idealists are the cruelest monsters of them all.

At 22,798 words, this story is officially the longest one-shot I have ever written. (The Way I Was Made is 21,975 and Semper Fidelis Familia is 22,496), which is kind of mind-boggling for me since I remember when I thought a long story was more than five pages long.

For those of you who are wary of Merlin or Entourage or a bit of RPF/S, I can only say that I hope you'll give it a shot anyway. I don't think you'll be disappointed; well, at least I'm not.

Merlin featuring Entourage and some RPS
Merlin Emrys/Arthur Pendragon
NC-17 / 18
Alternate Universe
Word Count: 22,798

The Kingdom of the Blaggers


( Arthur Pendragon was destined to be a movie star. )

a) I saw the trailer for HP and the Half-Blood Prince. I won't lie, it looks good. HBP is my favorite book because it actually talks about Slytherins for a change. Biased what?

b) Wyatt Cenac continues to infringe on my Jon and Stephen love. Make it rain!

c) Unless you've been under a rock recently, you know that Shia got busted for DUI. I had to write about it. Really. I was biologically compelled.


Entourage/Real People Fiction (Except for those bits that are true).
Ari Gold/Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney, Shia LaBeouf
Rated Ari for language.
For anywherebeyond and sparky77

Beautiful Disasters

(  Only stupid people go to war unprepared, like the President  )

Some people just don't know how to behave and then I have to do things like this.

RPS/RPS
Ari Gold/whiskey bottle, Lloyd, various press items

( Ari Gold's State of the Union Address )

RPF/RPS/Entourage/CRACK!

hackthis Productions Present:

Make Sure They See My Face (The Making of a Movie in Five Acts)

featuring Ari Gold
George Clooney
Shia LaBeouf
and Milo Ventimiglia

With Viggo Mortensen. And some other folks.


( Act I: Ari )

Brandon Routh as Supes is hotass. The Scariest Man™ ever (Christian Bale) as Bats is sadly hotass too. When you put them together that's like overkill.

Entourage /RPS/F -- Ari FUCKING Gold. Brandon Routh. Lloyd. George Clooney. For issaro and serialkarma who provided the photo and for vylit because this isn't the Johnny Cash story I promised her, but all I've got.

No superheroes were harmed in the making of this fictitious story.


This One Time When I Was a Superhero


( It's really the photograph of Superman and Christian Bale that does it for Ari because a) it's really fucking gay, and b) George has been kind of miserable since Bradley and the Anti-Christ popped out the Golden Child and c) the only thing better than signing Brandon Routh would be signing Brandon Routh and hooking him up with George. – Entourage S3 spoilers )

Entourage/Real People Fiction

An Amazon.com ™ exclusive


Building Steam from a Grain of Salt: The Story of Ari Gold


( Click here for excerpts from Ari Gold's autobiography 'Building Steam from a Grain of Salt', coming soon to a bookstore near you, except for Wal-Mart because those fuckers took exception to all the profanity contained within and wanted it edited. We told those cow-tippers to go suck a dick behind the Formosa Café like George Michael. )

This is for literaryll, who very specifically asked for this storyline, and who I could not deny because she's provided me with like 30 mp3s in the last two weeks.

RPF - Ari Gold, George Clooney, Daniel Radcliffe (by name only) and lots of offensive and slanderous talking about everyone, including your mother. I'm sure reading The Incredibly True Adventures of Four Stars, Two Actors in Love and One Gay Landmark would help, but it's not required.


The Midas Touch


( Author's Note: According to Wikipedia says, '[Ari] has never met a racist or sexist comment he didn't like.' This is not a reason to celebrate him, but sometimes, you just can't fucking help yourself. Not that Ari has probably ever tried, but still. There's nothing *moderately* offensive about this -- it's just offensive, full stop. Also, apparently, BBM spoilers, but I read the story, so you know, I'm all huh? )

The people have spoken!

In honour of you lot, and my girl's book coming out tomorrow, I present:

RPS/RPF
Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Ari Gold, Matt Damon & George Clooney, in…


The Incredibly True Adventures of Four Stars, Two Actors In Love, and One Gay Landmark 3/4


All prior parts start here

( Wherein we go antique shopping, discuss eating macrobiotically, bitch a lot, witness the George and Matt show, bitch some more, see nekkid bits, get the Ari experience, and get our first introduction to the next Mr Gyllenhaal. Try not to kill yourselves. )