![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hackthis_archiveThis is unbetad.
This is also clearly insane.
But![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
serialkarma had the friggin nerve to talk about superheroes unionizing...
Smallville/JLA/Warrior Angel/DC Comics/Marvel x-over
Superheroes Local 101
It was bird.
No, it was plane.
No, it was a nightmare.
It was going to be the biggest headache Lex had ever had.
He slowly put his whiskey glass down on the drinks cart, pointedly ignoring the tic he could feel stirring in the corner of his left eye.
“You’re going to what?” he said to the wall in front of him.
Obviously he had misheard Clark. Perhaps all those kidnappings had affected his hearing somehow. Or maybe it was all those moonlit sex sessions among the clouds.
All those dramatic changes in altitude couldn't be good for anyone's eardrums.
“We’re going to start a union.” Clark’s tone was bright and cheerful somewhere over Lex’s left shoulder, and he turned slightly to make sure that Clark wasn’t pulling his leg.
Nobody did guileless like Superman.
“We 'who'?” Lex said, unloosening his tie.
“The Justice League.”
At that exact moment in time, Clark looked so happy that Lex almost let it slide.
Almost.
He opened his mouth to speak, but Clark took off his cape, tossed it over the back of the armchair, and kept speaking.
“...and The Teen Titans.”
“They can’t even vote yet,” Lex protested.
“But they should still have rights.”
Lex’s eye twitch got stronger.
Clark carried on enthusiastically. “The Outsiders, the Uncanny X-Men, the Amazing X-Men, the New Mutant X-Men, Captain Britain and some of the freelancers in Genosha, Captain America and his kids, Top Ten, the Silver Surfer, Firestorm… Peter said he would join.”
“Harry would kill him,” Lex interjected.
“Harry’s not a superhero, Lex. We won’t stand for intimidation.”
“It’s not intimidation! You’re superheroes; you can crush most people like ants.”
“That’s not the point. The point is that we have rights too.”
A small percussion section began playing inside Lex’s head. “Rights,” he repeated. “A union. You’re going to be a Teamster.”
“They have great benefits. Right now superheroes don’t even get paid."
“You have a job, Clark. You’re a reporter for the Daily Planet. Did you hit your head today by any chance? Come across any odd rocks on assignment?”
“I’m serious, Lex. It’s hard being a superhero; we don’t even get holidays off.”
“Tell me something new,” Lex sniped.
“I told you I was sorry about Christmas, but this way, we can have Christmas and President’s Day.”
“Nobody celebrates President’s Day.”
“But we can! We will. That’s the great thing about unionization: better hours, less stress. More sex.”
“Is that your motto?”
“It could be.”
Lex sighed. He would’ve knocked his head against the wall, but the drinks cart was in his way.
Clark nodded as he removed his boots and dropped down on the sofa. He pulled off white athletic socks and flexed his feet before stretching out the length of the black sofa. "Who needs to be unionized more than we do? We work long hours with zero pay. We don’t get any medical benefits."
"Because you don't get sick."
Clark wriggled his toes. "Sometimes I get sick."
"No, sometimes you just want to stay home," Lex corrected.
Clark carried on as though Lex hadn't spoken at all. "Not everyone's immune from illness. What if Wally got a cold? I ran into Iceman and Gambit the other day -- did you know that mutants aren't immune from colds?"
Lex looked back down at the drinks cart and by-passed his glass for the full decanter. "If the X-Men get sick that's Charles' problem. Not mine," he said taking a very undignified swig.
Clark wiggled his toes again. "What about Wally?"
"Wally is Chloe's problem - not mine."
"Wally's my friend," Clark protested.
"Wally's a headache."
"There's no reason for name-calling," Clark chided, channeling his mother in an eerie fashion.
Lex took another swallow of brandy. The burning sensation in his chest was doing nothing to numb the pain in his head.
"Did Bruce put you up to this?" he asked, crossing the living room and lifting Clark's feet to sit on the end of the sofa.
"You would think that, wouldn't you? You're so suspicious of everyone."
Lex took one last swallow of brandy before setting the decanter on the end table while Clark rested his feet on Lex's thigh. "I wonder why."
"This is going to be a good thing, Lex, you'll see."
Lex ran a finger along Clark's instep, trying very hard to ignore the drums beating inside his skull. "Where have I heard that before?"
"Don't be so cynical."
"You're trying to organize a bunch of people who don't like each other and are named after animals, inanimate objects, elements and colors, Clark. Colors. Spiderman, Batman, Robin, Nightwing, Flash, Kid Flash, Wonder Woman, Wondergirl, Powergirl, Supergirl, The Green Lantern, The Green Hornet, The Green Arrow, The Green Meanie, Super Green Beret, The Blue Beetle --"
"I don't think there's actually a Green Meanie," Clark interrupted.
Lex carried on. "...Smax, Storm, Emma Frost, Wolverine, Sabertooth, Beast, Beastman, Iron Man, Plastic Man, Elongated Man, Man-at-Arms...
"You're thinking of a TV show, Lex."
"...Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquagirl, Black Canary, Black Angel, Archangel, Warrior Angel, Avenging Angel, or something, who I think was the Phoenix, who was Jean Gray, who died three times. Or four. Plus, according to what you told me, they exist in alternate universes"
"So do we."
"Yes, please don't remind me. My headache is already large enough."
"Poor Scott." Clark shook his head as Lex stroked the heel of his left foot.
"I thought he was seeing Emma."
"He was, is, but you know how she is."
"Not really, do you?"
"What? No! No, of course not."
"I should hope not."
Lex did something brutal to Clark's big toe -- of course he didn't even feel it.
"That's not the point, though," Lex said. "The point is how do you unionize that many people without there being mass chaos? Superheroes are everywhere, all the time. Can you just imagine trying to get everyone in one place? When would you have these meeting anyway? Where? Do you even have a union hall?"
"We could use the Tower."
"I thought the Tower was just for the JLA.”
“Unions are for the good of all.” Clark’s righteous tone was undermined by the groan he made when Lex did something to the heel of his right foot.
“You never answered my question about Bruce,” Lex said.
Clark shifted on the sofa and plucked at his spandex. “He, um, he’ll come around.”
Lex bit his bottom lip. “Of course he will.”
“Don’t laugh.”
“I wasn’t laughing.”
Clark prodded him lightly in the ribs with his toes. “Don’t smirk, either.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Lex, I’m serious. I’m trying to do something good here. Something great. I thought you would want to help me.”
“I’m always here to help you, Jimmy Hoffa.”
“Lex.” Clark pulled his feet away and straddled Lex on the sofa. Lex’s headache diminished severely as he began groping Clark’s uniform for the little hooks and snaps that held it together.
Clark grabbed Lex’s wrists in a loose hold. “I want your support,” he said.
“I always support you, Clark, you know that.”
“I know. I just – I feel bad when my friends get sick and they don’t have everything I have.”
“That’s Superman all the way – big head, big heart, big cock.“
“Hey!”
Clark’s pouting was lethal, and Lex brushed a quick kiss across full lips before tugging his wrists free. “Warrior Angel never needed a union," he pointed out before going back to his explorations of Clark’s uniform.
"That's because he had Sean paying for everything."
"Details details," Lex said dismissively as Clark shed the top half of his uniform.
“I’m serious, Lex,” Clark said, once again binding Lex’s hand. “You’ll help me, right?”
Lex shook his head but smiled anyway. “Of course, always. Just don’t come crying to me if someone tries to fit you for cement shoes.”
-end-
Now with Supervillain Response!
This is also clearly insane.
But
serialkarma had the friggin nerve to talk about superheroes unionizing...Smallville/JLA/Warrior Angel/DC Comics/Marvel x-over
Superheroes Local 101
It was bird.
No, it was plane.
No, it was a nightmare.
It was going to be the biggest headache Lex had ever had.
He slowly put his whiskey glass down on the drinks cart, pointedly ignoring the tic he could feel stirring in the corner of his left eye.
“You’re going to what?” he said to the wall in front of him.
Obviously he had misheard Clark. Perhaps all those kidnappings had affected his hearing somehow. Or maybe it was all those moonlit sex sessions among the clouds.
All those dramatic changes in altitude couldn't be good for anyone's eardrums.
“We’re going to start a union.” Clark’s tone was bright and cheerful somewhere over Lex’s left shoulder, and he turned slightly to make sure that Clark wasn’t pulling his leg.
Nobody did guileless like Superman.
“We 'who'?” Lex said, unloosening his tie.
“The Justice League.”
At that exact moment in time, Clark looked so happy that Lex almost let it slide.
Almost.
He opened his mouth to speak, but Clark took off his cape, tossed it over the back of the armchair, and kept speaking.
“...and The Teen Titans.”
“They can’t even vote yet,” Lex protested.
“But they should still have rights.”
Lex’s eye twitch got stronger.
Clark carried on enthusiastically. “The Outsiders, the Uncanny X-Men, the Amazing X-Men, the New Mutant X-Men, Captain Britain and some of the freelancers in Genosha, Captain America and his kids, Top Ten, the Silver Surfer, Firestorm… Peter said he would join.”
“Harry would kill him,” Lex interjected.
“Harry’s not a superhero, Lex. We won’t stand for intimidation.”
“It’s not intimidation! You’re superheroes; you can crush most people like ants.”
“That’s not the point. The point is that we have rights too.”
A small percussion section began playing inside Lex’s head. “Rights,” he repeated. “A union. You’re going to be a Teamster.”
“They have great benefits. Right now superheroes don’t even get paid."
“You have a job, Clark. You’re a reporter for the Daily Planet. Did you hit your head today by any chance? Come across any odd rocks on assignment?”
“I’m serious, Lex. It’s hard being a superhero; we don’t even get holidays off.”
“Tell me something new,” Lex sniped.
“I told you I was sorry about Christmas, but this way, we can have Christmas and President’s Day.”
“Nobody celebrates President’s Day.”
“But we can! We will. That’s the great thing about unionization: better hours, less stress. More sex.”
“Is that your motto?”
“It could be.”
Lex sighed. He would’ve knocked his head against the wall, but the drinks cart was in his way.
Clark nodded as he removed his boots and dropped down on the sofa. He pulled off white athletic socks and flexed his feet before stretching out the length of the black sofa. "Who needs to be unionized more than we do? We work long hours with zero pay. We don’t get any medical benefits."
"Because you don't get sick."
Clark wriggled his toes. "Sometimes I get sick."
"No, sometimes you just want to stay home," Lex corrected.
Clark carried on as though Lex hadn't spoken at all. "Not everyone's immune from illness. What if Wally got a cold? I ran into Iceman and Gambit the other day -- did you know that mutants aren't immune from colds?"
Lex looked back down at the drinks cart and by-passed his glass for the full decanter. "If the X-Men get sick that's Charles' problem. Not mine," he said taking a very undignified swig.
Clark wiggled his toes again. "What about Wally?"
"Wally is Chloe's problem - not mine."
"Wally's my friend," Clark protested.
"Wally's a headache."
"There's no reason for name-calling," Clark chided, channeling his mother in an eerie fashion.
Lex took another swallow of brandy. The burning sensation in his chest was doing nothing to numb the pain in his head.
"Did Bruce put you up to this?" he asked, crossing the living room and lifting Clark's feet to sit on the end of the sofa.
"You would think that, wouldn't you? You're so suspicious of everyone."
Lex took one last swallow of brandy before setting the decanter on the end table while Clark rested his feet on Lex's thigh. "I wonder why."
"This is going to be a good thing, Lex, you'll see."
Lex ran a finger along Clark's instep, trying very hard to ignore the drums beating inside his skull. "Where have I heard that before?"
"Don't be so cynical."
"You're trying to organize a bunch of people who don't like each other and are named after animals, inanimate objects, elements and colors, Clark. Colors. Spiderman, Batman, Robin, Nightwing, Flash, Kid Flash, Wonder Woman, Wondergirl, Powergirl, Supergirl, The Green Lantern, The Green Hornet, The Green Arrow, The Green Meanie, Super Green Beret, The Blue Beetle --"
"I don't think there's actually a Green Meanie," Clark interrupted.
Lex carried on. "...Smax, Storm, Emma Frost, Wolverine, Sabertooth, Beast, Beastman, Iron Man, Plastic Man, Elongated Man, Man-at-Arms...
"You're thinking of a TV show, Lex."
"...Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquagirl, Black Canary, Black Angel, Archangel, Warrior Angel, Avenging Angel, or something, who I think was the Phoenix, who was Jean Gray, who died three times. Or four. Plus, according to what you told me, they exist in alternate universes"
"So do we."
"Yes, please don't remind me. My headache is already large enough."
"Poor Scott." Clark shook his head as Lex stroked the heel of his left foot.
"I thought he was seeing Emma."
"He was, is, but you know how she is."
"Not really, do you?"
"What? No! No, of course not."
"I should hope not."
Lex did something brutal to Clark's big toe -- of course he didn't even feel it.
"That's not the point, though," Lex said. "The point is how do you unionize that many people without there being mass chaos? Superheroes are everywhere, all the time. Can you just imagine trying to get everyone in one place? When would you have these meeting anyway? Where? Do you even have a union hall?"
"We could use the Tower."
"I thought the Tower was just for the JLA.”
“Unions are for the good of all.” Clark’s righteous tone was undermined by the groan he made when Lex did something to the heel of his right foot.
“You never answered my question about Bruce,” Lex said.
Clark shifted on the sofa and plucked at his spandex. “He, um, he’ll come around.”
Lex bit his bottom lip. “Of course he will.”
“Don’t laugh.”
“I wasn’t laughing.”
Clark prodded him lightly in the ribs with his toes. “Don’t smirk, either.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Lex, I’m serious. I’m trying to do something good here. Something great. I thought you would want to help me.”
“I’m always here to help you, Jimmy Hoffa.”
“Lex.” Clark pulled his feet away and straddled Lex on the sofa. Lex’s headache diminished severely as he began groping Clark’s uniform for the little hooks and snaps that held it together.
Clark grabbed Lex’s wrists in a loose hold. “I want your support,” he said.
“I always support you, Clark, you know that.”
“I know. I just – I feel bad when my friends get sick and they don’t have everything I have.”
“That’s Superman all the way – big head, big heart, big cock.“
“Hey!”
Clark’s pouting was lethal, and Lex brushed a quick kiss across full lips before tugging his wrists free. “Warrior Angel never needed a union," he pointed out before going back to his explorations of Clark’s uniform.
"That's because he had Sean paying for everything."
"Details details," Lex said dismissively as Clark shed the top half of his uniform.
“I’m serious, Lex,” Clark said, once again binding Lex’s hand. “You’ll help me, right?”
Lex shook his head but smiled anyway. “Of course, always. Just don’t come crying to me if someone tries to fit you for cement shoes.”
-end-
Now with Supervillain Response!
no subject
Date: 2004-09-24 01:17 pm (UTC)