I'm not writing anymore.

[hackthis_archive]

I was wrong. Everybody else was right. Superman is the business! He's hot and smart, and he's all about truth and justice and the American Way. Supes isn’t self-righteous, he’s a caring guy who rescues cats from trees, and there's nothing gay about him being swathed in red and blue spandex at all. Plenty of manly men wear spandex. Look at football players! Not only that, but I'm clearly wrong about Clark Kent as well. He's an honest, forth-coming, generous boy. He's not manipulative at all. He's great, and he totally deserves to be loved by everybody, and all those Lex people are just h8ers. As a matter of fact, Lex sucks. I can't stand him with his whinging and all his money and his fast cars. He's so over-rated. The bald thing isn't sexy at all. Get some implants, dammit.

Also, Het is the new black! Yes. I know. Not only is Clark the best thing since sliced bread, but he and Lana so deserve to be together. OMGMFEO!!!!!<3 I adore Lana, she's so pretty and smart and kind. She's totally the most well rounded character on television today. Like Marissa from The O.C.! They're just the best. I love them.

You know what else I love? Harry Potter!

OMG, I totally love Harry, and he's the best character and so smart and helpful and all that stuff. Gryffindor rocks! Slytherin sucks! Hermione is the prettiest girl in the land and she and Harry are totally going to have a million babies together. Unless Harry marries Ginny first, but obvious he'll have to marry one of them because there's no way he would ever hook up with another boy. OMG, Harry is so not gay. I can't believe anybody would ever think that. Harry's the straightest straight that ever did straight. Also, Draco Malfoy is a weasel-face and he's really ugly. Ick. nobody would ever sleep with him. Or Lex Luthor. Or Sark. Sark is bad. And ugly. And he has no lips! They're all going to hell together. And they're not gay either. Or bi.

Neither is Seth Cohen. Or Benton Fraser. Or Harry Osborn. Or Vince Chase. Or Rusty Ryan. Or Neville Longbottom, even with such an unfortunate surname. They all like women and only women, dammit.

That's right.

And I love Colin Farrell. And Christian Bale, but not bacon. And I love emo. And I think Bush --

No. I can only take the charade so far before I get ill.


*This posting has been brought to you by The OMG, Are You On Crack MeMe, which wonders what sort of stuff you would never ever say in your LJ. Unless you were under duress. Or on drugs. Or some other stressful stuff. Do not believe anything you read.

Comments

[lyra-sena.livejournal.com]

The bald thing isn't sexy at all. Get some implants, dammit.

*chokes on laughter*

ps, you left out Ray Kowalski, who is the undeniable leader of the Straight Men Brigade.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

You are absolutely right, I was horribly remiss.

[suaine.livejournal.com]

You just killed me dead.

I was scared when I read the topic, but then I realized that you were either a) on crack, b) being kidnapped by Harry/hermione shippers, or c) trying to get out of a murder charge by feigning mental illness.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Clearly the answer was d) all of the above.

[suaine.livejournal.com]

Hmm, what does it say about me (or you) that I knew you were kidding by the second sentence?

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

I just thought it was so friggin obvious. I mean nothing gay about the spandex and all the Lex-hating? I mean really.

[suaine.livejournal.com]

Really. I mean, you put Het is the new black in bold! It's like saying the earth is a disk at the center of the universe! And the Lana Love(TM)! *smirk*

[iseult-variante.livejournal.com]

*cackles*

Sark is bad. And ugly. And he has no lips!

*points and laughs*

[shatterglass.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahhahahahahhaah. -fallsover-

[luthienlupin.livejournal.com]

*DEAD* This is hilarious! *adds to memories*

[cluelessinlife.livejournal.com]

That was so funny!!
The first time I read it I was thinking "What the hell happend?!?"
Then I got it
D'OH

[xunre.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad yuou stopped. I don't think I would have survived reading that Bush is Seth's secret boyfriend.

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

*goggles*

Even I couldn't have gone that far.

[xunre.livejournal.com]

Does this mean I'll have to wait longr for your forthcoming B/S fic?

[corimari.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHA omg, I totally was like, WTFOMG until I got to the Neither is Seth Cohen, and then I realized that there must be something going on here, because Seth Cohen is the gayest character on television.

[vylit.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Someone who has never read you before is going through friends of friends and was very scared before they hit the last paragraph. I just know it.

[lookatmae.livejournal.com]

This had me rolling with laughter for hours. Well, no, I exaggerate. Probably a few seconds. But it did elicit a sudden chuckle at later points in the day/evening/night/whatever. ;)

You're so ace.

[scaryemilie.livejournal.com]

i love het. and you. <3

[prurient-badger.livejournal.com]

Has it somehow become April 1st?

And they're not gay either. Or bi.

Neither is Seth Cohen. Or Benton Fraser. Or Harry Osborn. Or Vince Chase. Or Rusty Ryan. Or Neville Longbottom, even with such an unfortunate surname.

*boggles*

[green-queen.livejournal.com]

Okay, the only thing I picked out was: you dislike Harry?

I would say how funny this was, etc., but I think it may have been said for me *nods*

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Okay, the only thing I picked out was: you dislike Harry?

Doesn't everybody?
*runs away*

[green-queen.livejournal.com]

I like him, particularly after the 5th book.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Yeah? He's one of my least favourite characters, especially post OotP, but live and let live...
*flashes peace sign*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

For the record, the entire posting was untrue. My opinions are 100% opposite of everything written here.

[merrymelody.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I kinda got that.
I think it was the description of Lana as a 'well rounded character' that did it...;)

[serialkarma.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

[hackthis.livejournal.com]

Yes. Quite.

[xmarisolx.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

[macheriemonami.livejournal.com]

hahahahahaahahaha

this is basically the story of my life.

In that if I were to ever say such things I would have to dragged away in a straightjacket. Because I had somehow contracted BATSHIT INSANE.

Truly, truly, we are mind twins. In that we both want to PUNCH HARRY POTTER IN THE FACE.