HP –That Old Malfoy Charm - H/D

[hackthis_archive]

Pimps R’Us

1. serialkarma wrote this absolutely gorgeous O.C. story that made me so happy I could've cried... if my tearducts weren't all sealed up. Read it, bitches!

2. Ishtar! The Supes film has lost another director. HAHAHAHA! OMG, thismovieissodoomed! I'm sad about JJ's script though. How much am I looking forward to Lost being on the air in September? You have no idea.

3. Eminem Radio!

4. I heart obsessedmuch. *nods* Yis.

Also, there seems to be a lot of love for this particular icon (romanticalgirl) and I thought, well, I'm not really myself right now, so it’s okay to write this.

Harry Potter
Draco/Harry
That Old Malfoy Charm




It's the prerogative of every sixteen year-old boy to change his mind about whomever he fancies, because that’s what teenagers do, act fickle -- at least that's what Hermione told Ron when she threw him over for Ginny. Of course, she'd said sixteen year-old girl instead of boy, and while this really isn't the best example Harry could use to justify his attraction to a certain Slytherin, it’s the only rationalisation he’s got, plus beggars, choosers and all that.

So when Harry tilts his head to the side during dinner and squints really hard in the general direction of the Slytherin table, he can see how he might possibly -- definitely -- be attracted to a certain arrogant, sniveling Seeker. From this very fuzzy point of view Malfoy really does have a certain charm about him, like a strangely-domesticated ferret, that Harry didn’t even realise he wanted to keep as a pet.


*


"Sod off, Potter."

“Get stuffed, Malfoy.”

“After you, wanker.”

“Oh, so that was you watching me in the showers, then? I’d been wondering about that.”

“I wouldn’t’ve watched even if there were anything to see.”

“That’s not what you said last night.”

“Was this before or after I caught you running about after hours with the Mudblood?”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“I’m quaking in my robes, really.”


*


Malfoy is a miserable, sniveling git with a pinched nose and shifty eyes. His mouth is perpetually set in a sneer and he wouldn’t be able to say something nice about anyone unless he were forced to do so at wand-point, and even then he might not deliver. In short, there’s nothing to recommend Malfoy to anyone for any reason whatsoever, unless they were doing research on a book entitled Reasons that Purebloods Are Not All They’re Cracked Up to Be and Why Intermarrying Is Bad.

Except.

Except that Malfoy looks quite fit lying on his back after Harry’s knocked him off his broom. His hair’s mussed, his Quidditch robes are all askew and the scowl on his face actually makes Harry want to lick him. Or lick his mouth. Harry’s not sure. He’s not going to stick around and find out either. There’s a Snitch to catch and a match to win, and that’s never going to happen with Harry hovering on his broom over Malfoy and staring when Malfoy licks at the blood at the corner of his mouth; so Harry’s going to stop staring any moment now.

Really.


*


“What the hell were you playing at out there, Potter, you almost broke my nose!”

“It’d be an improvement as far as I can tell; you should be thanking me.”

“An improvement? This from a four-eyed advertisement for Gladys Dalyrimple’s Glamour-in-a-Jar? Let’s see how you like my improvements then.”


*


Harry knows that normal people don't tend to fancy people they loathe, and with good reason too -- it's very hard to wish someone dead while you're contemplating sticking your tongue down their throat. And it’s only later, when Harry’s leaving the infirmary with a Miss Sadie’s Miracle De-Swelling Salve slathered over his right eye, that he wonders why he had to fancy Malfoy out of everyone he could choose from. Surely fancying someone like Terry Boot or Ron or even Pansy Parkinson would be less hazardous to his health.


*


“Why the long face, Potter? Did the Weasel turn you down again? Oh, that’s right, he’s gone off with Longbottom. Must be a bit hard to be the only virgin in your house.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you, Malfoy?”

“I’ll have to take your word for it – it’s not as though I would touch you with someone else’s wand.”

"Don't flatter yourself, Malfoy."

"Flatter myself? I'm not the one making eyes across the Great Hall."

"I had indigestion."

"Tell yourself another one, Potty."


*


Harry knows he’s not supposed to be charmed when Malfoy attempts to curse him in some bastardized version of Parselmouth, but he can’t help himself. There are some things that have to come naturally or they won’t come at all, so Harry knows Malfoy must’ve spent ages in the library trying to figure out how to translate and pronounce ‘I’m going to kill you.’

The thing, though, is that Parselmouth doesn’t follow literal translations and when Malfoy hissed “I’m going to thrill you” to him after Potions, Harry almost ran into the wall.


*


If Harry could choose someone to be attracted to; he’d like to think he would never choose someone like Malfoy. Surely he’s not mad enough to need someone who hates him and aggravates him and makes him want to learn every curse in the Restricted Section, just to shut that pouting, sullen mouth. Except that Malfoy can be very appealing in his own, irritating way, and late at night when Neville’s snoring away and Ron’s tossed and turned until he’s worn himself out, Harry stays up and wonders what it would be like if Malfoy loved him as much as he hates him. With all the time they spend fighting each other, if they could change things around that would really be something to see, but then Harry thinks about Lucius Malfoy in Azkaban and Sirius gone forever and he knows that some things just aren’t on.

No matter how charming Malfoy may be.


-end-

Beta by serialkarma.

Comments

[dorrie6.livejournal.com]

How extremely thoughtful of you to post this just at my lunch hour begins, so that I can read it two or three times in a row, even while attempting to squash this insufferable gnat that keeps buzzing around my monitor despite my murderous RAGE.

But anyway. Dude.

I started trying to pick out sections to quote... the ones that had really made me laugh or had been just SO perfect, and it was a truly pointless effort as my feedback would have quickly become longer than the fic.

I love your Draco. I just love him to pieces. And your Harry.

I'm a blithering idiot, I know. It's just. Yeah.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

How extremely thoughtful of you to post this just at my lunch hour begins, so that I can read it two or three times in a row, even while attempting to squash this insufferable gnat that keeps buzzing around my monitor despite my murderous RAGE.

Shhhhh! Not so loud. Don't tell people I was considerate, I'll get thrown out my union. Anyhoo, I'm glad you liked reading it sweetie, yay!

[circe-tigana.livejournal.com]

Boy do I adore your stories.

And if you ever want a career selling advertizing copy to the Daily Prophet, I think you're set.

::giggles at Gladys Dalyrimple’s Glamour-in-a-Jar::

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Pfft. Work? What is this 'work' nonsense you speak of? I'm a Slytherin, we don't bother ourselves with such menial tasks.

[viridescence]

The thing, though, is that Parselmouth doesn’t follow literal translations and when Malfoy hissed “I’m going to thrill you” to him after Potions, Harry almost ran into the wall.

Pahahahahah! This was my favorite line in the whole fic! *dies laughing*

I'm here via dorrie6 btw. This was so lovely. I love your Draco--such a slimy sexy git, and your Harry--so smitten and tortured. I can just see Draco spending hours in the library trying to learn parseltongue just to threaten Harry; it makes me think that there's more going on in Draco's head as well... *huge grin*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it, thanks for stopping by!

[penguingal.livejournal.com]

Linked here from dorrie6's journal and stumbled on yet another reason why I trust her recs above most other people's.

Fascinating character study. Hot and painful all at the same time.

...and that’s never going to happen with Harry hovering on his broom over Malfoy and staring when Malfoy licks at the blood at the corner of his mouth; so Harry’s going to stop staring any moment now.

Really.

Absolutely bloody brilliant.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Thank you for all your kind words; I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this, thanks!

[slashprincess.livejournal.com]

very very nice!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[loony-moony.livejournal.com]

The thing, though, is that Parselmouth doesn’t follow literal translations and when Malfoy hissed “I’m going to thrill you” to him after Potions, Harry almost ran into the wall.

*falls over laughing*

Beautiful fic. Even if the end isn't the fluffy-bunnies-running-with-lubricant kind, it's still wonderfully pov-ed. Loved this. :D

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I don't tend to run towards happy-frillies type endings, but I'm pleased you enjoyed this all the same.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

The thing, though, is that Parselmouth doesn’t follow literal translations and when Malfoy hissed “I’m going to thrill you” to him after Potions, Harry almost ran into the wall.

I love this bit, especially. And the end, when Harry knows that no matter how big the attraction, there's too much history between him and Draco to work.

[cupids-psyche.livejournal.com]

Ooooooh - icon preeeeeeety - having brainfart at the moment - WHO IS THAT???

[griffen.livejournal.com]

In short, there’s nothing to recommend Malfoy to anyone for any reason whatsoever, unless they were doing research on a book entitled Reasons that Purebloods Are Not All They’re Cracked Up to Be and Why Intermarrying Is Bad.

I am SO metaquotesing this. *grins*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that you like the line, but if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer not to be metaquoted.

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

Am here from dorrie6's rec, and I have to say, I really love this. It walks a fine line between humor and angst, and I particularly liked how your Draco was...well...Draco. A little annoying mean-tempered ass who just happens to have something appealing about him. Really, I think this fic could read as an explanation as to why fandom loves the character so much..there's just something about him :)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

It walks a fine line between humor and angst, and I particularly liked how your Draco was...well...Draco. A little annoying mean-tempered ass who just happens to have something appealing about him. Really, I think this fic could read as an explanation as to why fandom loves the character so much..there's just something about him :)

What a lovely thing to say about this story, thank you! I'm so pleased you enjoyed it so much.

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

You make it all so snarky and fun and...and...*inevitable*, damn you!

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*winks* I try.

[rossywar.livejournal.com]

This was great. I loved the snarky banter, and your characterisation is perfect.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[zoeicedraconis.livejournal.com]

=D. Genius.
I won't bother you with copying all the great lines from the fic, most of them had already been posted...but for the record you have some great quotes in there.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you enjoyed this so much, thanks!

[shatterglass.livejournal.com]

Hehehhee. The parseltongue threat and Hermione choosing Ginny were great touches to a fantastic fic. :):)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[arabella-o.livejournal.com]

This story was very well written and it just fits so very well. Thanks for sharing. :)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading!

[smonsterbite.livejournal.com]

Malfoy really does have a certain charm about him, like a strangely-domesticated ferret, that Harry didn’t even realise he wanted to keep as a pet.

*snerk*

I'm sorry you're not yourself, but it's hard to be sorry when whoever you currently seem to be produces a lovely gem like this one.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you're not yourself, but it's hard to be sorry when whoever you currently seem to be produces a lovely gem like this one.

*laughs*

I'm glad you enjoyed this, no matter what frame of mind I was in.

[lux--aeterna.livejournal.com]

first off, why don't i have an hp icon. this situation must be rectified immediately.

second, i love that this has no happy ending, no simpering, no romance, just pure attraction and wishing and continued enmity. that's the best kind of h/d and i wish i could write it. (can't.)

anyway, i just love this to bits. (as if i had a choice!)

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes, you must go HP icon shopping. I highly recommend hp_icons for all your shopping needs. They hooked me up when I was in the market. Also, I'm glad you liked this, sweetie, yay!

[darkvictory.livejournal.com]

excellent dialogue, and loved the bit with Draco learning Parseltongue. :D

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

oh, so snippy. good ol' h/d. (and eee! ron's off with neville after hermione's tossed him over for ginny!) so, tell whoever you were when you wrote this that it's a delightfully fun read.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

I will pass along the message.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heeeee! Man, the sweet sourness. Y'know, I think one would have to either try pretty hard to dislike this fic or just er... hate H/D (and even then, you have the ending). It's got that ol' Zahra charm >:D

I know it's gonna be a certain kind of fic if it has licking reference in it. Y'know. The licking gives it away :D
The 'domesticated ferret' bit is priceless, and there are so many great witty lines here (though, well-- I'm not surprised, heh). It's great fun to read ones like this, where it's basically like the whole fic is a tongue-in-cheek flirt, or the equivalent of waggled eyebrows or something, in a way :> Well, that covers the narrative voice and Malfoy (ahahaah and I never thought about it, but in a way there's a Malfoyish quality to your narrative voice even when it's Harry-centric, teehee).

Man, only you could write fluffy H/D that's so deeply pessimistic :> I admire you for that, y'know >:D It used to be that I'd rebel and go 'nooooo it's can't like thaaaaat', but now... I can kind of see how your mind works :D
Of course, it was never going to go anywhere since the whole basis of the attraction is so solely physical, anyway. It's not like Harry would allow such surface attraction to overwhelm his 'morals' and such, though it's adorable to have him stare mesmerized and such, teehee. I could totally see him hovering on his broom and going, 'mmmmmm, pretttyyyyyyyy' (or maybe that's just me). Then again, I'm pretty in touch with my inner 16-year old boy :D

Anyway, yah-- this felt like a fun retread of some old territory, heh. The dialogue was almost... I dunno, H/D standard-- it's like, that sort of thing is what comes out when -I- just let my inner H&D snark mindlessly at each other. It's sort of empty & repetitive-- ultimately meaningless-- but they don't actually -have- 'real' conversations, anyway. The whole relationship is so... not exactly a two-way dialogue, there >< And of course, for H/D to work, you'd have to get them to actually -talk- instead of snark at each other :> Snark is so much fun, though :>
And heeee, yah. The judgemental!Harry is... pretty believable. Though I think Malfoy really -does- flatter himself (inasmuch as I doubt he can 'see through' Harry-- or even really see any significant part of Harry, really) :>

Anyway, this is like-- a bit of an old tune, but it still sounds good. Even if I reeeally wanna see you take it beyond this basic 'step 1' ('cause that's where the meat is), I can see why you wouldn't; if anything, this fic is sort of self-explanatory :>

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is pretty much the same tune, but I'm not inclined to give them a happy ending, or to even put them together, plus they've already killed each other half a dozen times. They've broken up, gone mental and co-habited with nowt, so there's not too much terrain left to cover. Those are indeed the breaks -- but I'm pleased you enjoyed it all the same. Thanks for reading.

[lookatmae.livejournal.com]

If you're a girl, I'm in love with you. YURI. If not, I still think you rock, but not as much.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

I'll keep that in mind.

[permetaform]

::adores you and buttprints fic::

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

I see Pru's started a buttprint epidemic.

[emmalyne.livejournal.com]

Ooh, more love/hate. Or maybe that's lust/hate, in Harry and Draco's case. Lovely dialogue in this one.

Harry thinks about Lucius Malfoy in Azkaban and Sirius gone forever and he knows that some things just aren’t on.

No matter how charming Malfoy may be.

Oh, sad. The logical conclusion to Harry fancying Draco, but still sad.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it!

[cyclogenesis.livejournal.com]

at least that's what Hermione told Ron when she threw him over for Ginny.

aaaaand from the first sentence, you got me. <3

Also, um, Malfoy, corner of mouth, blood, licking, um. I. With the. Yes.

and when Malfoy hissed “I’m going to thrill you” to him after Potions, Harry almost ran into the wall.

ahahahahahahahaHEART!!! That is so clever. And cute. And hot.

This was an enjoyable read, thank you.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I try, what can I say? I'm glad you liked it!

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

Your H/D fics elate me.

♥

This was beautiful, and sweet, and fluffy without being overstated, and this--

Harry knows he’s not supposed to be charmed when Malfoy attempts to curse him in some bastardized version of Parselmouth, but he can’t help himself. There are some things that have to come naturally or they won’t come at all, so Harry knows Malfoy must’ve spent ages in the library trying to figure out how to translate and pronounce ‘I’m going to kill you.’

The thing, though, is that Parselmouth doesn’t follow literal translations and when Malfoy hissed “I’m going to thrill you” to him after Potions, Harry almost ran into the wall.

--is so trenchant and witty and sweet it could be a drabble unto itself, for all it encapsulates their dynamic.

Brava.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You are entirely too kind, but thank you all the same.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

H/D from you is always such a treat!
*settles in to read and re-read. Possibly print and memorize...*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm so glad you liked it!