoughts, lifestyle every second of the day by my choice. When I read I want escapism. I don’t want to constantly keep reading and being reminded of my ex or something that I know I’ve done and done the exact same way. I don't read fanfiction to be reminded of where I’ve fallen short - but that doesn't mean that I don't like angst or drama because I do. It just means that I'm not into Mills and Boone or 'Men are From Mars...' If I think I want or need that I can call a therapist or Barnes and Noble.

Comments

[lux--aeterna.livejournal.com]

this is such an interesting debate to me, because i'm, er, straight (with random less-than-straight thoughts, as you put it). but honestly.. i don't know. really, to me, i just find.. gay men a lot more attractive than straight men.

and i don't glorify gay men. i'm not one of those girls who thinks that all gay men are hot and young and beautiful, etc. etc. etc., i'm just kind of.. i don't know how to explain it.

it's just so much more beautiful and natural, to me, for guys to be kissing guys. likewise with girls to be kissing girls.

which doesn't make sense, because seeing as i'm (mostly) straight... i'm going against my own ideas about what's attractive.

maybe it's just a really, really interesting expression of self-loathing. *shrugs* or maybe i'm just weird.

[pastiche.livejournal.com]

Kudo's to you for doing this post. I think everyone has a version of their own for this kind of question. Question your sexuality, orientation and preferences based on what makes you 'hot' when you read it to define who you are as a person - pervert, repressed gay person or ultra feminist(shoulda been born a guy because *way* with the equality and dominance issues). Being completely normal was not an option because 'guy on guy' sex automatically equals perversion to all you people growing up in a society that has been politically shaped by the moral concepts of religion.

Puhlease.

I like it. I don't hurt anyone, nor have I changed my perception about people negatively buy reading it. I don't have to apologize or explain my sexuality to anyone.

Maybe its hot because the social perception makes it forbidden and therefore tempting. What the fuck ever.

I think the best thing about this post is that you've encouraged people to vocalize something that probably all of us have thought about at one point or another. And those who have felt uncomfortable can find reassurance in the commonality of feelings. Go you *bg*

[tmcado.livejournal.com]

Mmmm... interesting point of view.

Here's a question: why do you think there are het girls who adore m/m slash but can't just read f/f?

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

Write me Harry/Luna, damn you, whore!

You are very cute with your fright of Mary Suing. It's pretty funny since you are with Lex, in a good way, don't hurt me.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Write me Harry/Luna, damn you, whore!

You are very cute with your fright of Mary Suing. It's pretty funny since you are with Lex, in a good way, don't hurt me.

First of all, no.

Second on all, no.

Third of all, you can write your own.

Fourth of all, stop ratting me out.

Fifth of all, (shit, we're at fifth?) Damn, I forgot what I was gonna say.

Re:

[ethrosdemon.livejournal.com]

You were going to tell me about the fic you have planned where Sirius comes back and he's been in another dimension where Harry was sorted Slytherin and he killed Voldemort and became the new Dark Lord?

How great was the part in OotP where Harry says that only Death Eaters call Tom that?? Yeehaw!

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You were going to tell me about the fic you have planned where Sirius comes back and he's been in another dimension where Harry was sorted Slytherin and he killed Voldemort and became the new Dark Lord?

How great was the part in OotP where Harry says that only Death Eaters call Tom that?? Yeehaw!

BITCH! You ain't even finished any of the stories you started, and look at all those people that wanted to read True Heir - you need to put that shit in memories - further more, wouldn't that be a nice twist for *your* story? Yeah. That's what I thought. You better break out some pen and paper.