if at first you don't succeed, pay somebody off

[hackthis_archive]

andariell is my fucking buddha. This kind of debt works for me!

In SV news, one of my mates is an emmy voter so he gets sent oodles of tapes. He gave me the SV one. They submitted the Pilot and Hourglass "for consideration," just so y’all know. This means I finally got to see the real pilot, bricks of Scotland and Tonka trucks included. That scene where Clark daydreams about playing football, dude, all that Lana fawning was scary.

Still no story juice, just dribbles.




About a Boy


Clark knows that his mother worries about him incessantly. She says it’s what mothers do. That they’re supposed to worry about things like their children’s schooling and their health and their friends. Of course, most mothers don’t have to worry about their children’s gifts too.

Just another added bonus, according to his mom.

She never says she worries about his not being human. She just tells him to be careful.

Of course, she never tells him that she wonders about his sexuality either, but maybe that’s just a given. Maybe it’s that mother thing, the way she never says anything but it’s always there. Being implied.

Maybe she just doesn’t want to know.

Maybe she’s not worried at all.

Clark isn’t even sure there’s anything for her to worry about.

Maybe this is all natural… where he comes from. Maybe his birth mother would be the same way. He’ll never know. All he knows is that his feelings are confused. That he’s confused. That he’s not considered natural in Kansas.

There are all these questions flittering and buzzing in his ears like gnats in the summer, and he can’t shut them up. Turn them off. He’s got all these questions about little silver placards with strange markings and pods being covered up with tarps used for hay. Clark has questions about graveyards and girls and how he’s supposed to behave.

Clark has questions about boys and his feelings, and he has no one to talk to. There’s no one he can ask. Not his mom or his dad or Chloe or Pete.

Clark needs answers; he needs help. He needs honesty. And true, he wasn’t completely truthful when Lana asked if he was upset about a guy, but he never lied.

Because Clark isn’t a guy; he’s a boy. And Lex isn’t a guy; he’s a man.


~ * ~

Anything But Normal (pre-Leech)


Being normal is the forbidden fruit and Clark would give anything for a taste. Just one bite of the proverbial apple that means everything.

That means freedom from the garden.

Clark would give everything to be normal. Just for a day or two.

To be able to play basketball and football. To sweat when he does his chores. To not have to be careful in everything he does, with everyone he touches.

Just once he wants to be free. To feel what everyone else feels. To not wonder every second if he’s doing it wrong, if it’s supposed to be done another way. The way the rest of the world does it.

Whatever ‘it’ is.

Clark wonders about being normal a lot. About being human even more. But the first time he sees Lex, live and fencing, he hesitates for a second. Clark’s longing for normalcy wavers and flickers like a candle that someone breathed too close to, because even now, standing in Lex’s exercise room, he can tell, Lex isn’t normal. Looks aside, Lex Luthor still isn’t like everyone else.

So as much as Clark wants to be normal, he wants whatever Lex has even more, and he knows he never would have met Lex if he was normal.

As consolation prizes go, Clark could do worse.

Comments

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

*pokes ali hard*

Ow...that hurt. Next time poke me in a less sensitive place. *g*

Yes...Lex is *the* man...but I like how it read as *a* man.

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

yes, he's a man - that's why i like him. *g*

...in other news, you know you've made an excellent impression on my CM, she can't stop talking about you. i'd be jealous if I didn't really want to meet you too.

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

Well...CM and Miss Bite and Avoid also made excellent impressions on me. Like I said...I want to adopt them. For I've found that being a truly weird person is more fun in the company of the truly weird. Y'all know that for me weird is a compliment...one of the highest. Ok...it depends on my tone of voice as I say that word. And the tone was quite reverential. Really.

Oh my...I went off subject.

You do know that it's time that CM, Criss and I must meet the infamous Z. Mwa ha ha! We will lay waste to LA!!!

Oooh...bizarre epiphany...but you're the pivotal force that spun this new friend web. Oooh.

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

the bizaare pivotal force. yeah, that's me in a nutshell. in that literal nut shell.