SV - Close Only Counts With Handgrenades
May. 6th, 2004 02:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveThis is not what I'd intended to write. *sigh*
Smallville
Close Only Counts With Handgrenades
Lex Luthor used to love Clark Kent. Truly, madly, cold-sweats-in-the-middle-of-the-night deeply. Lex loved Clark with everything he had.
It's important to note, however, that while Lex loved Clark, but he wasn't necessarily in love with him, because there is, in fact, a difference.
Lex loved Clark's blinding smile and the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. Lex loved the cheap jeans that Clark wore so well and the ridiculous primary-colored wardrobe that Clark refused to ever change. Lex loved Clark’s family and friends, and everything that Clark was willing to bring into Lex’s deprived existence.
Lex loved so many things about Clark that he was more than willing to turn a blind eye to the things that he didn't love: the lies and the sins of omission. The way that Clark would act as though Lex weren't the smartest man for many, many miles in every direction around. These things bothered Lex, but he was willing to overlook them because he loved Clark, and he thought that was what love was about.
*
Lex Luthor used to hate Clark Kent. Every time Clark talked about Lana Lang and Chloe Sullivan and Peter Ross or anyone who wasn't Lex, Lex's brain would tune Clark out and focus on Clark's beautiful mouth or the way his hair caught the fluorescent lights that would've washed anyone else out. Every time that Clark told Lex a lie and looked over his shoulder instead of into his eyes, Lex wanted to rip Clark’s heart out of his chest and say ‘This is not what love is. This is qualified affection, and you’re withholding.’
When Clark went off to save other people, Lex never begrudged those people Clark's help. Lex never hated the people Clark saved no matter what places they attempted to usurp in Clark’s affections. Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen and Perry White were just people. They were never the real problem or the foundation for Lex's hate, because what Lex hated was the sanctimonious way in which Clark insisted that only he *could* save everybody; that he was the only one, and he was doing everyone else a favor.
Lex hated the way Clark twisted and hid his martyr complex until nobody else could see it for what it really was: an obsessive need for control.
Except what Lex hated was the same thing he had once loved deeply, and a part of him knew he only had himself to blame for the monster he had created.
Lex only went to the ‘other side’ to prove Clark wrong. To show that there was one person Clark couldn’t save.
Lex was neither good nor bad, he merely opposed a certain point of view, just like Clark.
*
It took Lex Luthor a very, very long time to realize that he didn’t love Clark Kent
It took him even longer to realize what he felt wasn’t hate either.
No one had ever told Lex that being in love with someone meant that you spent day after day uncertain whether you wanted to stab that person in the chest or devote the rest of your life to making the world into a perfect place so the one you loved would be happy.
The whole business was impossible.
Lex didn't do impossible.
*
The twenty-third time Superman rescued Lex Luthor from imminent death at the hands of some crazed wack-job, Lex realized that not only was he in love with every incarnation of Clark Kent possible -- but no matter what he tried to dress himself up as, Clark Kent was in love with Lex too.
*
Lex Luthor was willing to forgive Clark Kent once upon a time. It was a very long time ago, before there were superheroes in spandex and sharp-tongued reporters from the Daily Planet.
The opportunity Lex gave Clark wasn’t a one-time shot, it was a window of opportunity that shrank a little more every time Clark proved that no matter what Lex said, no matter what he did, Clark just didn't trust him. For all the lies Clark was more than willing to tell, he refused to give Lex the hope that came with revealing just one little secret at just the right time. Lex didn’t ask for the world – he just wanted to hear one truth, one time. Lex could’ve held on and waited for the alien admission if Clark could’ve just told him once that he loved him too.
But Clark didn’t, so neither did Lex, because they spent all their time waiting on a moment that didn’t really exist. And it took Lex a long time to realize that that was the worst thing about the inconvenience of being in love. Love didn't play by anybody else's rules, even theirs.
So even though they had come close, close was still too far away to count and instead of love they would have to settle for this.
-end-
Smallville
Lex Luthor used to love Clark Kent. Truly, madly, cold-sweats-in-the-middle-of-the-night deeply. Lex loved Clark with everything he had.
It's important to note, however, that while Lex loved Clark, but he wasn't necessarily in love with him, because there is, in fact, a difference.
Lex loved Clark's blinding smile and the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. Lex loved the cheap jeans that Clark wore so well and the ridiculous primary-colored wardrobe that Clark refused to ever change. Lex loved Clark’s family and friends, and everything that Clark was willing to bring into Lex’s deprived existence.
Lex loved so many things about Clark that he was more than willing to turn a blind eye to the things that he didn't love: the lies and the sins of omission. The way that Clark would act as though Lex weren't the smartest man for many, many miles in every direction around. These things bothered Lex, but he was willing to overlook them because he loved Clark, and he thought that was what love was about.
Lex Luthor used to hate Clark Kent. Every time Clark talked about Lana Lang and Chloe Sullivan and Peter Ross or anyone who wasn't Lex, Lex's brain would tune Clark out and focus on Clark's beautiful mouth or the way his hair caught the fluorescent lights that would've washed anyone else out. Every time that Clark told Lex a lie and looked over his shoulder instead of into his eyes, Lex wanted to rip Clark’s heart out of his chest and say ‘This is not what love is. This is qualified affection, and you’re withholding.’
When Clark went off to save other people, Lex never begrudged those people Clark's help. Lex never hated the people Clark saved no matter what places they attempted to usurp in Clark’s affections. Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen and Perry White were just people. They were never the real problem or the foundation for Lex's hate, because what Lex hated was the sanctimonious way in which Clark insisted that only he *could* save everybody; that he was the only one, and he was doing everyone else a favor.
Lex hated the way Clark twisted and hid his martyr complex until nobody else could see it for what it really was: an obsessive need for control.
Except what Lex hated was the same thing he had once loved deeply, and a part of him knew he only had himself to blame for the monster he had created.
Lex only went to the ‘other side’ to prove Clark wrong. To show that there was one person Clark couldn’t save.
Lex was neither good nor bad, he merely opposed a certain point of view, just like Clark.
It took Lex Luthor a very, very long time to realize that he didn’t love Clark Kent
It took him even longer to realize what he felt wasn’t hate either.
No one had ever told Lex that being in love with someone meant that you spent day after day uncertain whether you wanted to stab that person in the chest or devote the rest of your life to making the world into a perfect place so the one you loved would be happy.
The whole business was impossible.
Lex didn't do impossible.
The twenty-third time Superman rescued Lex Luthor from imminent death at the hands of some crazed wack-job, Lex realized that not only was he in love with every incarnation of Clark Kent possible -- but no matter what he tried to dress himself up as, Clark Kent was in love with Lex too.
Lex Luthor was willing to forgive Clark Kent once upon a time. It was a very long time ago, before there were superheroes in spandex and sharp-tongued reporters from the Daily Planet.
The opportunity Lex gave Clark wasn’t a one-time shot, it was a window of opportunity that shrank a little more every time Clark proved that no matter what Lex said, no matter what he did, Clark just didn't trust him. For all the lies Clark was more than willing to tell, he refused to give Lex the hope that came with revealing just one little secret at just the right time. Lex didn’t ask for the world – he just wanted to hear one truth, one time. Lex could’ve held on and waited for the alien admission if Clark could’ve just told him once that he loved him too.
But Clark didn’t, so neither did Lex, because they spent all their time waiting on a moment that didn’t really exist. And it took Lex a long time to realize that that was the worst thing about the inconvenience of being in love. Love didn't play by anybody else's rules, even theirs.
So even though they had come close, close was still too far away to count and instead of love they would have to settle for this.
-end-
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-07 12:35 pm (UTC)