if at first you don't succeed, pay somebody off

[hackthis_archive]

andariell is my fucking buddha. This kind of debt works for me!

In SV news, one of my mates is an emmy voter so he gets sent oodles of tapes. He gave me the SV one. They submitted the Pilot and Hourglass "for consideration," just so y’all know. This means I finally got to see the real pilot, bricks of Scotland and Tonka trucks included. That scene where Clark daydreams about playing football, dude, all that Lana fawning was scary.

Still no story juice, just dribbles.




About a Boy


Clark knows that his mother worries about him incessantly. She says it’s what mothers do. That they’re supposed to worry about things like their children’s schooling and their health and their friends. Of course, most mothers don’t have to worry about their children’s gifts too.

Just another added bonus, according to his mom.

She never says she worries about his not being human. She just tells him to be careful.

Of course, she never tells him that she wonders about his sexuality either, but maybe that’s just a given. Maybe it’s that mother thing, the way she never says anything but it’s always there. Being implied.

Maybe she just doesn’t want to know.

Maybe she’s not worried at all.

Clark isn’t even sure there’s anything for her to worry about.

Maybe this is all natural… where he comes from. Maybe his birth mother would be the same way. He’ll never know. All he knows is that his feelings are confused. That he’s confused. That he’s not considered natural in Kansas.

There are all these questions flittering and buzzing in his ears like gnats in the summer, and he can’t shut them up. Turn them off. He’s got all these questions about little silver placards with strange markings and pods being covered up with tarps used for hay. Clark has questions about graveyards and girls and how he’s supposed to behave.

Clark has questions about boys and his feelings, and he has no one to talk to. There’s no one he can ask. Not his mom or his dad or Chloe or Pete.

Clark needs answers; he needs help. He needs honesty. And true, he wasn’t completely truthful when Lana asked if he was upset about a guy, but he never lied.

Because Clark isn’t a guy; he’s a boy. And Lex isn’t a guy; he’s a man.


~ * ~

Anything But Normal (pre-Leech)


Being normal is the forbidden fruit and Clark would give anything for a taste. Just one bite of the proverbial apple that means everything.

That means freedom from the garden.

Clark would give everything to be normal. Just for a day or two.

To be able to play basketball and football. To sweat when he does his chores. To not have to be careful in everything he does, with everyone he touches.

Just once he wants to be free. To feel what everyone else feels. To not wonder every second if he’s doing it wrong, if it’s supposed to be done another way. The way the rest of the world does it.

Whatever ‘it’ is.

Clark wonders about being normal a lot. About being human even more. But the first time he sees Lex, live and fencing, he hesitates for a second. Clark’s longing for normalcy wavers and flickers like a candle that someone breathed too close to, because even now, standing in Lex’s exercise room, he can tell, Lex isn’t normal. Looks aside, Lex Luthor still isn’t like everyone else.

So as much as Clark wants to be normal, he wants whatever Lex has even more, and he knows he never would have met Lex if he was normal.

As consolation prizes go, Clark could do worse.

Comments

[icebun.livejournal.com]

There are all these questions flittering and buzzing in his ears like gnats in the summer, and he can’t shut them up. Turn them off. He’s got all these questions about little silver placards with strange markings and pods being covered up with tarps used for hay. Clark has questions about graveyards and girls and how he’s supposed to behave.

This is absolutely beautiful, hon. Jenn's right about your 'prose goddess'ness... and hush now, I won't hear any refutations. *bg*

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

ha! (there's my refutation) i hear it's nice in egypt this time of year.

[icebun.livejournal.com]

ha! (there's my refutation) i hear it's nice in egypt this time of year.

*grumble*

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

Girl do I need to slap your arse ???
those two snippets were beautiful and so very very Clark...

I would have thought by now I would have taught you to take things like a man... even compliments *BG*

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Girl do I need to slap your arse ???

i'd rather you not, but you could send some strapping kansas alien to do it if you're really hard pressed. *g*

Re:

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

oh don't think I'll forget that ... spurning my advances !!!
Now I'm in a bad mood *BG*

Oh and you think if I had a certain strapping kansas alien you'd ever get your hands on him ???

Mmmm ... strapping Clark *eg*

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Mmmm ... strapping Clark *eg*

ooooh. strapping clark... to the bed frame.

Re:

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

I think I need a lie down ... or a rub down *BG*
where's Clark ???

So when are you writing more smut, Z ???

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

So when are you writing more smut, Z ???

did you not read what cat said about me nearly having a nervous breakdown the last time you lot made me write smut? write it again so soon when i'm just staggering back from the brink? i think not!

Re:

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

nervous breakdown?
that sounds pretty much like a regular day for you doesn't it?

heehee...
go on !!! you know you want to

Re:

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

i can barely string two words together on a good day (see kassie blogger), how am i supposed to write a story, let alone smut?

no way.

Re:

[evil-man.livejournal.com]

*sigh*
more self-deprecation ??? Surely it must be leaving a bad taste in your mouth, Z?

*BG*