Do you know this was almost het?
Sep. 22nd, 2003 10:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveFirst of all, huge shout-outs to the L.A. & O.C. contingent. I had a wicked time meeting everyone and hanging out. Also, special thanks to Super Kat for the bestest O.C. soundtrack ever, plus pretties! *makes noises* She enables me like Rex.
[sidebar: Would somebody be willing to make me icons out of these images. Please? PLEASE?!]
The O.C. (The Escape spoilers, FYI)
Crime & Punishment
There’s grounded and then there’s grounded. Seth hasn’t been grounded like this since the time he took his dad’s surfboard to the beach, without permission, and managed to snap off the nose before he’d even gotten the hang of paddling. Yeah, there‘s a reason Seth doesn’t surf. There’s also a reason that he’s seen neither game control nor skateboard since they came back from TJ... because he is grounded like planes at Santa Ana when it looks like it might rain.
The hitch being that this grounding is nothing like that time when he was thirteen, because now he knows what he’s missing: Summer.
Summer who just becomes hotter every time he sees her -- if that’s at all possible -- and okay, she’s got some princess issues, but she’s hot, and he likes her. She might like him; actually he would bet his first edition of Hellboy she does. Summer’s just in denial, a lot of denial, but maybe one day she’ll be his mermaid or something. He would like that. He’d like that a lot. Hell, he might even be willing to put up with her superiority complex, if he can lick picante sauce off of her fingers every day of his life.
Seth would definitely put up with a lot of shit to be with Summer. Actually, he already has, which just makes this whole grounding thing so damn depressing. He’s finally managed to chip away at that Teflon make-up shell, but he’s so grounded that by the time he gets out, Summer will be back to calling him Sid.
By the time Seth gets done being grounded the rest of his classmates will either be on their third trip to rehab or second marriage, or both, which okay, might give him another in with Summer, but Seth hates being grounded. If he knew it was unjust he could rally himself. He could chip away at his parents by pushing them until they just gave in, but this time he knows he’s fucked things up for people besides himself and that just makes everything worse. Guilt sucks like a vampire movie, and every hour that Seth isn’t pissed off about being grounded, he’s worried about Marissa or thinking about Summer. Or Ryan.
Ryan didn’t even want to go to Tijuana, and now he’s grounded, too. This is obviously why Seth should not try and impress Ryan with his non-geekboy, social skills. Evidence has shown that Seth trying to be anybody else but Seth = Very Bad Things. All in capitals, all the time, like going to the ER, but Seth tries not to dwell on that. Thinking about hospitals tends to take him away from good thoughts about Summer and back towards the not-good thoughts about Ryan.
See, Seth thinks being kept away from Summer is bad, but being grounded and kept away from hanging with Ryan is on a whole new scale of bad. There are not words to describe how bad Seth is suffering from the whole Ryan Withdrawal thing. If his parents were being blatant about it then Seth could just be bitter and snappish and get it out his system, but they’re being very slick about it. Seth gets to see Ryan at meals, and hey, more meals, but there is absolutely no hanging out happening subsequent to that whole ’grounding’ issue.
Seth’s parents aren’t being medieval about it. Ryan’s not confined to the pool house, because that would just be mean, but between work and getting ready for school and that one time when Seth’s mom took him to the hospital, Ryan’s just as grounded. Except he doesn’t even seem to mind, it’s like he’s just hoarding the guilt, and whatever guilt he doesn’t feel about lying to Seth’s parents he feels about Marissa, and dude. Seth feels bad, but Ryan just looks a mess. All the time. They sit across from each other at the breakfast bar, and it feels like Ryan’s even further away than Summer. Seth knows that’s not true; they live together and they’re slowly working through his mom’s list of Cruel and Unusual Punishments for Seth and Ryan Because They Really Fucked Up, but Ryan is so detached and listless that Seth doesn’t know what to do. They were doing so well, and now, it’s like they’re back to that morning after when Ryan didn’t hug Seth back.
Seth has tried to do more than his fair share of the list: cleaning the garage and tidying up the attic and all those not-so-little projects that his mom says she’s meant to do, but now he can do instead. Seth has left special comic books where he knows Ryan is likely to see them and purposefully added about 70 new songs to his iPod under the heading ‘For Ryan.’
He doesn’t know what else to do.
Seeing Ryan like this is worse than any of the guilt about Marissa or lying to his parents. Seth is grounded, but Ryan is the one suffering, and every meal that he pushes his food around and haphazardly pretends to eat just makes Seth more anxious.
Three days can be a very long time not to connect with the person you live with. Especially when you’re supposedly together all the time.
Seth finally breaks at 2:13 on Wednesday morning.
His mother has strictly forbidden him to set foot outside the house, that includes the pool house, the pool and getting the mail from mailbox. He knows what he’s doing could have him grounded until Batman and The Joker decide to hang out together at Hooters, but he needs to talk to Ryan. He just needs to tell him that he’s worried about him.
Seth needs to say he’s sorry.
The guilt is driving him insane, and he can’t stop picking at the calluses on his hands that he got from painting the inside of the garage.
He slides out of bed in stealth fashion, only without the turtleneck. His pajama bottoms and cotton tee shirt are going to have to do. The carpet is soft underneath Seth's feet as he shuts his door behind him, and his life flashes before his eyes when there’s a creak from somewhere down the hall. For the record, his life has gotten much better at the end. After several seconds, Seth proceeds down the stairs, cautiously avoiding the fourth step, and into the hallway that leads to the living room. He almost bites through his tongue when he stubs his toe, and breathes a small sigh of relief when his fingers scrabble for the catch on the sliding door.
The grass is cool under his feet, even though his toe is throbbing. It’s only eight steps to the pool house, with a hop after the fifth step to avoid the head of the lawn sprinkler set in the ground.
Seth hesitates outside the glass door for a moment though, because he should knock. Knocking is good. People who don’t knock find out bad things.
The door slides open just as Seth’s making up his mind to knock. It takes a very strong man not to faint when he’s surprised at two something in the morning. Seth does not faint, but he does almost fall backward on his ass though, and it’s only Ryan reaching out and grabbing him that stops Seth from making a serious fool of himself. This time.
“You shouldn’t be out here, Seth,” he says, letting go of Seth’s shirt slowly.
“Dude, like I don’t know this. I am not really trying to be grounded until cryogenics are a viable option."
It may be the middle of the night and as dark as the bottom of a keg, but Ryan doesn’t sound sleepy; he sounds tired. His clothes look a bit wrinkled from Seth’s viewpoint though, and Seth has this sudden desire to smooth out the wrinkles in Ryan’s life instead of his clothes.
It’s the insomnia.
“So?” Ryan’s not moving from the doorway. From anybody else Seth would take it as an explicit “fuck off,” but this is Ryan, and if he wants Seth to leave he’ll say so.
“It’s two in the morning, Seth.”
“I had to tell you something.”
"Now?"
"Now."
There’s a slight breeze coming up from the beach, and Seth can smell the salt in the air. His toe is beginning to hurt a lot, and the grass isn‘t nearly as cool as he originally thought.
Ryan scratches at his neck absently, drawing Seth‘s attention away from tired eyes for moment. “It couldn’t wait until breakfast?”
Ryan hasn’t moved from the doorway. Anybody else would take a hint.
“No, now,” Seth says, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Definitely now. I am one with the now.”
Ryan’s hand falls away from his neck only to be crossed across his chest. He leans against the doorway and waits silently as Seth’s mind races around trying to remember why this was such a good idea, and why he couldn’t just deal with the guilt for a little bit longer. Like forever.
“Man, I am so sorry,” pops out of Seth’s mouth before he knows what’s happening. It’s just a start, but for Seth it seems like he’s gearing up for major a babble-fest. His arms begin swinging of their own accord.
In the doorway, Ryan shifts slightly.
“I know you didn’t want to go to Mexico, and I was all about the peer pressure, which is bad. I know this is bad, because you know, when you’re little that’s all you hear. And then, you know, Mexico, and dude, parole. I didn’t even think about your parole officer, and if the courts try to take you away that would be most uncool, and I’ll probably have to chain you to the garage door or something because I really don’t want you to leave because you’re here, and I’m glad, and I don’t know what I did before you came.”
Ryan’s eyebrows climb upwards as Seth keeps talking. He can tell that he’s out of control, but his mouth is like a broken water main on the freeway, and it’s Ryan. Ryan always seems to understand about everything; Seth can’t lose him. That.
Everything.
“I’m sorry about Marissa and that everything got all messed up between you, and I’m sorry that that… well, okay, not sorry that Luke is a jackass, because he just is and we already knew that. And I wish we had gone to Comic Con instead, because I heard that Halle Berry and the guys from the Lord of the Rings were there and you probably would’ve had a very non-violent weekend. Most of all, I’m sorry because you tried to talk me out of this, and I totally didn’t listen because I really just wanted you to be happy, and and... “
Seth stops to breathe because his head is beginning to spin, and when he realizes his arms are still mid-gesture he drops them to his sides. He looks down because his toe has finally stopped throbbing, and he doesn’t think there’s anything else he wants to say. Of course, he’s just said so much he may have inadvertently also given Ryan his Social Security Number and a brief summary of his Bar Mitzvah.
It’s like Seth’s personal Yom Kippur, and he’s startled when Ryan’s low voice reaches his ears. “Seth, it’s not your fault.”
“It just feels like it,” Seth mutters. “Hi, my name is Clark Kent, and I’m responsible for every bad thing in the entire world.”
Seth looks back up at Ryan, and his stomach does the knotting thing that it sometimes does when Seth wants to be Ryan’s white knight, but thinks he doesn’t have what it takes.
Seth tries though, and one day he’ll make things much better for Ryan. After all he’s done for Seth, it’s the least Seth can do.
Tonight, that’s seems a long way away. Ryan still looks tired, and Seth still feels guilty.
He thought confession was supposed to make people feel better. The Catholics obviously have it all wrong. No wonder his mom’s a Protestant.
He can’t think of anything else to apologize for, and maybe Ryan can tell because before Seth knows what to say Ryan’s stepping out the doorway and onto the lawn.
He envelopes Seth in a careful version of a hug, and Seth holds on several seconds too long. Ryan’s warm and safe. He smells vaguely like the sandlewood soap Seth’s father banished to the guest house because it smelled like male models and Calvin Klein ads.
“I just want you to be happy, dude,” he says as Ryan pulls away looking a bit uncertain.
Seth would swear that Ryan looks flushed, but that’s probably just the breeze. It’s really late and Seth’s beginning to get cold.
Ryan just shrugs. “You should get back to bed before you get in trouble again.”
Seth is quiet for several seconds. “There are worse things,” he says, turning to walk away. “At least you’re okay.”
Ryan’s voice reaches him as his fingers touch the handle on the sliding door. Seth has never pegged him for an optimist. “At least no one got shot this time.”
-end-
Notes: Dedicated to the OC lovers from the LA/OC contingent. Thanks to the always brilliant![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
serialkarma for warding off my bad grammar.
[sidebar: Would somebody be willing to make me icons out of these images. Please? PLEASE?!]
The O.C. (The Escape spoilers, FYI)
Crime & Punishment
There’s grounded and then there’s grounded. Seth hasn’t been grounded like this since the time he took his dad’s surfboard to the beach, without permission, and managed to snap off the nose before he’d even gotten the hang of paddling. Yeah, there‘s a reason Seth doesn’t surf. There’s also a reason that he’s seen neither game control nor skateboard since they came back from TJ... because he is grounded like planes at Santa Ana when it looks like it might rain.
The hitch being that this grounding is nothing like that time when he was thirteen, because now he knows what he’s missing: Summer.
Summer who just becomes hotter every time he sees her -- if that’s at all possible -- and okay, she’s got some princess issues, but she’s hot, and he likes her. She might like him; actually he would bet his first edition of Hellboy she does. Summer’s just in denial, a lot of denial, but maybe one day she’ll be his mermaid or something. He would like that. He’d like that a lot. Hell, he might even be willing to put up with her superiority complex, if he can lick picante sauce off of her fingers every day of his life.
Seth would definitely put up with a lot of shit to be with Summer. Actually, he already has, which just makes this whole grounding thing so damn depressing. He’s finally managed to chip away at that Teflon make-up shell, but he’s so grounded that by the time he gets out, Summer will be back to calling him Sid.
By the time Seth gets done being grounded the rest of his classmates will either be on their third trip to rehab or second marriage, or both, which okay, might give him another in with Summer, but Seth hates being grounded. If he knew it was unjust he could rally himself. He could chip away at his parents by pushing them until they just gave in, but this time he knows he’s fucked things up for people besides himself and that just makes everything worse. Guilt sucks like a vampire movie, and every hour that Seth isn’t pissed off about being grounded, he’s worried about Marissa or thinking about Summer. Or Ryan.
Ryan didn’t even want to go to Tijuana, and now he’s grounded, too. This is obviously why Seth should not try and impress Ryan with his non-geekboy, social skills. Evidence has shown that Seth trying to be anybody else but Seth = Very Bad Things. All in capitals, all the time, like going to the ER, but Seth tries not to dwell on that. Thinking about hospitals tends to take him away from good thoughts about Summer and back towards the not-good thoughts about Ryan.
See, Seth thinks being kept away from Summer is bad, but being grounded and kept away from hanging with Ryan is on a whole new scale of bad. There are not words to describe how bad Seth is suffering from the whole Ryan Withdrawal thing. If his parents were being blatant about it then Seth could just be bitter and snappish and get it out his system, but they’re being very slick about it. Seth gets to see Ryan at meals, and hey, more meals, but there is absolutely no hanging out happening subsequent to that whole ’grounding’ issue.
Seth’s parents aren’t being medieval about it. Ryan’s not confined to the pool house, because that would just be mean, but between work and getting ready for school and that one time when Seth’s mom took him to the hospital, Ryan’s just as grounded. Except he doesn’t even seem to mind, it’s like he’s just hoarding the guilt, and whatever guilt he doesn’t feel about lying to Seth’s parents he feels about Marissa, and dude. Seth feels bad, but Ryan just looks a mess. All the time. They sit across from each other at the breakfast bar, and it feels like Ryan’s even further away than Summer. Seth knows that’s not true; they live together and they’re slowly working through his mom’s list of Cruel and Unusual Punishments for Seth and Ryan Because They Really Fucked Up, but Ryan is so detached and listless that Seth doesn’t know what to do. They were doing so well, and now, it’s like they’re back to that morning after when Ryan didn’t hug Seth back.
Seth has tried to do more than his fair share of the list: cleaning the garage and tidying up the attic and all those not-so-little projects that his mom says she’s meant to do, but now he can do instead. Seth has left special comic books where he knows Ryan is likely to see them and purposefully added about 70 new songs to his iPod under the heading ‘For Ryan.’
He doesn’t know what else to do.
Seeing Ryan like this is worse than any of the guilt about Marissa or lying to his parents. Seth is grounded, but Ryan is the one suffering, and every meal that he pushes his food around and haphazardly pretends to eat just makes Seth more anxious.
Three days can be a very long time not to connect with the person you live with. Especially when you’re supposedly together all the time.
Seth finally breaks at 2:13 on Wednesday morning.
His mother has strictly forbidden him to set foot outside the house, that includes the pool house, the pool and getting the mail from mailbox. He knows what he’s doing could have him grounded until Batman and The Joker decide to hang out together at Hooters, but he needs to talk to Ryan. He just needs to tell him that he’s worried about him.
Seth needs to say he’s sorry.
The guilt is driving him insane, and he can’t stop picking at the calluses on his hands that he got from painting the inside of the garage.
He slides out of bed in stealth fashion, only without the turtleneck. His pajama bottoms and cotton tee shirt are going to have to do. The carpet is soft underneath Seth's feet as he shuts his door behind him, and his life flashes before his eyes when there’s a creak from somewhere down the hall. For the record, his life has gotten much better at the end. After several seconds, Seth proceeds down the stairs, cautiously avoiding the fourth step, and into the hallway that leads to the living room. He almost bites through his tongue when he stubs his toe, and breathes a small sigh of relief when his fingers scrabble for the catch on the sliding door.
The grass is cool under his feet, even though his toe is throbbing. It’s only eight steps to the pool house, with a hop after the fifth step to avoid the head of the lawn sprinkler set in the ground.
Seth hesitates outside the glass door for a moment though, because he should knock. Knocking is good. People who don’t knock find out bad things.
The door slides open just as Seth’s making up his mind to knock. It takes a very strong man not to faint when he’s surprised at two something in the morning. Seth does not faint, but he does almost fall backward on his ass though, and it’s only Ryan reaching out and grabbing him that stops Seth from making a serious fool of himself. This time.
“You shouldn’t be out here, Seth,” he says, letting go of Seth’s shirt slowly.
“Dude, like I don’t know this. I am not really trying to be grounded until cryogenics are a viable option."
It may be the middle of the night and as dark as the bottom of a keg, but Ryan doesn’t sound sleepy; he sounds tired. His clothes look a bit wrinkled from Seth’s viewpoint though, and Seth has this sudden desire to smooth out the wrinkles in Ryan’s life instead of his clothes.
It’s the insomnia.
“So?” Ryan’s not moving from the doorway. From anybody else Seth would take it as an explicit “fuck off,” but this is Ryan, and if he wants Seth to leave he’ll say so.
“It’s two in the morning, Seth.”
“I had to tell you something.”
"Now?"
"Now."
There’s a slight breeze coming up from the beach, and Seth can smell the salt in the air. His toe is beginning to hurt a lot, and the grass isn‘t nearly as cool as he originally thought.
Ryan scratches at his neck absently, drawing Seth‘s attention away from tired eyes for moment. “It couldn’t wait until breakfast?”
Ryan hasn’t moved from the doorway. Anybody else would take a hint.
“No, now,” Seth says, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Definitely now. I am one with the now.”
Ryan’s hand falls away from his neck only to be crossed across his chest. He leans against the doorway and waits silently as Seth’s mind races around trying to remember why this was such a good idea, and why he couldn’t just deal with the guilt for a little bit longer. Like forever.
“Man, I am so sorry,” pops out of Seth’s mouth before he knows what’s happening. It’s just a start, but for Seth it seems like he’s gearing up for major a babble-fest. His arms begin swinging of their own accord.
In the doorway, Ryan shifts slightly.
“I know you didn’t want to go to Mexico, and I was all about the peer pressure, which is bad. I know this is bad, because you know, when you’re little that’s all you hear. And then, you know, Mexico, and dude, parole. I didn’t even think about your parole officer, and if the courts try to take you away that would be most uncool, and I’ll probably have to chain you to the garage door or something because I really don’t want you to leave because you’re here, and I’m glad, and I don’t know what I did before you came.”
Ryan’s eyebrows climb upwards as Seth keeps talking. He can tell that he’s out of control, but his mouth is like a broken water main on the freeway, and it’s Ryan. Ryan always seems to understand about everything; Seth can’t lose him. That.
Everything.
“I’m sorry about Marissa and that everything got all messed up between you, and I’m sorry that that… well, okay, not sorry that Luke is a jackass, because he just is and we already knew that. And I wish we had gone to Comic Con instead, because I heard that Halle Berry and the guys from the Lord of the Rings were there and you probably would’ve had a very non-violent weekend. Most of all, I’m sorry because you tried to talk me out of this, and I totally didn’t listen because I really just wanted you to be happy, and and... “
Seth stops to breathe because his head is beginning to spin, and when he realizes his arms are still mid-gesture he drops them to his sides. He looks down because his toe has finally stopped throbbing, and he doesn’t think there’s anything else he wants to say. Of course, he’s just said so much he may have inadvertently also given Ryan his Social Security Number and a brief summary of his Bar Mitzvah.
It’s like Seth’s personal Yom Kippur, and he’s startled when Ryan’s low voice reaches his ears. “Seth, it’s not your fault.”
“It just feels like it,” Seth mutters. “Hi, my name is Clark Kent, and I’m responsible for every bad thing in the entire world.”
Seth looks back up at Ryan, and his stomach does the knotting thing that it sometimes does when Seth wants to be Ryan’s white knight, but thinks he doesn’t have what it takes.
Seth tries though, and one day he’ll make things much better for Ryan. After all he’s done for Seth, it’s the least Seth can do.
Tonight, that’s seems a long way away. Ryan still looks tired, and Seth still feels guilty.
He thought confession was supposed to make people feel better. The Catholics obviously have it all wrong. No wonder his mom’s a Protestant.
He can’t think of anything else to apologize for, and maybe Ryan can tell because before Seth knows what to say Ryan’s stepping out the doorway and onto the lawn.
He envelopes Seth in a careful version of a hug, and Seth holds on several seconds too long. Ryan’s warm and safe. He smells vaguely like the sandlewood soap Seth’s father banished to the guest house because it smelled like male models and Calvin Klein ads.
“I just want you to be happy, dude,” he says as Ryan pulls away looking a bit uncertain.
Seth would swear that Ryan looks flushed, but that’s probably just the breeze. It’s really late and Seth’s beginning to get cold.
Ryan just shrugs. “You should get back to bed before you get in trouble again.”
Seth is quiet for several seconds. “There are worse things,” he says, turning to walk away. “At least you’re okay.”
Ryan’s voice reaches him as his fingers touch the handle on the sliding door. Seth has never pegged him for an optimist. “At least no one got shot this time.”
-end-
Notes: Dedicated to the OC lovers from the LA/OC contingent. Thanks to the always brilliant
serialkarma for warding off my bad grammar.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 11:49 am (UTC)Heh.
Seth looks back up at Ryan, and his stomach does the knotting thing that it sometimes does when Seth wants to be Ryan’s white knight, but thinks he doesn’t have what it takes.
Seth tries though, and one day he’ll make things much better for Ryan. After all he’s done for Seth, it’s the least Seth can do.
Awww. I like this muchly. Also the added slashy bits. You know, i should really be more coherent, but i think I've used up my daily quota (quotidien quota? Hee. At least I amuse myself) of coherency elsewhere.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 03:27 pm (UTC)Heh.
When I read that I was like, oh, yes, this line belongs in this story, so I appropriated it. For Seth's sake. You understand, right?
no subject
Date: 2003-09-22 04:34 pm (UTC)psst. Kassie is trying to bribe me to write OC porn. Should I tell her that's not really necessary?