hackthis_archive | SW RPS

I opened my mouth to justify this, and all that came out was

serialkarma's hysterical laugh of amusement. Yeah, whatever. This is my Mr Right Now fandom.

Star Wars RPS
Hayden Christensen, Ewan McGregor, Jude Law, and mentions of girls named Natalie and Nicole and some crazy gossip columnist named Ted in...

Five Degrees

I turned off National Treasure to see Nicole Richie on Leno telling Ewan McGregor - via "palm reading" - that he would leave his wife for a gorgeous man and live in West Hollywood.
-from the friends list of

ethrosdemon

1. Nicole

Nicole used to get her tarot read by a woman named Roseline, who has a place in Venice across from the Canal Club and right next to St James Beach. She had a standing appointment on the second Tuesday of every month, and she would go with Paris. Paris was actually the one who introduced her to Roseline in the first place; someone else, probably Jodie or Elisha, had introduced Paris since Nicky would never do anything so 'impractical.' Of course Nicky was also the first one to get married in Vegas, so maybe 'impractical' wasn't the right word. The point in all this simply being that Nicole wasn't actually into palm reading to start with, but after that business with Saturday Night Live and Paris, and that tape that maybe she did show at that party -- well, she needed something new.

So she got into palm reading.

She likes Madam Sybil way more than Roseline anyway, plus she heard that somebody from Star Wars is into that sort of stuff too. She wonders who he or she is. She wonders if Madam Sybil would mind if Nicole tried to show off what she's learned on network television, it's not like palm reading is copyrighted or trademarked or something.

2. Hayden

When it's all over, Hayden just sits there, starring at the television in shock and horror -– and then he starts laughing. Loudly. A lot. Eventually, he gets a stitch in his left side and falls off the sofa. It would be nice if he could stop laughing, but he can't because the last fifteen minutes of Jay Leno have been better than anything else that's happened in his entire life, including playing Darth Vader and Ewan introducing him to Cameron Diaz.

According to Nicole Richie, Ewan's going to leave his wife and children for some young hot thing in Los Angeles.

That is good to know; it's fantastic actually.

Hayden's really fucking pleased that he went with the apartment off of Crescent Heights and Santa Monica; you can't get much more West Hollywood than that. His publicist thought living in the gay mecca would be bad for his reputation -- that just goes to show that she doesn't know anything at all. Thank god he has Madam Sybil looking out for his best interests. She said he was going to learn something completely unexpected this evening and that he had to watch the TV between 11:35 p.m. and 12:30 am.

And to think, Natalie had laughed and told him Letterman was way better than Leno. Yeah, well, guess who's laughing now.

He wonders how Nicole Richie got so proficient at reading the calluses on men's palms.

3. Natalie

She was sleeping. She knows she was sleeping, because when the phone rang, she had to wake up to get to it, and it wasn't where it was supposed to be. The phone wasn't in the bed next to her, or on the floor by the side of the bed. The stupid fucking phone wasn't even in the drawer of her nightstand where she stuck it sometimes when she put her scripts and her glasses away together.

And the stupid thing just wouldn't stop ringing, even though she had no idea where it was. If Hayden called one more fucking time to brag that Ewan was coming to live with him in L.A., Natalie was going to get on the next flight out of JFK, fly across the country, and beat Hayden senseless with that lightsaber that he kept in the linen closet.

She hit her head on something at the same time that the answering machine kicked on, and it took her several minutes to realise that the person leaving the message wasn't talking funny because he was drunk, but because it was Jude.

She would have to call him back in the morning after she found the phone.

4. Jude

Jude is the first one to know everything. He knows this because everyone rings him to tell him when they're having crises or losing their rag or shagging someone new, hence Jude is always the first to know. He's not certain if this makes him British Telecom or the social centre of entirely too many people, but it is amusing. It's always been a bit different with Ewan though.

Most people confide in Jude, wait for his approval, and then have at it -- but with Ewan, they actually tend to discuss things first. Ewan doesn't always listen to Jude, sometimes he doesn't even ask for his opinion. Ewan is the one that Jude turns to, and if Ewan were a bird, Jude would've married him ages ago. That might've saved him a lot of grief actually, but he takes comfort in the fact he knows Ewan feels the same.

If Ewan were going to leave Eve for someone, it would be him.

There would be none of Sienna's waffling through his flat in a cloud of Bulgari perfume, flipping through the post and asking him blithely, 'Who's Ewan's bloke then?'

5. Ewan

It's funny when Nicole Richie says Ewan's going to move to West Hollywood with his gorgeous male lover, because it's the stupidest thing that Ewan's ever heard.

He's married; he's got children. He fucking loves living in London and tooling around on his motorcycle. All his mates are close by, and Ewan loves his life and his job. He's not looking to make any changes, and that's why he just risked his neck travelling around the world. That's why he went in the first place.

Ewan loves everything he has, and it has nothing to do with coming home after filming wrapped on Revenge of the Sith and almost getting kicked to the kerb. Maybe Eve did tell him to sort himself out –- but that's only because it's their relationship, and it requires an effort. Maybe he did need to get some things straight, but Ewan would never bring his work home, and he would never mention Hayden to anyone.

That was a long time ago.

That's why it's so fucking funny when he gets back to the green room, and his mobile is going mental. He ignores it. In fact, he turns it off and doesn't answer it again until three-twelve in the afternoon of the following day. He's sitting in the lobby of the hotel, waiting for the car, so, he's got nothing better to do.

There are sixteen messages. Ewan deletes them all without fail and hardly blinks when the screen lights up again with an obvious name. For a long time, all Ewan hears is hysterical laughing. "Any day now, you bastard," he prompts.

"It's really fucking funny," Jude gasps eventually.

Ewan just snorts. "If they were talking about you, it'd be funny, mate. This isn’t funny. This is a fucking mess."

Jude snickers. "Does that mean you haven't told the 'gorgeous man' yet?"

"What do you think?" Ewan's quiet for so long that eventually Jude's noises of mirth die off. "So?" Ewan hedges eventually. His tone is slightly more curious than it should be.

"So, what?"

"What do you think about the idea?"

"What do I think about what idea?" Jude's voice cracks in the middle of his question, and Ewan winces.

"About Hayden -- and me -- in West Hollywood."

There's a long pause before Jude begins laughing again, but strangely enough, Ewan's palms are damp and his lips are dry. "You're not seriously considering this, are you? Nicole Richie is a crackpot!" Jude's clipped tones are slightly drawn out, and Ewan pauses to actually think about Jude's question.

If anyone would know from crazy, it would be Jude.

Ewan hasn't even given it much thought. He misses Hayden, obviously, but who knows if what they have/had was real or not. If Ewan had 10p for every relationship he's heard about that started on-set and never made it off-set, well, he'd be a very fucking rich bastard. Plus, Hayden is so young, and he says he knows 'plenty already, thanks' -- but Ewan knows how much people change in those years. Not to mention there's the issue of his wife, and their children, and Jude -- but. Ewan's no good to anyone if he's not happy, and he thought going around the world would make things better at home. He was wrong. They're not happy. Hayden though, Hayden made him happy.

He wonders if Nicole Richie charges for her services.

"Actually," Ewan says thoughtfully. "I think I might be serious after all."

Blind Vice item from Ted Casablanca's 'The Awful Truth' for the week of May 26, 2005

Okay, my dishin' darlings, Toothy Tile's back for a raunchy round three. Let's see, we've had T.T., a handsome boy, by far, hand-holding at restaurants, snogging his man-love in Hell-Ay's subterranean parking lots...What's next, an Oprah appearance with Toothy declaring his love for the good-lookin' b-f?

Close. Very close.

Word on the homo-connected nut-vine has it that Toothy's been in talks with an Oprah-esque mag (i.e., huge circulation, other media connections like TV networks) about coming out of the closet. Not as gay, but as...bisexual.

This, of course, would help explain T.T.'s past dating experience with lithe female movie stars. But (as is often the case with love) now he can't control the fact that he's in a major butterfly state with a dude (don't you hate it when that happens?).

At least, that's the plan--to be done with a queer writer for added politically correct synergy (some say for guaranteed taste, but I don't trust these reporters, regardless of their sexual orientation).

It'll be most interesting. Particularly when Mr. Tile's big-screen job makes a very sensual, boyish splash at the same time.

Current Mood: it's all about the crazy crack
Current Music: Mobb Deep 'Shook Ones'