now *this* is a new complaint...

latxcvi delivered me into the insane world of LJ crackheads.

obsessedmuch made me a drooling stupid fan girl with my Lex who will take over the world.

spasticat just added even more icons for me to horde.

what's my complaint you ask? that i can't show them all off at one time. it's like buying five new pairs of shoes and being pissed off that you only have two feet.

*sigh*

do you remember what it was like when you believed in something? anything at all?

was it when you were five? or maybe fifteen. was it a sports team or a movie star? did you believe in fairy tales and unicorns, or did you believe in the monsters under your bed and the boogeyman in the closet?

have you always believed in good? have you always believed that there was something better out there? did you pray for someone to come and save your from yourself?

i used to believe. i know i did. i must've believed in me somewhere along the way, but i swear i used to believe in other people too. maybe i believed too much.

i keep cataloging my mind, my brain, trying to rack it and remember what it was like when i was younger and less cynical. less pessimistic. i keep trying to find a time when i wasn't jaded. but the sad thing is that even when i find a time when i wasn't cynical about certain things, it was overshadowed by a million other things.

i've never been an optimist. never been an idealist.

i wonder what it's like.