hackthis_archive | LOTRips - Cigarettes Will Kill You

queenofalostart tried to conspire against me to make me write Elwood POV, but I prevailed. And then this piece tried to be, like, happy or something, but I smacked that down real quick. Pfft.

LOTRips
DM & EW & BB
Cigarettes Will Kill You
They swore you'd steal my steam to feed your dream, and then be gone
I wish I could say that everyone was wrong

Dom will never be able to explain why he started smoking. He suspects it was because he needed something to do with his hands while he was waiting. Correction: something else to do with his hands while he was waiting. Because the drawing on himself and the scribbling in his journal and sucking lollies in perverted ways was never going to be enough to get his point across while he was waiting.

Dom’s always waiting for something or someone, or both.

That just seems to be his lot in life.

*

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, knowing that things will never change, but Dom doesn’t see it like that. He sees persistence as something admirable. He sees tenacity as something smart and right and normal. The ability to wait is good. The ability to wait longer than other people is even better, and there’s nothing wrong with his ability to outwait pretty much everyone around him if he wants to.

He can sit in his flat and listen to his music and smoke his fags and wait until the sodding cows come home if that’s what it takes. He knows they’re all going to come back to him eventually. It’s not arrogance; it’s what makes him get out of bed in the morning.

*

All Dom does is wait.

He waits for his agent to ring about castings. He waits to go to readings. He waits to move through Germany and Manchester and filming in London. He waits to go to New Zealand and fall in love with his co-star. He waits to get involved. He waits for it all to fall apart.

And then he waits some more.

*

Dom’s conversations with Billy these days are stilted and strange. Dom can hear Billy tuning his guitar while Dom plays with the wheel on his lighter, and there are all sorts of things that need to be said that neither one is willing to bring up. Instead Dom chain-smokes while they talk about the weather and footie and the script that is never going to see the light of day. And in between talking about all these objects that aren’t indicative of the real issues, there are pauses and lulls and large gaps in the conversation while they try to steer around the things they really need to talk about: them. Elijah. Ali. Them, again.

But Dom will wait Billy out.

He’s not going to give up on them just because they’re having a few communication problems. There’s nothing Dom and Billy can’t get through if they try hard enough.

*

The first time Elijah caught Dom with a fag in his mouth, he stared so hard Dom thought he’d had a aneurysm. The second time Elijah caught Dom smoking, he frowned and shook his head deliberately. The third time Dom asked him for a light, Elijah handed over his lighter and didn’t ask for it back, and when Dom went out on a fag run, Elijah just asked him to pick up a spare box of cloves.

*

Dom waited to fall in love with another co-star. He waited for Elijah to stop dicking around. He waited for Elijah to grow up and figure out what a good thing they had. Dom was patient through girls and boys, Seattle and New York, and Billy not understanding what the fuck was going on 7000 miles away. Dom reckoned everyone would get it eventually if he was just patient enough, and the first time around he really thought he’d done everything right. But apparently not.

Not that it mattered that much, because Dom knew he could wait Elijah out. After all, Dom’s persistence is what got him Elijah in the first place.

*

There is nothing wrong with what Dom’s doing to keep Elijah by his side. There’s nothing wrong with accepting roles in a city he doesn’t love, for a job he’s only marginally excited about, to prove that he’s not going anywhere. He’s not being sneaky or tricksy or subversive at all. Dom’s just being patient. He’s inhaling slowly and exhaling even slower. He’s holding his breath like it’s a long drag on his first cigarette on the day.

He does his best to avoid the idea that if the fags don’t kill him, being without Elijah, or Billy, just might.

*

Dom always knew Elijah would come back. He doesn’t say it out loud to anyone, but the smugness is there in the twinkle of his eyes and the smirk on his face. Dom knew he just had to wait it out, and he chooses not to remember all the late night calls to Billy because he was depressed and sad and pissed and lonely. He chooses to forget all the mornings spent passed out on Viggo’s floor because he just couldn’t be alone anymore. He doesn’t recall the hundreds of fag ends stubbed out all over his flat because he couldn’t stop smoking until everything tasted like tar and every breath he took made his chest tight. All he knows is that he waited and finally got what he wanted.

When they go to premieres together all Dom can think about is all the other times they’ve done this, and how right it feels because it’s what their life is like. And when they’re together, like this, Dom doesn’t think about the silences from Billy when they’re in the same room or the way Sean blinks before looking away.

Instead Dom thinks about the fag break he’s going to take as soon as they’re inside the theatre and how he hopes the waiting has finally stopped, because at the rate he’s going he’s still going to be waiting when time runs out.

-end-