hackthis_archive

I'm cynical. I'm a pessimistic. I have commitment-issues -- and those are just my good qualities.

Smallville

+It’s not every day that an asylum looks like a corporate office, I must say. It’s great how everybody is interacting with minimal supervision like an Eminem video. This is not a prison you know. [/sarcastic Oz comparison]

+ That entire Lex escape was ripped off from Terminator 2 right down to the baton action in the hallway.

+ Pod people. Martha has been replaced with a pod person.

+ G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E spells Lana. I mean some dude tells you that his parents died in a fire. Okay, that’s awful, right? Don’t you perhaps want to look at his facial expressions when he says that though? I mean, if he looks like he’s about to die laughing, perhaps you should be a little skeptical, you know?! Also, is Nell dead or something?

+ They have finally put the right clothing on Chloe. Thank you, Fab Five.

+ I want to see Oz now. If I were casting the new Batnut movie I would *so* cast Chris Meloni as Batnut.

The O.C.

If you say you hate Oliver, you are obviously ignoring the great comedic relief that he brought to an otherwise mediocre episode. I hate to say it when Josh mentioned the Da Vinci Code! The Smurfs! and The Garbage Patch Kids! but there you have it -- last night was no great shakes.

I mean sure, we all love Sandy so much we can’t see straight, and sure Lady Deathstrike’s hair was really cool, if perhaps a little bottle-red heavy. (It’ll wash out in a few weeks!)...

And sure the less said about Anna's sartorial wreckage the better...

And sure Luke is the new dork in town and we get a few miles out of that, but let’s face it, kids, we only confirmed one thing last night -- Oliver is fucking mental. But we already knew that, I mean he's doing his nut for Marissa for crissakes. I suppose it doesn't matter though, since we'll be getting some serious!Nighttime!Drama! out of this one.

Oh, had y’all forgotten that this was in fact a nighttime soap? I’m sure next week we’ll all be vividly reminded of that fact. Plus, you know, if we get rid of Oliver *now* we won’t have nearly as much satisfaction when Ryan pounds him into the ground later. That so has to happen. If Josh cops out and that doesn’t happen, somebody’s going to be in mad trouble.

I don’t even know what to say about Seth, except that perhaps he’s had a lobotomy or something since he doesn’t even fucking *know* Oliver, and he’s protecting him as though he’s carrying Captain Oats’s love child. Foal. or something. I see all ‘the women’ and the exponential increase in his social circle has gone to his head. He shall have to learn the hard way though. I mean, we all know what happens when they don’t stick together, right?

Who wants to place odds on who’s going to get shot?

C’mon. Place’em now.

Next week: Some shit happens.