LOTRips – The Third Man: I: Billy
Mar. 17th, 2004 10:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveI was going to make an introduction for this series, but I changed my mind. I’d rather it speak for itself. The hook is simple enough: three pieces over three days from three separate POVs where everybody’s talking about the same thing: what it’s like to be on the outside.
LOTRips
BB/DM/EW
The Third Man: I : Billy
Yesterday, upon the stair, I saw a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today; oh, how I wish he'd go away
There’s a ghost living in Billy’s sitting room, but he ignores it as he heads down the hall to the kitchen. A flip of the switch turns the electric kettle on, and he pulls his dressing gown tighter against the cold seeping through the walls of the house. It takes him several seconds to realise someone forgot to close up the window last night, and he grimaces as he steps in the dried lager on the floor from the evening before. He hops on one foot over to the table and makes a small grunting sound as he drops onto a polished wooden chair. The chair is too hard, and it makes his arse hurt. The room is too cold, and it makes his head hurt. He can imagine Dominic calling him Goldilocks on account of all his whinging, and the annoyed glare stretches across his features all on its own.
Billy says, “Shut up and piss off,” to someone who’s not there.
When Ali comes into the kitchen, she finds him drinking cold tea and sitting on the window ledge because it was too crowded for him in the room, and maybe all he needed was some air. She doesn’t respond when he gives her a blank look that shouldn’t say anything at all. Except that they’ve never talked about Dom, and Billy’s poker face isn’t his best facade.
*
What he remembers the most about the aftermath of That Break-Up is the anger. Not the sense of betrayal or the abandonment or the heartbreak or all the other sentiments that Viggo promised he would have to work through. No, what Billy remembers the most about Dom going off with Elijah was how angry he was that this had happened to him. It was the wall-punching, whiskey-drowning, call-your-mates-to-stop-you-from-breaking-your-favourite-things sort of anger. The kind of blind rage that narrows vision and makes for short tempers and sharp tongues, and for someone known for his laidback nature, it was not an easy thing for Billy to come to grips with. Even if his anger wasn’t apparent to everyone, it was apparent to him. Professionals shouldn't be seen glaring daggers or burning photographs over cheap candles though, so Billy carried on, because that’s what he knows how to do in the wake of tragedy and all the like.
But the anger... that was something else. It still is.
Elijah took Dom from him. Dom went willingly. Billy will never forgive Elijah for subverting his relationship or Dom for choosing someone else over him. But that’s neither here nor there anymore. It’s all in the past. Billy doesn’t miss Dom that much anymore. At least that’s what he says.
Perhaps the ghost in his sitting room with the Mancunian accent sees things differently.
*
Life in Glasgow is as natural to Billy as breathing. The city is a part of him. It nurtures him and coddles him. When Billy’s tired of the rest of the world, Glasgow welcomes him home because he has carved his own niche there. He loves the city like a lover, and, unlike his lovers, Glasgow has never betrayed him. The city has never broken his heart or taken up with someone else. Glasgow is not going anywhere. It will never leave. It will never be anyone else’s city. Elijah can have New York and Los Angeles. Dom can have Manchester and wherever else he wants to play at house. Glasgow belongs to Billy, ghosts, memories, graying sky and all.
*
Billy will always remember the first time that Dom kissed him and meant it. For his side, Billy hadn’t meant anything by the peck he’d dropped on Dom’s forehead after seeing him safely home from the pub, but when he’d turned to leave, Dom had held onto the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him back. Dom’s mouth had tasted like salt and Stella and glue. Dom had to stop putting everything he touched in his mouth, and Billy had just fallen into the kiss as though it was something they did all the time. After Dom had gone inside, Billy had gone back to the road, where Elijah was waiting by the front gate, and they’d left.
Elijah never said anything about what he’d seen, and then later, Billy was with Dom and that was that. But more than once, Billy’s wondered how things would’ve changed if Elijah had walked Dom to the door instead of him.
*
When Dom and Elijah started showing up for filming together, Billy’s heart began to shrink in the most painful way imaginable. It was like a sponge that’d been left out in the sun to dry; it just kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller, and Billy doesn’t really remember what Dom said the first time he came by to apologise for what he’d done. All Billy remembers is that he shut the door in his face and went back to playing his guitar. The second time Elijah came by, Billy spoke to him through the screen door lest he do something stupid and have PJ crawling up his arse because he’d damaged Frodo. After the thirty-eighth message on his answerphone though, he began to crack. He loved Dom. He missed Dom. But he missed their friendship even more, and if this was what Dom wanted, then maybe Billy could learn to play gooseberry.
*
Everyone in Glasgow is connected in that mate-of-a-mate way that Billy and Dom and Elijah and Kelly Osbourne are; and Billy was set up on a blind date with Ali by his mate, Kevin, who worked down at the Nag’s Head next to the Ladbrokes that Billy’s nan always visited.
What Billy remembers the most about meeting Ali was how female she was. She wore pink and black and red nail varnish. She carried a handbag and made bird noises when she laughed. She didn’t want to discuss Fantasy Football or van Nistelrooy. She did want to discuss the Edinburgh Festival and the part she was hoping to get from her reading the following Wednesday. Ali was about as far from Dom as Billy could ever get, and more importantly, she always managed to look him in the eye.
Ali made it clear that she wanted Billy for Billy and wasn’t interested in looking for something bigger or better or taller or whatever it was that girls were into these days. Being with Ali was like being put back together again; she made Billy feel better about himself, and his heart didn’t resemble the Grinch’s quite as much when she was around.
*
If Billy thinks about it very carefully, he can recall Elijah hovering about in the backdrop of his relationship with Dom long before it ever began.
Elijah was always there with video games and CDs and musical advice even though he couldn’t carry a note with a bag from the shop on the corner. Whenever Billy sang to Dom, Elijah was always there, talking about how someone else did it differently. Elijah was always their third for movies and outings and dinner, and if Billy couldn’t get away, Elijah was always available to entertain Dom. Billy thought he was just being kind, because Billy knows Elijah can be kind when he wants to be. When he and Ali were having rows every five minutes and Billy fled to New York, Elijah was there with a spare bedroom and a glint in his eye. And they had a very good time together considering that Dom wasn’t there in between them like some sort of referee. Sometimes it pains Billy to admit it, but Elijah can be a great mate when he wants to be. It’s when he sees something he wants that loyalty gets the shaft.
*
It’s easy to feel like the outsider when everyone else seems to have what you want, but now that Billy has Ali he doesn’t really feel so out of the loop anymore. He’s less angry than he was, and he’s let a lot of the hurt go because it didn’t really suit him in the end. He’s got his career and his mates, and he’s doing well for himself. He has a home in a city he loves, and even if this life’s not quite how he saw things a few years ago, it could be a fair sight worse.
There are things, memories, that he carries with him, though, and sometimes when he sees photographs of Dom in the papers or he talks to him on the phone he gets a pang someplace he can’t quite pin down. He knows that Dom’s not happy in California. He knows that Dom’s not happy, fullstop. He can sense it in that indefinable way they could always sense what the other needed before it was even said. But it’s not Billy’s place to soothe Dom’s hurts anymore. Dom’s made his own bed, now, except that Billy’s not that vindictive and it pains him to see Dom this way. Bruises and lies and looking everywhere for something he’s trying too hard to find. Perhaps Elijah really did Billy a favour without knowing it at the time.
Billy also knows that Elijah’s not happy either. A record company is not a fucking hobby, and whatever Elijah thinks he’s going to find with his latest whim, it won’t fill the void inside. Sometimes Billy dreams about how things could’ve been different if Dom had stayed with him or if Elijah could give Dom what he wants, but he might as well wish on stars and flying squirrels. It doesn’t really matter if Billy wants Dom back or if Dom wants Elijah back or Elijah wants Billy to want Dom back. Their time has passed, and there’s no use pretending otherwise, no matter what the ghost in Billy’s house says about the matter.
-end-
Improv: fly, evening, tea, dagger, carve, candle
Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
serialkarma and lalejandra for beta duty and to edigo for her artistic brilliance.
[random] Even whenlalejandra and I aren’t playing tig, we’re still playing tig... and because I can be nice, every 40 years or so, I forgive her for hating on Ian’s ears.
LOTRips
BB/DM/EW
The Third Man: I : Billy
He wasn't there again today; oh, how I wish he'd go away
There’s a ghost living in Billy’s sitting room, but he ignores it as he heads down the hall to the kitchen. A flip of the switch turns the electric kettle on, and he pulls his dressing gown tighter against the cold seeping through the walls of the house. It takes him several seconds to realise someone forgot to close up the window last night, and he grimaces as he steps in the dried lager on the floor from the evening before. He hops on one foot over to the table and makes a small grunting sound as he drops onto a polished wooden chair. The chair is too hard, and it makes his arse hurt. The room is too cold, and it makes his head hurt. He can imagine Dominic calling him Goldilocks on account of all his whinging, and the annoyed glare stretches across his features all on its own.
Billy says, “Shut up and piss off,” to someone who’s not there.
When Ali comes into the kitchen, she finds him drinking cold tea and sitting on the window ledge because it was too crowded for him in the room, and maybe all he needed was some air. She doesn’t respond when he gives her a blank look that shouldn’t say anything at all. Except that they’ve never talked about Dom, and Billy’s poker face isn’t his best facade.
What he remembers the most about the aftermath of That Break-Up is the anger. Not the sense of betrayal or the abandonment or the heartbreak or all the other sentiments that Viggo promised he would have to work through. No, what Billy remembers the most about Dom going off with Elijah was how angry he was that this had happened to him. It was the wall-punching, whiskey-drowning, call-your-mates-to-stop-you-from-breaking-your-favourite-things sort of anger. The kind of blind rage that narrows vision and makes for short tempers and sharp tongues, and for someone known for his laidback nature, it was not an easy thing for Billy to come to grips with. Even if his anger wasn’t apparent to everyone, it was apparent to him. Professionals shouldn't be seen glaring daggers or burning photographs over cheap candles though, so Billy carried on, because that’s what he knows how to do in the wake of tragedy and all the like.
But the anger... that was something else. It still is.
Elijah took Dom from him. Dom went willingly. Billy will never forgive Elijah for subverting his relationship or Dom for choosing someone else over him. But that’s neither here nor there anymore. It’s all in the past. Billy doesn’t miss Dom that much anymore. At least that’s what he says.
Perhaps the ghost in his sitting room with the Mancunian accent sees things differently.
Life in Glasgow is as natural to Billy as breathing. The city is a part of him. It nurtures him and coddles him. When Billy’s tired of the rest of the world, Glasgow welcomes him home because he has carved his own niche there. He loves the city like a lover, and, unlike his lovers, Glasgow has never betrayed him. The city has never broken his heart or taken up with someone else. Glasgow is not going anywhere. It will never leave. It will never be anyone else’s city. Elijah can have New York and Los Angeles. Dom can have Manchester and wherever else he wants to play at house. Glasgow belongs to Billy, ghosts, memories, graying sky and all.
Billy will always remember the first time that Dom kissed him and meant it. For his side, Billy hadn’t meant anything by the peck he’d dropped on Dom’s forehead after seeing him safely home from the pub, but when he’d turned to leave, Dom had held onto the sleeve of his jacket and pulled him back. Dom’s mouth had tasted like salt and Stella and glue. Dom had to stop putting everything he touched in his mouth, and Billy had just fallen into the kiss as though it was something they did all the time. After Dom had gone inside, Billy had gone back to the road, where Elijah was waiting by the front gate, and they’d left.
Elijah never said anything about what he’d seen, and then later, Billy was with Dom and that was that. But more than once, Billy’s wondered how things would’ve changed if Elijah had walked Dom to the door instead of him.
When Dom and Elijah started showing up for filming together, Billy’s heart began to shrink in the most painful way imaginable. It was like a sponge that’d been left out in the sun to dry; it just kept getting smaller and smaller and smaller, and Billy doesn’t really remember what Dom said the first time he came by to apologise for what he’d done. All Billy remembers is that he shut the door in his face and went back to playing his guitar. The second time Elijah came by, Billy spoke to him through the screen door lest he do something stupid and have PJ crawling up his arse because he’d damaged Frodo. After the thirty-eighth message on his answerphone though, he began to crack. He loved Dom. He missed Dom. But he missed their friendship even more, and if this was what Dom wanted, then maybe Billy could learn to play gooseberry.
Everyone in Glasgow is connected in that mate-of-a-mate way that Billy and Dom and Elijah and Kelly Osbourne are; and Billy was set up on a blind date with Ali by his mate, Kevin, who worked down at the Nag’s Head next to the Ladbrokes that Billy’s nan always visited.
What Billy remembers the most about meeting Ali was how female she was. She wore pink and black and red nail varnish. She carried a handbag and made bird noises when she laughed. She didn’t want to discuss Fantasy Football or van Nistelrooy. She did want to discuss the Edinburgh Festival and the part she was hoping to get from her reading the following Wednesday. Ali was about as far from Dom as Billy could ever get, and more importantly, she always managed to look him in the eye.
Ali made it clear that she wanted Billy for Billy and wasn’t interested in looking for something bigger or better or taller or whatever it was that girls were into these days. Being with Ali was like being put back together again; she made Billy feel better about himself, and his heart didn’t resemble the Grinch’s quite as much when she was around.
If Billy thinks about it very carefully, he can recall Elijah hovering about in the backdrop of his relationship with Dom long before it ever began.
Elijah was always there with video games and CDs and musical advice even though he couldn’t carry a note with a bag from the shop on the corner. Whenever Billy sang to Dom, Elijah was always there, talking about how someone else did it differently. Elijah was always their third for movies and outings and dinner, and if Billy couldn’t get away, Elijah was always available to entertain Dom. Billy thought he was just being kind, because Billy knows Elijah can be kind when he wants to be. When he and Ali were having rows every five minutes and Billy fled to New York, Elijah was there with a spare bedroom and a glint in his eye. And they had a very good time together considering that Dom wasn’t there in between them like some sort of referee. Sometimes it pains Billy to admit it, but Elijah can be a great mate when he wants to be. It’s when he sees something he wants that loyalty gets the shaft.
It’s easy to feel like the outsider when everyone else seems to have what you want, but now that Billy has Ali he doesn’t really feel so out of the loop anymore. He’s less angry than he was, and he’s let a lot of the hurt go because it didn’t really suit him in the end. He’s got his career and his mates, and he’s doing well for himself. He has a home in a city he loves, and even if this life’s not quite how he saw things a few years ago, it could be a fair sight worse.
There are things, memories, that he carries with him, though, and sometimes when he sees photographs of Dom in the papers or he talks to him on the phone he gets a pang someplace he can’t quite pin down. He knows that Dom’s not happy in California. He knows that Dom’s not happy, fullstop. He can sense it in that indefinable way they could always sense what the other needed before it was even said. But it’s not Billy’s place to soothe Dom’s hurts anymore. Dom’s made his own bed, now, except that Billy’s not that vindictive and it pains him to see Dom this way. Bruises and lies and looking everywhere for something he’s trying too hard to find. Perhaps Elijah really did Billy a favour without knowing it at the time.
Billy also knows that Elijah’s not happy either. A record company is not a fucking hobby, and whatever Elijah thinks he’s going to find with his latest whim, it won’t fill the void inside. Sometimes Billy dreams about how things could’ve been different if Dom had stayed with him or if Elijah could give Dom what he wants, but he might as well wish on stars and flying squirrels. It doesn’t really matter if Billy wants Dom back or if Dom wants Elijah back or Elijah wants Billy to want Dom back. Their time has passed, and there’s no use pretending otherwise, no matter what the ghost in Billy’s house says about the matter.
-end-
Improv: fly, evening, tea, dagger, carve, candle
Thanks to
serialkarma and lalejandra for beta duty and to edigo for her artistic brilliance.[random] Even when
lalejandra and I aren’t playing tig, we’re still playing tig... and because I can be nice, every 40 years or so, I forgive her for hating on Ian’s ears.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 11:16 am (UTC)Perhaps Elijah really did Billy a favour without knowing it at the time.
Oh, oh, oh!
A record company is not a fucking hobby, and whatever Elijah thinks he’s going to find with his latest whim, it won’t fill the void inside.
Yes, yes - you are bang on.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 11:24 am (UTC)Sometimes it pains Billy to admit it, but Elijah can be a great mate when he wants to be. It’s when he sees something he wants that loyalty gets the shaft.
Got me. I know people like that.
Great fic, as always. Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:40 am (UTC)Got me. I know people like that.
Sadly, I think everybody knows people like that.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 11:37 am (UTC)This piece I adore for lots of reasons, not least because of the ghost in Billy's house, pushing him around.
But everything. Wonderful. Sorry I'm so incoherent; please know that's the condition your writing has reduced me to.
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:43 am (UTC)It is a rather pushy ghost, isn't it? *laughs* I'm so pleased that you've enjoyed this story, or any others that I've written, it's always gratifying to hear that.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 11:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 12:09 pm (UTC)Loved the first section and the "ghost" motif -- just a perfect set up.
Loved the stuff about Glasgow being his city ...
Loved this:
Even if his anger wasn’t apparent to everyone, it was apparent to him. Professionals couldn’t be seen glaring daggers or burning photographs over cheap candles though, so Billy carried on
The use of "professional" really made me think yes. That seemed so in character to me -- because "professional" would be the word Bill would use, would want to be. Not "celebrity" or even "actor". Professional. Very nice.
And the promise of two more fics! Huzzah!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 12:11 pm (UTC)except that Billy’s not that vindictive and it pains him to see Dom this way. Bruises and lies and looking everywhere for something he’s trying too hard to find.
I love that. That just hits home for me. Your Billy really appeals to me. He's my favorite out of your LOTRips characterisations. I like your Dom because he doesn't have a clue, but.. there's something about your Billy.
There's something about your LOTRips in general that hits home with me. No-bullshit writing that's hard and soft at the same time. More Sometimes it's almost like you've climbed into my head. Everything feels real and good and fleshed out because everything feels familiar.
then maybe Billy could learn to play gooseberry.
? What's 'gooseberry'?
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:49 am (UTC)I'm very pleased that you're enjoying Billy's characterisation, I enjoy writing his quite a bit.
Everything feels real and good and fleshed out because everything feels familiar.
I try to make a point of writing about things that I can relate to, and by extension, I hope, what other people can relate to as well.
Gooseberry n. slang - the odd man out. Normally, used to refer to someone tagging along with a couple.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 12:19 pm (UTC)It was the wall-punching, whiskey-drowning, call-your-mates-to-stop-you-from-breaking-your-favourite-things sort of anger.
I have certainly been there and it hurts my heart to think of my Bills feeling that way!
I look forward to the others!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 01:19 pm (UTC)Oh, Viggo.
Glasgow belongs to Billy, ghosts, memories, graying sky and all.
Perfect. That's exactly how I feel about New York, too.
damaged Frodo
Everyone wants to damage Frodo, poor boy.
every 40 years or so, I forgive her for hating on Ian’s ears.
=P You know you love Dom's ear hate! It's really self-hate, you know, because in some alternate dimension, Dom's ears are Ian's ears' brothers. :)
I do love this, you know. Billy is so sympathetic; it's easy to forget that there are other perspectives.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 01:58 pm (UTC)clearly I need a beer or something, because I just read this three times and I have no idea what it means. *wails*
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 02:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 02:17 pm (UTC)When Dom grows up, I think, he'll be Sir Ian.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 02:13 pm (UTC)I don't remember, did I mention how hot I thought this kiss was? It just is.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 02:43 pm (UTC)anyway.
i'm really looking forward to seeing the rest of this. please continue!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:52 am (UTC)*laughs* I'm sure Elijah would be very apologetic if he knew you felt wronged.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 02:59 pm (UTC)When Ali comes into the kitchen, she finds him drinking cold tea and sitting on the window ledge because it was too crowded for him in the room, and maybe all he needed was some air.
Love this. Love what you do with him and Ali, with him and Dom and Lij. And the left out feelings and trying to set up his life so he can live with that, be reasonably happy. Very excited for the next installments!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:52 am (UTC)Billy's the consumate survivor as far as I can tell, that makes me want him to be happy with whatever he has.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 04:48 pm (UTC)Really, really, Really lovely. : )
*gives author a daisy*
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:53 am (UTC)That's so sweet; I love flowers!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 07:15 am (UTC)but also, the fic was amazing :D you do write bills amazingly <3
no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 09:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-18 03:57 pm (UTC)