Please be kind if I’m a mess.
Sep. 13th, 2003 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveStupendous amounts of booze? Check.
Really fucking good Indian takeaway? Check.
Good mates? Check.
The ability to sleep? Errr, no, which means the likelihood of this making any sense is very small.
The OC
Doing the Hustle
1. The (Reluctant) Hustler
Until Ryan met and got to know Seth, he was justifiably weary of people who talked fast and moved faster. Where Ryan comes from flash and speed are reserved for cars, and people who adopt those traits are only about one thing: the hustle.
It’s one thing to hustle because you have to; it’s something else entirely to do it because you want to.
Ryan’s seen The Hustler; it’s a nice film, but it really has nothing to do with what hustling is all about at its heart: day-to-day life and doing what it takes to get by.
Ryan knows all about getting by when you’re recycling bottles for milk money and hanging out on the corner so that you don’t have to go home.
The hustle has nothing to do with cards or pool, and everything to do with making the best of what you’ve got. It’s about improvising, and Ryan is a jack-of-all trades. He doesn’t need a refrigerator full of food to eat for the week, and he knows how to fix what’s broken without the benefit of a toolbox.
Ryan knows about doing the hustle without being a hustler.
Hustlers enjoy what they do: Donnie was a hustler. So was Trey, and Luke has all the makings of one.
Ryan just does what he has to do.
He doesn’t talk about it; he just gets on with it. He can tell that this makes people nervous, but Ryan doesn’t see anything wrong with living life the way he does.
Everyone does what they have to to get by.
2. The Mark
When Seth says, “Everything’s cool,” he means everything is cool, except for whatever’s not cool. Or everything’s not cool, but he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Seth can say one thing and it will be open to twenty different interpretations, not because he’s Seth, but because that’s how most people are. It’s not Seth’s fault; it’s just how things are, it’s how most people are, but Ryan doesn’t operate like that.
When Ryan says, “Everything’s cool;” he means it.
Ryan won’t say what he doesn’t mean. He knows most people aren’t like that.
He knows most people aren’t like him, period.
Most people talk first, and think second. They will offer the world with one hand and hold a gun in the other. Ryan doesn’t even have the world, so naturally he’s suspicious of everyone else with good reason.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just experience.
Experience is why Ryan wasn’t surprised the first time the Cohens kicked him out, and more than a little surprised the second time they let him stay. Experience told Ryan that he would fuck things up with Marissa, and experience says it’s only a matter of time until the same thing happens with Seth.
It’s not pessimism; it’s just how things are.
Ryan knows what he’s capable of. He doesn’t think the worst of people, he just happens to know what they’re capable of, too.
Everyone as an ulterior motive, and Ryan’s only gotten to where he is because he understands this. His brain moves only slightly slower than a boosted car, and just because he doesn’t talk a lot doesn’t mean he doesn’t think a lot. He prefers to keep things internalized, because that way there’s a lesser chance for things to be misconstrued and misinterpreted.
3. The Con
Ryan doesn’t have friends; he has associates. He has people he knows. It’s not necessarily the way he’s wanted his life to be, but it’s the way things have turned out, and Ryan has adapted better than most. Part of adapting, however, requires learning things through trial and error: Ryan has tried to be friends with people and found out they’ve only wanted him for one thing or another.
That has been his error.
He’s learned the hard way not to make the same mistakes anymore, which is what makes dealing with Seth so difficult. Every fiber in Ryan’s body tells him that Seth wants something from him that will cost Ryan in the end, just like everybody else. It’s taking Ryan longer than normal to find Seth’s angle, but every time Seth is kind to Ryan, every time he wants to play video games or hang out and do ‘whatever,’ it raises Ryan’s hackles.
People from Chino don’t do ‘just because.’
So Ryan bides his time, and he waits, because Seth is just another person, and sooner or later he’ll try and hustle Ryan. Even if Seth would never call it that, it doesn’t matter.
One day all the lobster lunches and comic books are going to add up properly in Ryan’s mind. One day Ryan is going to wake up, and he’ll finally figure out what Seth wants, because everybody wants something.
Everybody is a hustler at heart.
4. The Hitch
A smart hustler is always on the look out for other hustlers on the make.
A smart boy from Chino knows better than to let down his guard at any given time, even after he’s been thwarted by the fairy princess next door and her white knight.
Marissa was never Ryan’s to begin with. She was just using him, hustling him so she could hustle Luke.
Ryan should know better. Ryan does know better, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. He bleeds just like everyone else, and all he wants to do is slink back to the pool house and lick his wounds. Seth has Summer, Marissa has Luke, and Ryan is on his own, because that’s how it has always been.
Some things will never change -– except for when they do.
Seth should not be hiding out in the pool house when Ryan comes home. He should not look nearly as dejected as Ryan feels. This is not about Seth; this is about Ryan, except it’s never just about Ryan. It’s always about Ryan and how other people affect him, and the look of sheer disappointment on Seth’s face affects Ryan even more than a heart he thinks is broken.
When Seth says “she wasn’t the one,” for a moment Ryan thinks he’s talking about Marissa. But then he remembers: it’s never about Ryan.
Until Seth says it is.
5. The Payoff
Ryan’s entire life has been about learning to stay one step ahead of the game, and Seth’s words trip him up as surely as if he’d been caught with his hand up his sleeve. It’s late, and Ryan’s tired. He’s not on point, and Seth’s fumbling, stumbling confession of emotions doesn’t sound like any hustle that Ryan has ever heard in his life.
Ryan always makes a point of choosing his words carefully, but he can’t find any for Seth.
It’s not what Seth has said, or even how he’s said it in his rambling way, but the expression on his face: earnest and trusting and hurt.
Seth means it when he says that he just wants Ryan.
He isn’t trying to hustle Ryan; he’s trying to be honest. For the first time, Ryan can recognize the emotion for what it looks like in its rawest form. All Ryan has ever really wanted is to be loved, and he wonders what happens to people when they don’t have a reason to hustle anymore.
He’s always heard that hustlers are in the game until the day they die, but Ryan would rather just take early retirement and see what he can build with Seth instead.
-end-
Really fucking good Indian takeaway? Check.
Good mates? Check.
The ability to sleep? Errr, no, which means the likelihood of this making any sense is very small.
The OC
Doing the Hustle
1. The (Reluctant) Hustler
Until Ryan met and got to know Seth, he was justifiably weary of people who talked fast and moved faster. Where Ryan comes from flash and speed are reserved for cars, and people who adopt those traits are only about one thing: the hustle.
It’s one thing to hustle because you have to; it’s something else entirely to do it because you want to.
Ryan’s seen The Hustler; it’s a nice film, but it really has nothing to do with what hustling is all about at its heart: day-to-day life and doing what it takes to get by.
Ryan knows all about getting by when you’re recycling bottles for milk money and hanging out on the corner so that you don’t have to go home.
The hustle has nothing to do with cards or pool, and everything to do with making the best of what you’ve got. It’s about improvising, and Ryan is a jack-of-all trades. He doesn’t need a refrigerator full of food to eat for the week, and he knows how to fix what’s broken without the benefit of a toolbox.
Ryan knows about doing the hustle without being a hustler.
Hustlers enjoy what they do: Donnie was a hustler. So was Trey, and Luke has all the makings of one.
Ryan just does what he has to do.
He doesn’t talk about it; he just gets on with it. He can tell that this makes people nervous, but Ryan doesn’t see anything wrong with living life the way he does.
Everyone does what they have to to get by.
2. The Mark
When Seth says, “Everything’s cool,” he means everything is cool, except for whatever’s not cool. Or everything’s not cool, but he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Seth can say one thing and it will be open to twenty different interpretations, not because he’s Seth, but because that’s how most people are. It’s not Seth’s fault; it’s just how things are, it’s how most people are, but Ryan doesn’t operate like that.
When Ryan says, “Everything’s cool;” he means it.
Ryan won’t say what he doesn’t mean. He knows most people aren’t like that.
He knows most people aren’t like him, period.
Most people talk first, and think second. They will offer the world with one hand and hold a gun in the other. Ryan doesn’t even have the world, so naturally he’s suspicious of everyone else with good reason.
It’s nothing personal, it’s just experience.
Experience is why Ryan wasn’t surprised the first time the Cohens kicked him out, and more than a little surprised the second time they let him stay. Experience told Ryan that he would fuck things up with Marissa, and experience says it’s only a matter of time until the same thing happens with Seth.
It’s not pessimism; it’s just how things are.
Ryan knows what he’s capable of. He doesn’t think the worst of people, he just happens to know what they’re capable of, too.
Everyone as an ulterior motive, and Ryan’s only gotten to where he is because he understands this. His brain moves only slightly slower than a boosted car, and just because he doesn’t talk a lot doesn’t mean he doesn’t think a lot. He prefers to keep things internalized, because that way there’s a lesser chance for things to be misconstrued and misinterpreted.
3. The Con
Ryan doesn’t have friends; he has associates. He has people he knows. It’s not necessarily the way he’s wanted his life to be, but it’s the way things have turned out, and Ryan has adapted better than most. Part of adapting, however, requires learning things through trial and error: Ryan has tried to be friends with people and found out they’ve only wanted him for one thing or another.
That has been his error.
He’s learned the hard way not to make the same mistakes anymore, which is what makes dealing with Seth so difficult. Every fiber in Ryan’s body tells him that Seth wants something from him that will cost Ryan in the end, just like everybody else. It’s taking Ryan longer than normal to find Seth’s angle, but every time Seth is kind to Ryan, every time he wants to play video games or hang out and do ‘whatever,’ it raises Ryan’s hackles.
People from Chino don’t do ‘just because.’
So Ryan bides his time, and he waits, because Seth is just another person, and sooner or later he’ll try and hustle Ryan. Even if Seth would never call it that, it doesn’t matter.
One day all the lobster lunches and comic books are going to add up properly in Ryan’s mind. One day Ryan is going to wake up, and he’ll finally figure out what Seth wants, because everybody wants something.
Everybody is a hustler at heart.
4. The Hitch
A smart hustler is always on the look out for other hustlers on the make.
A smart boy from Chino knows better than to let down his guard at any given time, even after he’s been thwarted by the fairy princess next door and her white knight.
Marissa was never Ryan’s to begin with. She was just using him, hustling him so she could hustle Luke.
Ryan should know better. Ryan does know better, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. He bleeds just like everyone else, and all he wants to do is slink back to the pool house and lick his wounds. Seth has Summer, Marissa has Luke, and Ryan is on his own, because that’s how it has always been.
Some things will never change -– except for when they do.
Seth should not be hiding out in the pool house when Ryan comes home. He should not look nearly as dejected as Ryan feels. This is not about Seth; this is about Ryan, except it’s never just about Ryan. It’s always about Ryan and how other people affect him, and the look of sheer disappointment on Seth’s face affects Ryan even more than a heart he thinks is broken.
When Seth says “she wasn’t the one,” for a moment Ryan thinks he’s talking about Marissa. But then he remembers: it’s never about Ryan.
Until Seth says it is.
5. The Payoff
Ryan’s entire life has been about learning to stay one step ahead of the game, and Seth’s words trip him up as surely as if he’d been caught with his hand up his sleeve. It’s late, and Ryan’s tired. He’s not on point, and Seth’s fumbling, stumbling confession of emotions doesn’t sound like any hustle that Ryan has ever heard in his life.
Ryan always makes a point of choosing his words carefully, but he can’t find any for Seth.
It’s not what Seth has said, or even how he’s said it in his rambling way, but the expression on his face: earnest and trusting and hurt.
Seth means it when he says that he just wants Ryan.
He isn’t trying to hustle Ryan; he’s trying to be honest. For the first time, Ryan can recognize the emotion for what it looks like in its rawest form. All Ryan has ever really wanted is to be loved, and he wonders what happens to people when they don’t have a reason to hustle anymore.
He’s always heard that hustlers are in the game until the day they die, but Ryan would rather just take early retirement and see what he can build with Seth instead.
-end-
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 11:00 pm (UTC)I thought this was a great look inside Ryan and what makes him tick. I think you've got it down really well - what makes him like the people who try to use him and what maeks him different. His problems with trust were well dealt with. I especially liked the end - it appealed to the romantic in me, but I can also see how Seth's utter honesty would be the one thing that breaks through all of Ryan's barriers. All in all, a great job.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:09 am (UTC)Wow, this is just amazingly thorough feedback and I'm completely beside myself, although that could just be my hangover. I'm so touched that you enjoyed this so much, and I'm glad that you felt that I did Ryan justice.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 01:23 pm (UTC)Hee. Thanks. I aim to please. It's my way of making up for the fact that I'm horrible at feedbacking when I'm not on LJ. Plus you deserve the praise. It was a great fic.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 11:11 pm (UTC)I think my favorite lines are:
Most people talk first, and think second. They will offer the world with one hand and hold a gun in the other.
I liked the format a lot...what made you think of that?
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:10 am (UTC)I liked the format a lot...what made you think of that?
I would tell you, but for the life of me I have no idea what so ever. I give props to whatever I was drinking.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 02:06 pm (UTC);-)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 11:11 pm (UTC)dude. seth with always be my rambling geek, but, honestly, it's been done. we don't get a whole of quiet characters, and i love this.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:11 am (UTC)I adore Seth fiercely, but Ryan interests me terribly. I know there's so much more to him than all that strong and silent b.s.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:11 am (UTC)Coming from you that means a lot, thanks!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-13 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:12 am (UTC)*waves shiny pretties of the OC fandom* C'mon, you know you want to see more.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:15 am (UTC)Why thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 05:35 am (UTC)The whole piece was wonderful. Beautifully sad yet hopeful all at once.
just because he doesn’t talk a lot doesn’t mean he doesn’t think a lot. He prefers to keep things internalized, because that way there’s a lesser chance for things to be misconstrued and misinterpreted.
You have clearly tapped into my mind.
he wonders what happens to people when they don’t have a reason to hustle anymore
For some reason this is my favorite line. Perhaps because it speaks of the duality of it all. He knows the awful truths about people, just how cruel they can be, but he hasn't given up on them, not by a long shot. Ryan is the eternal pessimist and the closeted dreamer.
Great piece.
~Q
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:17 am (UTC)Heh. I can be a very productive drunk, it really just depends on what else is going on. I'm glad that you enjoyed this though, and I appreciate all your great, and thoughtful, feedback it makes me want to flesh out Ryan even more.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 07:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 10:26 am (UTC)I believe this is true, and you state it beautifully.
I really liked the style of this, the pacing, the look inside Ryan's brain. It all worked for me.
Great job!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:22 am (UTC)I really liked the style of this, the pacing, the look inside Ryan's brain. It all worked for me.
Great job!
In light of discovering your great work your comments mean even more, thank you so much for all your kindness.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 05:28 pm (UTC)BTW, I just finished reading your make-out story and WOO HOO! My brain went down that "Ryan teaches Seth to kiss" path as soon as I saw Ryan's obvious sexual confidence in The Girlfriend. How fun to basically read a fantasy come to life!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 10:44 am (UTC)I was really afraid this was going to end badly for a while. But you fixed it at the end. This is good.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:19 am (UTC)I was really afraid this was going to end badly for a while. But you fixed it at the end. This is good.
Take Ryan under my wing? I wouldn't mind... um yeah. I'll censor that. Anyhoo, what on earth makes you think that I would do something bad to them? I'm shocked and appalled that you would suspect me of something so... suspect. ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 04:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-14 06:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 07:44 am (UTC)It’s always about Ryan and how other people affect him, and the look of sheer disappointment on Seth’s face affects Ryan even more than a heart he thinks is broken.
*sniff* I adore these boys.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 11:21 am (UTC)When I first started writing Ryan I really didn't have a clear idea of who I wanted him to be, but he seems to be solidifying more and more every day.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-15 06:26 pm (UTC)Excellent look into Ryan. He's so damaged but sweet nonetheless, and not quite as hard as he tries to be...
no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 10:11 am (UTC)Excellent look into Ryan. He's so damaged but sweet nonetheless, and not quite as hard as he tries to be...
He does try to be hard, but that's just in deference to his upbringing. Poor Ryan. I would pet him, but that's like trying to pet a lion in the zoo, not terribly smart.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 09:31 am (UTC)Damn skippy! He also needs a new haircut and stop wearing that necklace thing. He looks like the guy that's married to Jessica Simpson.
It’s not pessimism; it’s just how things are.
Hello Ryan Sue! (hey, you busted me before!) You're cute.
Ryan has tried to be friends with people and found out they’ve only wanted him for one thing or another.
For sex?
I think Ryan had a girlfriend who convinced him to do lots of kinky things, and she was a stripper.
It’s taking Ryan longer than normal to find Seth’s angle, but every time Seth is kind to Ryan, every time he wants to play video games or hang out and do ‘whatever,’ it raises Ryan’s hackles.
I think I will call Ryan Goldie now, he needs a nickname. Oh, Goldie, let me give you a hug. No, Goldie doesn't work. Damn.
Ryan is gonna get his damned heart broken when Seth goes to college and meets someone new. Tragic!
no subject
Date: 2003-09-16 10:14 am (UTC)Damn skippy! He also needs a new haircut and stop wearing that necklace thing. He looks like the guy that's married to Jessica Simpson.
Oh my god, isn't he about the most high-maintenance dude you ever did see? What exfoliator does he use, and where can I pick it up. He needs to cut back on the hair gel, and yes the necklace must go. Luke, baby, you're not fooling anybody.
I think I will call Ryan Goldie now, he needs a nickname. Oh, Goldie, let me give you a hug. No, Goldie doesn't work. Damn.
Ryan is gonna get his damned heart broken when Seth goes to college and meets someone new. Tragic!
No, not Goldie, cos then I'll start thinking about the real Goldie, who was actually dead funny in Snatch. Shit, now I wanna see that. Anyway, why did you have to say that about the college thing? Damn you! Now my brain is all 'that's so sad. oooh, write it bitch, write it now!'
There are a lot of voices in my head.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-19 04:29 pm (UTC)Awww!!!!!!!!! *snuggles*
Yay for not entirely jaded Ryan. Dammit, one of my couples will end up happy, or so help me.
*g*
Loved it, doll.