hackthis_archive | HP - Dark Horses and Vague Misconceptions

Harry Potter
Ron/Neville; Ron/Harry; Ron/Hermione
Dark Horses and Vague Misconceptions

Being in love is like a bludger to the head and the stomach at the same time. It’s impossible to think or walk, but very easy to double over in excruciating agony at any minute. Ron knows this very well, because he’s been in love at least once. Of course that was with Hermione, and she’s not necessarily the easiest person to fancy unless your name is Viktor Krum; but thinking of Krum only gets on Ron’s tits so he tries not to do it as much as possible.

The thing about fancying Hermione though is that Ron knows it was the real thing. He genuinely fancied her; they dated; they almost shagged.

Potential shagging is not something Ron takes lightly.

The point being that Ron was pretty mental about Hermione, even though it didn’t work out in the end – and he’s been mad about load of girls before her, because Ron likes girls. He likes their softness and the way they always smell good. He likes the way they toss their hair over their shoulders when they’re trying to make a point. He just likes girls full stop -- but there’s a part of Ron, a very small part, that doesn’t just like girls.

This isn’t to say that Ron’s after shagging sheep or anything, he’s never been to Wales in his entire life, but Ron likes -- well, Ron likes a lot of things. He’s not one to dwell too much on things like sexuality; he wouldn’t mind having sex though, and that’s about as much thought as he gives it. After all, he’s a sixteen-year old boy and that’s pretty much all sixteen-year old boys think about -- shagging.

This is why he doesn’t think about it too much when he gets hard while watching Neville on his hands and knees in the greenhouse. It’s just Neville after all, and even though Neville’s grown almost as tall as Ron, and he’s finally got himself a decent haircut, it’s not as though Neville’s going to be on the cover of Ginny‘s Teen Witch next week or anything. So even if Ron stares a bit too hard at how Neville’s arse looks when he’s crawling around after some Thundering Tigerlily seeds he’s dropped, it’s just because he’s being a good mate and making sure that Neville doesn’t whack something important on a workstation.

Ron's straight, there's no reason for him to be attracted to Neville at all. Except that Neville's Neville and strangely competent when he wants to be, and Ron's been rejected by Hermione for whatever reason, and Neville's there and looking all competent and alpha male. Plus, Ron's never going to get Harry, not that he would want to get Harry or anything, since again, Ron is straight. Very, very straight.

Except for when he catches himself staring at the sweat on Harry's upper-lip after Quidditch practise, and the urge to lick it off is remarkably strong. And then there's the way that Seamus' Muggle trousers tend to be tight across his arse on their weekends in Hogsmeade.

Ron only notices these things though, because they're his mates, and mates notice things about their mates. Like how tall they are, or how they sound when their voices deepen or when their cheeks are really flushed after they've been outside when it's cold.

But again, not to overstress his point, Ron’s straight.

Sometimes he just has urges.

*

All the Weasleys are straight. Except perhaps for Percy, but Ron doesn’t tend to think about Percy for lots of reasons, not the least of which being that’s Percy’s a supremely huge tosser.

It’s not as though Ron actually listened any of those rumours about Percy and Oliver Wood, he just threw a fist at whomever was spreading them at the time. Actually, he only hit that prat, Zacharias Smith, who reckoned that Percy was involved with that ape, Marcus Flint, when they were all in school together -- but that’s neither here nor there anymore.

What’s really important is that Ron doesn't tend to think about Percy full stop, since Percy’s been Erased from Ron's brain. Of course, Percy's not been Erased in the 'official' ministry sense, his mum would never stand for that, but they don't talk about him at home and that's really enough for Ron, because Percy's a traitor and that's that. It would've been fine if Percy were just a poof, but he's a poof and a traitor and that's a bit much for any family to stomach.

The point in all this being that Ron’s disposed to being straight. His whole family is. And not only has Ron almost-shagged Hermione, but he’s also snogged Padma and Lavender and -- Terry Boot. But that was only once, behind the changing rooms and it wasn’t even a real snog it was more like rubbing against Terry’s very scratchy stubble and then shrieking like a girl when Harry came round the corner and caught them looking very dodgy indeed.

*

If Ron were ever to actually fancy another bloke he’s fairly certain that he would have to fancy Harry. Not because he finds Harry that attractive, well, maybe a wee bit, but because Harry’s his best mate and they’re comfortable together. Plus, Ron’s seen Harry in the showers and -- well, Harry’s actually quite fit. Harry’s actually more than fit, but he can be an annoying git when he’s on his high horse about something or other, and yes, sometimes Harry’s got good reason to be an insufferable git, but sometimes he doesn’t.

The point in all this being that Ron can’t just suddenly decide he fancies someone he doesn’t know or someone he thinks is a complete and utter tosser.

Ron would never fancy someone like Malfoy with his pinched nose and questionable family.

Ron would sooner bugger a sheep.

*

Hypothetically speaking, if Ron were to get trapped in a dark closet with anybody because he was out of bed after hours, he’d like for it to be Harry, but if he were to find himself trapped with Neville it might not be the worst thing that could happen. And if Neville were to smell like soap and raspberry Sneaky Jellies, well, at least he’s clean, and Ron knows that for all Neville’s clumsiness he would never give away their position when it was clear that Mrs Norris was just outside the door.

Obviously there’s no reason for anybody to panic about their current state of affairs, except that Ron can feel the air vibrating in the room as though Neville‘s shaking, and if anybody were to have ideas about what to do in the dark to take Neville‘s mind off their predicament, it would be Ron.

Ron is the ideas man.

And now, Ron is also the man kissing Neville Longbottom in a second floor closet when they’re supposed to be asleep in the tower.

There’s a brief moment when Ron’s lips are pressing against Neville’s, and Ron can feel how shocked Neville is, and then Ron’s the shocked one because Neville’s hands are fisting in his dressing gown and Neville’s stubble is rubbing against Ron’s chin as he parts his lips to let Ron’s tongue in.

By the time Ron pulls away his knees are shaking, and he’s grasping around in the dark like he might be able to pull his extreme straightness out of the pitch black. It says a lot that the only thing Ron’s hands find in the dark are Neville’s shoulders. It’s just instinct that makes Ron pull Neville closer, although if they were much closer they would have to be shagging.

“I thought you were straight,” Neville says as he nuzzles behind Ron’s ear.

Ron’s neck arches at a strange angle as he tries to gives Neville more access. “So did I.”

“It’s always the dark horses,” Neville whispers against Ron’s mouth as his hands find purchase on Ron‘s shoulders to pull him back in for another kiss.

Ron just makes a faint snorting noise. “Isn’t it though.”

-end-

* Author’s Note: When I first started writing this story I was v v excited about the possibilities, because I like new pairings, but then I was talking with

ethrosdemon and she was all ‘yeah, sweetie, that’s nice, there’s just one problem - Ron’s straight.’ And that fucked my poor muse right in the head, but I *had* to finish this - for Neville. And

phineasjones and my very own doubting thomasina, Kassie.

* Beta-not-thwarted-by-hotmail-stupidity by

serialkarma.