Testing. Testing. Is this shit *on*?
Jun. 25th, 2004 09:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveLJ? Gmail? AOL? WTFOMGDIE! *sporks 50 times*
I wrote HP yesterday. I know I did. Even if it, like, vanished right after. Maybe all that happy-ish-ness broke the internet. Shit. Then this oughta kill it.
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalejandra and serialkarma.
The O.C.
Delusions of Grandeur
Seth’s been at sea for 6,518 days – okay, that’s a slight exaggeration; there’s no way the Summer Breeze would last that long. Seth just feels like he’s been at sea for 6,518 days because he doesn’t have any coffee.
He would cut off his toes for a cup of coffee.
Actually, no, he wouldn't, because he actually likes his toes and he likes playing My Little Piggy with them, even though he's kinda old for that now. But he needs his toes for balance and none of his sneakers would fit if he cut them off, and that would just be a waste.
So, really, what Seth means is that, theoretically, he would cut off his toes for a really nice blended roast from Coffee Bean, because Starbucks is Satanic Cult misspelled, but if push came to shove, he could live with just water. And then he would just think about coffee a lot.
Except that Seth's got all the water he could ever want at his disposal, and that's just, yeah, that novelty wore off after about five hours at sea because he really is at sea. In the sea. Surrounded by the friggin’ sea.
Seth smells like he's at sea, and Summer would never have made it to Tahiti this way. Ryan probably wouldn't have cared, but Seth doesn't want to think about Ryan, so instead he tries to figure out what'll happen to the Legion in the 42 days that he'll be between civilizations. Tahiti has to have comic book stores. It's Tahiti not the north pole, and surely there are Tahitians? Tahishans? guys his age in Tahiti who read comic books.
All the same, Seth's going to miss two issues; that's practically a lifetime in comic books. Not to mention that Seth missed the premiere issue of the Astonishing X-Men, although, he heard in one of the chat rooms from some 'insider' that it was a lot of things, but 'Astonishing' wasn't really one of them. The 'insider' said something about everybody's faces looking like pie tins. Considering how hot Emma Frost is, Seth can't actually imagine an artist doing her a disservice like that ever.
The only other character pencilers seem as nice to is Nightwing, who is just, well, hot. If Marvel and DC ever let Emma and Nightwing meet up, yeah, that'd be pretty hot. Actually, Seth is pretty hot, too, but not in that people-fainting-at-the-sight-of-his-hotness way. More in that sweating like he’s trapped in a locker on the hottest day of summer.
Unfortunately, Seth has first-hand knowledge of how hot it gets inside a school locker, and he definitely did not bring enough sunblock on this trip. The skin on his cheeks is raw and every time he runs his hand over his nose, skin flakes off. He passed the point of intense pain a few days ago after the Coast Guard made their weekly visit to see him. Of course he wouldn't get deathly, oh-my-god-I-miss-the-A/C ill until after the men in uniforms showed up. And nice uniforms they were too.
Seth is kinda partial to a man in uniform. Especially when the uniform is leather and really tight and has a big yellow ‘X’ across the crotch. Not that Ryan would ever wear an X-Men uniform like Wolverine, or Hugh Jackman, but Seth can just imagine how his arms would, um, yeah. Crab Shack khakis really don’t measure up as a uniform next to the X-Men Suit 'O Hotness, and maybe Seth should think about a uniform for Ryan to wear in his new job as SuperDad. Or maybe Seth will just take a nap instead.
*
Seth does not like dreaming about Marissa Cooper. He especially doesn't like it when she's dressed up in turquoise spandex and shrieking at the top of her lungs about how everybody's doing her wrong.
Miss Alcoholic Newport 2004 has no right to scold him for leaving Ryan, but Seth has to say her powers as Shrieking Rich Girl are pretty impressive indeed. Except that Seth knows she's actually working for the Axis of Evil, so it's okay if he zaps her with his ray gun. Killing Marissa is actually a service to society. At least that's what Nightwing says when he swoops in on his zipline, and Seth had no idea that these spandex uniforms were so tight and well, form-fitting. And Nightwing's got a really nice form to fit, too.
In fact, Seth can't remember the last time he got to see so much of someone when they were still dressed, and – why is he dressed like Robin? Yellow, red and green together really hurt his eyes. And then there are the shorts.
Seth's wearing booty shorts.
He can wake up any time now.
Right after Nightwing stops checking him out, though. Seth's read all about how much Dick gets around, so if Dick thinks he's worth checking out, well then that's fine by him. Even if he's wearing a cape and yellow booty shorts.
*
Seth wakes up because a seagull has landed on his foot, and he has a very bad suspicion that it's going to shit on him. He can't remember if it's seagulls that do that when they take off or if it's pigeons. Maybe it's flies. Whatever it is, Seth just wants the seagull to get lost, except that it's the only company Seth's had in four days and if he squints a lot he can watch it breathing.
He's so fucking bored.
"So, look are you going to pee on me or something, cos I gotta tell you that wouldn't be cool at all."
The seagull cocks its head to the side as though it's considering him. It kinda reminds him of Ryan. He misses Ryan. "I miss Ryan," he says.
The seagull ruffles its feathers. "What? That doesn't mean I'm gay. I'm not gay!" Seth shouts causing the seagull to flap its wings as though preparing to leave.
"Okay, okay," Seth concedes, "maybe I'm a little gay. But it's only for Ryan. It's not like I'd be gay for Luke or anything. He shaves his chest. And anyway, he's in Portland. And Ryan's in Chino and he's going to be a superhero, I mean a dad. Dude, Ryan's going to be a dad, and he's straight and I'm just the gay sidekick. Don't tell Summer, because well, I'm straight for her. Even Dick had Barbara after Bruce, and -- whatever," Seth says, shaking his head.
"Even sidekicks have to leave eventually."
The seagull squawks before urinating on Seth's foot and taking off.
*
Seth and the Coast Guard meet up for their weekly check-in on day 6,592. Or maybe it's just Seth's third week at sea. At this point it's kind of hard for Seth to tell.
There's water and soap and sunblock waiting in a box with his mother's handwriting on it, and the captain kind of reminds Seth of his grandfather, except nice. He introduces Seth to his first mate, Peter something or other. Except that all Seth can think about is how much Peter NoLastName looks like Ryan. And when Seth opens the letter from his mom, his breath gets caught at an enclosed envelope with Ryan's scrawl on it. The letter could say anything:
It’s not my kid – I’m shooting blanks
Where was my goodbye letter? Did you even take the map?
Seth Cohen, you’ve been Punk’d
Seth takes a deep breath and counts to three before opening the envelope; as long as he doesn't open it, it can say whatever he wants it to and he can keep his delusions just a little bit longer.
He can feel his heartbeat increasing exponentially as he tries to open the envelope with anything resemble coordination. His fingers don’t seem to want to work at all, and it takes him several seconds to remember how to breathe when he reads the two lines that make up Ryan’s entire note.
He does want to come home; he misses Ryan, too.
-end-
Improv: coffee, turquoise, raw, scold
I wrote HP yesterday. I know I did. Even if it, like, vanished right after. Maybe all that happy-ish-ness broke the internet. Shit. Then this oughta kill it.
For
lalejandra and serialkarma. The O.C.
Seth’s been at sea for 6,518 days – okay, that’s a slight exaggeration; there’s no way the Summer Breeze would last that long. Seth just feels like he’s been at sea for 6,518 days because he doesn’t have any coffee.
He would cut off his toes for a cup of coffee.
Actually, no, he wouldn't, because he actually likes his toes and he likes playing My Little Piggy with them, even though he's kinda old for that now. But he needs his toes for balance and none of his sneakers would fit if he cut them off, and that would just be a waste.
So, really, what Seth means is that, theoretically, he would cut off his toes for a really nice blended roast from Coffee Bean, because Starbucks is Satanic Cult misspelled, but if push came to shove, he could live with just water. And then he would just think about coffee a lot.
Except that Seth's got all the water he could ever want at his disposal, and that's just, yeah, that novelty wore off after about five hours at sea because he really is at sea. In the sea. Surrounded by the friggin’ sea.
Seth smells like he's at sea, and Summer would never have made it to Tahiti this way. Ryan probably wouldn't have cared, but Seth doesn't want to think about Ryan, so instead he tries to figure out what'll happen to the Legion in the 42 days that he'll be between civilizations. Tahiti has to have comic book stores. It's Tahiti not the north pole, and surely there are Tahitians? Tahishans? guys his age in Tahiti who read comic books.
All the same, Seth's going to miss two issues; that's practically a lifetime in comic books. Not to mention that Seth missed the premiere issue of the Astonishing X-Men, although, he heard in one of the chat rooms from some 'insider' that it was a lot of things, but 'Astonishing' wasn't really one of them. The 'insider' said something about everybody's faces looking like pie tins. Considering how hot Emma Frost is, Seth can't actually imagine an artist doing her a disservice like that ever.
The only other character pencilers seem as nice to is Nightwing, who is just, well, hot. If Marvel and DC ever let Emma and Nightwing meet up, yeah, that'd be pretty hot. Actually, Seth is pretty hot, too, but not in that people-fainting-at-the-sight-of-his-hotness way. More in that sweating like he’s trapped in a locker on the hottest day of summer.
Unfortunately, Seth has first-hand knowledge of how hot it gets inside a school locker, and he definitely did not bring enough sunblock on this trip. The skin on his cheeks is raw and every time he runs his hand over his nose, skin flakes off. He passed the point of intense pain a few days ago after the Coast Guard made their weekly visit to see him. Of course he wouldn't get deathly, oh-my-god-I-miss-the-A/C ill until after the men in uniforms showed up. And nice uniforms they were too.
Seth is kinda partial to a man in uniform. Especially when the uniform is leather and really tight and has a big yellow ‘X’ across the crotch. Not that Ryan would ever wear an X-Men uniform like Wolverine, or Hugh Jackman, but Seth can just imagine how his arms would, um, yeah. Crab Shack khakis really don’t measure up as a uniform next to the X-Men Suit 'O Hotness, and maybe Seth should think about a uniform for Ryan to wear in his new job as SuperDad. Or maybe Seth will just take a nap instead.
Seth does not like dreaming about Marissa Cooper. He especially doesn't like it when she's dressed up in turquoise spandex and shrieking at the top of her lungs about how everybody's doing her wrong.
Miss Alcoholic Newport 2004 has no right to scold him for leaving Ryan, but Seth has to say her powers as Shrieking Rich Girl are pretty impressive indeed. Except that Seth knows she's actually working for the Axis of Evil, so it's okay if he zaps her with his ray gun. Killing Marissa is actually a service to society. At least that's what Nightwing says when he swoops in on his zipline, and Seth had no idea that these spandex uniforms were so tight and well, form-fitting. And Nightwing's got a really nice form to fit, too.
In fact, Seth can't remember the last time he got to see so much of someone when they were still dressed, and – why is he dressed like Robin? Yellow, red and green together really hurt his eyes. And then there are the shorts.
Seth's wearing booty shorts.
He can wake up any time now.
Right after Nightwing stops checking him out, though. Seth's read all about how much Dick gets around, so if Dick thinks he's worth checking out, well then that's fine by him. Even if he's wearing a cape and yellow booty shorts.
Seth wakes up because a seagull has landed on his foot, and he has a very bad suspicion that it's going to shit on him. He can't remember if it's seagulls that do that when they take off or if it's pigeons. Maybe it's flies. Whatever it is, Seth just wants the seagull to get lost, except that it's the only company Seth's had in four days and if he squints a lot he can watch it breathing.
He's so fucking bored.
"So, look are you going to pee on me or something, cos I gotta tell you that wouldn't be cool at all."
The seagull cocks its head to the side as though it's considering him. It kinda reminds him of Ryan. He misses Ryan. "I miss Ryan," he says.
The seagull ruffles its feathers. "What? That doesn't mean I'm gay. I'm not gay!" Seth shouts causing the seagull to flap its wings as though preparing to leave.
"Okay, okay," Seth concedes, "maybe I'm a little gay. But it's only for Ryan. It's not like I'd be gay for Luke or anything. He shaves his chest. And anyway, he's in Portland. And Ryan's in Chino and he's going to be a superhero, I mean a dad. Dude, Ryan's going to be a dad, and he's straight and I'm just the gay sidekick. Don't tell Summer, because well, I'm straight for her. Even Dick had Barbara after Bruce, and -- whatever," Seth says, shaking his head.
"Even sidekicks have to leave eventually."
The seagull squawks before urinating on Seth's foot and taking off.
Seth and the Coast Guard meet up for their weekly check-in on day 6,592. Or maybe it's just Seth's third week at sea. At this point it's kind of hard for Seth to tell.
There's water and soap and sunblock waiting in a box with his mother's handwriting on it, and the captain kind of reminds Seth of his grandfather, except nice. He introduces Seth to his first mate, Peter something or other. Except that all Seth can think about is how much Peter NoLastName looks like Ryan. And when Seth opens the letter from his mom, his breath gets caught at an enclosed envelope with Ryan's scrawl on it. The letter could say anything:
It’s not my kid – I’m shooting blanks
Where was my goodbye letter? Did you even take the map?
Seth Cohen, you’ve been Punk’d
Seth takes a deep breath and counts to three before opening the envelope; as long as he doesn't open it, it can say whatever he wants it to and he can keep his delusions just a little bit longer.
He can feel his heartbeat increasing exponentially as he tries to open the envelope with anything resemble coordination. His fingers don’t seem to want to work at all, and it takes him several seconds to remember how to breathe when he reads the two lines that make up Ryan’s entire note.
He does want to come home; he misses Ryan, too.
-end-
Improv: coffee, turquoise, raw, scold
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 09:47 am (UTC)You are mellower than I am. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 09:59 am (UTC)I love it even more than I did before. especially the end.*g*
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 10:01 am (UTC)I love how Seth is suddenly vaguely British. *g*
::mutters spells at LJ::
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 04:48 pm (UTC)I love how Seth is suddenly vaguely British. *g*
What? No. You think?
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 05:29 pm (UTC)(in case you couldn't tell, I did like this bunches)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 10:04 am (UTC)*sigh* I was about to get very angry that you didn't write what was in the letter. Then I "got it" and dude...you totally killed the Internet. I don't think even the paddles will save it this time.
*kicks LJ once more for good measure*
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 02:06 pm (UTC)Is there a typo here or something, because I don't get it. :-(
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 02:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 04:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 11:16 am (UTC)Good story, dude.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 04:50 pm (UTC)I depend on you lot to keep me in the know. This would explain a lot a suspect.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 05:30 pm (UTC)*scrambles*
*digs*
Ah! Here it is!
http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/internet/06/24/internet.attack.ap/index.html
Re: Whee
Date: 2004-06-25 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 12:32 pm (UTC)Killing Marissa is actually a service to society.
w00t!!! And Seth conversing with the seagull was just fabulous. :D
no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-25 06:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 09:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-26 05:03 pm (UTC)and this... Killing Marissa is actually a service to society.
...just cracked me up. Truer words have never been spoken. You have stream-of-consciousness Seth down to a tee, and the ending just perfect - understated, yet so sweet. Excellent work!
no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 09:15 am (UTC)Unintelligible Review
Date: 2004-06-27 09:39 am (UTC)Really, I have no words for how beautiful that was. It was exactly Seth Cohen, to the toe. And Ryan, in spandex (especially in Emma Frost's dominatrix white outfit),oy! I would so totally buy that comic.
You... write... uh... good.
Re: Unintelligible Review
Date: 2004-06-28 09:18 am (UTC)I would *so* buy that comic strip, too! If only for the insane comedic value. That's Seth's ultimate wet fantasy come to life.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-28 10:36 am (UTC)And the Marissa-hatin' ... bwah hahahaha!
However, this just killed me:
"Okay, okay," Seth concedes, "maybe I'm a little gay. But it's only for Ryan. It's not like I'd be gay for Luke or anything. He shaves his chest. And anyway, he's in Portland. And Ryan's in Chino and he's going to be a superhero, I mean a dad. Dude, Ryan's going to be a dad, and he's straight and I'm just the gay sidekick. Don't tell Summer, because well, I'm straight for her. Even Dick had Barbara after Bruce, and -- whatever," Seth says, shaking his head.
"Even sidekicks have to leave eventually."
Because it's a common "ok, maybe I'm gay for Ryan" device, but it's TALKING to a seagull and sososo funny ... and then ... it's just sad. The sidekicks line almost made me tear up.
Beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 01:19 pm (UTC)*kicks Marissa for good measure*
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-30 04:50 pm (UTC)wow
Date: 2004-07-09 08:41 am (UTC)