hackthis_archive | GA – O'Malley's Anatomy

a) Song of the Day: Fiona Apple 'Get Him Back'

b) Syriana is coming out the same day as Brokeback Mountain, Memoirs of a Geisha and Narnia?! I mean, damn, is 9th December the only date on the calendar all of a sudden?

c) So, since Grey's Anatomy premiered in March I've come across *one* fan story on my flist. One! People, that is so pathetic, it makes the baby

hackthis cry. So, this is dedicated to

fox1013 and

nifra_idril, who wrote that one story, and to

serialkarma, who loves George as much as I do.

Grey's Anatomy
Ensemble

O'Malley's Anatomy

Sometimes, George feels like he's just a bit player on a TV show called Meredith Grey's Life, but that's just a stupid idea, because George had a life before he came to work at the freakishly dysfunctional soap opera that is Seattle Grace Hospital.

George had his own friends and family. George had a life that wasn't totally estrogen controlled, owned and operated. He wasn't always the Tampon Errand Boy. He didn't have to move in with Meredith, who won't stop listening to Ani DiFranco and calling Dr Sheppard Dr McBastard -– George made these choices, because this is his life. It's his life, dammit.

He tells himself this when he's the last one in the shower in the morning and there are little blonde hairs all over the soap, and his razor is dull because Izzie used it to shave her legs, again.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I shave my face with this razor?" he howls over the running water. It's bad enough that he always gets the very last of the hot water, which is really more like tepid water.

There's a noise suspiciously like a snicker from outside the shower, and George covers himself just as the shower curtain's pulled back. His reflexes have gotten better about these things.

"Stop whining," Izzie's voice is muffled around her toothbrush and her lips are white with toothpaste foam. "I'll buy you another one," she says dismissively.

George just covers himself a little tighter and scowls. "A Lady Bic is not a suitable replacement for a Mach 3 razor."

Izzie rolls her eyes. "You are such a girl," she says releasing the curtain.

"I am not a girl!" George howls.

"Is it that time of the month?" Cristina's voice cuts through the steam of George's shower.

"Why are you in the bathroom?" George protests. "You don’t even live here."

"Oh, relax, George," Cristina retorts. "You don’t have anything I want to see anyway."

*

George likes his job. He likes the patients and the science, and that warm fuzzy feeling he gets in his stomach when he knows someone's day has been improved because he's done something right. But George hates collecting samples. He really hates collecting samples.

"Ms. Quinn, if you could just-—"

"I don't like peeing in cups."

"I understand that, but it's necessary for us to get a sample, so we can see if your infection is spreading-—"

"I told you, I don't like peeing in cups!"

Ms Quinn is a seventy-something patient who was admitted with a urinary tract infection that's some how blown into something else altogether, if her fever is anything to go by. If George were Alex, he'd say something really snide about how Ms Quinn should be happy that she not incontinent, but since George is The Nice Doctor he gets stuck trying to coax someone his Nana's age into peeing in a cup.

"Ms Quinn, please?"

"Which part of I don’t like putting plastic in my nether regions is escaping you?" Ms Quinn screeches at the top of her lungs. "Keep your filthy sex toys away from me, you pervert!"

George takes a step back from Ms Quinn's hospital bed, because if that's the kind of patient he's dealing with, maybe he needs a psychiatric consult.

"Dr O'Malley, is there a problem?" And there's Dr Bailey right on schedule, because she just has a sixth sense about George fucking things up. His mother has the same radar.

"I, uh, uh,--"

"Any day now, O'Malley. Preferably before my shoes go out of style."

"I need a sample from Ms Quinn, but she, uh, she doesn't like peeing in cups."

"Ms Quinn, if you'll just excuse us for a moment, I need to speak with Dr O'Malley out in the hallway."

"You tell that pervert to keep his plastic sex toys away from me!"

"Uh huh," Dr Bailey says, beckoning George out into the hallway. George feels like he's about to be put on punishment and sent to his room.

"O'Malley, did you tell Ms Quinn that this cup was a sex toy?"

Dr Bailey never ceases to amaze George with her candid nature. He thinks that's what he's trying to say with his babble.

Dr Bailey makes a zipping motion with her hand. "That's what I thought. Call psychiatric for a consult and get someone to come in here and insert a catheter, so we can get a sample without the patient thinking she's being violated by a cup."

George just nods his head. When he grows up, he wants to be badass like Dr Bailey.

*

George is not an investigative sponge anymore. This mean he doesn't have to report to the chief when he finds Cristina and Burke arguing in the stairwells, because a) this is Cristina and Burke and b) George isn’t a rat and c) they're not doing anything bad. They're just talking. They're not even giving other people syphilis by sleeping around.

"I thought boyfriends were supposed to be supportive."

"I am supportive."

"You didn't help me find the leg! Alex the Tool found the leg! He got to help the Chief with the reattachment, while I got sent to the ER like I'd spilled Kool-Aid on the rug!"

George really shouldn't be listening in, but he can't help it, because his social life pretty much consists of Meredith's house, the hospital, Joe's bar, and his roommates sleeping platonically in his bed. At least this way, George can live vicariously.

"Cristina."

"Burke."

"You know Burke's not my first name, right?"

"Yeah, but Preston? C'mon, that's the name for a 50 year-old white guy who runs a bank and needs a triple-bypass."

"You say the nicest things."

"I try."

George hasn't seen a good drama on TV in months, and as long as her venom isn't being directed at him, George finds Cristina really funny. He couldn't date her though -– she'd probably castrate him for breakfast.

"I heard you're doing a liver transplant at four o'clock, can I assist?" That's Cristina through and through, always looking for the next way in.

"Karev is the intern on that patient." Burke sounds almost amused and George kind of wishes he could TIVO the Burke and Cristina show, but he values his life more than that.

"I can't believe I'm being cock-blocked by Alex the Tool again!"

"Cristina, you're not being cock-blocked."

"I totally am! Remember this the next time you want to have sex."

George thinks now is a good time for him to stop being an investigative sponge.

*

George doesn't hate Dr Sheppard for going back to his wife. He knows he's supposed to because of that whole intern solidarity thing, but the other Dr Sheppard is pretty hot, and mostly George is just happy that he now has a shot with Meredith. Or he would if Meredith weren't becoming friends with Alex, which is just so very very wrong. And weird. And did he mention the wrong thing? First, Izzie, and now, Meredith.

"What is Meredith doing talking to him?" he hisses to Izzie while trying to find the paper work on the obstructed bowl in 231. "What kind of spell is he working on you guys? It's like he's a voodoo doctor and you're all zombies!"

Izzie barely glances up from the chart she's reading. "He's an asshole."

George blinks. "I thought you were the president of the Alex Karev fan club."

At this, Izzie gives him this look.

"You mean he didn't apologize for-– for-–"

"For being himself?"

"Well, yeah."

Izzie just shakes her head. "No, George, I think you had it right when you punched him."

George is a little taken aback at this revelation, because even he thought Alex liked Izzie -- although he had no idea what Izzie saw in Alex. "Should I go and dig up my dad's old boxing gloves?"

Izzie finally stops futzing with the patient's chart and gives Alex a long hard look. "No, don't bother. He's just not worth it."

For some inexplicable reason, George feels a bit sad about this. Not about Alex being an ass, but about Izzie's resignation over the whole matter. "You know," he says leaning forward conspiratorially. "I saw a chlamydia culture in the lab, if you want, you can have it, for, uh, revenge purposes."

Izzie's smile doesn't completely reach her eyes, but it's close.

*

George never thought he would live to see the day where he was excited about a five-car pile-up on the local highway, but it sure as hell beats dealing with the food poisoning outbreak at the local high school. That particular job goes to Alex and Cristina, and George wouldn't bet on it, but he thinks that Bailey smiles when she gives them their assignments.

Yeah, George really likes Dr Bailey. Except for when she's scaring the crap out of him.

*

The best thing for George about the end of shift isn't changing from his scrubs back into his regular clothes, or actually leaving the hospital and going home. No, for George the best thing about the end of shift is when everyone goes to Joe's for drinks. For a while there -– with everyone but him paired off -– it was just George and Joe, but now, it's George and Joe and Izzie and Meredith. And once again, George is overshadowed by the female of the species.

"Hey, Joe! You know there are other customers to be served here."

"When you save my life, then you can whine, O'Malley," Joe says, holding George's beer hostage while he talks to some blonde at the other end of the bar.

George could just walk down and get his beer, but that's not the point. He paid for his beer; he wants his beer, and Joe's been hitting on this girl for like twenty minutes at this point.

"I'm never going to get my beer," he says to the peanuts. "Why is it always like this? I can't jerk off in peace; I can't shave without my razor going missing. All day long women yell at me about plastic sex toys and ignore me, because I'm not Super Surgeon Man. If this were a TV show, I'd've been cancelled."

"Who's TV show got cancelled?" George looks up at the query, because he lives in Meredith's house and works with her every day, but the amount of time he actually gets to see her depends on how long they all drink together.

"The TV show that is my life," George says with a smile. "It's got low ratings."

"Yeah, well, at least your show wasn't hijacked by the guest star." Meredith's smile doesn't reach her eyes, either, and George thinks of Izzie and how the relationship thing doesn't seem to be working out so well for anyone.

"Which is obviously why I stopped watching TV," George says amiably.

Meredith plonks herself down beside him at the bar. "I thought it was because we worked 36 hours straight and the only thing on when we get home is infomercials."

"Yeah, well, that too."

George is just about to ask Meredith how her day went, but then Joe appears and George finally gets his beer, but only because Joe's brought Meredith her own beer -– and she didn't even have to order it.

"That's so sexist," George complains. "I had to wait for years to get served, and then you walk in and - and -–"

Meredith's right eyebrow is raised high, and she's giving George a real smile for a change. "I'm sorry, George, did you want to be a girl so you could use your feminine wiles too?"

At this George just snickers. This really is the best part of the day, when everyone can just be themselves without worry or pretension. He knows that Cristina and Izzie think he's a wimp for not telling Meredith how he feels, but he can't loose this, he just can't.

"I have a dress you can borrow, if you want," Meredith carries on, "but you'll have to shave your legs."

George pretends to think it over. "Maybe for Halloween."

"Maybe what for Halloween?" Izzie interrupts plonking herself on George's other side.

"Maybe I'll let you beat me at darts," George says helpfully.

Izzie bangs on the bar for service. "I'd beat you in darts anyway."

"That's not the point," George protests.

Meredith and Izzie both give him a look. "Right."

George just sighs. "And this is why chivalry is dead."

At this Meredith laughs. "George, if anybody could bring back chivalry, it's you."

Izzie nods. "Yeah, I have to agree with that one."

George just sighs. "I can bring back chivalry, but I can't get a drink or a girl. I think I need to talk to whomever is in charge and complain."

Again, Izzie and Meredith give him a look. "Get in line," they say in unison. "Get in line."

-end-

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